I use this space to write about things I am grateful for on a daily basis. I try to identify something that happened the prior day as a reminder of all the amazing people, activities and experiences I am blessed to enjoy. The format is loose but the intention is to develop a habit of gratitude to better frame my day and awareness over time. Most days, my morning routine includes some combination of (meditation / light stretching / pushups / 4-7-8 breathing), drinking a glass of water, making a pot of strong black coffee, and writing a brief note below. The intention is to remind myself of all the awesomeness in my life, big and small. Sometimes it becomes more of a diary.
12/31/24: I kinda of outlined my 2025 goals below, so I guess I’ll skip that. 2024 was a pretty awesome year! Rawkstars has blossomed in terms of attracting new funders, supporters and most importantly impacting more kids. My ‘salary’ didn’t make a dent in our program budget and in fact, increased every aspect of growth and improved the program overall. We’re ending the year with a very strong slush fund and a solid operational account, which should take us well into the spring. The prospects for renewing both of our programs is strong, though I’m not counting my chickens so to speak. I want to ensure those things are locked up in the next few weeks, with a pledge of financial support. We also managed to get a grant writing service in place, even if it’s not perfect. That’s another focus of 2025 is elevating that to a point where I feel more confident about the investment and outcomes. We also have someone tackling social media again, albeit a work in progress. 2025 could be the year I finally get a working board in place with folks committed to running the biz and guiding me to relationships, funding and improved business acumen. It’s a year of hope, as last year was, but also one of increased confidence. At the outset of 2024 I was of course hopeful, but only had my inner strength to count on. Now we have a growing team, running programs and a wider array of supporters. And more of a plan, I think 🙂 — Thankful to have had such progress and be primed for more, while doing something I truly love.
On the family side, it was also pretty solid. I think Lisa and I are in somewhat of a better head space. We’re still not fully connecting on the intimacy side, but emotionally it feels better. I think for her, getting out there musically again, has helped. I know that will get even better if her band can get cooking and start gigging in 2025, which i think will happen. Need to figure out how to communicate better with the bedroom stuff and perhaps we can find some help in that area this year? Quincy is humming on everything except the job front. He seems to love flying and should be primed for his first license in the early part of this year. His guitar playing has improved and he’s gotten out there a bit, with Fam Jam and some other projects on our side. His relationship with Erin seems super strong and they make each other happy. I don’t worry about school with him, though part of me is happy he chose to swap his degree to economics. I think that will help him more in his personal life to learn more about money and get creative as I know he can/will. Bella is in a good place, despite the Cam breakup. Her job seems to be going well and I think she managed to create a nest egg, despite spending a fair amount on her lifestyle. I know she saved a lot in her 401k and my guess is she has cash in the bank, for at least a bit of cushion. She’s got a great new apartment and seems happy with Travis. I’m glad she’s not feeling alone and though I’m somewhat concerned about that relationship and how fast it seems to be going, I do have confidence that Bella will make good choices in the long run. She’s always done that and I’m proud of her growth and stability in life.
For me, I’m ending the year on a good streak of weight management. I’m down 11 lbs, since starting on the zeopbound 10 weeks ago. I’m still struggling to move more and get myself exercising, but despite that I feel the tide is slowly shifting. Beyond the professional stuff I outlined above, I want 2025 to be one of health for me. If I can get back to taking care of myself physically, and drop the weight I’ve gained in the last 2+ years, it will be hugely successful, if I’m fortunate enough to be reading this at the end of next year. Grateful.
12/30/24: Did some nice cooking yesterday. Made salmon for dinner along with roasted potatoes. I didn’t make a ton, since Lisa doesn’t really do salmon, but even so, I only ate half. I’ve had a few good days paying closer attention to my body signals, after a few prior days of ignoring them. I’m scared that the 10lbs I’ve dropped the last several weeks could come back in a heartbeat and it’s giving me some motivation to pay better attention. The bad news is this continues to be an issue for me. Good news is I’m able to arrest it. Hoping it becomes a pattern that can persist more often than not.
Visited RITS yesterday for the Jon Hope workshop. He’s great and brings a positive energy and diversity of programming to the classes. I’m hopeful he and I can work together more formally to develop the curriculum into something sharable and repeatable, along with Josh and Travis of course. I’m also aiming to schedule time with Heather the second week of January, to discuss extending through 2025. Over the next few weeks, my aim is to nail that down along with a similar agreement with B&GC. If I can manage to accomplish those, it will go a looooong way towards ensuring 2025 will be successful for Rawkstars. It will allow me to continue honing the programs and learning, with a much longer runway. It will also allow me to carve out time for other priorities, including finding a second B&GC partner as well as building with Levitate. Thirdly will be re-focusing on the Fan Club enrollment, which has flagged for lack of attention on my part. And beyond that it would be great to try and rekindle with DYS to bring something into Massachusetts again, and expand the reach of BB&B across two states. Thankful for the opportunity to continue working on this and whatever else invariably comes my way.
12/29/24: Another lazy day around the house farting around. I spent some time reorganizing my Quickbooks chart of accounts. Sounds unsexy but actually felt great. I’ve been wanting to update it for a few years and finally took the time and didn’t worry about messing anything up and just went for it. I got rid of a ton of old accounts I never use and condensed the remaining ones into more logical buckets. I’m hoping I can align QBO with the spreadsheet I’ve been keeping this past year to track all the Rawkstars biz and have them sync automatically. I think I can figure that out now that I have the accounts in shape. Grateful for so much downtime this time of year and for taking some advantage to work on this, the website, and the logo stuff I’ve been tackling the last several days.
12/28/24: Designed a new logo for the Band Together program at Rawkstars. I’ve been on a creative run this week, getting my materials together and unifying some of the disparate design elements that have crept in the last few years. I’m using the classic star logo for Rawkstars proper and now have the BB&B, Rawk Enroll and Band Together logos all looking pretty sharp, using the same font, color palette and general vibe. Seems small but feels good to have worked on. Sterling is finishing up the new program element for the website, and in the next few days I should have that updated along with landing pages for each program. Again, it’s not a game changer or anything but something I’ve had swirling for a while and feels good to have wrangled. I’m sure in the ensuing months things will change again but I enjoy the process of being creative, with my limited skills and tool set and thankful for some downtime to ‘work’ on stuff I’ve been letting slide.
12/27/24: Slow few days post xmas, mostly laying low at home. I decided to splurge and upgrade our Cancun trip, moving us to Garza Blanca. I’m always concerned with $ and felt like I betrayed the spirit of the original plan. I wanted the family to spend time together enjoying our success and not be concerned with the cost. I originally booked a place that seemed nice, but not as upscale as where Lisa and I might go by ourselves, because of course it’s much more with 5 people going. As it got closer and I started thinking about it more and checking out some other options, I pulled the trigger to swap us for something more luxurious. Probably sounds foolish considering the goal really has nothing to do with how much I spend. Call it a whim or whatever, but it felt right to push all in a bit further. It’s been a great year for us, with the exception of Bella/Cam splitting the last few months. I’m grateful for everything and where we are as a family and want the kids to really feel like we went for it. Grateful for even being able to have such options!
12/25/24: Hung out with the kiddos last night and played games. We ate ribs for dinner and it was pretty fun. Bella’s new BF joined too. Thankful for the kids and Lisa. Without them, I can’t imagine what life would be or mean. Lisa is a great partner and mom and friend and has always been there for me, in my worst times as a kid and adult. Bella is a grown ass woman and taking charge of her life in ways that took me until I was much older. Q is become his best self, and it’s inspiring to watch him progress almost monthly. Blessed and Merry indeed.
12/24/24: Winding down the year and doing my best to enjoy the slow pace of this time of the season. We’re having the kids over tonight for a family game night. Looking forward to spending time with the 4 of us together and enjoying some laughs and reflection. We have the Cancun trip in a few weeks so that’s our major family gift. We got the kids some concert tix and a few small personal items and I got Lisa a body weight scale. She’s deeply into measuring her fat, muscle, etc. and I hope it’s something she’ll enjoy that she probably wouldn’t get for herself. I want her to feel special and we don’t really do corny gifts life jewelry and such, so it’s practical.
Met with Dan at Levitate yesterday and feel like I dodged a small bullet. After all the conversations I’ve had with Pat, Krissy and a bit with Dan, I had some visions of things that probably were unrealistic. I took time to write up a document that outlined lots of things we could do together, but didn’t really have the full buy in. After our call I realized that sending that in advance would have been premature and I was thankful to have kept it to myself. The call did go pretty well and I’m confident Rawkstars will team up with Levitate on something of significance in 2025. I also got the vibe that Pat is going to be point person and not sure what Krissy’s role is. It’s hard to learn from the outside and figure out the best approach to fit our needs together in a meaningful way. That said, I do believe the door is open for a larger scale program together, perhaps a scale-up on the B&GC stuff or perhaps even the Beats, Bars & Beyond work. I want to develop something that they want, while also serving the growth and development of Rawkstars. I think Pat will make a great partner on that as he seems very supportive, capable and at the center of what Levitate is doing on several fronts. Grateful for our relationship and for the opportunity to work more and for the foresight to have held back on my instinct to overwhelm with ideas 🙂
12/22/24: Went out to see Gorilla Cookies last night with Lisa and the kiddos. I wasn’t feeling great earlier in the day but rallied and wanted to go see them. I had fun and of course saw a lot of cool ppl. Bella came with her new BF dude, Travis. He’s an East Taunton kid and they knew each other years back, I think even before High School. He seemed nice enough, though definitely trying super hard to be friendly and a bit over the top. It felt slightly uncomfortable if I’m being honest. Bella is certainly old enough to lead her own life and I don’t want to judge this kid, but I couldn’t help but feel it’s a lot, very quickly. If she’s just distracting herself and wanting to have a good time, I get that, but having him around with our whole family didn’t really embody that vibe. They came back to the house after and I was wondering if he was gonna spend the night. After a bit, they left and went to his place, which is right down the street where he lives with his parents. She also got a new tattoo on her shin. I’m not against tattoos but of course having my own experience getting some stupid ones at a young age, I do wish she was a bit more thoughtful and deliberate about it. It’s very random and of a spider, which I have no idea why she would get?! I’m not sure if all this is coincidental, or if she’s on tilt a bit after the Cam breakup? In either case, I’m glad she’s been around the family so much but want her to ease into things and reset herself slowly and thoughtfully. Perhaps that’s a lot to ask of her, but I can’t help it.
12/21/24: Feeling a bit under the weather the last couple days. Always a time of reflection on health and how much we take it for granted, even though we say we don’t. I’m down a bit on the zepbound, nearly 10lbs in just over 8 weeks. It’s not a humungous number but enough for me to feel a bit better. I’m thankful for some progress and for being generally healthy, even if I’m far from perfect.
The Rawkstars end of year has been nothing short of spectacular. As discussed a lot below, I managed to put $100k into a slush fund generating interest AND having a pretty healthy operating fund of about $40k going into 2025. I’ve had great conversations with B&GC, Levitate and at least begun the process with RITS. Buttoning up those 3 relationships will go a long way towards ensuring a successful 2025 and it’s fulfilling to have such a goal already within site, not even having turned the calendar.
I’m having reservations about my relationship with Grants NE and their ability to make a dent for us on the grant side. I’m going to start looking around for alternative vendors to see if I can connect with someone I feel more confidence in. I like Phil and Steve very much but I don’t think we’re getting proper attention and they aren’t looking in the right places. It’s been a struggle since day 1 with RS to find people to work with professionally. I’m certain some of that falls on me, both in terms of managing them with enough rigor and energy and my previous lack of willingness to invest in these areas. I hope I can do better in 2025 as it’s a critical component for our long term health.
Looking forward to some mellow days these last 2 weeks of the year. I do want to get some things done, but also want to focus on family time and getting myself into a good head space going into the new year. Grateful for the opportunity and for being in a position to do both and owning my success and happiness.
12/17/24: Got a text yesterday from new friend MA Galliani. I mentioned her below as we recently met to discuss her foundation support of Rawkstars in 2025. When we met a few weeks back for coffee, she pledged to get behind us to keep the B&GC program going to the tune of $7,500, to encourage the club to support us with their own funds. As if that weren’t awesome enough, she said yesterday her foundation had an extra $10k to spend in 2024 and she was gifting it to Rawkstars, in addition to honoring her pledge of funding next year! Such a huge and gracious act. In her text, she mentioned it being an investment in Rawkstars and in me, which felt extremely rewarding. Coming from anyone that would feel great but from someone I literally didn’t even know about 5 weeks ago is simply humbling. Rawkstars is definitely going to exceed it’s fundraising budget in 2024 despite being our most ambitious ever. And, with her 2025 support and other things aligning, we’re on track to start the new year in a great place to achieve our goals next year. Humbled and grateful.
12/16/24: Had a soft day of no plans yesterday and it felt great. Took Lisa and Q out to breakfast at Joe’s Diner. I cleaned up and filled the hot tub and we soaked for a bit. I made some chickpea salad which was yummy for lunch. I practiced the McCartney song which I’ve been dragging my heels on and did a few other small things around the house, though nothing big. I’m thankful that I can build private downtime into my schedule most days and it’s not lost on me the privilige of such slow time.
12/15/24: Another hectic week/end. On Thursday we visited Bella in Worcester for breakfast and to see her new pad. It’s beautiful and in another sick building with a ton of amenities. I’m glad she’s moving on and doing her best to make a fast, clean break and get going in a new chapter. She seems to be doing ok, though I’m guessing being alone and when she isn’t with us is tougher than she’s letting on. I plan to stay in close touch and do a better job of making time to go see her and spend quality time.
Friday Lisa played with Prof Mike and a few new guys at a veterans fundraiser. I’m proud of her for putting herself out there, even if it’s not a ripping gig with a ton of people/prestige. I think she had fun and I was happy to see her sing again and get some props for her talents. Q stopped by which was super nice. Dave came out as did Lolita, so I’m sure Lisa was happy to have some support from old friends.
Yesterday was Perry’s Rawkstars gig. Raised about $1,400 which is another awesome showing at the end of the year to finish strong. I appreciate his efforts greatly and I know he works his ass off putting these things together. I was struck by the fact that there were so many ppl working hard on the event and I skated in late, hung out for a couple hours and walked home with the lion’s share of the $. Of course it isn’t for ‘me’ per se, but as the face of Rawkstars it feels a bit like that. Knowing that others feel ok with that is kind of humbling. Thankful for so many having such trust in me and also for the years of intentional work to create such a vibe around Rawkstars and by extension, me.
12/11/24: Doing well on ZepBound. I’m down about 9lbs in just about 8 weeks. The heartburn has subsided a lot, which is awesome since that was my #1 issue. For the most part I’ve been pretty controlled in my intake. The nights when I go off the rails are far less and even nonexistent, if you consider the depths of my previous binges. I still need to work on my exercise and improve its regularity, but I must say it feels good to see improvement. My clothes are fitting a bit better and I notice a change in the mirror, especially in my face and upper body, where the weight always comes off first. I’m thankful to have this crutch and opportunity to turn the ship around and to live in a time when medication is available to help folks in areas when they need it.
Got a $5k end of year gift from the woman Donna referred me to. We had a great conversation and Mary Kaye is doing a lot to help many orgs with the support of the foundation she runs. Thankful to meet new folks with resources to support Rawkstars in a meaningful way and I’m hopeful our relationship will blossom into an annual thing. Those are critical to a small nonprofit always worrying about where it’s funding will come from, without much cushion in place. Thankful.
12/9/24: Whirlwind weekend filming at RITS. It couldn’t have gone any better. John and all the staff really treated us well. The crew were as professional as any I’ve worked with. Best of all, the kids were immense. They were so open and happy to be getting positive attention from folks they respected and for doing something they love. I can’t recall seeing kids so joyful and engaged. Both days I watched them dance, laugh, sing and smile at every turn. I was caught a bit off guard by the level of this and I must say it was the best part of the whole project, which is saying a ton. I’m thankful for the opportunity to be part of such a creative powerhouse of a project, while also bringing so much positivity to the lives of the kiddos. Super thankful.
12/7/24: Continuing the Rawkstars streak to finish 2024 strong. Finally connected with the woman Donna referred to me, after a few back and forth emails and voicemails. She seems super cool and we had a great conversation. She is recommending us for a $5k end of year gift through the foundation she runs. It also has potential to be recurring, which are obviously the best of all possible gifts. Should know early this week if we are going to get it and I continue to be grateful for all the folks coming into the Rawkstars orbit lately, with resources to make us better.
Started filming at RITS yesterday and it couldn’t have gone better. Entire day was positive and filled with great energy. Aiden and his crew are amazing and super hard working. We interviewed Travis and Heather and both were terrific. During Heather’s interview, she talked glowingly about our program and specifically talked about being committed to keeping it going and expanding to other kids. That was so uplifting to me as I’ll be approaching them after the holidays with a budget for 2025. Working there has been such a joy and the idea of having a long-term runway gives me so much confidence in what we can achieve. The program side has some such a long way and I know if we have a full calendar year, we can document, improve and build a full program curriculum that will be world class and replicable. Larome and Heather are also great potential champions for us with other facilities and I can’t say enough about the kids. They were so happy and energized while we visited and shot footage. No surprise some of them are magnets for the camera and I could tell how excited they were to be focused on. We’re headed back tomorrow for another full day of shooting and will be sitting with Josh and Larome and spending a few hours doing some work with the kids. I feel proud for what we’re doing and like it’s really making a difference on the kids. Thankful as fuck.
On the homefront, Bella is settling into her new studio apartment. Cam has been helping her move and I’m glad he is being such a standup guy. She’s also moving her schedule to second shift starting Monday and I think that will also be a blessing for her to start fresh and have a more sane sleep calendar. I want to be with her and make sure she’s ok, but in typical Bella fashion she seems to want to stand tall on her own. I’m going to make a plan to visit her this coming week for breakfast or something, so we can see her place and give her hugs and assurance that everything will be aok. I’m proud of her and continue to be in awe of her independence and strength, even if she doesn’t show how much she is probably really hurting.
12/4/24: Been struggling with a bad back the last couple days. Feels weird and not the usual kind of sore. Not sure what happened, other than sleeping in a foreign bed. Always easy to be grateful for feeling normal, when you’re not. Besides that, the last few days have been kinda extraordinary on the Rawk front.
Yesterday, I got our first check for $10k from the state of Rhode Island, for our RITS project. Hoping it’s just one of several, but definitely a milestone to finally get paid for services after well over a year of working to get this project off the ground. I’m also knee deep in the final planning for our video shoot which takes place Friday and Sunday this week. It’s been a big step forward for us and I’m proud of having gotten this far, though still wanting more.
Started the day with a text from Jesse Steawbridge, asking about reupping his $500 company donation from last year. Later on I got another text from Rich Beauregard about a $150 contribution plus match from his company. Then I had a great coffee date with M.A., who I met through Levitate/Krissy and had a few video calls with. She’s great, creative, funny and very supportive of the arts and what Rawkstars is doing. She offered to support us with $7,500 next year and even mentioned she could probably do $10k. The idea will be for us to jointly fund the 2025 continuation of the music program. I’d also need B&GC to contribute, but with her contribution, it seems much more likely and attractive for them, since the cost is of course lower. It also seems like the kind of relationship that can be ongoing, as opposed to a one-time donation. She also seems to be the kind of person who has a lot of contacts and may be able to support us in other ways beyond her own funding. Lastly, it’s a development that wasn’t even on the table just a few weeks ago, before we met. I’ve already started putting little placeholders in my 2025 income spreadsheet, which feels amazing and giving me more hope and motivation to keep working hard at this.
12/2/24: Got home yesterday and felt plenty of ‘there’s no place like home’. Most especially as it pertains to our bed. No matter how many times we go away, it’s very rare that I find sleeping as pleasurable as it is at home. Our bed is awesome as are the pillows and my body pillow, which I’m overly attached to. It felt great to sleep last night, despite the persistence of the acid reflux I’m experiencing at night. I also have a crick in my back which felt better overnight but has returned already today. I’m glad we got away for a few nights but even more grateful to have returned home.
12/1/24: Another day up in Maine and had a great weekend. We spent most of the day outside, even though it was cold. In the morning, after breakfast and coffee, we walked for about an hour around their neighborhood. Then we had a fire in the backyard which lasted for several hours. I controlled my drinking pretty well and had maybe 1 beer each day plus 2 tequila/vodka drinks each day. Not bad. I also ate fairly well considering we were away from home. Definitely adjusting to the ZepBound and it’s a learning process for me, trying to identify what foods I’m craving, eating smaller portions and finding a healthy balance to settle into patterns. I also need to keep the water at a high level, as it’s dehydrating. I’m grateful for the weekend away and also for not letting it be an excuse to go overboard.
11/30/24: Spent the night in Maine at Louie’s. Lisa and I came up in the afternoon. Lots of good conversation, food and of course some drinking. I didn’t overdo it and always a good time with these guys. I’m definitely feeling more effects of the ZepBound lately. My stomach was almost painful last night, even though I didn’t really overdo it. We had some chili for dinner and before that some snack type crackers and greek dip. I also had some heartburn at night in bed, which has also been a thing. Hoping these things will even out and I’ll adjust more to the eating cadence, especially evening time, which is when it seems to strike me most. Kids didn’t make the trip. Q actually worked yesterday parking cars for Black Friday and Bella stayed home with Courtney. Glad they are having fun even though we aren’t together and glad Bella continues to enjoy her weekend time at our place.
11/29/24: Good day yesterday and didn’t get too out of control with food. At the Bentos, after my second plate I felt insanely full. Like painful. Guessing it’s from the effects of ZB. It definitely kept me in check and I stayed away from all the desserts, which was my goal. Headed to my moms where I typically would have eaten more and also refrained from anything, food and desserts. By the time we got home, I felt much better and had another plate around 730. I probably could have done without that, but didn’t overdo it and stopped after that. Certainly not a perfect day, but overall solid and avoided all sweets, which again was my main goal. It was nice being together and Bella had to go through the gauntlet of telling people about Cam. She seems pretty good actually and I’m hopeful that was cathartic to get it out in the open with the fam. Thankful.
11/28/24: Thanksgiving. Always one of the best days. Everyone is home today, though still sleeping. We’ll be heading to The Bento’s then my moms for dessert, like usual. Grateful for everybody’s health and for being together. It’s not a deep thought but seems appropriate today to keep it simple and honest.
11/27/24: Last few days have been slow with the holiday approaching. I worked about a 1/2 day yesterday and have nothing on my calendar officially today. Expecting Bella to head down at some point and hoping I can get some 1:1 time with her to talk. She doesn’t open up easily and I don’t want to overwhelm her, but do want to make sure she is ok.
Things are going aok with the ZepBound. I’m on week 5 and have lost about 6.5lbs. It doesn’t sound like a ton but I do feel it. My clothes fit ever so slightly better, which is saying something after months of worry about nothing fitting. I’ve got a touch more energy and my eating binges have been much fewer. I’m still hungry and not yet experiencing the same feeling I had when on Wegovy. Side effects are heartburn at night in bed and mild constipation, but less than Wegovy. I know the doses aren’t the same between the meds, so perhaps those feelings will ramp up? Regardless, I’m thankful for being on a slightly better path and having some hope that I can get my weight back under control along with my eating and movement habits. I’m taking it slow and want to keep it that way. I know the habits and patterns will stick much more if they come slowly over a longer period of time. I appreciate living in a place/time when I have access to so many options, something I don’t think is generally good in other aspects of life. I’ve struggled so much with this emotion that it feels good to have even mild relief from the constant nagging of overeating and all that comes with it.
11/26/24: Talked with Bella and learned that she has an apartment secured to move. I think this will be great and a fresh start asap is probably the best idea to move on. She is an amazing person and I’m thankful to have such a strong daughter. I know it’s going to be up and down for her, but I also feel confident she will come out aok in time. It’s hard as a parent and going through this for the first time, kinda. I mean, she broke it off with other boys in the past, but Cam is certainly a different more serious version of those. I guess no matter how old your kids get or how much success they have it will always hurt for you when they are hurting.
Got an amazingly generous gift (again) from Heather and Jeff Delleo, that is helping us reach our 2024 funding goals and another check to finish the year strong. Continue to be humbled by the faith shown in Rawkstars by so many, old and new supporters. Krissy Kennedy also introduced me to a woman that I met with last week and who seems to most likely become a potential funder. We had a great conversation already and are planning coffee post holiday. I don’t know many details about that other than she is part of a family foundation and is a big arts/music supporter who is part of the Levitate family. Lastly Donna Wabrek also gave our info to a random couple she met up in NH at the bar she works part time. Similarly, that woman runs a foundation and reached out to me via the website. I haven’t heard anything back from her as of yet, but wrote her a note and left a vm yesterday. Based on what Donna said and her inquiry, it feels possible that we will receive a gift from that outfit, though that really isn’t grounded in anything at the moment other than hope. Regardless, the momentum is building for us and meeting new folks, especially those in a position to offer even modest funding are great developments and exactly what we need to continue doing. Grateful for all the folks in our orbit supporting us in all these various ways.
11/24/24: Did some stretching and pushups for the first time in a while yesterday. Seems like a small thing, and it is, but felt really good. Not just the acts themselves, but the simple joy of actually doing them. Struggling to find that for quite some time so I’ll take the small wins.
Did some bass playing too which, similar to above, felt good. Nothing serious but I actually sat and played for a while, just ticking through the list of Songster tracks I’ve saved over time. I love playing Audioslave and have a real appreciation for that guys basslines. They are simple but powerful and musical and they propel the songs in a cool, strong way. Texted with Bob Mayo a bit about getting together, so we’ll see if he’s still looking to team up on some music stuff. I haven’t really been looking for a band thing, since HM petered out this spring/summer/fall but who knows. I’m always open to talk and in the meantime, I’m enjoying the little recording projects I’ve been doing and looking ahead to the Paul McCartney session in January.
11/23/24: Bella came down for the weekend again. She actually seems pretty solid. I know we were both worried about her mental state and I’m sure she’s hurting more than she lets on but feeling that she is ok is awesome. It’s also been great to see how comfortable and safe she feels here. As independent as she is, it’s special and very nice as a parent to feel. As the kids get older it feels like the change cycles are way less frequent but if you pay attention they are still happening. Grateful to be around these guys more and that we all have such strong interpersonal relationships and as a family.
11/22/24: Been connecting with a woman that Krissy Kennedy introduced me to named Margaret, M.A. she’s super cool and has a family foundation that supports arts/music. We had a lot in common and I super enjoyed her company. She was funny, smart and insightful. My kinda chick 😉 Continue to be thankful for all the amazing folks in our network that are looking out for Rawkstars. I’m appreciative for having so many people looking out for us and rooting for us to succeed. It makes a huge difference.
I also met for a second time with James Kim, the kid Sterling turned me on to. We’re seriously talking about this music as a service project / program. I really like the idea of it, and it doesn’t sound too expensive or distracting from our other work. I also have a sense about James being a hard working, smart and resourceful dude. He just interviewed for medical school at Georgetown, for example. It feels additive to what we already do and just increases the circle and opportunity to build community through music, focusing on kids while also helping seniors. Win, win, right? Thankful for the intro to James and to have the chance to work on another cool thing in our eco-system.
11/21/24: Heard from Bella this morning that she and Cam broke up. I don’t know if I’ve written about it here but we kinda saw it coming over the last few months as they had begun spending more and more time alone, doing their own thing. It’s gotta be super hard for her and it even is a bit for us. Cam has been a fixture in our family for 4 years now and we’ve gotten to know his folks and brothers and consider them friends too. They didn’t seem to have any dramatic fall out but just suffering from getting insight into what life together would look like, after the period of college romance. Cam is a hard worker, smart, friendly and seems to have treated Bella very well. Once they moved into the apartment in Worcester, I think she felt really settled into things, which sounds good for an old couple but not one for a 23 year old woman. She’s got her whole life ahead and I know she has lots of dreams and goals, professionally and personally. I suppose it didn’t sustain the spark that we are all looking for in a relationship and Cam is a bit too free and easy, with everything outside of his social media gig. I think Bella wants someone more self-assured, adventurous and maybe exciting. She deserves to be happy and find a man she is gaga over, before settling into a life together. I applaud her on many fronts, not the least of which is having the self confidence to do something that had to have been super hard. But she listened to her body and didn’t do this on a whim, she’s also very thoughtful and careful. The next few months will surely be hard, as they spent the last few years combining their home life, schedules, friend groups, activities and everything else together. Pulling those apart can’t be easy and even though I know she will come out of it someday (I’m guessing soon) and be in a happier place, I want her to know emphatically that we are her support system no matter what. I was talking to Lisa about it this AM and realized that was something I literally never had in my life. Most definitely not in my teens, twenties or maybe even thirties. My version of that is what I myself built through lisa, the kids, friends, and creation of my own safety net. Looking back I think this may have had an impact when I had my breakdown after Hasbro, in seeing the crumbling of something I thought I had finally gotten to a point in my life of solving. Kinda cool to have such an insight and I’m thankful to be thinking about it. I’m super thankful for Bella and her maturity and ability to demonstrate taking bold leaps. She is a powerhouse and I may have forgotten that a bit these last couple years since she’s been out of sight more. Thankful to have it back!
11/20/24: Had the flu the last day and a half. Came on kinda suddenly and hit me hard. Felt like complete ass for about 24 hours, but yesterday afternoon my fever broke and I started to improve. Today I am much better and feeling about 90%. It’s a classic reminder to be grateful for the simplicity of not being ill. I’m also thankful I have the kind of life that allows me to simply be and recover when I do get sick. I cancelled my meetings and had nothing to do all day besides sleep and rest and drink fluids. Feeling happy to have gotten past it quickly.
11/18/24: Walked at Houghton’s Pond yesterday with Lisa. Despite driving past it 10,000 times, I’d never been there. It was a really nice spot and another beautiful day. It felt good to string together a couple days of solid movement and outdoor time.
I know I’ve mentioned several times here but I continue to be thankful for the weather this fall. It’s been just spectacular, and cool nights combined with warm sunny days is a great combo.
Got word about a Rawkstars grant over the weekend! It’s a smallish one, $2,500, but having it come in was unexpected and really awesome. I’ve gotten a few rejection letters from bigger ones I’ve applied for recently, so getting a win felt great. Gets us closer to our 2024 goals and I did some math which shows we are going to meet or possibly exceed budget estimates. We won’t reach a couple of program goals but exceed in other areas. There are a few clear areas I need to focus on improving for 2025, namely the Fan Club, which is solid but needs to grow to meet the expenses of the Rawk Enroll program. It also needs TLC from my perspective in getting fresh members and reconnecting with older ones in a more meaningful way. Grateful for having such a terrific year, financially and making progress on fundraising, programming and my own personal growth as a business owner.
11/17/24: Did a lot of yard work yesterday. We continue to have absolutely stunning weather and it seems like just about every day since September 1st has been glorious. It was mid 60s and it motivated me to be outdoors. I raked a ton out front to clean up the mess from the willow tree and went around with the mower to every crevice of the yard to try and vacuum the rest of the dead leaves. It looks good and felt good to move my body and be sore from work, not stagnation.
11/16/24: Took the kiddos to Armored Saint last night in Boston. We had a really fun night. After the show we hit Chinatown and got hot pot at Q. They both really enjoyed it and it warms my heart that we could spend the night bonding over music (and friends of mine from my touring days that play metal 🙂 and also appreciate exploring good food. Quincy doesn’t eat a ton usually but chowed down. Bella was a little buzzed and it was cute to see her so giggly, acting like a little girl. Easy to feel gratitude and blessed this morning.
11/14/24: Visited with Pat over at Levitate and had another good conversation. I’m trying to solidify some ideas about working together long-term, that can bring revenue and work into Rawkstars for 2025 and beyond. There are lots of ideas but one is this concept of a Rawk Camp, since they already have well established summer camps for surfing, skateboarding and other outdoor activities. Music seems like a natural extension and running some Band Camp style programs in conjunction with them could be great for us. I’m also hopeful to agree on letting me/Rawkstars put together a fundraising strategy for their large events. I think those are a cash cow and represent a ton of potential income and awareness for their Foundation. If Rawkstars can benefit from that, I want to work on it. I’ve yet to formally meet Dan, who runs the show, but both Pat and Krissy have been greatly supportive and I think I can count on their backing. Next step is to get in front of Dan and gauge his reaction and inclination then go from there. I spoke with Krissy separately and it was nice connecting with her more formally about this stuff. She’s the ED of the Foundation so clearly her input is huge. She’s also older and more experienced in enterprise business than Pat and I can connect with her in a different way because of that. I’m very thankful that this relationship is strengthening and that Rawkstars is in the Levitate orbit. Hopeful for 2025 to be another step forward for the growth and stability of our little enterprise.
11/13/24: Sent out a substack which consisted of the Rawkstars 21st anniversary content. As expected got a lot of positive comments on social plus LinkedIn. I’m proud as heck of what’s unfolded over the last 2.1 decades and probably couldn’t have predicted it, if I had even bothered to try and think that far ahead. I’m terrible at giving myself credit but trying hard. Everyone is so gracious and caring and I must admit it feels good. As I was fielding comments from folks in the morning, I got a response from Amanda, who is the mom of student Kiernan. He’s been enrolled in Rawkstars for a while, taking guitar lessons up on the north shore. I’ve never met them in person, mainly because at the time they were too far away and I didn’t make the effort. Over the years, like some students, they just become a name on the spreadsheet and I don’t really know what’s up with them. Sometimes I imagine they’re not doing much, which is easy because I’m not ‘seeing’ or aware of anything. Anyways, she shared a video with me of Kiernan and I was floored. First, he’s massively grown up. I saw him in photo form as a young, small, chunky kid with a huge poofy hairdo. What I saw was a man, jamming along to For Whom The Bell Tolls with a full band! It brought tears to my eyes and I was so fucking happy to be utterly surprised by Kiernan and how far he’s come with music. His mom said a lot about how it’s changed and shaped him and told me he’s now enrolled at a band camp thing which was what the video portrayed. Sometimes it’s the stories you don’t know that hit you hardest and that revelation was even more inspiring to me than all the positive feedback from friends and supporters alike. Blessed.
11/12/24: After too much hemming and hawing I booked our resort for Cancun last night. Funny, I never got too deep with prior trips that Lisa and I have taken, in terms of choosing where to stay. I felt more pressure this time to pick something perfect, to ensure the kids have as amazing of a time as I know Lisa and I will. We don’t need a lot of extras but perhaps that will appeal to the kids, who may get bored with the rinse/repeat of sun, swim, drink, eat, nap, lounge that we enjoy. Anyhow, I feel good about the pick. I didn’t select the most expensive place, but spent a little extra on getting a multi-bedroom family suite. I think being all in one space will add to the enjoyment and still allow us each some privacy. Hope that communal aspect will help us bond and spend maximum time enjoying Cancun and each other. Thankful to be in a position to splurge on something like this without feeling too worried about the expense.
11/11/24: Dropped the AIC video project yesterday and grateful for veterans, without whom we wouldn’t be enjoying our current lifestyle. Also thankful for having musical friends who are not just talented, but cool to spend time with and supportive of my creative projects.
11/10/24: Bella spent most of the weekend here. She’s having some issues with Cam and I think she’s looking for our support in her quiet way. It was nice having her though of course I wish she were happier with her relationship. It’s hard to tell if it’s serious of if it will pass, but I hope whatever she is hoping for come to be or she finds peace with herself either way. We bowled last night which we haven’t done in a few, and it was fun. We had lunch at the Portuguese place with the Bento’s who also both have birthdays with Lisa. Grateful for all the family, including Erin and Cam. Been surfing all the cancun youtube vids and I think I’m overthinking it. I feel pressure to make a perfect pick since we’re going with all the kids. Lisa and I are good with sitting around the pool, beach, reading, drinking, eating, etc. but want to make sure the others don’t get bored if possible. I’ll need to just make a pick and I’m sure it will be amazing. Thankful for having the resources to even entertain doing something like this and fretting over which paradise spot is best.
11/9/24: Went out to Smittys with Q last night. Lisa was out with her girls and Bella came down, and spent the night with Courtney. It was great to hang with him up close like that and we had a great time. We talked about Van Halen and he recounted how much of a turning point it was for him when EVH passed. It was a literal moment when he discovered something that’s become part of his DNA. I told him about the cross country team and how we saw that as his big turning point. He knew it but something about the way I framed it caught him. It was a really nice conversation and as usual I’m so impressed with how mature, smart, wise and cool Q has become. We talked of course about the Trump election and he has so much insight that most adults don’t possess and I couldn’t be prouder of that boy.
Yesterday was also the first class at RITS featuring Jon Hope. It went really well and the kids loved him. So happy to be going down this path and finally making the program what I envision it can be. Over the next few months I need to get it documented to capture all the specifics of what Josh, Travis and Hope are doing so we can present that as an ongoing outline for future programs and of course keep adding to it with analytics, performances, videos, etc.
While at RITS for the class I also had Alden and Victoria there for a site tour. They are the couple I hired to do the documentary about our program and the evolution of RITS. They continue to make me feel confident in hiring them and investing so much in this project. They ask great questions, and really get what I’m after. We’ll be shooting in early December and I’m super excited to go into 2025 with that new asset for Rawkstars going forward to try and find corporate sponsors and really begin promoting our BB&B programming elsewhere to secure funding.
11/8/24: Continue to be busy on lots of fronts. I finished up the Rooster video and worked with a new editor. It came out decent, but definitely was a downgrade compared to working with Dave. I did manage to do some of the editing myself on my crummy tools at home, which felt pretty good. I’m glad to have been able to do a complete project with my own recording gear, mixing it entirely on my own and doing some of the video editing too. I think I might try and tackle that full stop next time, or at least get closer each time. I’ll need to upgrade my software and probably hardware, which may keep me from going whole hog in the near term but that’s the eventual goal.
Been connecting with lots of old friends as a result of some LinkedIn posts about work, layoffs, etc. I met with Sterling, Lora Gunther and Julie Nee who I knew way back from Upromise. They all are in some form of the boat I was in, to varying degrees. It felt good to reconnect with them and I was also happy to be able to give them my own POV, which they were each looking for. It’s nice to have these kinds of conversations from the rear view mirror and to hopefully be a source of support to others.
Today is Lisa’s bday 🙂 — she seems to be in a decent place emotionally. Her job seems steady enough and her band is also pretty regular with jamming. She’s hitting the gym as hard as ever and although getting older isn’t yielding the results I know she wants, she is super healthy and gives 100% effort, which is inspiring to someone like me, who can’t get out of their own way. Grateful for another year together and for a bit of stability after a few years of tumult.
11/4/23: Great time yesterday and successful. Perfect weather, some new Rawkstars faces and perhaps most importantly, not a lot of work. I’m genuinely thankful for everyone who donates, volunteers or even thinks positively about what we do and takes no action. Doing this for so long and impacting so many people is simply amazing.
11/3/24: Today is the battlegren event. It’s the first year for Rawkstars and our team has grown to nearly 30, raising nearly $10k, plus some more matching to come. It’s been good, in that I haven’t spent nearly as much time, money or effort in getting things organized, as opposed to all the work and training that went into doing Falmouth. The fundraising has been a bit weird, since we didn’t require folks to setup pages, though a few did, nor enforce a minimum amount. It’s nice to have such a large team, but the funds came mostly from 3 sources, me, Cid and The Kapson family. I’m pretty pumped that they joined, not only due to the $, but having a family participate in support of Rawkstars is kinda awesome. Definitely need to work out some kinks for next year, but we’ve basically reached our fundraising goal and I know the race is also going to bolster our donations, so we’ll most likely exceed what we planned for. Thankful for the Burbidge Family for inviting us in, for supporting so many worthy charity teams and for all the folks new and old who joined us for this innaugural event.
11/2/24: Finally connected in person with Ira, to deliver the ukes. He’s putting together a class at Oliver Ames HS in Easton, using ukes for speech therapy. He’s a good guy, excitable and with a ton of energy. He’s got a long history of working with kids and seniors, lots of them with emotional and/or speech issues. I’m psyched to have him in the Rawkstars family as he seems to be a perfect fit and potentially a resourceful dude for lots of things. He plays several instruments and seems to know a lot of folks in the scene and he seems willing to help. Lots of our donors are in the Easton area, so I think it will also be a good program to announce our support of and potentially do some storytelling that’s outside the realm of the prison stuff I’ve been focusing on. Grateful to continue to cross paths with cool people doing cool things and be able to support them a little bit.
11/1/24: Met with Steph Baxendale yesterday for coffee. She’s awesome and I’m thankful to have remained connected with her since Hasbro. I feel like when I’m seeing anyone I haven’t seen in a bit I’m a bit overwhelming in telling them all about the things happening with Rawkstars. I don’t want to make anyone feel ‘lesser’ if they aren’t experiencing the same things. It’s hard to hold back because of course I’m excited and want to share, but need to be a bit more tempered I think. I also connected with one of the principals at The Met High School about some students needing lessons, as well as a potential grant opportunity. I’d be thrilled to work with them as I have a ton of respect for what they do and they are a super well known PVD entity that could help our credibility for future programs and funding in Rhode Island. Thankful. Greg unexpectedly stopped by the house at night and dropped off a check from this woman who is at the elder center where Rebecca works. She had donated before last year and it’s sweet that she continues to want to support us, having never even met her. Greg also put his own check in the envelope which was unexpected, though not really. He’s a good man and I’m happy for him to have found Rebecca late in life and also for our consistent friendship, even through the ups and downs of band life.
10/31/24: met up w/ Brian Cave over at B&GC. He offered to help build us a modular stage so we can setup something nicer for the kiddos. He really is a great guy and he and Marli have been avid Rawkstars supporters since we came into their circle. Sweet family and it felt great to show them around the club to see all the cool things happening there. They’re building a street hockey rink and brand new field, along with revamping the outdoor patio which can definitely be the location of future music performances in the nice weather. I’m thankful for being a small part of the club and for people like Brian and Marli who want to help Rawkstars get more involved with their community.
10/30/24: Another hectic week bouncing between RITS / B&GC and Scribl. We had an onsite at Slalom Boston yesterday and it was a great experience. Not sure how productive it was towards the goal of ‘event mode’ which I remain unconvinced is a priority, but from a people perspective it was great. Marty flew in from Florida and I met Liam and a few others in person for the first time. After the working session we were treated to a happy hour of drinks and apps, then headed to the North End for late dinner then cannolis. I hadn’t intended to stay so late but decided in real time that it was an experience worth continuing. Thankful for the opportunities I continue to have in my life to hang with awesome people and do awesome thing.
10/24/24: Class at B&GC yesterday. Getting traction on things over there, though we’re operating without a real space, which I would like to solve. Trying to go with the flow in the meantime, because I do believe things are going well, the kids are digging it and the club is happy with our progress. It’s something I’m trying to let go of, the need to have a better ‘setup’, something nicer, more formal and something we can build on. Perhaps we’ll get to that point but if not, I want to be satisfied with what we have and I (mostly) am.
Had Bob served with an updated tenant notice. We’re giving him 4 more months to find a place and also raising his rent by $325. Part of the reason he isn’t motivated to GTFO is because he is paying far below market rent. I was ok with that mostly, as he’s been a relatively easy tenant, pays on time and takes care of the place. Now that we are trying to leverage our investment better, in the face of lower income, we need to raise the bar. If he’s going to make it harder for us to sell and achieve that goal, we’re going to put more onus on him. I don’t like all this BS with impacting people’s lives and where they live and $, but real estate investing has been the #1 most impactful financial step of my life. I feel like I’ve always been more than fair and humane, even at my own expense and I feel the same about Bob. Though it’s hard for me to deal with this, I’m proud of myself and don’t have any regrets about how we’ve treated Bob and his family. Hopeful for a beneficial outcome for both of us.
10/23/24: Been MIA from this page recently, but been busy as heck. Lots of positive activity and my calendar has blown up (for better or worse). I’m gonna skip any kind of recap and just say yesterday was a day of gratitude. I interviewd for a podcast called You’re A Philanthropist. It was fun and I continue to be thankful for the opportunity to talk about Rawkstars and improve my speaking skills. I’ve been a bit under the weather but pushed through and glad I did. Also, secured a hotel reservation for a resort in Cancun, after booking flights for the fam, plus Cam and Erin to visit in January. Really thankful to have the resources to bring everyone along and for the fact that the kids still enjoy our company and for the kids to both have great significant others 🙂
10/7/24: Weekend was filled with music as we recorded the AIC tune and the Cars tune. I bit off more than I should have (again) and once the AIC tune was done I was wiped. It wasn’t that it took super long, but the anticipation, setup, preparation and eventual recording took a lot out of me. After we finished, we had a few beers and I ordered Smittys for everyone. It was fun as hell hanging out and chatting about the music scene of course. I was pretty happy with the track while we were playing and even moreso now, having listened back to the recordings. I spent a few hours yesterday doing that and it was another baby step forward in learning Logic and spending some time actually mixing. I learned a few things and kept feeling better about how it was sounding. I’m thrilled to be improving, even if it’s super slow. Also thankful to have so many talented, cool people to call on to hang with and make music. I want to try pushing that further and getting deeper into the production work, especially mixing, which is the most fun part.
10/4/24: Finally landed on some music to play at Wayne’s upcoming 60th / retirement party. I asked Barry and Bob and they both agreed. I recruited Q and Lisa to join us, which should be kinda awesome. We’re gonna learn Pictured Life, Lights Out and Rapid Fire and rehearse once then let it rip. Excited to have a few music opportunities coming up. They’re crammed into one week of activity and are both one-offs but fuck it, I haven’t played with humans in so long I’m just thrilled to generate a bit of that energy again. Thankful.
Did a bunch of accounting yesterday for RS and am feeling great about Q4. I’m pretty certain we’re going to finish the year without having to touch the slush fund we have and finish the year with more money in the bank than we started with. That alone is very cool, but set against the backdrop that we launched two new programs at RITS + B&GC, started paying a grant writer each month and are also paying my consulting fee for the first time ever while adding at least a few new students is fairly remarkable. Dare I say I feel proud and accomplished? That’s something rare for me, despite all the success I’ve enjoyed in my life. I want to hold onto that feeling and continue to remind myself of it. Still a few months to go, but my confidence is high we can achieve these milestones and go into 2025 with the goal of doing the same.
10/2/24: Jammed with the AIC dudes last night: Bob Mercier, Jim Texiera, Bob Rochleau and Jimmy Cannon. First time playing with any of them besides Jim of course. It came together pretty smoothly and everyone was prepared. Haven’t even connected with Jim in forever and only occasionally with Bob M. Felt good to play kinda loudish with other human beings. Not sure what’s the future of the HM project but at least for one night I enjoyed jamming. Looking fwd to recording this weekend and also seeing how it goes with the famjam #2. Also potential for some tunes with Barry, Bob, Q and Lisa for Wayne’s party brewing, More on that later…
10/1/24: Hurting after the stair event, but feeling good about it still. Had a good work day at Scribl yesterday and continuing to make slow, but meaningful progress on the game, company and many aspects of the work. This week has some big Rawk milestones including the start of the B&GC class and reboot of RITS at the end of the week. I’m also meeting with the RITS team to talk about a storytelling video. I think that will be fun/productive and help us further bond together on the program to help its long term growth and funding. Thankful!
9/30/24: Did a charity event with Lisa and the folks from her gym yesterday called steps for troops. It’s at Gilette Stadium and the idea is to walk up/down every flight of stairs in the lower bowl. It was a shit ton but I managed to somehow finish, to my surprise. It’s been quite some time since I’ve pushed myself even a little tiny bit on exercise, so it was nice to remind myself that change is possible. Sadly, I followed up the event by overeating to a huge extent at the follow up tailgate party. I felt like absolute shit later. Trying to take it as a victory and lesson for myself. Grateful to have participated and I know it meant a lot to Lisa that I went, tried and finished.
9/28/24: Went to Avon Cinema last night with Lisa. We saw a decent movie about a female killer. It was artistic, but a bit slow at times. Regardless, I had fun and it was cool to get out of the house for a few hours. Of course we got Falafel afterward on Thayer Street and got home early enough to hang out a bit before bed. I’ve always enjoyed going to the movies, even though we do it rarely these days. Grateful there are still cool places like Avon and that Lisa is into checking out off the grid flicks with me.
Received a cool video clip from my friend Ira, who is starting up the uke class over at OA HS that I’m trying to help with. Uplifting video of him singing 3 little birds with a student. The kid was smiling throughout and it was a nice pick me up for a Friday afternoon. Psyched that I connected with Ira and look forward to getting this thing off the ground with him.
9/27/24: Visited B&GC yesterday with Joe and Shannon. I introduced them to Colleen and gave them a tour around the spaces. We talked about the first few weeks of class, which begin next week! I picked up the first payment of $5k and it felt very real. The space and people there are great. Meeting Shannon was also awesome and I think she will be tremendous in her role and a big asset to the program and Rawkstars overall. I could tell Joe is a bit uncertain, but I have confidence he’ll make something great out of the kids who want to participate. I hope it will also be good for him, in terms of working with kids and using his music skills to further theirs. There is so much potential with this partnership and I really want to ensure things go well these next 3 months. From there, the next step will be planning to fund the program full time and bridging any gap in coverage that we’re able to agree on. I’m not too worried about all that and know if the pilot goes well those other things will work out for us. Levitate is such a huge piece of that puzzle and if we can manage to solidify that concept over the next few months, I think we’ll all feel a sense of accomplishment and I’d be willing to figure out a way to bridge the funding gap so we can reach that point together. Thankful for the chance to get this off the ground and for the people involved with us.
9/25/24: Met up with old friend Sarah Knott from Hasbro for coffee. It was nice seeing her after nearly 2 years. She was someone I respected at work and when we worked together I always knew it would be a great project/outcome. Like everyone else I’ve talked to, they lament the current state of affairs at Hasbro and tell me I got out at the right time. It’s always weird to hear as I didn’t get out but was forced. I understand that’s not the spirit in which they are coming from, but it’s a hangup I have, probably due to holding onto negative feelings about it all. I’m not generally caught up in it, but it was such a trying time there will probably always be some remnants of it in my body. In any case, reconnecting with Sarah and old friends in general, was awesome. I feel grateful to remain in touch with so many past work friends literally from decades at every office I was part of.
9/24/24: Had some great Scribl meetings yesterday including a kickoff with CVS/Aetna. Seems like that will move forward and there should be a pilot happening soon with them. I’m happy with progress there. It’s chaotic a lot, and we have way more to do than any of us can handle, but it feels like it’s progressing steadily. The next few months will be big for Matt and Jeff on the fundraising side, and if they can manage to attract a decent amount of cash, it should provide a bit more runway into 2025 to keep things going. I know I’ve said it multiple times but I really am grateful for all of this. It gave me a road back into work and life from my dark period and since, has allowed me to stabilize and build my own platform on the Rawkstars side and beyond. Thankful.
9/23/24: Back at it Monday after the bday / rainy weekend. Yesterday, lisa and I went to 02072 to visit her folks and have lunch. It was their 61st wedding anniversary, which is insane! They seem to be doing well and of course we had homemade soup, corn bread, wine and chourico. Very thankful to have them as my in laws and in many ways im closer with them than I ever was with my own parents. I have a good relationship with my mom these days, but there was never really time when I sat, talked and actually connected with my own parents together around the dinner table. Luckily I found that through the Bento’s.
9/21/24: 54th bday. Sent out a substack the night before and it generated a decent amount of responses. I enjoy seeing the comments and replies, especially when they’re from unexpected sources. Lisa, me and Q went to Smittys for pizza and wings but otherwise it was a mellow, rainy day spent at home. Thankful I made it another year and that for the most part, life is pretty amazing and fulfilling. I’d like to say that this coming year will be transformational for me on the physical side, and I can begin to return to where I was in terms of fitness, weight and body image. That’s been a real difficulty for me over the last 2 years really. I don’t mind so much the idea of my body changing but it’s the return of behaviors I thought were long gone from my psyche, that have emerged again, at least for stretches. Grateful for the chance each day and for a new year to come to grips with them and unwind their root causes. Again 🙂
9/19/24: Got things buttoned up with B&GC. Locked in with the instructors and times, etc. Will be visiting next week to introduce everyone and kick off, prior to actual classes. I’ll be aiming to pickup my $5k check as well which will feel good. I also have paperwork getting crossed off at RITS and should be ready to get reimbursed for the $10k that will cover us through January. It’ll be a pretty huge milestone to get both programs running, financed by the facility and focus on the work for a bit before having to get back to talking terms for subsequent semesters. It’s been a year of accomplishment looking back. At the start of the year none of these were on the radar. Well, RITS was a dream but I was just getting introduced to Larome at that point and hadn’t started anything else. Thankful!
9/18/23: Had a nice walk yesterday and aiming to carve out 4-5pm each day for wise movement 🙂 — met up with Cid last night to hand off the Rawkstars social media controls to her. It will be a huge relief to have someone actively posting on behalf of RS on facebook and instagram. It’s been something I’ve known was important for a long time but simply dislike too much to operate, even at the expense of growth. In any case, we came up with a good plan, payment and fingers crossed she can dig in and make things better. It will be really great to have her covering this and its someone who understands what Rawkstars is about and that I can work with to improve without worry about her moving on.
9/15/23: Lots of talk about the family vaca to Mexico. We’re getting closer to a date and I’ve been researching resorts, etc. trying to get it locked in. I’m having my usual reservations and conservative nature about the price. We’re planning to bring Cam and Erin so it’s a party of 6 with 2-3 rooms, depending on where we land. I’m reminding myself that life is short and nothing is guaranteed. So many people around us experiencing loss and I want to focus on doing something special together and including everyone. It would make for an amazing time for sure and I think the kiddos would really love the trip, more than others we’ve done in the past now that they are older and could bring their significant others along with the fam. I’m thankful to be able to even consider affording it and know that it’s money well spent on an experience we will all enjoy the shit out of by being together.
9/13/24: Got word yesterday that Nat Durfee passed away. She is the woman in Hospice I had been visiting over the last several months. She and her husband, Ed are cool people and I’m grateful I got to know them a bit and potentially provide the smallest bit of help to them. Doing the hospice and Meals volunteering has been pretty good for me. Some days I feel lazy or it gets in the way, but it’s also made me honor my commitment for the most part, only missing very occasional shifts. Meeting people like Nat and Ed, Mike Banner, Russell Freeman, Anthony and others has had a positive effect on me. I’m thankful to have time to give to others without expecting payment in return.
9/11/24: Lisa and her mom left for Denver yesterday. I know they’ll have a good time and the Bento’s will surely be glad to have company and support. I’m thankful we have the ability to travel when we want to and it’s not lost on me that we’re fortunate financially enough so it’s not a big impact to do something like that. I met with Dr. Brutus for the first time in several weeks. I’m going to try and wean off the Fluoxitaine/Prozac by halving my dose for a week then stopping. I feel ready for it and am happy to be at a point where it feels like a good time to try. I’m hopeful it will have some impact on my lethargy, which really began with this med cycle. Either way, I’m super thankful to live in a time when I had access to meds that helped me so quickly and decisively when I needed it most. I’m also thankful to be removed from that time enough to consider stopping the script altogether and seeing how my body/mind react.
9/10/24: We learned yesterday that Cam’s grandmother passed away. She lived with Terrie and Rick and was a super sweet lady. We met her several times and she was always kind, easy going and seemed heatlhy and vibrant for a grandmother. They had just finished building an in-law apartment attached to their house last year so she could live there after her husband passed away. So very sad and I’m heartbroken for Terrie, as I know they were close. Yet another reminder about the impermanence of life, not that I needed one. I’m thankful we got to meet her and hope that the family will rally around Cam’s mom, as I’m assuming she’s always been the one doing that for them.
9/9/24: Bella came down yesterday and spent some time making music with Q. It was really nice to see them connecting, let alone making music together. I met with Jon and his brother from a new music foundation org from Quincy. We grabbed breakfast and I enjoyed connecting with them. Feels like there might be some synergy between us and though they are brand new, they are trying to work in the event space, which is definitely something we could use help with. I enjoyed imparting a bit of experience on younger dudes who are trying to make their way through some of the same things I’ve done.
9/6/24: Got my NBA grant submitted yesterday! That makes Dreyfus, LZF, NBA and an inquiry to BMI all within the last 6 weeks or so, and all ones I did pretty much by myself. I’m proud to have pushed through the resistance in this area recently and funny how it coincides with having Kyle and now Phil/Steve writing grants for us. I suppose seeing some results combined with paying someone has pushed me to pick up the pace. Whatever the reason, it feels good to be further along this path than I ever have been. I believe it has the potential to be transformational for Rawkstars in the coming months/years.
I also met with a speech pathologist who works at Easton High School and is an accomplished musician. He’s using music in all sorts of creative ways to work with his special needs kids and beyond. He’s looking for a delivery of ukeleles to build his program, but it felt more far reaching than that. We really hit it off and I felt a kinship with him in lots of ways. Looking forward to seeing where this goes and for meeting someone I felt a strong connection with.
9/5/24: Got the hot tub scrubbed, refilled and balanced yesterday. Feels good to have that out of the way as I had been stalling on it for a long time. In hindsight, it actually was a good way to spend a few hours. Weather was beautiful and it kept me outside and moving, albeit at my own pace. I had to buy a small wet vac but it worked nicely to get the scum water out of the bottom of the tub. Cleaning always feels good and now we have the tub ready to rock! Thankful.
I’m moving ahead with having Nexus send Bob some escalation notices with regards to Azalea. I really do want to be patient with him, but I feel like he’s taking advantage and not really doing enough to make it happen. It’s an area I’m totally uncomfortable with and I hate having to do it, but that’s what we pay Nexus for. Literally. I’m hoping he’ll be motivated by them as he hasn’t been by me. I simply want him to be genuinely trying with the understanding that he needs to potentially take something less than perfect, in order to satisfy our need to move on. I already feel queasy just reading the note they sent him, but hopeful for a positive outcome for Bob and for us. Grateful to have been landlording for about a dozen years and never having to go through this until now.
9/3/24: Spent Labor Day @ home puttering around the yard. I began the arduous task of draining/cleaning the hot tub. I got a decent amount done but the drain process is slow as hell. The tub we have now isn’t nearly as nice as our old one and I’m still learning how to use it. Anyhow, I got most of the water out, though more than I’d like remains at the bottom and I scrubbed the perimeter of the bowl and got out most of the staining caused by running through summer. i’ll need to clean the filter and get it refilled next but at least got started. I also did some hedge trimming. Unfortunately, my trimmer clipped the extension cord so I wasn’t able to finish out front. I’ll need to grab a new cord but again, glad to have started and gotten some done. I also burned a ton of cardboard and other trash that was lingering around. It felt good to make a little progress and to be outside on such a glorious mild day.
9/2/24: We spent the day with Tina and Jason at their place on the cape. The weather wasn’t great so we basically just sat at their place and shot the shit. Always fun to connect we had plenty of laughs and talked a lot about the kiddos and family stuff of course. Tina has become quite the homemaker and prepared some awesome food. Shrimp dip, gazpacho and lobster rolls! Those guys are great and we talked about a joint family trip to Portugal next June. I hope we can make it happen for real as it would be a killer time and would be kinda nice to have another crew to vacation with for a change. Thankful to have old friends like Tina and to still be connecting and having good times together. Also grateful all of our kids have gotten off to such a great start in life!
9/1/24: Went to topgolf with Bella and Cam yesterday and had fun. It was a perfect day and the place is pretty cool, basically bowling style hangout but a driving range outside. It was nice catching up with them and doing something kinda fun too. Bella is going through the egg donation thing for the second time and she’s back on the night shift at Veranova, so I’m guessing her bank account will be in good shape soon. Thankful they still enjoy hanging out with me and Lisa.
Went over to Lolita’s house for a little party. There were only a few people there, some Brazilian friends of Wellington, one wife and a few younger kids. Nobody spoke much English but we had a fun time. I actually got pretty f’ing drunk, so much so that Lisa had to drive home and I was basically plastered. One guy was a guitar player and once he told me that it was on. He brought up Scorpions, Deep Purple, Yngwie, Steve Vai, etc. and we had a grand old time. It was cool to hangout with people you could barely understand each others language but still have fun, laugh and enjoy each others company.
8/29/24: Got more work done on the LZF app with Steve from Grants New England. I’m pretty happy with where it’s at and he actually proved helpful in putting together the financials using QBO. I also stumbled across an opportunity from the NBA foundation that we seem aligned with, so I started an application there too. It seems a lot more straightforward and I was able to pinch most of the content from LZF, which is the idea with this stuff. Grateful to be on this path and trying hard to attract funding to Rawkstars.
Had coffee with Natalie Hogan, an old Hasbro friend. She and I have stayed in touch semi-regular over the years and I really like hanging out with her. She’s smart, driven, energetic and attractive. She’s hooking me up with a guy she works with that runs the PDT nonprofit she’s part of. Sounds like there is potential there, and I’m always up for making new relationships with cool people. Grateful to be friends with Natalie and to continue making connections which may help develop Rawkstars.
8/28/24: Good day of eating again yesterday. Anytime I go back and read these notes there are constant periods of up/down on this subject. That said, I’m grateful to continue trying to make good choices, even though I fail more often than succeed. Got some strong work done on the LZF grant yesterday and feel its close to being submittable. It’s been a lot of work but I’m also getting slightly better at communicating what we do. I’m also getting slightly better at answering some of the tougher questions more honestly. I have a ways to go on the board side still, but I’ve known that for some time. I need to prioritize taking the existing folks like Cid, Lisa, Donna, Jerry and Josh and forming a volunteer committee. Then I need for formalize asking Jon Hope, Jazzmyn, Malekpour, Shane , Josh, Noble and whomever else I want to allow me to use their names with integrity. I feel like it’s not a huge lift, but it’s something I’ve procrastinated on for too long. Applying for these grants makes it more urgent and I need to be transparent without having to stretch and assume things others might not dig. Thankful for the self awareness and hopeful for the motivation to tackle after the holiday weekend.
8/27/24: Back to work Monday. Got a few lighter weeks coming up as the RITS program is off until 10/1. Plenty of housekeeping and things to do, but my calendar is less booked than it has been lately. Hoping to take advantage and figure out some way to get my ass to the gym, walking, etc. I did have a good day of eating yesterday, and I got myself on the scale. I’m back to where I started before the Wegovy -12lbs experiment. It’s quite disappointing that petered out due to inability to get the damn thing filled. I should have put more effort into finding a new pharmacy but got frustrated and spiraled from there into inactivity. Thankful to have at least one day under my belt and to be alive for another chance at doing better.
8/26/24: Spent the weekend in Maine with Lou, Redd, Wabrek, Dave and Doug. Had a lot of laughs as you can imagine. It was nice to see those guys as we don’t get together that often these days. It’s not lost on me how fortunate I am to have several friends that I’ve known as long as these guys, and with as many memories and laughs. Even though we’re in different places in our lives now, we all still cherish that and make time for each other when we can. Those guys are all pretty staunch right wingers, as are many of my crew. Not sure what that means or why, but it’s a thing. I chimed in a few times trying to poke at what their dissatisfaction is all about, as they all have pretty amazing lives by any measure. We had a few spirited comments but it was pretty chill I think. I’m really not interested in arguing any specific policy or issue, but trying to demonstrate how lucky we all are and how much of an energy drain it is to be angry about what other people/groups are doing. I mostly keep quiet and don’t want to be a preacher but being around that attitude brought it out a little. I’m thankful we could have that type of conversation and leave all good and still friends with respect for one another.
8/23/24: Working hard on a grant for LZF the last couple days. I met with our new grant consultant and they’ve got some stuff going, but this is one I applied for last year and is a pretty big deal. It’s also pretty comprehensive, so I figure if I can put a lot of effort into it, they can use it for most of the other simpler applications. Lots has changed in the last few years so all the language feels new. It’s all overdue for a refresh I suppose and even though it’s a long process, I’m feeling good about it. I’m probably 2/3 of the way through, but the budget stuff is still undone and I recall that being a bear last year. They have their own worksheet so I can’t simply print a P/L from QBO and attach it. Anyways, it fits the theme I wrote about on my substack yesterday, of struggling for what we really want. It feels good to put in the work because it’s something genuinely important to me, in a way other things aren’t.
8/20/24: Announced our Guitar Center sponsorship yesterday online. Felt good to share more good news on the Rawkstars front. I also connected with a woman named Shannon who manages programming for the DCF in Rhode Island. She was super cool and has a background in project management as well as data. She’s got a lot of experience and connections in the juvenile justice space and we had a ton in common personally. She’s going to help me get an analytics plan together which is huge. So thankful for all the cool people in the world and to have learned that so many of them are happy to help if you only make the first gesture to connect.
8/19/24: Another walk yesterday. This time by myself down to Amaro’s. On the way I passed the fire station and thought about Wyatt. There was a firefighter outside so I went over and chatted with him. Told him about WB’s story and asked him to make a little video telling Wyatt to hang in there. I sent it over. Don’t know if it will have any impact, but it made me feel good to think of him and any kind of moral support he can muster seems positive.
8/18/24: Went for a walk with Lisa yesterday. Doesn’t sound like a big deal, but for me, any kind of physical activity nowadays is cause for happiness. We actually took a new route and went by the old mall. Man, it’s a complete wasteland back there and hard to even imagine what it used to be. I’m thankful that I mustered the motivation to move myself, for the time with Lisa and for another chance at turning things around with my physical health.
8/17/24: Visited Ed and Nat yesterday after missing a few weeks. I felt kinda bad as I basically blew it off last week, after doing MoW and feeling unmotivated to drive to Fall River afterward. Nat is definitely in lala-land at this point mentally, but she’s always in a good mood, smiling and pleasant. I like spending a bit of time with her and she’s a sweet old lady. Ed gave me some veggies from his garden and he’s always talkative. He doesn’t really go out for errands anymore during this window for some reason, but it’s fine and we usually just sit and talk in their living room. Thankful that I crossed paths with them both and that I’ve been some tiny bit of help/comfort/companionship for them.
8/16/24: I bought a car?! So weird in that I hadn’t been thinking about it really at all. I got this flyer in the mail about my car and it prompted me to poke around at how much it was worth as a trade-in. Once I started that exercise I wound up finding a vehicle same make/model/year as mine that had only 8,500 miles on it. I put my details in and it turned out I could get the car for like $13k. I started thinking about it, and I love my car, so this would essentially give me 6 more years of a Honda Accord for $13k. It also puts me on the same timeline as Lisa, since her car has about 12k miles on it and will be paid off in < 4 years. We won’t have any payments since I used money from our slush fund, plus closed out a Robinhood account where I had some crypto and Index fund stocks to the tune of about $7,500. After a few days of toying with it and talking to Lisa, I decided to pull the trigger. I think something about all the recent family deaths, etc. has reminded me about the fragility of things. I’ve always leaned more towards future planning than current spending when it comes to money. That’s served me well and I don’t regret it, but it also is a reminder that today is all we have. I’m also planning to pull the trigger on a family vacation, once the car stuff is settled and our slush is restocked in about a month. Thankful I’m in position to even consider something like this, thankful that I have a vehicle I really enjoy that is in great shape and not too expensive and thankful to have a wife who is supportive of my decisions about money.
8/14/24: Talked on the phone with Tina yesterday and tried to offer some comfort. It’s just awful and there isn’t anything to say or do, other than to connect with someone and be with there for them. Grateful for our family and our relative health and grateful I could be there in some way for Tina to give her a shoulder to lean on.
Visited RITS yesterday and continuing to gear up for the fall session. It’s coming together for us to have a Saturday class which Josh will lead and he also is available Monday. Still not sure about Travis but hoping to nail down the dates/times by the end of this week so we can get on the school calendar. Our bridge is inching forward and though there’s a long way to go to achieve stability for Rawkstars, taking these small steps is satisfying and feels good.
8/13/24: Got the horrific news this morning that our cousin Julia passed away from Leukemia. I mentioned her below, when we found out about her diagnosis unexpectedly. Sounded like over the last few weeks she had been doing better and responding to the treatments. I’m honestly not sure wtf happened but as I was driving to a work appointment Lisa texted me with the awful news. Tina, Donna, Tom, Heather and Sharon must be absolutely devastated. I can’t even being to imagine the pain that would cause for someone so young and vibrant to be diagnosed, treated and pass in such a short time. I don’t know Julia super well, but she and Heather were a big part of the family growing up. They lived next door to the Bento’s and we saw them all the time at the pool, every family event, etc. They were young when they moved away to Virginia but we saw them a few times over the years as they visited. Fuck, it’s such a hard pill and I’m thankful to have known Julia at least a bit and will reach out to the family and offer what little comfort I can.
8/12/24: Met the fam yesterday for Randy’s past due bday dinner. Q and Erin didn’t make it as he had to work and Cam stayed behind working also. So it was basically us and Bella. We spent a couple hours ahead of time at the Bento pool yard and Lisa brought Judy and Sofia by for a couple hours. It’s nice to see Judy after all these years and I’m happy she is doing much better than before. Sofia also seems great. She’s much more mellow and so smart and polite, very sweet kid. Dinner was actually more talkative than usual. My mom recently came back from her Alaska trip and she had some funny stories to share about the misadventures. She’s a great mom and I’m thankful she’s doing so well, health wise and seems happy life wise. Well deserved!!
8/11/24: Bought some recharge freon for my AC after watching some youtube videos and voila, it’s ice cold! I’m hopeful it will last and not just leak out, but I’m pumped at the prospect of having it work again. I waited way longer than I should have, of course, but glad I came around and tried it. Sounds stupid but thankful for youtube. It’s such a wealth of info and entertainment and a great resource for all things, without being as much as a cesspool as other highly trafficked websites.
Spent some time working on budgets for BB&B programming. Getting closer to finalizing with both RITS and B&GC for at least the remainder of the year, and hopefully all of 2025. Sorting out different scenarios based on cost, teachers, and frequency. It’s been a good exercise and I think I can pay a fair wage, while also making enough to account for Rawkstars/my time and effort. Getting the host orgs to sign off will take more work but inching forward month by month and building a program they love is the path to getting there.
8/10/24: Learned this morning that Rawkstars got selected for the Guitar Center grant 🙂 — it’s not money but in the form of gear. While $ would be more impactful for us, I’m still quite pumped. It’s another bit of validation for others to see the power of what we’re doing. Getting some gear will of course be cool, and there may be other potential outcomes. I had a good conversation with their ED during my interview and I definitely will follow up with her down the road. Their own materials mentioned the potential for recurring support and I could think of plenty of co-branding opportunities for content we could provide. Regardless of any more ripples, getting it feels fucking good.
8/9/24: Successfully got out another substack, bringing my total published to 4 in the last couple months. It’s been a great exercise. I’ve enjoyed the writing and I’ve gotten a lot of nice comments from folks via email and in person. Grateful to have a place to write and for having the time and energy to accustom myself to shipping, even when I’m not motivated to.
Great meetings this week with Heather at RITS. I asked a lot of questions and got good feedback about the program and our long term options. I confirmed we’ll be kicking off post-summer classes starting in October and that they’re committed to the $10k promised earlier. That will take us through the end of the year and I already inquired about booking the schedule out through May of 2025. We’ll need to sort out the funding of classes post 2024, but my confidence is growing that they’ll be able to find some money and Rawkstars can also continue to attract sponsors for our programming.
I spent quite some time honing our budgets as part of some grants I’m applying for but also future planning and funding sources. Things are looking pretty good and I’m planning for some modest growth, increasing my consulting pay by 50% and running two full time BB&B programs for the entire year. It’s ambitious I suppose but also feels quite doable. I’m gathering confidence that some of the investments we’ve made on the grant side will pay off. I’m also going to continue to search and work towards sponsorships. Those could really be game changers and give us the support we need to focus on programming excellence, storytelling and relax into the work. Thankful to be in this position after a tumultuous time at the beginning of 2023. I’m still here and we are doing good as a family, financially and otherwise.
8/6/24: Finally had a solid day of mindfulness and proper eating yesterday. I know my posts have been scattered, as I’ve gotten hella busy with work, etc. but I haven’t been able to fill the Wegovy prescription for about 6 weeks now. Since stopping its use, I’ve noticed the effects more than when I was taking it. At the time it felt super mild and sometimes I couldn’t tell if I was feeling anything. But since stopping, I can appreciate how much it was actually helping. I’ve had many more spirals/binges and generally poor days of eating. I don’t know what I can do about the script, but at least for one day yesterday I remained focused and mindful. It felt good.
8/5/24: Took the kiddos to Metallica on Friday night. Had a blast. Did a ton of walking and it was hot as balls outside. We wound up having pretty good seats about 3 rows from the field. Initially I was bummed to not be in the pit or field but as it turned out it was pretty good to have a seat. We brought Noah and it felt really good to be with all 3 kids and enjoying some metal together. Kind of a full circle life moment for me and I was surprised a bit by the way it moved me.
Had a small gathering for Greg’s 65th on Saturday. I rustled up a couple folks so he would feel some love. It didn’t seem right to let such a milestone pass and even though some people didn’t make it, I think he appreciated it and I’m glad I made a bit of effort to make him feel good.
Putting together a recording session(s) for October. Since HM has been unable to get together with any regularity, I’m taking the opportunity to connect with some new/old folks. Gonna reboot the AIC/Rooster thing with Bob M, Jim T and Jimmy Cannon. Hoping to get Ethan Church to play drums but as of yet not confirmed. We’re also going to do a FamJam with all of us, Noah and Church taking on ‘Just What I Needed’ by The Cars. I mostly learned it last night and it’s pretty heavy, especially with us playing it sans keyboards. Excited to have something on the musical calendar to look towards.
8/2/24: Run of days with kid activities. On Tuesday I did a small shoot for PeaceLove with a bunch of kids in PVD. Jon Cardoni and I took part in a workshop and basically shot b-roll and still photos. The kids were awesome and I got to spend time taking pics. How lucky am I? Yesterday I followed that up by taking Alex Fradkin into the studio. He brought along his brother Ethan who is going to school for sound engineering. Alex is super talented and he had never been in to record, which blew my mind. I asked his dad if he would mind me taking him in and it wound up coming together yesterday. We drove to Joe’s which is kind of a hike, but it gave us a lot of chance to talk which was also nice. I know he’s had some issues with depression and graduated from college with a degree in something he doesn’t care about. He’s definitely a solid musician like his old man and something about his vibe attracts me. Anyhow, we laid down basic acoustic guitar tracks for 2 songs, but spent almost the whole session running vocal layers and harmonies on just one. Joe really pushed him on the parts, within the bounds of the time we had, and I knew that would be a good lesson to see how he reacted. He did great and personally, I think the song is a terrific first pass. I actually just delivered the mix to him last night so I haven’t yet heard back from him but hoping he feels the same. I’m thankful to have spent the last couple days with young people and doing things that are hopefully influential in a positive way for them, however small. And also fulfilling for me personally and professionally. Fucking lucky.
7/29/24: Learned last night that David Sousa got killed :/ – he’s a cousin that has been around forever. He was actually friends with Randy when I was a really little kid, so I knew him even before connecting with Lisa. He worked for the DOT and was struck by a driver as he was pulled over cleaning up debris on the highway. It’s awful news. He was a larger than life kinda guy physically and personality wise. His wife was a classmate of Lisa and me and they have two kids. Just a reminder of how fragile it all is and how lucky we are to see another day. Thankful I knew Dave a bit and genuinely sad for his wife and family.
7/27/24: Posting has been spotty lately. My weeks have been busy but not sure why I’ve been intermittent here. Went to see Sammy Hagar’s all star band thing last night with Lisa and Q. Beautiful night and the show was fun. Thankful to have a family who loves music as much as I do. Progress on the Rawkstars front has been good too. Got a solidified plan for the B&GC / Levitate / Rawkstars partnership. Both offered $5k to get started and I think it has much potential to increase to the 30-40k annual level I envisioned at first but this is a fine first step and I’m learning how to leverage this approach to make it easier to get started with others. On the RITS side it’s also been a good couple weeks. I feel like I’ve learned a lot and though the staff there has been quite loose, I actually want to propose a bit more structure to the program going forward. Heather seems happy and I’m meeting with her next week to discuss my thoughts and get some of hers. I’m definitely grateful for where things have gone with both of these. Even though they are slow beginnings, I genuinely feel they both have potential to become year-round programs for Rawkstars, which is my ultimate goal. Running ongoing music programs at various locations might just be our niche and it kinda feels good, assuming I can juggle both and get to a point where we really have a plan. I had an interview with the Guitar Center Foundation and felt like I hit it off with the ED. I think they are going to support us, but they only do gear donations. That’s definitely helpful but less so that money. Still, I think it could lead to more and any affiliation we can gain from known brands like GC are obviously helpful in other ways. Lastly, I engaged officially with Grants New England. For $1k monthly they are going to create our grant package and manage a portfolio of funders and applications at the rate of 4-6 per month. The hope is over time we can generate a regular stream of grant funding, in excess of the $12k per year we’ll be paying for the services. It’s a continuation of our growth and need/desire to have multiple revenue streams. It’s been a good stretch for me trying to stretch into this role and I’m proud of the progress, even though we are far from finished.
7/22/24: 27th anniversary and Bella’s 23rd bday?! Saw everyone over the weekend having traveled to Worcester Friday night, then spending time with Lisa on Saturday riding the bike path and then the Portuguese fest in 02072. Mellow Sunday at the Bento’s pool and then home early, which I always like on Sunday evening. Grateful for all my blessings, surrounded by love, relative health and prosperity.
7/18/24: Continuing a stretch of really busy weeks. I’m gonna skip the usual details and simply say I’m thankful to be occupied with things I’ve chosen. RITS, Rawkstars, creating, spending time with new and old friends, being at home and of course Lisa, Bella and Q. Grateful.
7/16/24: Positive news on the Peace Love front. They’ve officially incorporated a for profit venture called Scribl, which will work in conjunction with PeaceLove Foundation. It’s a big step to actually get this done as it’s been talked about for months. We’re also continuing to make progress on getting intros and demos. The product needs plenty of TLC and continued development. We have some hours coming our way from Slalom, but my confidence isn’t super high that they are the best tech partner for the game itself. They have certainly been awesome and are great people and business partners. Just a bit worried about the tech implementation as we’ve experienced a lot of bugs and if we land a big client, we need to be bullet proof and have something special to encourage adoption. Anyways, those are part of the challenges of running this biz and we’re making progress regardless. I’ve said it before but I continue to be thankful for their support and friendship over this past year +. Nothing else would have been possible without that safety net and getting myself back into the right mindset.
7/15/24: Qs grad party was this weekend. It rained early and it was super humid out. Eventually, it stopped raining kinda just in time for when more people were arriving. We had A TON of food from the portuguese place in fall river, which is awesome, except for the overeating quotient. We had a solid turnout and a nice mix of groups come together. Very proud of the boy and it was nice to celebrate him for the day. I whipped together a slideshow video which came out decent, even though I had little time. I wanted him to feel special and I think it worked.
Class at RITS last Thursday was awesome. The place is much different from DYS/Taunton and the feeling I’ve had the whole time about the folks there were validated. The kids really dug it and we had a teacher in the class the whole time with us. She was super proactive and it helped things along greatly. She really wants to see it succeed and having that kind of support from the inside is priceless. We need to figure some stuff out to have Travis and Josh find their spaces and work together the best way possible. The next several weeks of summer are really a ramp up to the fall schedule, when school starts at RITS. We should have our feet nice and wet by then and some chemistry with the facility. I’m super duper excited about what this could become and doing my best to stay grounded and work hard to make it what the vision truly is. Grateful.
7/11/24: Attended PREA training at RITS and today is our first official class! The plan is to follow Travis’ lead for the first few sessions and then migrate the curriculum to form what we want BB&B to look like. We’re officially engaged through summer, but the plan is to kick-off in the fall with RITS beginning to compensate Rawkstars in part for the programming, with an increase expected in Q1 2025. I’m more than happy to subsidize the beginning here as I know how much value it has for us to get something solid in place that we can leverage for more partnerships and of course simply to do a GREAT job. I’m very thankful to have gotten this far even though it’s taken quite some time and really hasn’t resulted in any income from this stream as of yet. I’m grateful to have put in the work to get to this precipice and being able to have any impact on these kids is a true blessing. Onward and upward.
Had a terrific editing session at Massimoto on video #2 for BB&B. After our first session a few weeks back I was a bit disappointed with the progress, footage and was questioning whether we’d be able to live up to the first video. In some ways I think this one is going to prove better. Dave really stepped up with some great ideas that helped shape the story and as usual, we had a great chemistry in ensuring all the little bits were building up together in a cohesive, artistic manner. I think it’s going to be complete today/tomorrow and I’m excited to share with Allie and Jazzmyn, as well as the rest of the world at some point soon. Thankful for the time, energy, partners and fulfillment that these creative projects bring me.
7/9/24: Wyatt is doing better it sounds like. He’s actually going to get to go home for a few days ahead of his cleanup surgery later this week. Really excited for him and all the Bento’s. I still can’t imagine how hard this all must be for them. Thankful he seems to be in a better place and any amount of positive news is welcome.
Continuing a hot streak of good things for Rawkstars. I met with Jon Hope about being part of our RITS project (which starts today!) and it seems like that is going to happen. He is so perfect for what we want to do with BB&B and having him involved will surely be a great benefit. I also just like him very much and always feel like I learn whenever we connect. His rate for the workshops is quite reasonable, and I’m able to afford the services, even before we can get compensated at RITS, which is planned for the fall session after Rawkstars absorbs the 6 week summer pilot.
I also sold the last of the donated items on Reverb, including all the pedals and the bass that Greg Dellaria donated. All in, Rawkstars benefitted in the ballpark of $3k+ in sales these last 2 weeks. I also still have the Les Paul, which I’m in no rush to sell. Rawkstars doesn’t need more money in the bank and I figure the guitar should continue to appreciate. I’ll hang onto it and if a use case arises for a super worthy kid, I’ll have it handy. Or just keep it until such time as it makes sense to turn it into cash for the bank. It’s a very fulfilling feeling to be able to continue to see progress on building this biz and keeping my family solvent financially in the meantime. I didn’t imagine that Rawkstars would be such a big part of my life’s work in terms of supporting myself and am thankful to be at this juncture at 53, as opposed to sometime in my ‘retired’ 60’s.
7/8/24: Finally did some overdue yardwork yesterday. It’s been a tough lawn year all around and it looks pretty crappy, but about the same as everyone else on the street. Felt good to get sweaty and work outside and proud I can still push myself a little for this kind of effort. Spoke with Alyssa and the outlook for Wyatt is slightly better. He’s got a few surgeries ahead to try and rebuild his hand and grow new tissue, but she sounded more confident about things and said that he was in a better mental state, which is awesome. It was nice to hear her voice instead of reading texts and sometimes it’s easy to forget how much different that experience is. Thankful for all the Bento’s and their presence in our lives and hopeful that WB will bounce back in the next several months and get passed all this and on track to where he wants to be.
7/7/24: Hung at the Mooney’s yesterday for an afternoon/evening cookout. I did pretty good in terms of the overeating, always my concern when attending a party. I had a couple beers but kept it mellow and had plenty of water too. Was nice to see some of the crew and have some laughs. More news about Wyatt that indicates his injuries are pretty severe. I feel so awful for him as well as Alyssa and Mikey. I can’t imagine what it would be like seeing your son go through something so tragic and life-altering, at such a juncture in his journey. Mike’s neighbor was setting off fireworks and it ran right through me listening and seeing them. I am thankful Wyatt didn’t get even more hurt, but struggling to find the silver lining in this one tbh.
7/6/24: Started as a mellow home day, which I felt I needed after the business of the 4th. While I was downstairs on the computer, Lisa came home and had bad news. First, our nephew Wyatt had an accident with some fireworks and blew off part of his hand, including his entire ring finger! Later in the day we found out more of the story, and it sounds like some older kid lit a roman candle, handed it to Wyatt and it exploded in his hand?! He’s in pretty rough shape in the ICU burn unit. They grafted his pinky onto his ring finger area, as that apparently gives him the best chance of functionality down the road. He lost a lot of other tissue, so there’s more tests and waiting to come before they know the exact prognosis. One thing is that he will not be able to enlist in the marines, as he was supposed to be shipping off next month to start his journey. Alyssa told us he cannot join without all 10 fingers. It was his dream to become a firefighter and the marines would have given him a clear path to that life. Now, who knows. So sad. Wyatt was always a fun-loving kid and we’re devastated to hear what happened. I know Alyssa and Mikey are beside themselves and I feel for them so hard.
Even worse news came about Lisa’s cousin Julia. She’s Tom Santos’ daughter and although they divorced and moved away many years back, we’ve always known her since birth and she was a big part of the family along with her sister Heather, in all the years they lived up here. Turns out she had been feeling ill and went to the emergency room at the behest of her dentist. After some tests, they discovered she had an aggressive form of Leukemia?! So bad in fact, that they immediately admitted her and within 24 hours she was in a medically induced coma and they’ve already started chemo and other treatments while her body is in this state. She’s a young girl probably like 32ish and was always a sweet girl. Tina, Donna and of course Tom are most certainly a mess and such horrible news for someone so young. I’m really hopeful for Julia and Wyatt both that their youth will be their best bet to recover and be strong. Scary to think about these things hitting home and could not be more grateful for the health our kids (and Lisa and I really) have enjoyed so far.
7/5/24: Dorothy’s annual July 4th party yesterday. We always look forward to it and the kids all came too. It was pretty low key by past standards and lightly attended. Still, we had fun and for me the best part was I didn’t eat/drink like a complete asshole. In part it was because I had a charity event in the evening that was important. I got invited to the Levitate Festival kick-off VIP thing, where Lake Street Dive performed on a tiny stage for about 350 of us. It was a fun event all around and I learned for sure that Rawkstars is joining the ranks of their grant award winners. I believe it’s a $5k grant, but it also seems likely to lead to an official partnership with the B&GC. As mentioned recently, I pitched them a few days back and was able to lower the price. Without Levitate really being in the mix during the process, they advertised our ensuing partnership on one of the banners at the event and also had a brief shout out from Pat, who is the community partner person. If that comes to fruition, it will be a very impactful scenario for Rawkstars. It will give us a decent amount of income for the coming year on the programming side and also give us a year to create a great program that would include some events and public notice about the partnership. I’d be hopeful that might lead to more support from Levitate, and for sure more publicity from them about what we’re doing together, making it more likely we can continue assuming we hold up our end and put together something cool. I’m thankful to be in this position and hopeful to have the opportunity to work hard in support of making that happen. There are so many ways Levitate could be a really big deal for us, not the least of is getting us in front of people who have resources to be part of our community. BTW, I got to watch LSD from like 5 feet away and they were magnificent. Rachel is without question the best singer of recent generation and in person, about 50x hotter than on video or the other times I’ve seen the band from slightly further back. Grateful and lucky.
7/3/24: Finally gave my proposal to B&GC Marshfield. I think it was well received though Colleen immediately said the quote of $56k seemed high. As we talked I learned that she knows Maryann Malekpour from the running club. Afterward I called Dave and he agreed to defray some of the expenses for the studio equipment and I reshuffled the proposal to lessen the cadence of the programming and brought it down to $41k. Seems like a very reasonable ballpark and actually it assumes +$18k of profit for Rawkstars’ effort and oversight. I could definitely take a lower amount and if push comes to shove I have some wiggle room. That said, I need to get used to this part of figuring out how much to charge and how to negotiate those terms. It’s something I’m not very adept at yet, but am sure to improve. At the end of the day I do need to get compensated for these if Rawkstars is to survive and continue to be a viable source of consulting income. I have some runway and realize I need to invest in these areas to build enough programming to sell it better, but I’m hopeful I can do both simultaneously. I don’t need to gouge anyone and $41k seems like a fair cost for a pretty robust program, which would run a full calendar year and give us something tangible to build on long term. Thankful for the opportunity, the learning, for Dave’s willingness to help and for Colleen being a good partner.
7/2/24: Had another impactful day on the $ side. Sold a few more items on Reverb that were donated by Kevin, including the Roland Tape Echo bringing the total of Rawkstars proceeds to +2k from the items he donated. I haven’t even listed the Les Paul as it’s still at the shop getting cleaned and setup. That’s a really impactful number, especially considering it came out of nowhere. I also got a nice check from PeaceLove for the last few months of consulting and was able to stock our slush fund, as well as cover taxes for Greater Good with a bit of a cushion. It feels good to be on such solid footing financially. Trying to remind myself it will change but also trying to enjoy the momentary feeling of security and success and milk it for a while.
7/1/24: Mellow Sunday, one of my faves. Did a small amount of yard work and baked a loaf of bread. Lisa and I did some shopping and enjoyed hanging out. It’s been good between us the last month or so. I’ve been doing my best to be mindful of her feelings and she seems to be in a much better headspace too. Feels good and I’m thankful as fuck!
Had some smaller checks come in for Evelyn’s condo, reimbursement from Kelly Clarkson and a check from CommCorp for some work I did a few months back. None of them were humungous but all impactful. It was nice too that one was for our long-term investments, one for our everyday checking and another for Rawkstars. I always get a happy feeling of moving forward when I can push all the boulders ahead even a tiny amount. Genuinely blessed.
6/30/24: Bought some small items for the backyard at Big Lots. Coffee table, umbrella and side tables. We don’t spend extravagantly on any of these things but it’s also nice to spruce up the yard or house in small ways when you can. We’ve got Qs grad party in a few weeks and some of those things were pretty tired.
Rawkstars received the $29k grant from GBKF yesterday! I had known about it for a few months now, but actually getting the check is something I’ve been waiting for. It won’t clear my bank account until tomorrow but there’s something about the security of those numbers on the screen that boost my confidence. It’s been a full year now since I’ve made the leap to self-employment and 7 months since I began paying myself for the first time consulting for Rawkstars. In that time, our account has actually risen, fairly significantly. In large part due to this grant, but even before receiving it, we were in the plus from a year ago. We also have solid prospects for more income this year from RITS, Levitate, Battlegreen/Falmouth and other potential avenues including DYS which seems to still be possible. For the first time in our history, we also have enough slush to make decent returns on passive investments with the interest rates paying like 5%. That’s a few grand per year coming in, each of which is about 1% of our annual budget so nothing to sneeze at. Of course every week/month/year will be unique, but for now, I feel on solid footing to continue on this path for an extended period. If PeaceLove continues to stabilize, it could amount to years. A very comforting feeling, especially since I’m not beholden to anyone but me. Thankful.
6/29/24: Spent an hour with Ed & Nat. I canceled Meals On Wheels because they had a storm in Halifax and they couldn’t get the bags prepped until much later. It felt kinda nice to have a leisurely morning on Friday and I knew Joe was covering the route without issue. It made a much easier drive to Fall River also. Ed & Nat are both great and I’m thankful to have been spending time with them these last several months. Ed likes to talk and is a nice guy. Nat isn’t all there but is always smiling and pleasant to chat with, even about nonsense.
Afterward I met Paul Spence for a walk around Massasoit. Since losing his job he seems to be doing great. He’s helping Maryann and Ellen with their side creative businesses and sounded really energized and happy about it. He’s such a great dude and someone I always liked and respected. I’m glad he lives close by so we could continue our friendship long after we both left Upromise.
6/28/24: Spent a few hours with Dave at Massimoto yesterday. We made some progress getting the Allie / Jazzmyn video together. It’s got a ways to go but that’s how these projects go. Sometimes they reveal themselves quickly and other times it’s a grind. I felt better as we progressed and although I don’t feel like we got to the essence of the piece yet, we did carve a ton of cruft away, which is necessary to find the core. Always enjoy spending time with Dave. He’s such a good guy, far beyond his editing chops.
Got issue #3 of my substack out last night, even though I was editing it right up until the send. It’s been a cool exercise for me, both on the writing side and also on the commitment side. While I am genuinely happy with all 3 pieces, I didn’t spend an inordinate amount of time planning or agonizing over the words or topics. I’ve also begun adding some non-prose, like the BB&B video and last week sharing my current book reading titles. Each post has gotten some kind remarks and brought some folks I don’t talk to a ton to me. I’m enjoying responding to those people and of course it’s nice to get complimented on my writing, especially by cool people.
6/27/24: As I was leaving the house, Clayton was coming down the street as he does every Thursday. Almost since we arrived here in E. Taunton, he’s been coming around on trash day to pickup our recycles and bottle returns. He’s a cool old guy and actually he told me he just turned 80. When he first started coming, I thought it was weird and went out to say something to him. Quickly I realized he was just a nice retired guy keeping himself busy and making a few bucks by grabbing all the returns most of us toss. Over the years we’ve become neighborly and often speak whenever we see each other. He also takes junk that is hard to get rid of, like old grills, anything metal or unruly that he can sell for scrap. It’s a small thing but something so sweet and reassuring about having him come every week. Thankful for Clayton and for being connected to him.
6/26/24: Met with a young dude named Jude yesterday morning. We met at Plant City and it felt nice to spend a bit of time in that hood, since I gave up my office space recently. Had myself a nice latte and spent an hour or so working before he arrived. I got my proposal for B&GC together, which I felt good about. I reached out to Colleen to review with her in the next couple days. Fingers crossed it’s to their liking and something within their budget range. That’s definitely part of this consulting thing that I’m still not very comfortable with. I should spend some time talking with ppl in my network that are more well versed in pricing and pitching their time. Anyways, Jude is a guy I found online who’s connected with Larome. He’s super smart, self-aware, ambitious and energetic. I really enjoy meeting young people who are so far ahead of where I was at their age. It’s something I notice a lot and it has helped give me perspective on the state of the world and the young generation being filled with awesome capable people. Thankful.
6/25/24: Lisa and I went to see Sarah MacLachlan over the weekend. Show was down in Connecticut so we got a room and stayed the night. Booked a cheap room in New Haven, since anytime we trek that way a visit to Modern Apizza is a must! It was a perfect day and we shared a beer as we waited in the line outside for a table. As expected, the pie was tremendous. So much joy in eating something so absolutely delicious. We enjoyed a nice car ride and listened to a podcast to pass the time. Show itself was great and at an outdoor venue which was new for us. Sarah did the whole Fumbling album, which is our favorite. Her band was solid, though the drummer was nowhere near Ash Sood, who played on those records and was always a favorite of mine. On the way home, we stopped at PeaceLove as I had a meeting I wanted to attend in person. Lisa got to meet the crew which also felt nice. It was cool spending a little overnight thing together and getting out of the house to see Sarah and create more memories together, through music. Grateful!
6/22/24: Last night there was a kick-ass lightning storm. Lisa and I were watching the Gene Wilder documentary, which was totally awesome. He was such a great actor and a talented, kind dude all around. During the show it started pouring and thundering. Our living room is open to a huge window and you can see a good amount of the sky above the tree line. At least 5x we saw huge streaks of lightning flash across the sky. Like really big and bright. Had that purplish tinge which made me think of the Metallica album of course \m/ — so cool to see the power of nature in that context. Unexpected, startling and absolutely beautiful.
Bought a new bed for Bella’s condo. We had planned to get her a bigger bed for her room here at the house. Whenever she comes, she complains about the tiny bed and how hot it gets. I understand totally and nobody wants to be uncomfortable when they sleep, especially when they are super comfy at home. Instead of buying her a full size bed for her, we got her a Queen for her condo, then she can bring her existing full here. Makes sense to let her sleep on the brand new, larger bed at home where she will be 95% of the time, and use the older one here. She’ll now have a better experience here and getting a bed off the floor should cool the room off, since the current one blocks the A/C vent and keeps it extra warm in there. Super thankful that we can still afford such luxury purchases, for things we don’t truly ‘need’. Also thankful that Bella will be more comfortable coming to the house and staying over on occasion.
6/21/24: Worked at home yesterday morning and had some productive time getting a proposal together for B&GC. I’d been stalling on it for a few days, so it felt good to get closer to something I can share. It’s a strange new world for me figuring out how to approach others with pitches that involve money. I feel like I’m pretty good at the pitch part, and talking about why the program is awesome, helpful, etc. but when it comes to brass tacks and what it costs, not as good. I wonder if it’s because I’m waiting until late in the process to broach that subject or not good at targeting clients who I’m more sure can afford it? In any case, I’m on a path and making progress, even if I’m having these doubts and periods of slow movement.
Made some headway on the RITS side and have Josh Jackson locked in with Travis to lead the charge. I think they’ll be a good combo, although the fact that Travis has a longstanding relationship over there is something I need to be patient with. I’m going to need to learn his approach and be gentle with any changes I’m feeling like we need. The idea is to elevate what’s already taking place there and bringing in Josh will be a step in that direction. I’m also planning to purchase some more / improved gear for them, which is also a step. Next will be coordinating some visits from Jazzmyn and Hope to dovetail them into the fold officially/finally as part of our engagement. Looks like our start date is going to be July 8th and will run 6 weeks of summer, then into the fall when school begins at RITS. Hopeful and grateful for this opportunity.
6/20/24: Continuing to slowly drop lbs. and am down 11.5 officially as of today. Feeling good, outside of the process of the occasional collision with the meds. For example, I ate some fries the other day for lunch and overdid it. Almost immediately, within 15 minutes or so, I started feeling like shit. I can only assume it was the fried food thing. This has happened to me a few other times, once with drinking and a few times with heartburn from spicy foods, which rarely used to bother me. My water intake is definitely up and that’s helped. Coffee is also continuing to be down, although I’m not planning to give it up, just watching my intake and smaller portions like espresso cups. Clothes haven’t changed too much but I have noticed a slight improvement there, as well as a change in my face/neck area. Thankful for being on a better path and paying closer attention to my body.
Met up with Kevin Pallis yesterday, who I met a few weeks back after an intro from Nick Vecchio. He does a lot of work with troubled kids and seems like a genuinely empathetic, smart and nice person. He told me he had some music stuff to donate, so we met for coffee at my new spot, Nero. He had a bunch of boxes in his trunk, and lots of it was junk and old cables, etc. There were a few practice amps, which I can probably use in time for starting kids out. There were a few other choice items too. One was a Roland Tape Echo. It looked like an old junk piece, but after some research online it’s a pretty valuable piece of vintage gear. I’ll most likely clean it up and try to sell on Reverb, as there’s certainly no practical use for it through Rawkstars. Also, there was a guitar in a Gibson case, which excited me. Turns out it’s a Les Paul Custom from 1988. I don’t know a ton about guitars other than basics, so I did some digging and chatted with Mike and Kev, who know this shit well obviously. It seems like a very valuable instrument, possibly like $4k or more. Q played it for a while and it was cool to watch/listen to him put it through the paces. It needs a bit of cleanup, but actually looks to be in pretty great condition, especially given its age of 35 years. Not certain what I’ll do with it once it’s setup, but it’ll probably be a sale item eventually. If I found the right kid, there may be an opportunity but it’s something I’ll be very careful with, considering it was given to me by a Rawkstars supporter/fan.
Lastly, I had a zoom call with this kid Parker, who contacted me about a service project for his Bar Mitzvah. Met him and his folks online and talked about Rawktars, etc and got to know them a bit. Seem like a great family and turns out that he takes lessons at Jam Zone in Dedham, owned by another friend named Darren that I met through my mom a few years back 🙂 — it would be awesome if he decides to support us officially with his project as it will certainly help our budget and income for 2024 to have another fundraiser, put together by someone besides me. Thankful!
6/18/24: Visited with Greg, George, Robin and EJ Jacobs yesterday. They came into town spontaneously for the Celtics game! Greg texted me and I met them in Boston at the waterfront for lunch. They’re a cool bunch and we had a nice, albeit, quick lunch together. They went to game #5 where the Celts won their 18th title last night! I watched the game at home and it was awesome to see yet another Boston title. The team seem like great guys and are really constructed as a group that compliments each other as opposed to a couple stars and supporting cast. I’m thankful that I’ve reconnected with the Jacobs crew in my adult years. We never had much of a connection growing up with the fractured family situation and all the anger. Grateful for what was a beautiful summer day, a lobster roll in Boston, lunch with family and a Boston championship 🙂
6/17/24: Fathers Day weekend. Enjoyed a very mellow day at home with Lisa and Q. We tried the new breakfast place at the airport and it was good! Bella didn’t come down, which I’m fine with. I don’t like the idea of her going out of her way and driving so far just for my benefit. She’s visited us a few times this past month and I feel like we need to head to her place next time. She texted me which of course was nice. We dropped by the Bento Poolyard to see Mr. Bento and had a light lunch with them and Rob, which was also nice. No fanfare but it still felt nice. In the morning, I took the weed whacker and trimmed the curb to the front of the street. I like doing that even though it’s a pain. It looks much better and it got me on my feet for a while, which I’ve been trying to do more of, as well as simply being outside. Grateful for a simple, low key day with those I love.
6/14/24: Continuing the slow burn on the Wegovy train. As of yesterday, I’m down 10.2 lbs. Not a trivial amount in about 5+ weeks and I’m noticing little things. The main effect I seem to feel is at dinner. I’ve learned that after eating a largeish meal, I’m going to feel super duper full. Instead of going to the brink at dinner, I’ve been able to slow my roll and wait a few minutes, knowing that fullness is coming, and it does. My bathroom is steady and gross as it sounds, I think the look and consistency of my stool is evidence that I’ve been eating better. I’ve also begun really drinking a proper amount of water. It’s helped my dehydration feeling but I know has other effects on my body, all positive. Along with that has been a lowering of coffee, my true love. I haven’t missed it truth be told and I’m still drinking coffee every day. I had already begun drinking less, and now I’m doing espresso more often, since I was already having really small cups. This first 10lbs has come off my neck and upper body. Hopeful if I can do another 1o, it will start to flatten out my mid belly area more. Having my shirts fit better will be such a big win. I also have felt a bit more motivated than the last few months. Just doing more little stuff without resistance, instead of parking on the couch. I’m still doing that for sure, but less. Trying to jumpstart the walking this week and have gotten a couple under my belt. Onward and upward. Thankful!
6/13/24: Had lunch with Greg Stahovec from Digitas. We’ve reconnected online a few times and it was nice to spend some time together. He was there for me when I got laid off and has said some very nice things about me, which of course is appreciated. He’s also going through a job change, but seems aok emotionally. I’m certain he’ll overcome and I’m grateful to be there for him as he was for me.
I sent out my second substack article yesterday. Got some nice responses and I’m enjoying the process of writing and that it’s bringing me human connection. I feel proud that I managed to get 2 articles out on the cadence I was hoping for, bi-weekly. I also inserted some basic personal stuff into the post, about the books I’m reading. I want to be able to keep some of the posts light, and not always feel like I need to be profound, unless something really hits me.
6/12/24: Got responses back from Levitate and RITS, which felt good. Still more steps to undertake but even getting these micro-steps is aok and as I’m learning, part of the process. Levitate also invited Lisa and I to their kickoff event at the small outdoor space with Lake Street Dive! It’s on the same night as Dorothy’s party but I don’t see why we can’t do both. It’s nice to be included in something private and hopefully it’s a harbinger of how they feel about Rawkstars and where our collaboration can go. I also met on zoom with Colleen over at B&GC, which was also productive. I’m going to put together a proposal for them with a few options for programming. Fingers crossed it will resonate with them and we can find a way to make something work. Met old Upromise friend Jenny Mirken for coffee. It was nice reconnecting with her, and of course we both talked about our various job/project/ideas, which is always enjoyable. I feel blessed that people reach out to me and that I’ve got the kind of lifestyle that allows me to simply connect with people, as opposed to busting ass at work someplace. It’s not lost on me how fortunate it is to live this way.
6/11/24: Day of follow ups yesterday. Trying to complete the circle with RITS and Levitate and inch closer with B&GC. Really hopeful at least one of these will come to fruition and have enjoyed the process of trying. Finally got some traction on the Bob/Barry/Luc idea of jamming Powerage. Luc is dealing with some family issues and Barry has been on the shelf for a few months with his shoulder ailment. Me and Bob talked to him and he’s ready to give it a go! We even agreed on a rehearsal date in a few weeks and are going to aim to cover side 1. I’m definitely feeling some pressure but also excitement. I know the songs are relatively ‘simple’ in terms of notes and patterns. That said, AC/DC is all about the pocket and being able to hang there. I’m also going to ‘try’ and see if I can crack the code and play with a pick. Something I always wanted to do, but never invested the time to get beyond. Definitely will serve the project much better if I can pull it off and it would be a nice accomplishment for me personally after all these years of pushing it off. Excited to jam with my besties and it’s no small honor being part of a music project with those two!
6/10/24: Lisa sang with her friend Scott at a local brewery yesterday. I was glad to see her agree to sing as she really needs to get out there and regain some level of confidence, as well as get her singing back in shape to where she wants it to be. They did maybe 8 songs or so, and all of them were in her wheelhouse, which was also good. Billy Joel, Bonnie Raitt, Joni, Laura Nyro and songs that really fit her voice. I know she doesn’t think Scott is the world’s best bandmate, but it was nice of him to coax her into performing. When we got there, Mike, Doreen, Doris, Dave and Cid all came down. It was nice to see them even though I’m certain it gave Lisa some anxiety. They were super supportive of course and Mike and Dave even got up to sing at one point. We all had some laughs and Doreen’s mom had an absolute blast. She couldn’t have enjoyed the music more and it was sweet to watch the joy she got out of being there. It was a good reminder for those of us who can be jaded when it comes to music and forget about the base level of impact it can have on a person in the moment. Proud of Lisa and she genuinely sounded really great. Hoping it will be a catalyst for her to find her way back to a band that she is a big part of and brings her joy.
6/9/24: Went out to see Mike Fradkin’s kid Alex, at an open mic thing last night. He’s a good player and I think he’s a great kid. Was nice to get out of the house a bit, see a few friends and support a young musician. Things have been nice between Lisa and I these last couple weeks after we cleared the air about what’s been happening. It’s nice to be able to spend some time having fun and being a couple.
I also went to Cambridge to do some filming with Allie, after we ran out of time during our session a few weeks back. It was nice to see her and her mom, and I think the interview went pretty well. She had some good things to say and there were definitely parts where I could hear the passion and wisdom in her words. I’m not able to film with a pro level of quality, but I think the piece can handle some lower production value, if I can manage to get the story across powerfully. Thankful to continue movement on this project towards another creative activity.
6/7/24: I haven’t talked much about my Wegovy experience, but as of today I am -9lbs. It’s funny, I keep waiting to wake up one day and have some major change. Either being insanely full, not caring about food, or something like that. That hasn’t really happened and I’m not sure if it’s supposed to. I’ve definitely noticed that I am more full after meals than before, but not positive if that has (yet) translated into wanting to eat less. I’ve been more ‘stable’ meaning that I haven’t gone into a spiral lately with mindless shoveling, but I’ve also been consciously trying to do better in all these areas of course, in conjunction with the meds. Anyways, I’m definitely glad to be down a little, and I can feel/notice it a bit. If I can step up the movement, pun intended, I know that will kickstart things as well. Grateful and hopeful.
6/6/24: Had lunch with Chris Weekly yesterday. Always good to reconnect with Chris. He’s a good dude and I’m thankful we’ve stayed friends all these years. I visited the Marshfield B&GC afterward and had a second round there, in an attempt to push a music program forward together. Wasn’t quite as productive as I hoped, as the woman I met last time wasn’t there. A few others took time with me and it definitely had some value and will lead to the next step. Hoping for one more meeting and then put together an official proposal from there. Fingers crossed this becomes a viable path for Rawkstars to continue expanding its programming and thankful for the opportunity to make something happen.
6/5/24: Sick the last 36 hours or so with a stomach bug. Felt like absolute shit, but fortunately it passed relatively fast. It’s always so easy to take health for granted when you’re not experiencing any issues. The Thich Naht Hahn line about gratitude for the ‘non-toothache’ is always top of mind when this happens for me. Doing much better this morning and supremely grateful to just feel normal!
Been emailing with Eric Davis the last few days. A lot of people reached out to me after my first substack post last week. That’s exactly what I was hoping for. A few of them talked about the writing part, but I think more wrote just to check in. A few even asked if I was ok, thinking my words were heavy and potentially distressful. I hadn’t considered that whatsoever, but it made me feel pretty fucking lucky to have folks reach out to me just to ask if I’m ok. Eric wound up writing and I haven’t heard from him in many years. He basically told me a long story about how hurt he was about this music equipment he left at our house 10+ years back. It really was a simple misunderstanding but clearly he’s been carrying it around as suffering for a long time. I thanked him for sharing, apologized for my part in making him feel badly and we talked more about life and such, kind of reconnecting and leaving things positive. He and I grew way apart years ago after HS as we took different life paths. Nothing really happened between us, we just had little in common and drifted apart. Anyways, I always liked the kid and we shared some fun times back in the day. I was sorry to hear things haven’t gone great for him, but there were some positive things in our exchange and hopefully being able to at least drop this burden is something that will prove helpful for him. Thankful for all the folks who commented and wrote me back and even those who simply read it and moved on.
6/3/24: Q graduated Sunday. It was beautiful out and even though the whole thing is overdone, formal and long-winded, it didn’t take away from the joy and pride of seeing him finish. Bella and Cam came down and we had a small cookout afterward. We only had 4 tix, so we couldn’t make a big deal of it people-wise. Of course he had a bash later in the evening and we had about 20 kids rawking the yard until all hours. Definitely proud of the boy and even of his friends, most of whom also graduated yesterday. Great group and thankful for knowing all of them and for how they’ve impacted Q these last few years.
5/30/24: Spent the morning down at PeaceLove and made some progress there. Lots of activity swirling, but still feeling lots of momentum upward. It was such a nice day, I stopped by Wildflour, which is my favorite local coffee shop. I usually sit with my computer and work a bit but yesterday was such a beautiful morning, I sat outside and kept my computer in its bag. I just sat for about 20 minutes and sipped an iced tea and ate an oatmeal cup. Felt great and connected!
Q had his prom last night and he and Erin of course got all dolled up. I met them at Qs bud’s place and took a few pics. I left quickly because I wanted to let them have their time alone and with the crew. Glad he made it home safe and soaking up these milestones as his HS career comes to an end.
5/29/24: Feeling really great today. Not sure if it’s the weather, which is absolutely spectacular, or something else. I’ve been on a good stretch of improved eating, dropped a few lbs. and things have been nice with Lisa. I guess it’s all those things and more, of course. She and I walked the park yesterday which was also nice, getting fresh air, being outside and moving, together.
Made some progress yesterday on getting my Substack published. I decided about a month ago I wanted to start keeping a blog there, in addition to this daily, private thing here. I don’t want to put extra pressure on myself, but would like to commit to a bi-weekly post. The idea will be to keep it shorter than my traditional writing posts. I don’t want to overthink or impress with my writing so much as connect with others by sharing my ideas and happenings. It feels a lot more organic than posting on Facebook or whatever and not intended to make anyone feel bad, left out or measure anyone’s life against my own, and vice-versa. If I can nourish my relationships and turn sharing into a healthy creative task for myself, I’ll be psyched.
5/28/24: Memorial Day weekend. Spent most of the day at home. Baked some bread, chopped a big salad, trimmed our birch tree and made some burgers. So fortunate to have a great home life, money to enjoy everything we need, and to be comfortable simply being here at the house.
I also officially launched the WBRY site, and made all the bug fixes and some content updates they asked for. Grateful to have Massimoto farm that gig to me and to still have modest chops enough to put it together and make some extra dough for the family. Working with them over the last few years has been awesome. I’ve completed so many creative projects I’m proud of and consider Dave and John both friends.
Over the last coouple days I also managed to learn Arc Angels, Living in a Dream. Greg had suggested it for Heavy Mellow and Lisa and I both love the AA record, so it was a no brainer. Still I’m glad to have learned it pretty easily, basically after watching one cover video. It’s not a complex song but fun to play and right up our alley as a band. Psyched to jam it with everyone next weekend and have it in our next set.
5/27/24: Spent a few hours at the Bento’s pool yard. The pool isn’t open yet, but Bella met us down there and we hung out, had a few drinks, town spa and what not. Mrs. B and Donna came after a bit and we had some laughs. Donna is a cool lady, she’s funny, super talkative and I always got along well with her (and John Santos, who passed away several years back). I’ve known them nearly as long as I’ve known the Bento’s and of course Tina was a big part of my teenage years. Grateful for my extended family and having so many cool people that have been longstanding part of my life.
5/26/24: Visited SoundLab again yesterday and got Rocky in the studio. He was super excited and seems to have some talent. He’s young and got there about an hour late, only after I texted him and asked where he was. I had reminded him the day before, but alas, I guess I forgot about how flighty kids can be. His dad brought him which was cool. He seemed a bit cautious, which I also thought was cool. I wasn’t able to stay the whole session, but I left him with Leo, who is more than capable. I had talked with him about the content prior to the session and told him no diss tracks or gun shit, but there are definitely some lines in there which are probably questionable. I’m not really sure where to take this, as I want to help these kids but also don’t want DYS to see me as someone they can’t trust to enforce their rules, which are nebulous at best and vary from person to person. Thankful in a big way for Leo. He’s not only a great musician/producer, but a genuinely awesome person. I’m hopeful to be able to bring him into other projects as I trust him and he has a great way with the kiddos.
Got the WBRY site pushed out yesterday, finally. It looks pretty solid and I think Rainer is happy with it. They didn’t go for my maintenance proposal, which would have gone to Rawkstars, but it’s all good. I probably undercharged slightly, but it was a good experience and I’ll be able to square what I owe to Massimoto, and also come away with about $1,800 for our slush. Could be a road to more project work with them also, which I welcome.
Bella paid off her loan! In full! she owed us about $8,500 and sent a payment for the exact amount. So one year removed from graduation, she has no student debt, has a great job and is living in a cool condo with Cam. Not a bad start. I do hope she can get on the road to planning to save for a home. I know that’s the most impactful financial decision they can make and I know how difficult it is today for kids to overcome that hurdle. I think they’re making enough money between the two of them, especially if they can find a multi-family that needs some TLC, as Cam’s family seems adept at that kind of work. I’ll do my best to stay out of it mostly, and regardless, I know she’ll sort it out in her own way. Really fucking proud of that kid!!
5/25/24: Q’s last day of High School yesterday?! Can hardly believe it, but we officially have zero kids in school currently. So proud of the kid. Not only did he crush school academically, but also socially. After starting out an awkward, anti-social tween, he matured into a person who is completely comfortable in his own skin, as well as any social situation and any group of people. He chooses friends wisely and has surrounded himself with other awesome kids. They have plenty of fun together without crossing any lines into drugs, out of control drinking or other poor decision making. He always happily participated in school events, like the football games on Thursday night, school dances an concerts, spirit day, Mr. THS and many others. He ran track for about 4 years, which had a huge impact on him, especially early on. He’s a physically healthy, well adjusted, kind, smart, talented and wise 18 year old man. In hindsight, between Q and Bella, we owe a great debt to the Taunton’s school system. I know it wasn’t entirely them that made these outcomes, but they were certainly a consistent, positive and safe platform against which they took place. Thankful.
5/23/24: Met with the B&GC of Marshfield yesterday about a BBB program opportunity! It’s a great club and the folks I met with seemed super interested and engaged. We had a ton in common and I’d be thrilled to do something there. It’s a different model than the prison scenario, but in some ways, better and certainly easier. It also opens up a ton of potential partners, whereas the prison opportunities are very few. I was introduced from the Levitate guys, who I’m still waiting to hear back from. Hoping the 3-way connection here is enough to make it happen and it’ll be another potential path for Rawkstars revenue and to continue honing and selling the offering to other organizations who may benefit from the modular approach. It’s funny, but I hadn’t thought too much about this earlier, but it really is an evolution of what Music & Youth are doing. They have a very rigid template for setting up a clubhouse, which involves a permanent space, full time staff and other guardrails. I’m thinking about ours in the opposite way. We don’t need a fancy space, and we can take on the overhead of finding and paying contractors. That may prove to be a lot of work, but if so, we can build it into the expenses. I think it makes the program viable for any space as opposed to only those able to make a larger investment. I think there’s something here that feels right and am thankful for the potential opportunity to try it out with what could be a long-term partner.
5/22/24: Continuing to untangle things with Lisa. We argued a bit yesterday but the good part was afterward, instead of going to a neutral corner, she came back and we were able to talk for a while. Later in the evening she did so again, which I really appreciated. It’s clear we are in very different headspaces and it’s the root cause of much of our turmoil. She feels that my actions are not those of a supportive, husband who has her back knowing how much she’s been in pain over the last few years due to all the life changes (work, covid, smell, band, sex, schedule, etc.) — I haven’t been able to equate most of our arguments to that point, and now just thinking about that POV makes things feel at least a bit clearer. Still a long ways to go, but at least for yesterday it felt like we were openly, honestly and calmly talking about it and trying to understand one another. Thankful for that and all I wanna do is make Lisa happy again and back to her old self. She helped me get there when I was in the depths, and if I can do that for her it would be so awesome. I think getting into counseling will help, and having someone to help us both see more clearly and open the lines of communication sounds smart.
5/21/24: Moved the needle on the WBRY website yesterday and inching closer to completion. It’s taken longer than I hoped but that’s probably mostly my own fault, being busy with other priorities and not working enough hours. In any case, the client is really digging the progress and it feels good to have positive feedback from them. Also nice to know that I can still crank out a project like this and have a satisfied client, even if I’m far from an expert. It’ll be another small extra payday, which of course will help out.
Things are ratcheting up at PeaceLove and they continue to get interest from potential biz partners and investors. I’m glad things have leveled off there for them, after a pretty rocky second half of 2023. Scribl has a long way to go if it’s genuinely going to be a corporate tool as envisioned, but it’s getting a tiny bit better, albeit slowly. Said it plenty of times here but will never forget Matt & Jeff giving me this opportunity which got me through a very dark time. It continues to be a reliable source of income and appears poised to increase, at least in the near term. I can envision kicking my hours up from 8 –> 16 soon, since there’s so much work needing attention. That would really bolster our finances and still leave me enough time to pursue Rawkstars efforts. If something really breaks over there, I might need to make some choices, but that’s a conversation for another day, or perhaps never. Grateful for P/L.
5/20/24: Saturday I spent at SoundLab with Allie, taking her into the studio for her 1st session. I hired Leo again and love working with him, It’s so easy, he’s super talented, reliable and great with artists/kids. I invited Jazzmyn down and paid her to do a little mentoring with Allie. I also asked Joi Beatz, a new female artist I connected with recently. She’s starting to work at SoundLab and she’s got some skills. I actually talked with her for a while at the session and I think she’s a great candidate for her own video, as part of the BBB series. She’s got a cool, positive, strength based story of success for a young, black, female musical artist. She came up in the Boys & Girls Club of Dorchester, where my contact Rick Aggeler works. I think that could be the storyline, which I can use potentially for pitching to other B&GC partners. Thankful for all those cool people, for meeting Allie and her mom and for being able to spend time and resources doing important things I love.
I got pretty sick the same day. Started feeling ‘off’ while I was at the studio and went downhill fast. I had chills and basically held on until the session ended. I couldn’t get home fast enough and went straight into the bed, fully dressed as I was shivering. I spent most of yesterday sleeping and watching tv, but feel much better today, thank god! Nothing like being sick to remind you about your good fortune of simply being healthy. Thich Naht Hahn has a great way of talking about this about the joy of a non-toothache. Very grateful for my general health level, even though it’s far from perfect.
Weighed in today after 2-weeks on Wegovy. I’m down 6lbs, but really haven’t felt much difference in my appetite or eating habits. I suppose it’s been slightly better. I’ve stayed away from sweets and have been drinking more water. I don’t really feel like I’m ‘losing weight’ despite the scale. That said, I know I’m just starting this process and regardless, I’m thankful for the scale going in the right direction. It’s been a while and I have hope.
5/18/24: Had a heart to heart with Lisa yesterday. She basically told me (again) how unhappy she is and how I’m contributing to it, by not being a good listener or sensitive enough. She brought up something from last week when I trimmed our tree out front, but didn’t clean the branches up right away. I had planned to, but was tired and told myself I could do it the following day. I’ve struggled getting motivated, so been trying to simply do small tasks instead of bigger ones and that was the reason I had for leaving them. In any case, it’s just a symptom of us not being on the same page. She feels unheard and unloved and I feel nitpicked and on eggshells, afraid to say the wrong thing. It’s come up before, multiple times in the last few years, but seemingly she is not feeling better about it. She brought up the idea of seeing a counselor for our marriage, to which I agreed. Having someone to mediate and help us find ways to better communicate can certainly help and I want to make Lisa feel better, above all else. I’m thankful she raised it, even though I hated hearing it and seeing how she feels. I know other parts of her life contribute to how she’s feeling and I can only hope some of those can turn around too, to give her some balance, confidence and joy, which I can tell she has been lacking for some time. Grateful to have Lisa in my life all these years and for a new approach to perhaps improving things between us.
5/17/24: Diana Ross last night for #4 🙂 – we had terrific seats right up close and she was amazing as always. Crowd was strong and I know she could feel the love from Boston. So thankful to be able to see her again, and to be in position to afford such luxurious seats. It’s not lost on me that most people in the world could never do that and it’s become commonplace for me.
Had some good progress yesterday on the WBRY website project I’ve been procrastinating on. I finished the homepage and the client loved the changes. Now I need to work on the sub-pages, but I’ve got a much better idea of what he wants now. Hoping I can knock that off shortly. I also feel like I undercharged for my time. It’s hard for me to estimate and I always tend to lean on the low side, since I want the gig and also don’t want to gouge anyone. I’m thankful to have another paying gig nearly done and to continue being creative on the web work, which I generally enjoy doing.
5/16/24: Spent the day mostly alone. Lisa went into the office, Q was at work. After getting home late, Lisa headed to the gym and then went to see Alex Fradkin at an open mic thing. Was nice having it so quiet, but also felt a bit uneasy. Some days I’m able to be alone with appreciation, but for some reason yesterday felt like it dragged. I did have a productive call with the folks at RITS about getting Beats, Bars & Beyond kicked off. Sounds like we are aiming for July, once the school year is fully over. Heather recommended that to give us time to ease into the calendar and get settled with the program, before changing gears once we need to work around the school calendar this fall. I’m excited because we really need to get some weekly program activities happening. I’ve been working on proposals, grants, budgets and lots of other related things but no actual BBB programming. Rawk Enroll continues along and we accepted two new students this week. I’ll be officially on-boarding them in June. It’s been a losing battle for me to try and limit our enrollments there, despite wanting to keep the expense for that program down. I’m excited for these new students and hoping it will deepen our relationship with Mockingbird and lead to some income generation on that end, to even things out. Grateful for all this and more!
5/15/24: Took dose #2 of Wegovy last night. Not feeling any difference so far today and certainly no side effects. Seems like lots of ppl react differently, so the timeline for when it ‘kicks in’ is hard to predict. I think it’s good that I’m not having any side effects, and hopeful the hunger cessation will become more apparent. I am very thankful for the chance to take this path. I’ve beaten myself up about not using medicine and looking at myself through a negative lens for doing so. My experience with the Prozac showed me that there are most certainly processes in your body which can get out of sync and need to be helped along, rather than suffering. I can only hope Wegovy is as impactful as the Prozac has been for me this past year+.
5/14/24: Visited with Ed yesterday as well as old friend Greg Purvis! Haven’t seen Greg in about 2 years when he voluntarily left Hasbro prior to the layoffs. He and I worked together at Upromise also and he was helpful in getting me the interview at Hasbro. We sat together for several years and always had a good relationship. I admire Greg for being one of those authentic, low-key kind of people. He’s not flashy, won’t blow anyone away with his approach and speaks little. I respect people like that since I’m not able to do those things myself and also because so many today are self-promoters or showy, in how their lives are supposed to be judged. Greg is just a solid dude, great dad, husband and person. He’s doing really well since the new gig started and I’m supremely happy for him and his family.
5/13/24: Gig Saturday night. Had a strong turnout and really happy with HM’s performance, as well as my own. There was a lot of drama just before, as Ralphie, the sound guy at The District tragically passed away on Thursday. I wasn’t close with him but got to know him through gigs the last bunch of years. He seemed like a sweet guy and had a low key personality for a sound guy, and always had decent mixes. Sharp reminder of the fragility of all this we take for granted. During the set I offered a little toast for him and also talked about Gary Lorimer, with so many 02072 folks in the house. We had a lot of nice comments from the crowd and it was probably the most positive feedback I feel we ever had at a gig. I played through Marty’s rig and left all my gear at home, which felt like an unburdening in a small but awesome way. Q played UFO with us which was special. Rawkstars made some good $ from the event and most of the musicians forfeited their pay to leave in the pile. Greg Dellaria also showed up and brought me another high end bass to donate. He’s done that like 3x and I’m never surprised at the generosity he’s shown. So many great people in my life, on stage, off-stage, close, extended, everywhere. Thankful.
5/11/24: On my Meals route yesterday I spent some time talking with Teresa Walker. We always exchange pleasantries but it remains low touch, talking about the weather and such. I was wearing my Transformational Prison t-shirt and she asked me about it. When I told her what they did and that I work with them, she started asking me more questions about my volunteering. She asked if I was independently wealthy 🙂 — I said no of course, but in retrospect there probably is some truth to it. I’m certainly not in a position to stop working entirely, nor do I want to, but have managed to accumulate enough assets that I quite possibly could. I’m certainly ahead of 95% of the world in that area and it’s good to be reminded of that. In any case, it was nice chatting with her and she finally asked my name. It felt nice to connect with her more deeply, even though I’ve been visiting her for over a year now. Grateful for that and for the perspective on what ‘independently wealthy’ can mean.
5/8/24: Two Rawk meetings yesterday. First was Levitate which couldn’t have felt better. I met with Krissy Kennedy and another colleague, a young dude whose name I keep forgetting. They couldn’t have been more supportive or awesome. We met outside since it was a super nice day in the mid 70s and sunny. They have a whole surf shop / coffee place / bar / restaurant space with a backyard patio area where they have bands. It’s a pretty cool setup and very non-corporate, which felt kinda awesome too. We chatted for over an hour and everything was so free and easy, like talking with friends as opposed to convincing a funder. I genuinely think there is serious opportunity here for Rawkstars. They don’t have a ton of money, but the festival is such a large event, I can’t help but feel there are many ways to partner that could get Rawkstars in front of lots of people, and create some stream of money at the same time. It would of course be amazing to get some kiddos involved with the gig and be a part of such a positive, large scale, community music event. I’m thrilled about this development and where it could lead.
In the afternoon I met this guy David who runs the community block grant program for East Providence. He was a pretty good guy but the chance to be funded feels low. Turns out he’s actually a musician, so he didn’t need any convincing about the programming. That said, he described the program focus areas for the next 5 years and it didn’t seem like we fit the mold. Still, I’m thankful to have gotten in front of him. I know most towns have this kind of funding and learning how to research and access is could be a fruitful activity. I have a feeling a lot of funds go unused since it’s not easy to learn about opportunities or navigate all the government rules. I’m grateful Dena and Melissa introduced me and perhaps down the road this could lead to some cool things for Rawkstars. Getting more practice time in front of these folks is also good for me and the nonprofit.
5/7/24: Ok, I took my first Wegovy injection today. I’m a bit nervous but excited. The success stories I’ve heard are super encouraging and Crissy has been sharing her own journey with me, and she looks/sounds great. I watched some vids to try and understand what to expect, and learn any tips from those who have already undertaken this path. I’m hopeful and thankful to have this option and to see if it can give me the jumpstart to get myself back on some kind of mindful, self-loving path to healing and accepting my body and its flaws as well as its wonders.
5/6/24: Lazy Sunday. I trimmed the weeping willow out front! For years it’s been overhanging all the way to the ground. It’s a huge mess to clean and always makes it hard to cut the grass around it too. I’ve thought about it a million times, but finally went outside and cut all the way around, to about eye level. It looks good and I’m sure it’s going to help the health of the tree and certainly help me mow better. Thankful for taking a small step in doing something I had procrastinated on forever.
Bella came down for the day and we had lunch at the Portuguese spot in FR. She told us about her egg donation process which has been ongoing for months. Seems she is finally past all the tests and hoops and will be actually having the procedure done this week. It seems harmless enough but of course I hope everything goes smoothly. I know she is doing it mostly for the $, but there is also a giving element in that some family will be helped down the line by her donation. More of Bella’s genes in the world is good 🙂
5/5/24: Had dinner with Jon Hope last night. He’s a good dude and I enjoyed hanging out. He’s smart, funny, ambitious and talented. I’m hopeful we can do work together on the BB&B front, both at RITS and DYS. He’s got the inside track to things on the DYS side, and my hope is he can help them see the light about Rawkstars being a great fit to operate the music program there. Including him would be a great addition and I think he’s down for that. He’ll also make a tremendous addition to the leadership team and I’m thankful we crossed paths and can learn from each other by doing what we both do best.
Bruins advanced to round 2 in a game 7 OT, the most exciting minutes in sports. They had been up 3-1 and gotten pushed to the brink by Toronto, but came through in the end on a Pastrnak sizzle reel goal. I like the team and even though they are far from the most talented group Boston has had in recent years, I enjoy watching them and of course hope they continue winning. Jut being able to watch more playoff hockey is a blessing and having Boston in it, allows me more room to tune in while at home with the family without reprisal 🙂
5/4/24: Wasn’t feeling well yesterday. After starting my MoW route, I began to feel a tinge of body aches, the kind you feel when you’re sick. I struggled through the rest of the route and by the time I got home, was completely wiped out even though I slept plenty. I almost immediately went to sleep and stayed down for 90 minutes+. I felt a touch better afterward and slowly muddled around the house cleaning up and taking it slow. I began to feel somewhat better later in the day and this morning I don’t really sense the aches. Hoping it was a passing thing and grateful to have a lifestyle that allows me to take it easy when I’m not feeling great.
Met with Bob after work to discuss the house sale face to face. I had been pretty nervous about it. In part because I know it’s hard for him and in part because I’m not great at delivering difficult news. In either case, he came by and it was just the two of us, since Lisa had plans with her mom and Q was at work. We had a very cordial and even friendly conversation. I explained to him that Q is headed to college and we decided to move on from the property in an effort to cover his expenses. That’s not 100% honest but really, there’s no point in walking through our financial plans together and I knew as a dad it’s something he would understand. We only briefly talked about the sale and mostly moved on to personal stuff. He talked about his kids, buying a new car, the neighbor Scott and playing bass. It felt like I was connecting with a buddy more than anything and I’m supremely grateful for that. I told him I would do my best to be patient and give him time, but can’t wait indefinitely. I don’t have an exact timetable and my inclination is to give him room, like we did with Pilgrim Village. That worked out just fine and everyone felt good. Fingers crossed we can do a similar severance in this case. Feeling relieved to have it out in the open and to be able to move forward with our own plans, however slowly.
5/3/24: We had to take Ajax to the vet as he’s been peeing outside the box in the studio on/off for a while now. He hates going and it’s stressful for Lisa as well. Anyways, we managed to get him in the crate without too much hassle, after failing to do it last week. Turns out he has fleas. That’s actually quite a relief, since it clearly points to why he’s upset and also relatively easy to solve for. He’s a great kitty and we all love him dearly. He’s been pretty healthy all these years and hopefully will continue to be for many more years. The pee situation had really been awful, since I spend so much time downstairs. Hoping this will lead to him stopping that practice so we can get the smell to subside more and more. Grateful to have discovered this and that Ajax is basically aok.
5/2/24: Met with a woman from the East Providence Mayor’s office about grant funding. Specifically, I’m thinking about this possibility to join forces with Dena and occupy a space in her new building. We’d put in a studio of some sort and figure out a way to have a mobile rig to send out into the community as well. It’s exciting and if we can get funded for such a project it’s probably worth doing. In either case, it felt good to continue the process of immersing myself in this new world and making positive connections and bringing more opportunities to the table to serve more kids and cities.
I got approved for a prescription of Wegovy, one of those new GLP’s designed to curb appetite. It’s scary and exciting at the same time. I’ve had such a struggle this past 18 months on the wellness side, mentally and physically. I went from never wanting to take regular medications, to taking 2 every day for over a year now. That experience (despite the side effects of gaining weight and lethargy) has been for the best. I definitely feel more like ‘me’ on the emotional side, and at least at first, it was a direct result of taking the meds. That experience opened me up to the idea of medical help in these ways. It’s not that I want to be reliant on drugs for everything, but it showed me that in some cases it’s actually a valuable/worthwhile path to being better. There’s a lot of hoops around getting the script, but Firefly has been pretty great in helping guide me. I’ve now got the script and it seems affordable, which had me worried from some of my reading. Many pharmacies are backordered, but I’m on a list from CVS and also have the option to look elsewhere for an in stock supply while I wait. Anxious to see where this takes me and I’m doing my best to bundle it with working on my behavioral issues in parallel. I realize simply taking it won’t ‘fix’ what’s causing me to over consume. That said, if it helps me jumptstart myself towards the path and I can manage to turn that momentum into life changes, it will be extraordinary. Grateful to live in a time when these options exist and to be able to have insurance and the financial ability to use them.
4/30/24: Connected with an artist named JoiBeatz, who came through Rilla. I want to try and uncover some female hip-hop professionals that I might be able to bring into BB&B, should we be lucky enough to land that gig. There’s far fewer women, at least in my experience, who have both the performer and engineer/production combo. I think it may help us better understand the female POV and show the kids what a talented female role model looks like.
I had a zoom call with Dena, who runs the NB Co-Creative Space I visited a few weeks back. She’s really smart and resourceful and is much further along the path of grant funding and community relationship building. She gave me some good insight and also connected me via email with a friend of hers who works for East Providence and has funding opportunities. I really like the idea of putting down roots someplace and investing in a specific region, possibly investing in a studio and bringing in local kids to use the space. It’s a big idea and something I’d have to consider carefully before jumping in, but kinda feels like a logical step in the journey. Thankful for meeting Dena and Kyle and having more folks I can learn from.
In the afternoon, I got an email from Kyle copying me on a response he had from one of the grant proposals he’s sent out. It was from the ED of Levitate Foundation and it was Krissy Kennedy! I know her through Dave, who I used to work with at Upromise. Both of them actually ran one year for team Rawkstars at Falmouth, so she’s got first hand knowledge about Rawkstars and our long history. Levitate is a smaller / new foundation, but is associated with a cool local company that supports the arts. They also have created a successful music festival over the last 10 years in Marshfield. There’s a ton of synergy here and I could barely sleep last night thinking about the potential. I’d love to see if they might come on as a sponsor for the BBB video series, funding those stories. Of course that would bring lots of exposure for us to their audience, but open up other potential partnerships related to their festival or other events. I’m truly thankful to have such a positive, wide network that’s developed around RS and to see those relationships return in interesting ways.
4/29/24: Band practice. Jam was meh, but I was able to setup beforehand to record again. I shied away from it the last few jams because it was too distracting and I felt like my focus suffered. This time it was pretty easy. I was able to wire everything up before everyone came and it worked without incident. The new arrangement in the room continues to be a big improvement, which took the pressure off me. I got quick levels while we warmed up, hit record and basically let it fly. I spent maybe 30 minutes last night going through a rough mix and it sounded decent. Our playing wasn’t amazing but I was able to get it sounding ok with minimal effort. I still need a ton of work learning the interface and simple navigation, but that will come in time. Grateful to have some creative juice around recording and taking small steps feels good!
4/28/24: Went out last night with Lisa’s friend Leigh and her hubby Chuck. We took them to PVD and had a nice dinner at Oyster Bar. It was fun to hang outside of the house and with some new folks. Thankful we can afford such activities and to have so many cool people to connect with. Bruins are up 3/1 in their first round series with Toronto. Playoff hockey is always awesome and brings joy to watch, especially when Boston is involved. Had a good call with a second grant writer I may have mentioned below. Veronica is taking point to search for some grants for us, hopefully some stuff on the larger side, 5 figures +. She seems quite competent and will be a good foil for Kyle, who has a lot of energy but feels a bit less buttoned-up. Hopeful that this combo will be fruitful for us and that some funding will come our way over the next several months to increase our runway!
4/26/24: Met two new potential Rawkstars kids/moms the last two days. There was Sahar, who is a single mom with 2 kids currently in music at Mockingbird. She had been getting some financial support but her daughter aged out. She seemed really cool and worthy. I spoke with Mark who confirmed the same. Then I met Esther and Jose. Jose has some congenital kidney defect that will require a transplant at some point. They were both very friendly and smiley despite the challenges. I believe she also mentioned the husband was on disability for a work injury. He’s very young but I’m inclined to give him a shot especially given his family’s rough circumstances. Regardless of outcome for either short or long term, I’m blessed to have the chance to meet these folks and potentially offer them some small measure of support. I’m very fortunate to be in such a position.
4/25/24: KCS aired yesterday and it was fun seeing myself. I felt pretty good about it, though I definitely was speaking really fast. Each of these opportunities gives me the chance to improve at something that’s difficult and I’m thankful for that. It was pretty low-key and I watched with Lisa and Q. I got just a few texts but heard from Paul Wabrek. He’s usually pretty subdued and we don’t talk very often, so it meant a lot as he said he was proud to be my friend. That felt kinda awesome and made it all worth it from one comment.
4/24/24: Unexpected events yesterday that I’m really thankful for. I finally connected with Tina, who is the regional DYS director overseeing Goss, the bldg in Taunton where I worked last year. We’ve been playing tag but she said she had some time and I went down. She was super cool and the conversation kicked off interestingly. She told me that some of the women on the unit had ‘concerns’ about us because the prior program contained lots of misogyny and questionable language. It was a fair criticism and I wasn’t too surprised to hear it. I told her so and tried to outline some of the factors that went into it without being a blamer. I do believe it’s an area we need to figure out, as it’s rampant in this space and each facility is going to have different levels of tolerance. Part of the reason I’m so hyped to get back into DYS and/or RITS, is so we can mature our program to a higher level, and increase my own expertise on these kinds of things. It’s the only way to get better and I’m happy to take responsibility for that. Anyways, we had a super productive meeting, along with the gentleman who runs rec programming there, who I hadn’t met before. We sat in one of the studios, which have all be redone and look great. I gleaned a bit of insight about the process internal to DYS also, which made me feel good, since it’s really been a black box. It feels like Tina will be a champion for Rawkstars and integral to our getting started. Noble is also working on reconnecting me with Sako, as I really want to share our new materials with him. I really am thankful for all this and every month that passes gives me more of a feeling of progress.
4/23/24: Had a conversation with my Firefly doctor about the GLP meds now available. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and actually got a push from Lisa to check into it. She listens to lots of media about health, fitness, body, etc. and described how they work as less like a drug and more like strengthening something your body already does. It’s been a genuine struggle for me since my breakdown at the beginning of 2023. That started me on the SSRI meds, which I was/am super grateful for, and made an almost immediate difference for me. But, one side effect has been weight gain. It’s a vicious cycle, because as I’ve gained weight, my energy has also decreased pretty significantly, which of course leads to malaise and lack of movement. I know everyone says they can keep weight off if only they could drop it, and it’s almost never true. I may be fooling myself here too, but am kinda desperate for some help. I don’t know the outcome of the process for insurance approval, etc. but my doctor said he was going to start the process. I should know more in the next few days but regardless I’m thankful that I at least took this step. I’m also thankful for Lisa’s support in this area where she is more knowledgable than I am.
4/22/24: Great rehearsal yesterday. The sound in our studio has been great the last couple times, since I had Chuck and Crissy re-orient their amps. Dunno why it took me so long, but thankful I got us here now. I’ve been foregoing the recording stuff lately so I can focus on my own playing. I’m planning to revisit that now that things feel more stable with the PA and I’m thankful that I have the time, equipment and passion to dive deeper into this area. Lisa and I went out for a beer with Chuck and Jim afterward and had some laughs. They’re both great guys, friends and people. I’m grateful to have know both of them since forever and even more now that we are playing music together.
4/21/24: Still hanging onto the glow from hearing the news about the grant. I thought of it a lot yesterday and shared the news with the family. It’s giving me a sense of calm, knowing that I have time to continue the journey I’ve started and I really cannot express the way that changes my POV, rightly or otherwise.
Lisa and I went to the movies last night. We grabbed food/drinks beforehand and it was nice. Movie wasn’t amazing, but I always enjoy going to the theater and watching something on that scale, especially now that the theaters are so comfy. I’m thankful we still enjoy each others company and don’t need to do anything grand to feel content and thankful.
4/20/24: Had lunch yesterday with Dave Y., his wife Marcie and John & Lee Valliancourt, who makeup the board of GBKF. They’ve been our biggest (and only) foundation funder of Rawkstars and super generous, plus easy to deal with! I shared my deck and video with Dave and he in turn passed to them. I had never met them in person, despite lots of conference calls (pre-zoom) and emails. They seemed like a nice couple and we had a great conversation. I guess it was kind of an audition of sorts, to have them hear from me directly instead of using Dave as a conduit. I felt comfortable, and didn’t prepare anything. Just talked about what I love doing. Apparently it felt great for them too as I got a text this morning from Dave saying they agreed to fund our Beats, Bars & Beyond efforts to the tune of $29k! That’s certainly our largest single donation ever and I’m having a hard time processing what it means. I’ve budgeted Rawkstars for 2024 & 2025 and have been tracking progress since the beginning of this year. The budget includes my new ED salary, slated for $24k this year and $36 next year. Modest for sure but hugely impactful for our family, since this isn’t a client I need to worry about going away. This gift all but ensures continued salary through the next 2 years, but extends the ‘runway’ for me to find other sources of income and build from a position of stability and strength. When Dave messaged me after I thanked him, he said GBKF is in the business of betting on people, more than programs and that I was one of the best. Truly humbling to hear something like that and I pledge to live up to their confidence by making this program the best it can be.
4/18/24: Had a super light day with almost no meetings. I didn’t take full advantage though I did get some reading in, and spent some time outside. I walked Massasoit for the first time in forever, and met up with Paul Spence. He’s always been a great guy and one of those people that no matter how long we go without seeing each other, it feels like yesterday. He got laid off back in January and I didn’t know until now. He seems aok and is a steady type guy anyways. That said, I know how much it can fuck with you and I was glad to chat and share some of my own experiences. Thankful to have great friends like him around, even if I don’t see them often.
Shared the KCS news with ppl on social yesterday and got an outpouring of love and support. I really hate social media but admittedly, that type of thing feels good. I guess that’s a big part of what keeps people surfing and constantly looking for that dopamine hit. I’d love to fully unplug, but have at least made it a really minute part of my life. It’s bad for the world and I don’t want to be part of the negative impact.
4/17/24: I ran a demo of Scribl for about 20 Sony employees yesterday. It was a semi-difficult meeting, since I presented to a board room of about 15 people and another 5-6 remote from other timezones. It was made tougher by only having 30 minutes. That said, I think it went pretty well. I did have some tech issues with Teams and even the game towards the end. Luckily I don’t think too many noticed and I was able to ‘fail gracefully’ as we say in the software biz. I was appreciative that Matt asked me to run it, since he was tied up with his kids. Jeff and Eric also seemed pretty happy. Thankful for continuing to be an asset for this team.
In the afternoon I had a follow up meeting with Kyle and Dena, who I met a few weeks back in New Bedford. They told me about a grant proposal they have active with East Providence, to create a workspace for artists in EP. Sounds like there is synergy and potential for Rawkstars to jump into it. I’ve thought several times over the years about a formal HQ but it seemed like too much work. Now I’m following this ‘pathless path’ and am welcoming of any and all things that cross my world. Dunno if it will go anywhere, but regardless, collaborating with them has already proven to be valuable and I’d be thrilled to contribute to their effort. They both seem to know a good amount about local government grants and I have almost zero knowledge in that space. Grateful for all the goodwill and friends Rawkstars continues to make.
4/16/24: I felt a tiny bit more mindful yesterday than I have lately. It was a really nice day here so perhaps that helped? I had to drive to Pawtucket and had a productive morning seeing everyone at P/L HQ. Always enjoy seeing them and reconnecting. Things are going well there, slow and steady. They’re building bits of momentum and hopefully the winds can remain at their back for a while so they can build up some reserves and runway. Lisa was in a particularly good mood and we sat outside for a bit soaking up the sun, which felt really nice. I’m behind on lots of small work tasks I need to tackle so I’m hopeful today will bring me momentum and some energy.
4/15/24: Visited Boston yesterday with Sue Kast. I bought tickets to the Auschwitz exhibit downtown and brought Sue along as I figured she would appreciate. I picked her up in the morning and we drove in and chatted. She’s easy to talk with and I enjoyed the company and change of pace. I made reservations at a brunch place nearby and it was delish. I got fried chicken and french toast, just because it’s something I never get. We walked and it was quite nice out. The exhibit itself was pretty cool. Of course it was heavy, but the place being super full and stuffy on such a nice day made me want to go through it more quickly than others. I’ve always been fascinated by that period of time and have read many books on it. I visited Dachau when I was in Germany with FW in the 90s and I’ve learned about several artists from that period. It’s scary how an entire population can be rallied around such hate and that the outcome could nearly wipe out an entire race of people, mine! I’m thankful for being able to learn about history in this way and that I was able to spend the day with a good friend.
4/14/24: Had a zoom call with a girl named Allie that was referred to me by Greg Alonge. She’s pretty musical and had previously sent me some of her tracks. She seems quite talented and I’m hopeful to bring her into the studio and perhaps set her up with a home recording package afterward. Greg told me she has harsh circumstances, from extreme poverty to depression. That said when we talked, she seemed quite engaged and talkative, moreso than many kids I meet for the first time through Rawkstars. Anyways, I’m so thankful to have crossed paths with Allie and am hopeful I can arrange something for her at SoundLab. Thinking about bringing Jazzmyn into the fold as a co-producer, since my guess is having a female along would help her feel comfortable. Also might present a cool possibility to do a second BBB video in the series to highlight Jazz and Allie working together. Of course all this will cost money, but I’m hopeful that will work itself out as I move ever slowly along the path to keeping Rawkstars and GGP alive. Grateful to be in position to meet kids like Allie and have the chance to make an impact on them through music.
4/13/24: Had a great call with another freelance grant writer. She seemed quite seasoned and I liked her vibe. The time is now for me to keep pushing to make Rawkstars all it can be and make it my life’s work. I don’t need to conquer the world or make a million dollars. I simply want to keep running programs like the ones we have in place, serving more kids in our community and taking a fair paycheck to keep my life basically the way it already is. I’ve got Kyle doing some fund work and now I’ll have Valerie. They both seem very different and I don’t see the harm in working with both and seeing what arises.
I also got some email volleys with RITS about the BBB program. While it doesn’t seem they can afford what I pitched them, I offered to run a program at whatever cost they could afford. I think there is a ton of value in doing this and if we can learn and grow it will eventually lead to profits. At minimum, it will allow us to further the concept and continue making connections in the industry, and paying some teachers/speakers with someone else’s money. We’re going to have to wait until July to start with $10k, but Heather said by March of next year she should be able to increase to $20k. I’m very thankful for the opportunity to work with her, Larome and team and know it will be a great collaboration, even if it’s a break even proposition at best.
I participated in a group interview for a nonprofit leadership certificate program. It was cool but I’m not sure if I’ll make the cut. Even if I did, I’m not 100% convinced it’s the best use of my time. I know I would learn some things and meet some cool people, but I’m doing that already. I’ve long had a weird relationship with formal education. I basically have little and though I don’t have regrets about not taking the college route, there are times when I wish I had some more of this to bolster my credentials and expertise and opportunities. Regardless, I’m glad I attended and we’ll see how it goes. Either way, I know I’ll continue to kick the tires on stuff like this, and make choices where it seems right.
4/12/24: Finally had a connect with Jon Hope yesterday. He and I met last year and I felt like we really hit it off. I had started to formulate a plan to work together on BB&B and leverage his amazing abilities as an educator and hip-hop entrepreneur. We had difficulty following up and it never came together, which eventually led me to Jazzmyn. In any event, he’s heavily connected with DYS and Katie and is leading up some research about the studio project and how to set it up, etc. Of course, that’s hugely important to me and probably my #1 goal for 2024. We had a great call and as before, felt really aligned on basically everything. My hope is we can partner so he can help lead the program design and overview and I can support with that as well as the day to day operations and administration of the program long-term. I really want to team up with Jon, beacuse I genuinely believe we could work together and make something beautiful together. Fingers crossed we can make progress on this and Rawkstars can be a real asset here. It felt good to finally reconnect and leave with some positive momentum after a long period of quiet.
4/11/24: Spent some time early catching up on the KCS follow-ups. I thanked everyone and told a couple people low-key like. I’ll of course be talking about it publicly at some point soon, but need to give it a few days to think about how/when/what to say. Also hopeful I can get some assets from the show to share with whatever I decide to writeup. Still feeling quite blessed about all that and recounting to other people has been positive.
Things are heating up on the PeaceLove side and there is more than ever to do. I’m thankful for that and want to keep that going, since it’s more or less subsidizing my ability to work on Rawkstars, etc. and still keep up with my financial duties. I’m also glad the project itself continues to improve, regardless of the money side. Matt, Jeff, Eric and the program team are genuinely cool people and I want them to achieve their own financial and personal goals of scaling PeaceLove / Scribl. Being a small part of that ride feels right and I’ll always be thankful for the faith Matt/Jeff showed in me and continue to demonstrate. Me = lucky.
4/10/24: Holy crap. So Q and I got to the studio at 30 Rock and were immediately treated to the VIP experience. It felt pretty darn good I must say and I felt great pride in being able to have Quincy along to experience it too. After getting settled in the green room backstage, they had these monitors and other materials setup with ‘Heart: Songs & Stories’ everywhere. I took it to mean that the episode was focused around these heartfelt stories from nonprofits like Rawkstars and others. Umm, it turned out that fucking Ann & Nancy Wilson were appearing on the episode! Not only appearing, but the entire hour was basically an acoustic concert with them & Kelly performing a bunch of Heart classics on the set with no accompaniment. I could hardly contain myself and Quincy too, since he is also a big fan of Heart as is Erin. I got prepped by a few producers about the run of show, like last time, but I felt some much more comfy, not having too much time to think ahead of it. It also felt less pressured because I wasn’t being interviewed on the couch and was just giving a brief update on Rawkstars since our original show appearance. They brought us out on the set and gave us the royal treatment, so everyone in the studio was checking us out. We had a bunch of cool people seated around us and they asked a lot about Rawkstars and had such nice things to say. Again, having Q next to me was awesome during all of this. The taping was much cooler this time since I was actually in the audience watching instead of being backstage stressing about my segment. I got to speak 3rd out of 4 which turned out to be perfect. It gave me a few chances to see the other folks go through their parts and allowed me a chance to settle in and breathe and frame up loosely what I was gonna say. When it came to me I felt loose and confident. I stood up and had Kelly, Ann, Nancy and a room full of crew and audience members entirely focused on me. I gave my brief intro, talked about Rawkstars and the new Beats, Bars & Beyond program, then thanked Kelly and inserted some funny quips (of course 🙂 — once it was over I got a huge ovation which just felt amazing. A few minutes later the stage manager came out and said we had to re-shoot it because there was some shadow or something on the shot?! Instantly I was like WTF, since I felt so good about what I said, but of course, the show must go on. In hindsight it was even cooler, since I was able to get even more time standing in front of the crowd and of course Kelly + Heart and got to re-tell my schpiel again. It was just about as good as take #1 and I mixed it up a bit while again getting a few laughs. I was hopeful we would meet Ann & Nancy afterward, since they had the dressing room right next to ours. Unfortunately, that didn’t work out and I didn’t want to be pushy with the producers, who had been so gracious to us throughout the process. It also felt a bit greedy since we had already been treated to the experience of a lifetime, so we simply left uneventfully and with gratitude.
The whirlwind trip was cool and I had a great time sharing it with Q. When we arrived in NYC, the solar eclipse was happening. I honestly didn’t even know it was taking place that afternoon but as we rolled into Times Square, we were surrounded on every street by hordes of people looking up to the sky with those glasses on. The event itself wasn’t really spectacular from that vantage point, but somehow having that happen in the exact window we pulled up felt like the universe speaking. We got pizza of course which was awesome. We tried to visit Rudy’s Guitar Shop but got there after it closed. I took Q up to the One World Observatory, which was kinda cool and something I wanted to do last time we were there but didn’t have time for. Beyond all that as we were getting ready to head back home, I texted with Dennis Brennan and he told us to swing by his office, which is Q Prime, home of Metallica and many others. The place itself is modest but overflowing with Metallica memorabilia, Ross Halfin originals, guitars and a million little bits of music history. Den hooked up Q with some vinyl and we just sat around and shot the shit with Dennis and his co-workers at the office. It was nice and although it made us hella late in driving back, it extended the time we had together and turned out to be even better. We drove back in traffic, listened to tons of music, talked, grabbed crappy rest stop snacks and got home wiped out and late. Wouldn’t change a second of it. So grateful and blessed.
4/9/24: So I’m writing from a hotel lobby here in times square, about 2 hours from taping another segment for the Kelly Clarkson Show. As mentioned below, it came up organically and with little fanfare. The following day after I got the initial tire kicking call, they wrote back saying they wanted me to come. I was surprised. Not only hearing from them to begin with, but cutting through all the red tape from last time and simply being asked to return. So I booked a room, and brought Q along to have a fun day in NYC and experience the show with me. Super thankful of course for the opportunity, but also to share it with my boy. We tooled around a bit yesterday, nothing crazy. We tried to go to a guitar shop, but got there after it closed, which was a bummer, especially for Quincy. I bought tix for us to see the One World space atop the new trade center and it was kinda cool. Not as spectacular as being outside like when we did it at Rockefeller last time, but still kinda neat. We ubered around and did a good amount of walking. Of course we grabbed pizza, which is always a cool thing here in NYC and I’m glad the show is far less of a ‘big deal’ than last time. I haven’t told anyone, except a couple people I had to cancel plans with and having no time to stew or think too much about it is a good thing. I don’t expect the segment to be very long, probably just a minute or two. I’m planning to simply give an update about our increase in enrollments, our 20th anniversary and of course Beats, Bars & Beyond launching. I’m also not expecting to get a check like last time, though of course that would be HUGELY helpful. Just getting the chance to tell Kelly and the viewers about Rawkstars is hella special and I won’t be bummed no matter what else comes, even if it’s nothing. It’ll give me a chance to share another cool experience with the Rawk Faithful, which always yields positive results in the long run. Feeling blessed on this journey and proud for being able to take additional steps all the time.
4/6/24: Got a second pair of tires for my car. I just got the front done a few weeks back, but I knew I’d need the others soon and decided to just get it done. Aziz as usual was awesome. I’m thankful for guys like him in the community and also my car is riding awesome now! I always loved driving it and almost forgot how nice it could feel and the tires make a big difference. Grateful I can afford such a vehicle and keep it maintained.
Went out with Lisa last night to see some of her boys perform with their Journey tribute band. Band was meh, but we had fun. All 4 guys from her new project were there and I think she enjoyed connecting with them socially. We ran into some friends of course and a few people recognized Lisa and told her she was awesome. I was happy for her and I know that’s something she misses greatly. I’m hopeful she can find a band situation with awesome players, people and opportunities. She deserves it so much and I know just about every band would be proud to have her as a front woman.
Soooo, when we came back from Mexico, the following day I got an email from a producer at Kelly Clarkson Show, asking me ‘how things were going’ and telling me she watched my old episode?! I also had a voicemail and got back to her of course. We talked briefly and they were looking to bring back a couple past guests for a special Birthday episode, having folks give an update on things since their original appearance. I emailed her with the BBB stuff of course and told her I was available to travel to NYC on short notice. Thankfully the show now tapes there instead of LA, so it’s not super difficult/expensive to make happen. Anyways, after a couple volleys on email and text, she called to confirm they want me to come! I’m pretty sure it’s going to be a very small blip with me and a few others in the audience being asked for a short update. That said, I’m of course honored and any recognition Rawkstars can get is valuable and special to me. I’m going to try and bring Quincy along, since that’s kind of a once in a lifetime thing and none of the family could come along with me last time. We’ll make a day of it, stay over, grab some awesome food and visit a music shop or two. I feel genuinely blessed and thankful for all that Rawkstars has brought and continues to bring into my life.
4/5/24: Big gap, been busy. Spent 5 days in Riviera Maya with Lisa! We wound up going to the same resort we visited a dozen years ago with Mikey, Alyssa, Steve and Steph. So funny and I didn’t even realize it until we arrived. Anyhow, we of course had an amazing time. Such a beautiful place and the weather was picture perfect. I managed my sunburn well enough and we had a bit of sex, which was overdue/nice. things have been pretty good and chill between Lisa and I lately, which feels great. Thankful we can still afford luxuries like this and that we enjoy each others company enough to go on trips like this alone.
I finally decided to ‘out’ myself online about Greater Good Project. I know it’s weird but in all this time, I never once posted about it or told more than a few close friends. I guess I was feeling imposter syndrome, which is definitely a real thing. I know I’ve mentioned getting more used to this over the last months but it really is true and becoming my personality. I’m making less than half what I made at Hasbro, but I’m inching forward. I just need one domino to tip and I could take another leap forward, while also having the impact and control over work that I’m wanting/getting. Hugely thankful, especially given where i was at the beginning of 2023.
3/27/24: Got paid for the Wiring Right site yesterday, after a long stretch of trying to get that over the line. It was a nice payday and came at a great time. With my new accounts up and running and connected, I was able to deposit the money into our slush and move a bit of it to my biz account for taxes just as fast. I know it sounds silly but this is a great improvement for me and allows me to forget about the whole process of timing everything, which is a load off my mind. I’ve also been communicating with the grant writer I met a few days back. He’s moving quickly to submit some small grants, which makes me happy. Even getting $10k in grants per year would be a huge improvement and I’m hopeful getting our materials and stories together will lead us to even more. Still no word from RITS on my BBB proposal, but I did get a communication from Heather telling me they were meeting on it internally. I’m feeling hopeful though trying to not set myself up for a crash if they decline. I’m going to continue pushing for funding and opportunity to bring the program to local kids because I believe in it very much and doing the work feels right.
3/26/24: Did something I never thought I’d do yesterday. Added another bank account over at Citizens?! We’ve done our personal banking there for 20+ years. I wanted to switch years ago after some crappy service interactions with the local branch, but Lisa does the bill paying and wants to keep things static. I get that and know change can be a pain, so we’ve cruised along. When I started my LLC, I went with a fintech bank, which started ok, but then I ran into some issues with transfers taking 8 biz days and being limited to $3k in deposits each week. Both of those were causing me huge delays in cashing checks and getting money from clients -> invoice -> payment -> deposit to LLC -> funds into our slush account. So I swallowed my pride and moved my LLC banking there. I must admit it instantly made things better, and all that nonsense should be over now. I’ll be getting a series of checks next week and I expect to be able to do everything in one day, that was taking 3 weeks before. Even though that was mostly passive time waiting, it was something I was always checking and keeping mental track of. Removing that will be awesome. Thankful I sucked it up and took the path of least resistance.
3/25/24: Bella came by on Saturday unexpectedly as she was bringing Courtney home from a concert they went to in NYC. She came by and wound up spending the night, as she had been driving a lot and it was pouring out. Always nice to have her around for a bit, even though I know she is more comfortable at her own place nowadays. I know we won’t have a ton more chances for all 4 of us to be together at home like that, so they are a real reminder of the opportunity to be in the present and enjoy what is. Her car needed a sticker, so I swapped cars with her and will return hers tomorrow morning, since I took care of it this morning. Another opportunity to complain about an extra task/expense or appreciate the chance to help Bella out with something that really isn’t a big deal for me.
3/24/24: Interesting/cool day yesterday with lots of old friends. Met up with Mayo who made plans with Paul Bobblet, our old good vibes friend. Haven’t seen him since literally 1990, which is crazy but true. He came back to town as he is traveling a bit after his wife’s passing from cancer. Despite that part, it was cool to see him and it was easy to talk. I invited along Jonathan Cardoni, who worked with us at GV. I thought he would dig it, as would the other guys and I think we all did. Paul was a good bass player with an eclectic taste in music, meaning it was different from mine 🙂
After I left town spa, I drove home, picked up Lisa and we went to meet the Stoughton Jew Crew. Nikki Smith invited us and a few times a year they all get together and hang. It was really nice to see all those guys, and some who I never really spent time with. Matt Gilman was there and I hadn’t seen him since getting whacked from hasbro. Marc Isveck and Cory Brown too, who were both friends wayyyy back in time. It felt fun to meet some new/old friends and mix things up. We talked about Gary Lorimer and Matt Simon, which was sad but also sweet for them to be remembered. I feel thankful to have maintained such longstanding relationships, even when they are unexpected and spontaneous.
3/22/24: Continuing to make small bits of progress and heighten my networking / reveal of BB&B to the world. It’s a slow burn but it feels good to feel like I’m inching closer. I also realized that I’m nearly approaching the 1 year anniversary of starting TheGreaterGoodProject. The incorporation date is 4/4 so that’s like 2 weeks away. Feels strange in some ways and makes me proud in another. Financially, I only officially cut the cord on unemployment I believe in June, so it’s more like 9 months or so of supporting myself exclusively from GG. Regardless of the exact length, I’m most proud for staying the course and continuing to remain (mostly) focused on making this work. It’s difficult to ignore the available corporate jobs and their titles and salaries. As time as worn on, I’ve been able to keep it at bay more easily. If I can get a domino to fall to help the funding of BBB/GGP, it would go a long way towards strengthening my confidence and giving me an even longer runway to keep working. Considering the horrific state of my emotional and physical well-being from early last year, I’m proud of how far it’s come in a relatively short amount of time. Grateful.
3/21/24: Met a contingent of folks from DYS over at SoundLab. I’m trying to help Rocky get a paid internship there and it seems to be coming together. Shane is a great guy and continues to be a source of inspiration for me to keep pushing. Jazz also came by and I feel similarly about her. I’m quite thankful to have crossed paths with both of them and for the potential of working together to advance each of our missions. Magda is coordinating it and she has been a great resource for me these past 18 months or so. I feel lucky.
3/20/24: Cruising through another week and Quincy turned 18 yesterday! The night before, we made a steak dinner at home for he and Erin. That’s his favorite meal. Afterward, I had spoken to Josh Letourneau via text and asked if he could round up Q’s crew to surprise him at Kev’s Ice Cream after dinner. So we headed down there and when we got out of the car, his boys all jumped out with a cake for him. He was clearly happy and it was nice to see them together, as I know some of them will move on soon after HS. They really are a great group. They’re close, they have fun and they also are responsible human beings. Of course there’s a bit of nonsense with 18 year old boys, but they really are a terrific group of people. So thankful Q has attracted so many positive people and surrounds himself with coolness.
3/18/24: Slacking here lately, but back today. Did a 3 day, no meat thing with Q over the weekend. It felt good and I always wished I had the conviction to go vegetarian, mainly because of the ethical angle, not that I think eating meat is bad for you. I know it doesn’t seem like much to go 3 days, but any kind of moderation of food is not simple for me. Thankful to have at least taken the tiniest step. Been an up/down week on the Rawkstars side. I continue to make inroads with RITS but got a negative response from the first proposals I sent over. Not knowing their budget was difficult, so I pushed on the side of making money, as I had an inkling that they had it to spend. After hearing back from Heather that it was too far out of their range, I reworked it with some modifications and chopped it down significantly. At the end of the day, I do want it to be profitable for Rawkstars, but also need to continue the work so we can get better at it, improve our resume and continue to make connections in these spaces. Fingers crossed we can agree on something so we can work on nailing down a start date and getting it up and running. Thankful to be continuing to learn and grow in this area of running the business.
Also connected with Dave M on a zoom call for over an hour. I’ve mentioned him before and I’m hopeful he can be a conduit for helping me connect more dots for this program. He’s got a ton of connections in the music/studio/hip-hop/gear world, so there are certain to be some interested folks in his network. I’ll need to get something formal in front of him, as he is a busy fucking guy to say the least. I floated the idea of taking on PAD as a consulting client of mine, and dedicating a few hours per week to help support some work on his side, and also pursue the BBB thing with us remaining in touch regularly about it. Regardless, I’m thankful to have Dave as a friend all these years. He’s a good dude who’s heart is in the right place. I think he’d be quite proud if he were able to support BBB getting some traction due to his influence.
3/12/24: Lots of activity lately on the PeaceLove side and yesterday was jamming. It’s been a good thing for me in many ways, which I’ve detailed several times here. I’m working a lot with Eric and he’s a really good dude, in addition to being resourceful and talented to work with. I’m grateful to have at least one work scenario where I get pushed on deadlines and have to partner with others to get shit done. I miss that energy from my days in corporate and this setup is perfect, as I have that feeling but it’s limited. I’m also really glad to have crossed paths with Matt and Jeff and all the girls there. They are really genuine people and I enjoy spending time with all of them. I’m lucky to have such a great setup going for myself, even if I’m making far less money.
3/11/24: Fam Jam yesterday for the March BDays. My mom was in a good mood as usual and she was of course happy to see us and the kiddos. Bella made the extra effort to drive down with Cam despite her crazy schedule, which was very nice. Erin also came by and although she is quiet, it adds to the positive vibe to have her with us. I’m thankful for my mom, even though our relationship over the years is far from perfect. I’m glad we’ve gotten to a point where we can laugh and be somewhat open with each other. She’s filled with love for me, Lisa, the kids, Randy and everyone, which is all you can really ask for, right?
3/9/24: Had an immensely satisfying day in the studio. Spent a few hours with Dave editing the BBB piece and am stoked with the result. I sent him some tiny edits to make today but I’m super proud of what we created. It’s always so satisfying to finish something creative and be this pleased with both the outcome and process. Can’t wait to share with the world and am thankful for the opportunities Rawkstars continues to present me.
I failed to mention a few days ago was Mr THS. Quincy was one of 10 contestants and although he didn’t win, it was a fun time. He spent a shitload of time preparing and practicing and it showed. He jammed guitar of course, but also was funny, did some dancing and of course leveraged his superior communication skills in a few segments. It felt nice to be at the school for one last hurrah in that gym, where we spent so many nights seeing Bella with the band and drama club. THS has been a great experience for all of us and I’m grateful for all it brought to our lives, especially the kiddos.
3/8/24: Whirlwind few days filled with lots of work and positive progress. Biggest news is I finally got back to RITS yesterday to meet with Larome, John and the team. John invited along Heather, who is the principal of the school and the one with access to program funding. She was very cool and seemed really interested in the program. She encouraged me to submit a proposal quickly, as the timing aligns with her budget/fundraising period. By the time I got home, I already had an email from the team and Heather’s grant administrator sent me paperwork to fill out and become an approved vendor for the state of R.I. I took that as a positive sign and took care of that right away. Last night and this morning I spent some time creating a proposal outline, following their directive to keep it short. I provided two options, a recommended version and an alternate. I did that because I really don’t have much of a gauge on the finances here. In all candor, I’d do the program even if was simply a break even proposal. I feel that strongly about it and also know that if we can really get things humming operationally, it will lead to better outcomes and more opportunity. That said, both versions of the proposal I submitted include + $24k for Rawkstars’ / my time. I also included what I think are solid payments for Jazzmyn, even though we haven’t had the chance to connect directly on that subject. With the overage, I could even afford to increase that amount should my assumption be far off the mark. Securing this contract would be a gigantic win for Rawkstars, BBB and me personally. I feel so connected with Larome and the folks at RITS and the facility is also really great, considering what its for. If we are able to pull this off, every kid in DCFS RI secure facility will have access to a music program. That would be a source of great pride and give BBB the best possible start to become the impactful program I believe it can be. Super thankful.
I also did an interview at the Brockton cable channel on behalf of volunteer month. Cid asked me to do it, along with her boss Armindo, who hosted the conversation. It was fun and although the platform is pretty limited, I was flattered to be asked. I also met some cool folks who were there doing the production and I know it was a win for Cid, which also makes me feel helpful. I really am grateful to be in position to be asked to speak on topics like philanthropy, volunteerism and social impact. It means a lot and I’m humbled.
3/5/24: Got myself to PVD office yesterday, which felt good. I haven’t been taking advantage of the space the last few months, mostly due to weather and the bridge traffic from the construction project. Was a nice reminder that I can be productive in a different kinda way when I take the effort to venture over. It was also a relatively nice day, so even the short walk around the river felt refreshing. Really thankful I’ve been able to maintain that space, afford it and spend time in an area I love.
3/4/24: Nice quiet day at home. Lisa and I took a walk, which was much needed. It was nice outside and it felt great to get some fresh air into my lungs that wasn’t freezing. Today is also temperate and I’m thankful to be at the precipice of the change to early spring. I know we’ll still have plenty of cold days, but the time change happens this weekend so the daylight will be a great benefit. It’s also just the emotional lift that comes from knowing the warmth is on its way, as well as baseball, which has always been a source of comfort for me 🙂
3/3/24: Soup challenge last night. Overdid it, as could have easily been expected. Had a pretty good time nonetheless and Lisa won again! Not sure why I can’t manage to get through even one day lately without eating to excess, but today is another opportunity to try. I’m happy for Lisa, even though it’s just a small acknowledgement. She had by far the best soup and is a great cook overall. The rest of us are just amateurs talking smack.
3/2/24: Second hookup with Jazzmyn yesterday and really dug into her curriculum, which is awesome. I went about reworking my deck to better highlight the workshop aspect and what makes BBB more than a simple music program. I’ve got time later next week with Larome and John, and it would be amazing if Jazzmyn could join us. Since it’s last minute that probably won’t happen but I definitely want to bring her into the fold for subsequent pitches and to continue honing and selling this program. With her and Noble involved with the program design and leadership, it’s feeling more powerful all the time. Still dunno if anyone will support, but I’m certainly feeling better about what we are creating and the artistry involved with working on it.
2/29/24: Had a great editing session at Massimoto yesterday. Got a draft together that I’m feeling good about. Aiming to sit with it a few days and then book another 2-4 hours to polish it up next week. I have a good feeling it’s going to be impactful and really help convey our thoughts, at least enough to get started and fingers crossed a sponsor. Feeling positive lately about the runway extending for my biz. P/L is steady and the Rawkstars thing is working out so far and I’ve got a 2 year budget I feel relatively confident about. I’ve been continuing to slow burn to disconnect from job hunting and feeling solid about where I’m going professionally. If I can get one of these dominoes to fall with DYS/RITS/Sponsorship, It will definitely give me more stability as well as personal satisfaction that I’m on the right path for me and the world.
2/27/24: As mentioned, yesterday started out great as I connected with Jazzmyn. I’ve got high hopes that she and I can work together on this as I believe she brings a ton to the table that I never could. I also spent time with Shane in person for the first time and also enjoyed meeting him. I learned more about the services SoundLab offers beyond studio time and it feels like a really synergistic time for us to have met. It feels good to have these irons in the fire and have a feeling like I’m generating momentum towards something. It’s one of the hard parts about being self-employed in that the markers of progress aren’t necessarily as clear. I’m grateful for meeting so many amazing people and for making me feel alive in the process.
2/26/24: Missed a few days, but things are inching along on lots of fronts. Band rehearsal Sunday. Wasn’t our/my best and I felt distracted by trying to get the recording / PA setup and sounding good. I had a really tough time getting the vox loud enough which is an ongoing battle, but was particularly rough yesterday. Managed to finally get them audible but giot really distracted and never really found my groove, literally. I did manage to record a bunch so I’m looking forward to doing some more mixing this week in between other stuff. Slow progress on BB&B also. Still trying to reset with Larome, but I’ve got Travis on board with the idea and I spent a really great hour with him last week. Meeting today with Shane from SoundLab finally and had an invigorating call with Jazzmyn Red, who I connected with on LinkedIn. Both seem like really valuable additions to this potential leadership group I’m putting together and I’m hopeful all this due diligence will roll up into some larger successes down the road for this program. Regardless, it’s really great meeting these folks and connecting with like-minded ppl who give a shit. I’m also feeling hopeful about the future of work / moneymaking for myself. It’s been a long road these last 14+ months transitioning to entrepreneurship, but feels better than it has before. The program side is coming together well and although it hasn’t translated into funding yet, my chances certainly feel more likely each week. Grateful.
2/21/24: Met Dave Y for a beer and lunch yesterday. Always easy to talk with, I enjoy catching up with him. It’s also good for me in terms of sharpening how I communicate about biz stuff. I worked up a proposal and asked him if I could present to the GBKF folks, in hopes of getting their financial support. I asked for $29k, which would allow me to launch a BBB program either at RITS, DYS or with SoundLab for some extended period of time. I’m tracking all three and hopeful each of them will come to be self-sufficient, but I need a way to kickstart and develop the program a little bit further to make it more attractive and profitable. I also connected with Noble, which I always enjoy and he continues to be a great source of support and inspiration for me and Rawkstars. Also thankful to live in an era where services like LinkedIn exist. I’ve been connecting with lots of cool people online lately, that I never would have been able to surface without the aid of technology. Grateful for continuing to build this runway to making BBB and all this my remaining work focus.
2/20/24: Had some productive P/L meetings yesterday and got my taxes down to Ed. I took time to calculate my mileage and some other things that have been sitting idle. Felt good to drop them off, even though I’m nervous slightly about the outcome financially. We’ve generally been good on taxes and typically got a return. With my new biz and all the variables this past year (severance, unemployment, 1099’s), I’m not really sure where it’s gonna land. Sat with Ed and caught up for a couple hours, which is always good. He’s still stuck health-wie, but almost always presents a good attitude, which is awesome. He certainly could complain and be grumpy about where he’s at, but does a good job of focusing on what he’s lucky for. Always enjoyed Ed’s company and glad we’re still friends.
2/18/24: Our soup contest got deferred last night as Dave took a spill on the ice the night before. Most of us still went over to Mike’s but nobody brought soup. Anyways, I’m glad to have gone with Lisa as she had a negative experience with hanging herself a few weekends back. We didn’t stay too late and I didn’t go over the cliff with eating, which I’m thankful for.
2/17/24: Met with Magda and Daryl about doing some work with Rocky, the DYS kid I brought in to watch the session last week. I’m hoping to get some more contract work from them, and continue to kick the tires on this work, getting more experience. Practiced a bit and dusted off some older songs to try and liven things up.
2/15/24: Kept the ball rolling and spent a little more time on my mix. So psyched that I’ve taken the initiative to finally fuck around with this shit. Had a dentist appt in the afternoon for a cleaning, which I actually enjoy. The feeling of scraped teeth is satisfying to me and I’m grateful to live in a time/place where these visits are beyond routine. My meeting this morning with Larome and John @ RITS got pushed to next week :/ bummer, but after months another week isn’t going to hurt and might give me extra time to solidify my pitch even further.
2/14/24: Yesterday I spent several hours learning to use Logic! As mentioned below, we recorded rehearsal on Sunday with Quincy helping me get everything going. So I had this file sitting there and started messing around with it. In short order, I started figuring out where things were and how to use some of the features. It was clunky to be sure and I’ve got no delusions that I know wtf I’m doing, but it’s been such a hurdle for me over the years to even dive in and simply try, so it felt pretty fucking awesome. Also, I think I did a solid job of coming out with a decent mix, especially given the spontaneous nature of the rehearsal, recording with no frills and just starting to tinker. I got that feeling of being lost in work that comes when I’m doing creative stuff like designing, web, video, etc. Really grateful.
2/13/24: Snow is falling today. Everyone is home and it’s a beautiful sight. I’m thankful for our home, which features a large bay window in teh living room. Sitting in front of it is really nice on days like this and although I sit there most mornings and have coffee, I take it for granted. The snow makes everything extra quiet and still. If you haven’t experienced that because of geography, it’s definitely something to behold experiencing being in this realm.
2/12/24: HM practice yesterday for the first time in 3 months! Felt good to see everyone and of course to play. We ran through a new tune, Leroy Brown, which sounded great. It was hard for me to learn but it felt good jamming it and of course everyone else had it no problem. It was also the first time we’ve rehearsed since I took the mixer out of the setup. We used Logic to monitor vox and kick drum, same as what we had before coming through the PA, while also mic’ing everything else and recording a few tunes through. I don’t expect it to be awesome sounding but it’s a tiny step forward and I’m thankful for progress. Q helped me get it setup of course and it’s nice to be able to have his support in this area until I get more confident.
2/11/24: Studio session with Jaiquann and Noble yesterday was really great. They came down with a whole posse, a few cousins and friends and it was a fun hang. They were rolling blunts before I even got in the room and brought a bunch of tequila and soda mixed drinks. All cool guys and Jaiquann is pretty talented. I interviewed him and Noble in two different spots and Renan shot the whole thing so of course it will look great! Having Josh around to engineer and produce everything was again terrific and I’m thankful to have connected with him. I really trust him as a person and his skills in the studio are equally strong. Got a good little team going and thankful for the time together to make something beautiful, creative and hopefully impactful. I’ll be looking for time this next week or so to edit.
2/10/24: Finally took time to sit down and learn Leroy Brown yesterday. Since we’re rehearsing this weekend, I must have felt a sense of responsibility and pushed myself. I honestly don’t know why I procrastinate so badly, especially on things I think I should give a shit about, like music and health. It’s a strange phenomenon and looking for a solution is most likely part of the problem. Made more progress with the P/L project and inching closer to nailing requirements for our new game version. I think it’s going to be a big step forward, although certainly not the end. If it’s going to be successful, it will be a constant process of test/learn/build and also require a shift to supporting clients, figuring out how to increase activation and all that comes along with having a product which is being offered. Thankful for little moments of feeling productive on that end and enjoying the company of people I enjoy while doing it.
Today is studio day for the first BBB project session! I’m really excited for lots of reasons and digging into this feels good. I haven’t spent a ton of time preparing (see above about my procrastination skills) but I’ve done this enough to know that I can figure it out as it unfolds. Maybe I need to stop trying to change that and embrace the fact that it’s how I am and has worked well so far?!
2/9/24: Spent a bit of time with Rob Rizzo yesterday at his place, catching up over coffee. He’s such a great guy and I’m thankful we became friends over the years. His wife Beth is also super nice and has been looking for work the last several months. They both used to be higher ups a Digitas, and life has changed for all of us. They’re super generous and friendly people and Riz gave me some confidence with regards to my pitch deck and materials for BBB. I’m headed into the studio tomorrow to work on the music and video stuff, which will be the next piece of the puzzle. Once I have that edited and put together with a written piece and some pics, I should have what I need to try and sell this fucking thing. Grateful to work on creative stuff and to have supportive friends.
2/8/24: Connected with Bob Mayo on zoom last night and we talked again about jamming together. He floated the idea of either doing the whole album thing, or taking a non-metal record and doing it hard. It’s both scary and exciting for me. Playing with Bob would be / has been awesome. He’s truly one of the best players I know and certainly one of the best writer/player/performers. We’ve known each other forever and depending on who else we recruited it could be pretty epic. I know it would require me to step up on the practice side and commit more time to practicing. It’s something I’ve always told myself but never was forced into doing, at least not for an extended time. We’ll see where it goes but it’s kinda cool to even be talking about it.
2/7/24: Quietish day at home yesterday. I usually have one of those per week now, as Lisa goes into the office and Q is still in school. I’ve kinda adjusted to digging it and keeping myself busy and occupied. I always keep it mellow and take time to meditate and also read. Participated in a call with the P/L Advisory Board that has recently formed. I’m grateful to be part of it and Dolph is also in the group, which of course is awesome. Dunno where the next several months will go here, but it’ll either result in some infusion of cash to keep things moving, or it will go under. Hoping the former and I’m glad to be here helping make that result more likely.
I had a zoom last night with Josh and Jaiquann, the crew I’m taking into the studio this weekend. Jaiquann is Noble’s son, and also a good rapper. He’s in college now and hasn’t made music in a few years apparently, so I’m taking him into SoundLab for a 4-hour session which Josh will engineer/produce. He’s not the typical ‘underserved’ Rawkstars kid, but as I’m trying to launch this program series around Beats, Bars & Beyond, it’s a great kickoff project that fills a unique perspective. Jaiquann hasn’t been incarcerated, but has lived as a child of a parent who was for quite some time, and is now thriving in society. I think they have such an amazing story together, I want to capture it in the context of music making. I also need a piece that I can pair with my pitch deck, to make a run at a sponsorship for this ongoing program. The thought is to do one of these stories with a justice involved youth, and create assets that can be branded with BBB as well as the sponsor of course. I’m hoping the deck, plus our track record, plus the video will be a powerful package. From there, I need to figure out how to get in front of enough people at the level who can make it happen and keep trying until something clicks. Beyond all the potential, program, income, etc. that might come but might not, it’s just something that will be fulfilling for my soul. Nothing seems to get me hooked as much as making things like videos, music or design. Those are the times when I get lost in myself and really feel accomplished. So worst case, scenario, I’m building a portfolio of assets that I will be proud of having made and that will be a great reward. If it results in helping more kids have a similar experience down the road, it will be a humungous victory.
2/6/24: Good session at the gym yesterday. Went despite my resistance telling me to stay home and that’s a huge win. I’m trying to develop better habits and moving plus eating real foods as much as possible are the big two. Thankful for some clarity and even more for getting back up after a weekend when I didn’t behave as mindfully a I could have.
2/5/24: Took Q last night to PPAC to see Jordan Peterson. We got him tix for Xmas as I know he listens to that podcast sometimes and he’s shared some videos with me. I didn’t love it and don’t really understand what JP is all about. That said, I was psyched to go with Q and thankful that he’s interested in pushing his thinking and looking for thought leaders. One the ride home and after, we spent a lot of time talking about philosophy and religion, which was really cool. He’s such a smart person and I enjoy connecting with him on intellectual discussions.
2/4/24: Missed a few entries. Bella came down for the night and went to a comedy show with Lisa, Olga, Donna and Tina. They had fun and I’m thankful to have all those women in my family and that they enjoy each others company enough to make social plans. Q had his first discovery flight yesterday and he was pretty pumped afterward. It was cool seeing him fly but also his excitement level afterward. Proud of the kid and for getting himself on this path and making progress. Bella told us all about her Cabo extravaganza, which sounded incredible. She also told us she is heading to Florida with her work friend, Erin next month. She’s most definitely a travel lover and I’m glad for that. I do wish she would have paid off her Assumption debt before taking the apartment and all the other trips, but I understand it’s less of a priority for her than it might be for me. She also seems to be doing great with work, Cam, and having a fun life. #proudofthekids
1/31/24: Continuing the quiet, mellow, mindful days and I was home alone for some time. I had an off day for the gym, even though I could have made time for it. Been reading a good book called Just Mercy, about the death penalty and some specific cases. It’s really good, even if the subject matter is awful. Thankful for being able to read as much as I want and learn about and endless array of topics. Also thankful I’ve been prioritizing reading a bit more lately and looking to make that an even bigger part of my daily routine. Finally got a rehearsal scheduled for early February. It’ll be basically 3 months since our gig, which is unfortunate, but I’m glad to have at least something on the calendar to get us back on track.
1/30/24: Things have been relatively quiet lately, and I’m ok with it. I’m dropping little seeds and will need to wait for some/any of them to sprout. In the meantime, I’m doing well with getting to the gym and eating decently. The main food change I’m trying to make it stopping nighttime snacking after dinner. I’m trying to listen to Rebecca from NAD and ease into changes that I can hold onto. My workouts have been modest but I’m noticing I feel slightly better. I know it will take time and that’s ok, in fact, even better. I’ve got a long way to go but my work situation means that I really can focus on it without feeling stressed about time, etc. I told myself a long while back after getting laid off, that if I could prioritize my health and work on feeling better physically, it would of course help my mental state and make this life change quite beneficial. A year+ out and that has not happened. My weight gain, from meds, or whatever psychological reasons has been pretty negative and although my work situation has at least leveled, the health focus hasn’t. Grateful for at least a few days of recent focus and hopeful I can make it a habit going forward and get myself back to feeling solid physically. It can only help every aspect of my life, right?
Q got the news that he got the full ride scholarship from BSU! He had a decent offer originally, but then sent a letter with his revised GPA, SAT scores and also pointed out he’s part of an underserved cultural group, namely hebrew 😉 Not sure what role all of that played, but he was visibly psyched and of course we are super proud of him. I think that’s going to seal the deal with him at least starting out at BSU and pursuing his private pilot license in parallel. With his existing credits, I think he’ll achieve an Associates in 1 year, and also have his first pilot rating. It’ll give him a year to also enjoy being at school with his friends, make some new ones and figure out next steps on the path to becoming a pilot while also earning a bachelor’s. In addition to being super proud of him, it’s also a slight relief on the financial side. We gave Bella a good amount of cash towards her degree and we had my old salary/bonus plus the sale of the PV Condo during that time, which really made a huge impact. We do’t have nearly as much saved at the moment for Q, but we have enough to get him through this first year and probably part of #2, depending on the cost of the next pilot rating. I know we have options to get more money for him and a lot can change in the next 18 months financially, so I’m feeling aok about it. Really fucking excited for him to have this feather in his cap, as I know it meant something to him with all the hard work he’s put into school these last few years.
1/29/24: Rainy Sunday at home. Spent a bit of time doing food prep, which I enjoy and definitely helps having at least a bit of high quality food on hand. I made a bean salad with chickpeas, kidney beans, pidgeon peas, red onion, cilantro, peppers, feta cheese, and greek oil/vinegar/salt dressing. It’s nice and filling, fresh and wholesome. I also roasted some brussels sprouts which we had in the fridge and were starting to spoil. Felt good to do something small but loving for myself.
1/28/24: Got to PF again for the 3rd time this week. Proud of myself. It’s not like I’m lighting the world on fire, but simply getting there and doing something is a step forward compared to the last 9 months for me. Planning to head over again today with Lisa for the first time. It’s another rainy day and with nothing really on the calendar, it’s a good chance to keep the momentum going and close my first week on a solid note. I’ve been mindful overall and certainly in about every aspect that doesn’t include food, and even there I’ve been ok. Grateful and trying to be easy on myself and realize it’s ok to not be perfect or making huge strides.
Q’s flight got cancelled because of weather conditions again. Of course there are tons of rules around this for safety, most especially with these discovery flights. I know he’ll get up there soon and he didn’t seem too upset by the postponement. Bella continues to send us glorious pics of her Cabo experience. She’s clearly living it up down there and as mentioned, I’m happy she’s getting the opportunity to live like that even for a few days. She deserves it and I know she has perspective in life and doesn’t need that to be happy.
1/27/24: Got a ton done yesterday on that deck I mentioned below. I carried the momentum forward from the day before and got through the remainder and even a first pass at QA. I’m not considering it ‘done’ quite yet, but I felt great at not only how much progress I made, but how it looks and feels. Typical of a creative exercise, in that I struggle to begin but once I get momentum I realize how great it feels and the satisfaction that comes along with it. I’m gonna try and run it by a few others before leveraging it, but I feel it can be used in multiple use cases. Next up will be scheduling those and fine tuning. Thankful for feeling productive.
Date night with Lisa to Oyster Bar in the evening. Q and his friends had pitched in and gave us a gift card for Xmas, so we basically had a great meal for low dough. Always dig that place. It’s not the fanciest, or most extravagant food but rock solid and unchanged since we started going there years ago. It’s kind of ‘our spot’ and we always seem to leave there feeling satisfied. It felt nice to get out of Taunton as always and it was so sweet of Q’s boys to treat us to that. Thankful!
Bella has been down in Cabo the last couple days. She and Cam got invited by this YouTube guy who Cam knows from Vegas. They are quite well off financially, and this place looks like a dream. She actually sent us a pic of Justin Beiber and his wife at the bar?!?! So happy for Bella that she is getting these kinds of life experiences. Not only the luxury part, but travel and meeting new people and being a tad adventurous and willing to spend her money for cool experiences. Dunno if Cam will ever garner that kind of following or lifestyle from his gig but even getting a sniff of it must be really cool for a couple of twentysomething kids who are just beginning their own lives together 🙂
1/26/24: Heard back from Katie / Sako that we’re gonna have to pause until DYS figures out this arts procurement stuff. A bit disappointing but can’t say I’m too surprised. I knew all that was swirling but was hopeful I could sidestep and get things going at least for one region. Figured it would give me a leg up already being there and also get me some more time in the game to improve the program. Still feeling good about it all, wish I had a better read on Katie and what she’s thinking.
Yesterday I FINALLY got some traction on making a deck for Beats, Bars & Beyond. The idea is I want to get a sponsor for a quarterly program in Brockton. I’m hopeful it will be Dave M. and PAD, but having the pitch deck would allow me to bring it to others, or use it as a template to replicate this project elsewhere. It feels reasonable that I could attract $15k per year or so to deliver 4 sessions with local kids through DYS or related orgs that are returning to the community. I’ll hookup the recordings at SoundLab and bring in one of my producers. I’ll tell the story of the young man/woman through photography and copy and also create a video short formatted for social that will have our sponsors branding highly prominent. Feeling better about getting some clarity on how this program can come to life and some ideas around how to generate income and activity around it, even without something formal like the DYS contract in place.
Also met with the Pixel Lighthouse folks who did our site. I really like working with them and they are smart, talented and we get along great. The idea is to incorporate BBB into the Rawkstars site alongside our lesson program, which I’m re-branding as Rawk Enroll. Together they form our program offerings and we can hone in on those further, instead of sprinkling in new areas without much strategy. I’m excited and it will help launch Rawkstars into this new phase with even more clarity and purpose and hopefully momentum.
1/24/24: Went with Q to BSU for a tour. He really dug it and I thought it was nice also. Unfortunately at the end, we went and spoke to one of the admissions ladies and she was kinda down on his opportunity to get into the pilot program by transferring next year, as had been his thought. I’m glad she was open about things and seemed genuine in her advice. She informed him about the difficulty in transferring into the program being an existing student, as outside kids are given preference and apparently the program is hyper competitive. So that was kind of a bummer but we talked a lot about it after getting home. There are plenty of paths for him to get the pilot license and also get a degree. He has some of his boys who are going to BSU, which I’m sure made it a more attractive option for him to go there also. He still may get in next fall and I talked to him about starting at another college to get his pre-requisites done. He has a lot of extra credits from honors and AP classes and he seems confident he’ll have enough credit for an Associates in one year of classes. There are also flight schools locally he can go to and get his private pilot’s license on his own. The enrollment lady actually told him that would give him the best chance to transfer into the program next year, as they are already struggling to get kids into the planes with limited instructors and hours. He’s taking it well and I’m proud of him for all the effort he’s putting in. He’s going about it very practically and with a pretty open mind. I’m thankful he’s allowing me to be part of the process and I’m doing my best to be supportive, positive and helpful without telling him what to do.
1/23/24: I got my ass to Planet Fitness yesterday! I’ve been so lazy these last few months, most especially with simple movement. I’ve developed a negative momentum when it comes to being active and have gone the opposite direction, so it was a win to get myself over there. I enjoyed it, and tried like hell to simply take my time and be present instead of rushing through to get home for no reason. I’ve got a plan formulated to alternate my week with light cardio and full body workouts and added this schedule to my calendar. I want to prioritize my health and getting rid of some of this excess weight that is literally killing me. For at least one day I was successful and I look forward to developing positive momentum now that I’ve hit the brakes at least once.
Had a great call with Sako and the team from North Shore region of DYS. I visited their facility last month with Noble and the guys from Transform Prison Project. They are one of the regions on the DYS RFP I responded to as well, looking for a vendor to setup and run a music studio program. Instead of waiting around passively, Noble hooked up a call with Sako and his team that run the programming there. They seemed like a great bunch and I believe they want to take the next step and get Rawkstars under contract to work on this. Waiting patiently for the next round of talks, which will involve Katie, my old friend/contact from the Arts Department. I’m a bit unsure where all this stands, considering the CommCorp / DYS changes and where they are in that process. It could get bogged down and go nowhere but it’s work I really want to take on so I’m going to keep trying to make headway on my own. Thankful for Noble and his friendship/support. Even though we only recently met, I feel a kinship with him.
1/22/24: Booked a trip to Cancun for me and Lisa this weekend 🙂 — I think Bella pushed me since she and Cam were invited down to Cabo with their YouTube friend from Vegas. I found a nice resort and some direct flights and altogether it’s about $2,500. That’s comparable to what we’ve paid for 4-day trips in the past which feels good considering how much prices of everything have increased in the last few years. It’ll be nice to have it on the calendar and have something to look forward through February and March, both of which are super cold. Grateful that we still have resources to do shit like this, despite all the changes and financial setbacks we’ve had this past year.
Speaking of which, Lisa just passed her 1-year anniversary at OCES. Went by pretty quick and I’m thankful for where we are now, as compared to when she started. I know it hasn’t been easy for her and I’m proud of how far she’s come and for her sacrifice for the family. It’s definitely been a challenging year but I think we’re in a good place and things are looking up, imo.
1/21/24: Went to see Paul Levine’s band play last night with Lisa. They are an acoustic 5-piece with a fiddle player and all of them are good players. The drums were nice and low key, with mostly percussion and limited volume. Electric guitar player to compliment the acoustic, which is a great combo. I liked them and it made me feel like I wanted to jam in a group like that. I always liked the idea of keeping the volume down to concentrate more on the mix and sounds without battling volume. Paul’s a good dude and it was nice to get out of the house a bit.
1/17/24: Got the grant app polished up yesterday. I’m happy with most of it, but won’t submit for a few more days in case I can make improvements. I also got motivated to continue on the path for rebranding GBB. I created a few logos and color schemes that I’m happy with and also secured the domains. I also reached out to Austin about possibly updating the Rawkstars website to feature BBB as our second program, alongside Rawk Enroll. I know these things seem small and they’re probably not the most impactful things I could be working on, but it gives me energy doing something creative and to ‘clean up’ my shit. Got some small edits from Magda on an old video I did for them almost a year back. I thought it was dead and wrote off the idea of collecting any more $ against it, but now I’ll be looking at a small paycheck, which is exactly what I need to keep coming. It’s also good to simply reconnect with her and I’m hopeful as the Arts Day program ramps up in the next month or so, she’ll engage me for some more video work. That was a big jumpstart for me last year and would be fabulous to replicate in 2024. Grateful.
1/16/24: Got a lot of traction yesterday on the first grant application for 2024. Actually, it’s an application to be invited to apply! It’s a healthy amount so it’s worth the effort and a continuation of this path I’m on now. Felt good to write about Rawkstars as it usually does, and I’m hoping I can start a little library of content to pull from down the road. I used ChatGPT for a few points and found it kinda helpful. I mean it spit out some pretty generic copy, but I was able to modify it and definitely helped jump start some of the writing. I also spent some time last night re-imagining the Guitars Behind Bars idea and I think I’m going to rename it to Beats, Bars & Beyond. It conveys the same vibe as GBB but is more accurate in terms of what we are teaching. I also like that it incorporates the two major areas kids are interested in (beats and bars) but also has the double entendre of ‘bars’ in the prison context. It also ends with a positive idea, Beyond. I want it to be evocative of where the program can take kids, as opposed to just what they’ll do. Of course I whipped up a logo that I was pretty happy with. Planning to tweak it up today and get the domain settled. Ideally, I can re-work the GBB website but may find it easier to simply start over?! Either way, I felt productive yesterday in getting those two things going. It’s a testament to how great creativity can feel.
1/15/24: Spent most of yesterday at home with Lisa. I did some cooking and made chili the night before, and did a homemade dry rub on some wings in the afternoon. We did some errands at Target, etc. and basically just chilled. It was nice and Lisa seems to be in a more positive head space lately, which I’m thankful for. Today is MLK day so everyone is home, but I need to get started on at least some bits of work that are due this week. Iv’e got a grant application to get started on and am getting closer to finishing the website for Ananya. I’ve got to get some info over to Noble in advance of our meeting next Monday and I’m also hopeful to put some time into the proposal for RITS, which I’ve been stalling on for far too long! Also should prepare something in writing for Dave M. and Shane to react to, as we talked about potentially meeting Friday. Scheduling a board meeting is another item I need to cross off my todo list. Thankful to have important work in front of me.
1/13/24: Lisa and I drove up to Holden/Worcester to help Bella and Cam move into their new condo. We met at the LaMarche place and had some coffee and bagels with Rick/Terrie/Mary. They are such nice people and it’s genuinely easy to spend time with them. Rick and Cam’s brother Ryan had done almost all of the heavy moving the day before since it was raining hard yesterday. So we really didn’t have to do that much, other than bring the desk from Bella’s bedroom and a few smaller items. We headed over to the condo and unloaded everything. Their building is absolutely beautiful. More like a new hotel with amenities all around. Pool, game room, gym, grill area, lots of hangout spots and just nicely appointed and designed. Their actual place is also quite nice. It’s directly across from Polar Park and the area there is bustling with places to eat, bars, etc. and we grabbed lunch at a falafel place with Bella/Cam/Ryan/Morgan — Cam’s brother and sister in law are super cool people also. Very chill and they seem like a great couple. They spend a lot of time with Bella/Cam and they seem like great role models, as they are just a couple years ahead of them. Even though we spent a ton of time driving in the rain, it was a terrific day together and helping Bella get settled felt really nice. I know they are going to thrive in that spot and they are off to a seriously amazing start in their young lives.
Last night I met with Mike Fradkin, Paul Levin and Robin Winer in Stoughton for a couple drinks to hang out and share some stories about Gary. Although nobody else came, it was fun and I enjoyed connecting with all 3 of them. I generally only see Paul at a gig, so we don’t talk that much. I see Mike more often because of band stuff and Robin I really never see. We chatted about Gary and each others lives and it was nice to spend time sharing. We also talked about Matt Simon, another friend who passed during covid that we all liked and had stories about. It’s rough having folks our age pass but there is comfort in using those moments to reconnect with others and tell people how you feel. Grateful.
1/12/24: Ran a demo of Scribl yesterday for a fellow app team called HowWeFeel. It went pretty good and it felt good to represent PL and our efforts directly and on my own. Still on an upward/forward trajectory over there and I continue to be grateful for the support, intellectual engagement and joy it adds to my week. I also had a brief call with Josh Jackson to further the SoundLab session described below. We landed on a date and I look forward to connecting with Josh in the studio again. He’s a great dude and I can see us doing lots together. Drove down to PVD and visited Evelyn. She had called about the dishwasher being out of commission. I watched a couple Youtube videos and it seemed like a potentially simple fix, so I ordered the part and figured I’d give it a shot. As it turned out, I did get it working, but I think it was simply a matter of the power being tripped as I didn’t even replace the part :). It was nice to see her, as she is a great tenant and something of a friend after living in our place for 10 years! I’m glad that I didn’t push too hard on upping her rent as I considered a couple years back. We did raise it $200, but it’s still probably $750 below market rate. It’s hard even to write that as it represents a pretty big amount we could be stacking in our retirement account. That said, I’m also taking satisfaction in helping Evelyn in this way, even at my own expense. Lisa came along for the ride which was cool. She probably hasn’t seen the condo in a super long time as I usually go alone. Afterward, we stopped at Venda Ravioli and got chicken parm subs! Ate half for lunch and the rest for dinner. It was absolutely fabulous and I really enjoyed eating it. I savored it instead of inhaling it and am thankful I was able to eat mindfully.
1/11/24: Q has been hot and heavy on the college/pilot path. It’s been fun to connect with him, almost on a daily basis. It’s cool to be allowed into his world and to be able to provide some wisdom, while also letting him run with things. His proactivity is encouraging, in terms of demonstrating his vigor for this road. Grateful to be in position to help Q financially but even more so in helping him make a thoughtful decision. Trying to put together a session for Jaiquann, who is Noble’s son. He’s got some rap skills and I’m gonna try and put him into SoundLab, potentially as the first project in partnership with Dave M. and Shane, who owns SoundLab. Seems like a great kid and I’m grateful to be able to help him, as well as support a friend and (maybe) get this project off the ground. Win / win / win!
1/10/24: Connected with Noble yesterday and he told me he followed up with Saco, the person who is the regional director for DYS in Middletown. He’s trying to pave the way for me / Rawkstars to come in and get their studio going. We’re aiming to meet the Monday after MLK Day and it’s very exciting for me, especially having someone like Noble in my corner. Even though we’ve only met recently, I feel good about being connected to him and his cause. Though I submitted that RFP looking to bring programming to all 6 facilities, even getting in just one would be a great opportunity. Thankful to have taken another small step in this direction.
I also chatted over email with Dave Malekpour. We talked a few weeks ago (and probably a year ago) about PAD getting into the nonprofit space, by setting up or sponsoring a program around beat making for youth. I did a project at a space called SoundLab with Quentin back in November and Dave is close with the owner (of course). I’ve got an idea about a 3-way parternship in which PAD would sponsor a program to service (at least) 4 kids per year to the tune of $10k. SoundLab would give the studio time and I’d find the kids and do all the operations. I’d also take the opportunity to create stories about each student in the form of copy and video. It would give each entity a branded piece 4x per year to share with their supporters/followers. It would bring a steady income stream to Rawkstars in line with the budget targets I’ve setup for the next 2 years and the content generation piece would be good for all involved. I could put together the pieces for less than $2,500 each, meaning that the profit would benefit Rawkstars, in supporting me as a new employee. We’ll see where it goes and I’m hopeful the others feel/see the potential the same way as I do.
1/9/24: Got a lot done on the WiringRight website yesterday, which was a goal I set. I wish I were more disciplined with sitting down to work all the time, but the truth is I tend to procrastinate a lot. I’ve always been good at saving myself from getting too off track, but even after all these years I still have this bad habit. At least yesterday, I was able to set a plan for my day and come out with some good progress. It’s fun working on the site and I hope Ananya will be happy with it. I’m also thankful to get the chance to flex my web/design chops on occasion. It’s always something I enjoyed and to be able to make a few bucks all these years later doing it is kinda cool.
1/8/24: First snowstorm of the year, which is always kinda cool. We were home all day anyways and though it started as just rain, it did become a white fluffy snow later in the morning and covered basically everything. Had to clean off the cars this morning, which can always be a chore. I tried to stay in the moment and be thankful for the fresh, cold air and not rush too badly. Been doing ok with that in general these last few days. Doing more spiritual tasks like spending a few minutes praying each morning, using a couple paragraphs I got from the book I’m currently reading. It professes a bit of a concept of looking to a higher power to help you with your addiction. Not in a giving up kind of way, but more like AA using a spiritual concept to allow you to take some of the burden away. Dunno what long-term affect any of this will have, but it feels right to be doing it. Glad to have learned the power of some of these things that I may have scoffed at when I was younger.
1/7/24: Played my bass a few days in a row this week/end. May sound trivial but I’ve been in a rut and have barely played since our gig. Of course I’m rusty as heck but after just a few sessions feeling better each time. Hoping I can generate some new songs in my repertoire as I’m pretty much sick of playing everything I know already. Hopeful to also get a reheasrsal scheduled with Heavy Mellow, now that the holidays have passed.
Lisa and I went to the movies for the 1st time in years. We saw a cool pic called Iron Claw, which was the story of the Von Erich wrestling family. Tragic story but movie was cool and well made. We grabbed a couple drinks and apps afterward at this place in Fall River, adjacent to the theater. It felt nice to get out of the house a bit and spend some time connecting together with Lisa. Last few days have been nice and I feel like we’ve been treating one another with more affection and care. Thankful for that!
1/6/24: Talked to a few 02072 peeps and we’re going to try and organize a small gathering in honor of GL. When shit like this happens, people want to connect and I think it’s a nice show of love for Gary, even though he’s gone so tragically. Picked my my bass yesterday for the first time in about 6 weeks. Man, the rust develops fast and my hands were tight and unsure. I’m glad I ripped off the band-aid and plan to play again today and see if I can get back to business and learn some new tunes for the band or with Q. Joe came by last week and helped me get all the recording stuff talking to each other. We spent a couple hours together trying all sorts of shit and eventually we made it work. Q actually helped too and him coming down towards the end uncovered one thing we both had missed. Now it’s up to me to put the gear to work and start down the path of learning how to record and mix with it. I just want to be able to get decent live recordings from rehearsal and be able to track one-off projects with the family, friends or whomever, just to have some fun shit to work on and connect through music. Thankful I’m tiptoeing down this path finally.
1/4/24: Got news 2 nights ago that Gary Lorimer passed away :/ — Gary was an awesome guy and I considered him a good friend. The news of his passing was cryptic, leading to thoughts that he may have taken his own life, which is just awful. I wish I had paid more attention and been able to be there for Gary. He was creative, funny, smart, kind and cool to spend time with. He had some quirky personality traits, like his worship of Rocky/Rambo/Stallone but even those were endearing. I’m sad that I won’t see him again. When I first started my journey to losing weight at age 40, Gary was there for me. We worked out together a good amount and he pushed me to be accountable and provided me camaraderie and encouragement. That was HUGE for me at the time and something I’ll never forget. Gary was a physical specimen, spending nearly all his free time at the gym, working out or similar. He probably would have benefitted from more balance, and spent more energy on crafting the life he wanted. He would have been an amazing father and I know he always struggled to find a partner who brought out the best in him. I know that’s easy to say and hard to do. I wish I could have helped him more and I love him very much.
Lisa and I had a pretty big argument, and spent the night in separate beds by choice. That hasn’t happened in quite some time. Yesterday we had a good conversation that felt productive and though it was painful, I’m glad we had it. The last few years have been tough on Lisa, and harder than she has shared with me and others. I know losing her gig at Patriot was a devastating blow. She spent 20 years there, liked her boss Dave a lot and felt comfortable in the movie biz, since she had worked previously at other similar companies. I’m sure that gave her some professional identity, kinda like what I lost after getting shit-canned at Hasbro after finding an identity that was non-IT and one that I embraced. She’s also had a lot of drama and negative experiences with her band, Moonstruck. They essentially have slowly disbanded and Big Dave, who convinced her to start singing with 24S, was kind of a catalyst. He started playing with Whiskey Saints (and others), and wound up basically recruiting Jerry and Mike away from MS, recreating the band with Kevin and Cid in place of her and Mike. I know that’s been super traumatic and hard to get past. She was proud of MS and rightly so. They were fun, talented, played music she liked and had close personal relationships beyond the band. All that has changed and I’m certain she feels left behind as figuring out new paths forward is hard for her. Lastly, dealing with my emotional and physical issues over the last couple years has taken a toll. We’ve not been as close and the intimacy thing is a big part of it. That’s really gone downhill for me as a result of getting older, struggling with mental health, losing virility and feeling super shitty about my body. None of those things are Lisa’s fault of course, but it’s had the effect of keeping us apart at a time when she probably needed it more than before. It’s easy to see in hindsight, but like most things in life it’s easy to miss while it’s happening and negative momentum takes over. Anyways, I’m thankful we got it more in the open and I really want to figure out ways to be more supportive, reconnect and be a source of strength for Lisa, as opposed to another drag. She means the world to me and even though I feel that and think about it often, I tend to prioritize other things like work, Rawkstars, music or whatever else ahead of marriage. Grateful for all our years together, even the difficult ones, and for the opportunity to get better.
1/2/24: Lazy day yesterday as Q was recovering from his drinking expedition. He, Lisa and I were around together most of the day and had some laughs, while basically doing very little. I watched the college football playoffs and enjoyed both games greatly. I developed a list of priorities for Rawkstars this coming year, basically so I can ‘try’ and stay focused on things that are going to move the needle. I have a list of a dozen things I’d like to make progress against, but haven’t ordered them. Probably a good next step and interesting as I type this that I haven’t done a similar one for my life?! Guess I’ll start something like that here. Now.
What extraordinary thing are you going to make happen for MYSELF this year?
- Prioritize my health, by improving my eating, increasing movement
- Lose 35lbs.
- Fit into my existing clothes
- Increase sexual activity with Lisa
What are the first small steps you can take towards making it happen this week?
- Continue my morning ritual of beginning the day with ‘good morning’ stretches
- Allocate a specific time of day to breathe, focus on the present moment in stillness, and stop leaving it to chance
- Get myself to Planet Fitness and at least stay for 30 minutes.
- Take a walk
- Stop eating after dinner / 7:30
- Try to initiate intimacy once
What are some realistic expectations of progress, to prevent getting discouraged and burning out (by February)?
- Weigh myself once per month with the goal of losing 3 lbs. per month
- Figure out and schedule a ‘date night’ at least once a month to get out, have fun and be together
1/1/24: We planned to stay in and be mellow last night. Bella and Cam came over, which was sweet and they invited Courtney. Quincy had a few of his boys come by too. We made a bunch of food and things started off pretty light. After a few hours, Lisa and I went outside and lit a fire. Scotty came out and said Quincy wanted to see me, so I came in, and he was drunk! He’s literally never consumed alcohol before and has always been staunch against it. He was laughing his ass off and playing guitar (loud and sloppily 🙂 — he was really cute and animated. He was telling everyone how much he loved them, including Lisa and I, multiple times. It was sweet and although he kept apologizing for being a mess, we kept telling him not to worry. Anyhow, the party really ramped up and everyone was singing, laughing, drinking and eating. Crescendo at midnight of course and I’m thankful that we all were together last night. I had fun and as expected, Q got sick during the night. He asked Bella to come down to his room and she sat with him and helped him get through the worst of it. It was kinda cool seeing them bond so overtly, even if it was over drinking. Really looking forward to 2024 and what’s to come for us.
