I use this space to write about things I am grateful for on a daily basis. I try to identify something that happened the prior day as a reminder of all the amazing people, activities and experiences I am blessed to enjoy. The format is loose but the intention is to develop a habit of gratitude to better frame my day and awareness over time. Sometimes it becomes more of a diary, alas, the imperfection of trying to stick to a plan.
1/20/26: Weighed myself and am down 3+ lbs. I felt like I was probably down but the scale is funny and I’m always nervous about it. I haven’t felt any side effects of the Wegovy. My digestion has changed a bit but I haven’t had the constipation, probably because I’ve been drinking lots of water. The heartburn has also been super minimal. I also don’t feel a huge sea change in the food noise or portions as of yet. I have been definitely controlling myself more and have been eating more steady and controlling my snacking. I’d been trying to do that before starting the meds, but I’m sure some of it is a result. I’ve had some cravings lately and been able to mostly keep them down. I’m hopeful the meds will kick in further and I’ll feel a larger change with the way I feel about food and I want to be patient. Losing even 5lbs a month would be a huge win and before long I’ll be in a better spot. I’m also continuing to visit PF and doing more walking and stretching and small changes. I did pushups a few times watching football, been taking the stairs and small things like that. Thankful for any amount of improvement so I don’t want to lose sight of that and know that I’m in this for the long haul.
The cream I got from the dermatologist seems to be working really well on my eye patch of crust. It’s a relief to know it’s most likely just a dry skin thing and not something more nefarious. I’m on the statin for cholesterol too, after all the doc visits I had around the holidays. Been feeling pretty good, with a touch more energy and body loosening. Grateful.
1/18/26: Drove up to see Abi play hockey and took her and Alyssa for sushi afterward. It was a fun game and Abi played great, even though they lost. Always nice to see those guys and everyone seems like they are doing well, Wyatt and Mike too. Thankful to have great family and to occasionally see and connect with them even though they live far away.
Lisa and I have been getting along great, last weekend really helped. Just need to keep the momentum going and find more time for each other in the bedroom. Feels good to have calm and joy in the house and want to keep it around as long as possible!
1/17/26: I’m a bit worried about Mike Banner, from my MoW route. He and I have become friends and really he’s the main reason I keep doing it. He’s an eccentric dude and a massive hoarder. All that aside he’s always been able to move and took a lot of pride in working in his yard. The last several months that’s changed and I’ve seen him deteriorate all while complaining about the pain he experiences and his limited movement. He won’t take meds and has a lot of inertia around getting help. He’s alone as his wife passed away and he has no kids or regular family. I brought him some firewood as he also won’t use the heat in his house and burns scraps in his wood stove. He’s sleeping right next to it and his kitchen area is almost unlivable and moving around is tough even for someone who can get around normally like me. I wish I could get him some help but I’m worried about calling OCES or one of the agencies because I know if they go to his house there will be issues created. Not sure what the answer is but I started asking Maria at the office about it and told her to be very careful. I don’t want him to be taken from his place or ordered to somehow clear his property. I know it’s crazy to live that way but he has chosen it regardless and it’s his. He just needs some help getting dressed, cleaning himself and ideally someone to convince him to try pain meds. I talked with him about it a little yesterday and am going to do that again when I get back from my LA trip. Hoping he can improve and he deserves to live with dignity and get some help in these areas without feeling afraid to ask.
1/16/26: Met this dude Kato through Stephanie Baxendale from Hasbro. He was at cakemix but surprisingly, we never crossed paths. He’s a musician and video guy. Also seems to have a big heart and backstory of being in trouble and he’s interested in working with Rawkstars. I think I’m going to hire him to edit and do post on this NAMM project once I get back. I think he could be a great asset / partner and perhaps fill a need. I enjoyed talking with him over coffee and left with a good vibe.
I also had a chat with Heather at RITS, about the Leland/Newport inclusion in the music program. It’s been kinda an issue for me but I’m feeling better about not making a fuss and simply bringing them into the mix. I was operating from fear before that they would take our gig and maybe someday that will happen, but even if it does, it won’t be because I tried to shut them out. I want what’s best for RITS, the kids, Heather, Larome, etc. and if we lost the gig, I can live with that knowing I stuck to my principles of building a bigger table. I can see what that is such a problem in the world because even with my own focus on it and such a small item such as this, it felt difficult. I’m grateful to have landed in a better spot and am thankful for RITS and all those folks. Perhaps Leland will even turn out to be a friend of Rawkstars and lead us to other things in return? I’m kinda proud of myself for living my beliefs in this instance.
1/15/26: Went to a seminar for Plymouth Public School art department yesterday. It was really cool and there were about 100 ppl there, mostly teachers of some sort. Met a few ppl before I had to cut out and Matt, Olivia and Mallory were all there as well. I think the opportunity is big for us to capitalize on the brainpower and networking in that room, to continue growing the community use for the club. I’m following up with Mallory tomorrow and hope to keep the progress going.
Had breakfast afterward with Jason Lily. Really enjoyed his company and even though we’ve known each other a long time, we haven’t spent much 1:1 time together. He’s going to help us with our financial plan and we’re in the process of getting to know each other and submitting all our info. I was psyched to connect with a like minded person who I have new things in common with. Felt like I made a new friend and that’s something I feel is kinda lacking for me. Too bad we don’t live a bit closer to Tina, as I feel we could spend more time together with them and the girls, who I also admire a lot.
Had my doc appt with the dermatologist about the patch above my eye. She wasn’t 100% sure what it was but the hope is it’s simply dermatitis and some stronger cream can clear it up. I actually feel like it’s slightly better after just 2 applications, so fingers crossed. I was reminded that nana had cancer that grew on her eye and part of me is worried about that ofc. I have a follow up in 6 weeks to see whether its cleared up or not and we’ll go from there.
1/14/26: Productive few days. Had a call with Steve from MAP and we are re-upping for the remainder of 2026 school year. That’s great news and will help us surpass our revenue target for that program location, while ofc also bringing more kids into the studio, etc. I got a note from Jayden, this beefy white hip-hop kid I met in class. He puts out an intimidating vibe but is also quite personable and kind. He’s texted me and Q says he has studio skills beyond the others. He asked about borrowing a mic for his home computer and after checking with MAP, I bought him one. He was very humble and thankful for it and sent me a nice message. I love the personal interactions I get with the kids and developing our relationship with MAP is a really positive thing.
I also met with this woman Jackie about using the studio space for some rehearsals leading up to the 250 year anniversary concert in Plymouth. She’s a friend of Matt, so there’s no income associated for the foundation but it’s more usage and will bring several older, local musicians into the space, which has good value. I need to figure out some logistics, but it should work out fine. I also enjoyed connecting with her as I think she’s pretty talented and during our chat she dropped a mention of having recorded at Barbara Mandrell’s studio, which made me smile with a blast from the past name drop 🙂
1/12/26: Recovery day at home mostly watching football. Lisa and I came back at around 11am from the hotel stay. I slept like total ass. Drinking never helps but there was also lots of commotion at the hotel, namely some family arguing late at night in the hallway. Add to that a crappy set of pillows and the room being hot and my sleep was awful. I know I sound like a crotchety old bastard, and I suppose I am. Nothing compares to sleeping in your own bed and I was grateful for an awesome night sleep at home. Lisa was also in a good mood and did some cooking while I watched the games. We took down the xmas stuff finally and at night, I saw the Patriots beat the chargers. Cool seeing them return to some kind of form after the Brady Dynasty and a few down years in between.
1/11/26: Lisa and I had a ‘date night’ yesterday. I booked a room in PVD so we could get out of the house and try to break the ice on the sex side. It worked 🙂 I’ve been struggling with ed and I tried to take a viagra for the first time. It didn’t really work and I’m not sure what went wrong, but we were able to make it work and enjoyed being together for the first time in a while. We went to a cool little tapas bar and had a few drinks and an app before returning to the hotel for a bit then heading to Oyster Bar, our old standby joint. It felt good, not only in a sex way, but in the way of reconnecting and feeling a spark again. I know it’s been a weird stretch of time for us but last night was really nice. Hoping to use it as a turning point and get back to some regular touching and togetherness improving overall.
1/10/26: Got to the gym yesterday for a brief walk. It was unplanned as I was home working and Lisa had to take a call, so I decided to just go over. It felt nice to be attentive. I went over again this AM and saw our friend Laurie. I know it’s just been a short time but I’m feeling positive and I can feel those tiny inklings that arise when you move after periods of sedentary.
I also weighed myself for the first time in months and it was a nice surprise. I weighed 277 which is higher than I want of course but I was expecting something higher, considering how I’ve felt. I guess that’s another indicator of how poorly my health has been that I feel worse than my weight. Anyways, not feeling sorry for myself just proud to be taking small steps and to be slow and deliberate in my approach to doing better.
1/9/26: Got my lab work back from Firefly yesterday and it confirmed my psa levels were fine. On the bad side, it confirmed my cholesterol was very high. My doc is recommending I go on a statin to lower my levels. I’m not shocked but must say it felt shitty to confirm this in writing. I’ve been avoiding all this and even weighing myself, out of fear, which feels silly even to type. Ofc I am going to take the meds as I understand having my numbers so high is a bad idea and won’t turn out well. All told I’m continuing to be grateful for my relative level of health as described below, but also for being able to face these things in recent days. Getting the labs done was a positive step and my activity level has increased a bit too, which is also good. Hopefully a heightened focus on all this info will result in improvements to my health and I can get back to a normal range soon and stop having to rely on meds.
1/7/26: Been easing into work life the last few days as the world emerges from the holiday break together. Had a pretty chill day planned but as it turned out, was super ‘productive’. I got Mike G started down at FRB&GC and it was nice to visit onsite as I hadn’t been there in a bit. Melissa and Bill are cool and even though I sometimes get frustrated with the comms, I know they are on top of things. We’re expanding back up to 4 classes per week with Rilla now doing 2 in the teen center and Mike doing 2 with the youngsters. It’ll result in a little extra cash for us at the end of the cycle, and we’re adding to the amount of kids served, both positive developments. I also had a call with Sharon at NAMM Foundation and she sent over an itinerary and a badge link for everyone to get registered. I’m excited for that trip and need to put in some time before we leave for planning the video(s) portion. I plan to reach out to Myka from Guitar Center since I assume they will be there and perhaps I can double dip and create a video for them as well, bringing both partnerships closer to the center for Rawkstars. Marshfield is also settling in for the new semester. We met briefly and talked about the potential for an extra uke class, which would extend our footprint there and increase our bill slightly, similar to Fall River. I have a meeting with Steve at MAP next week to discuss upcoming semesters and see if we will extend our agreement with them, which I really want to do. Lastly on Rawkstars side, I had some texts with Leland from Newport. Not sure how much I’ve written about that here, but it’s been a source of stress for me. They want to come into RITS and start programming, alongside Rawkstars. It wouldn’t really be a partnership, more like a parallel offering. I’ve been afraid it could wind up supplanting Rawkstars as essentially they would be providing service for free, instead of our billing the school. Larome is kinda of pushing it down to me, which in a way feels good, but also is generating anxiety due to my lack of confidence in having them compete with us. Part of me wants him and / or Heather to shut it down, so I don’t have to deal with it. At the end of the day I’m feeling conflicted about doing what’s best for Rawkstars as opposed to what may be best for the school. I did have a text thread with Leland last night which kinda felt good. It’s this idea of humanizing the interaction with someone you fear or disagree with. I’m pretty sure the answer is to welcome them in, and if it winds up taking us out of the picture, so be it, even if that would hurt a lot. It’s the only want to really align our values with our actions, which is something I’m always upset about others not doing in the world.
I visited the Quest lab and had blood drawn, as part of my annual health visit. My blood pressure was a touch high, but not alarming. I’ve been so afraid to see my numbers and even weigh myself, as the last while has not been good for me. I know it’s stupid and not knowing isn’t going to help, but I’m human and simply avoiding something I fear. So anyways, it felt good to make the appt and visit and we’ll see what the data has to say. I’m having a PSA test done to check my prostrate, after conversations with Marc Isveck and my constant urination, that’s been a thing for years now. Doctor ordered some other panels and I expect to hear in a day or two. I also got a referral and appt for a skin visit, to check out the patch over my eyes, which hasn’t gone away. lastly, I talked with Lisa about the GLP/Wegovy thing which I haven’t been open about the last few weeks, even as I signed up and paid for my first shipment (which came last night and I took a few minutes ago) — again, I know all of this is stupid, as she is supportive and doesn’t care about the $ and just wants to see me take better care of myself. I’m literally praying that I have a good experience over the next several weeks/months and am able to get my weight under control. I’ve had a good week of eating on my own and increasing my activity and I want to continue on the gym path combined with the intended effects of the meds to help me eat less, hopefully. This is my chance to regain my life and turn my health back towards a good trajectory. I know it won’t be a magic bullet and I’ll need to continue to work at it, and block off my calendar to make exercise and self-care a daily part of my regimen. After all, my new work life has the major benefit of time and giving me the chance to focus on things besides making $ or furthering my ‘career path’. I’m trying to reinforce that with myself each day and thankful I’m still here to continue trying.
1/5/26: No gym yesterday but I set an intention to eat well and do something good for my body, both of which I accomplished. I did some light stretching and managed a few pushups, something I haven’t done in months. I also prepared some healthy food, made a big salad and paid attention to the minor discomfort of refraining from binge eating. It was the last day of the winter holiday break and it felt good to stay grounded and be slow.
1/4/26: Second day at gym. Pushed myself to embrace discomfort and glad for another small victory. Q took the fam to a cat cafe in Fall River. It was cool and a very sweet thought from him. The place itself wasn’t anything special, but the idea is fun and being together was nice. We got lunch after at Twins and I ordered chicken with a side salad and boiled potatoes. I think it was a better choice than the usual steak plate or other fried items I may have chosen and again, I took pleasure in the small victory. Nice to have yet another day together with the kids in what has been a nice run of togetherness.
Finding myself struggling mentally with relationships. So many ppl I’ve been close to are some form of Trumpers. I’ve found such disgust in the state of politics and the divisive mess our homeland has become. Ignoring the conversation in so many friendships has me down in a way I can’t recall ever having felt about this subject. Yesterday I sent a NY text to Lou, Red and Paul, who all fit that category. It felt nice to connect with them in a meaningful way, and my hope is that by drawing closer the feeling will relax. Mike, Kevin, Dave, Ed and others are in this category and it’s strange and discomforting to think ill of those guys, when in other ways we’ve always been pretty close. I know many are struggling with this same phenomenon and it’s yet another example of the difficult situation our country is in atm. Never thought the way my country acted would be such a source of shame. US has a lot of complicated history, but for my entire life I always viewed it as improving for most people. For the first time, I feel like more people here have it worse and that it’s self-inflicted.
1/3/26: My new bass arrived yesterday and it’s gorgeous. I unpacked it and it’s literally brand new with the plastic still intact on the pickups and guard. The neck is so damn smooth and even though it’s been freezing out and the package has been on the road, it came out of the case and was in tune! Haven’t put it through the full paces yet but looking forward to breaking it in and exploring all it’s sounds. I did some minor cleanup in the studio and brought my Spark amp to Rick’s for consignment sale. I picked up a check while I was there and also visited the Narrows and picked up $ there. Off to a good start and thankful for being in a solid position to begin the year. Excited about the coming months and seeing where things go.
I got to the gym yesterday and spent the day trying to focus on intention. I’m reminding myself of the concept of embracing the uncomfortable. I want to be able to get back to being a person who feels good about himself and add that confidence and energy to the other things in my life, instead of having that be a drain and struggling. Balance has always been tough for me and I tend to excel in one area while suffering in others. Hoping I can get closer to being solid in the few areas that matter instead of over-achieving and suffering at the same time.
1/2/26: As 2025 ends, I figured it makes some sense to recap and look back at just a few of the things I’m grateful for in the past year.
1 – I’m still alive. Although it’s been a tough year for me gaining weight and managing my fitness, I’m still here. No real injuries or outward, immediate issues. I’m definitely feeling rough physically but it could be worse and I still have opportunities to make things better.
2 – Family. Bella and Quincy are doing awesome. Our relationships are strong and the family unit is pretty great overall. My situation with Lisa isn’t quite as good, but it’s also a little better than last year I think. Our sex life questions are still there, and I need to make that a focus or risk things deteriorating. I’m grateful for everything we have together and I think she is too. Like my weight, I know it’s not awesome but it can also get better with some effort.
3 – Financials are strong. We sold Azalea, which was a huge amount of drama and also a huge boon to our finances. We already have another $250k towards retirement. I’ve also set aside the tax payment, we paid off Lisa’s car, our credit card and all the expenses we borrowed from the equity line in order to make the sale. We’re definitely gonna take a family vacation and will have a replenished slush fund for emergencies. My income should also improve this year with taking on JGF and increasing my Rawkstars salary. Lisa remains solid with her job and we swapped insurance plans, which she seems happy with too. After the last few years of having my income and job loss, it feels good to be back in solid footing on the cash flow side, while also contributing a nice chunk towards our retirement and removing the burden of Azalea.
4 – Rawkstars had an incredible year. It grew exponentially, and I was able to secure several new partnerships, add new programs and attract some grant funding. I’ve had great luck finding and keeping solid teachers, despite churning through a few different folks at Fall River and Marshfield and RITS. We increased our slush fund by $10k and are poised for a strong start in 2026. I’m hopeful to stabilize what we have, attract a few new funders and possibly add one new program partner, though that is not my main goal. I’d be happy to simply retain the ones we have without adding and I intend to focus on improving the Fan Club situation by serving them better and also recruiting to try and add 100 new members this year. That would have the same effect as getting a $10k grant, with the benefit of renewing year over year and also increasing our visibility and core donor base.
