I use this space to write about things I am grateful for on a daily basis. I try to identify something that happened the prior day as a reminder of all the amazing people, activities and experiences I am blessed to enjoy. The format is loose but the intention is to develop a habit of gratitude to better frame my day and awareness over time. Most days, my morning routine includes some combination of (meditation / light stretching / pushups / 4-7-8 breathing), drinking a glass of water, making a pot of strong black coffee, and writing a brief note below. Recently, I’ve started scooping the cat box as another way to begin my day in service to something besides myself. The intention is to remind myself of all the awesomeness in my life, big and small. Sometimes it becomes more of a diary, alas, the imperfection of trying to stick to a plan.
7/4/25: Spent most of the day at the pool in Stoughton with Lisa and Q and the Bentos. Mellow day. I hit the treadmill at PF again, which was a nice way to start the day. Walked again this morning and feeling a tiny bit of hope on the improved mindset to healthy thinking. Appreciate it in the moment and want to write about it to reinforce it again during my day.
Bella is in NYC for the weekend with Travis and it’s nice to think about her exploring and having a good time. Thankful for her approach to life and for anything we did to impart that on her.
Probably worth mentioning being grateful for being born here in USA. I know its made my life better than many in the world and I most certainly appreciate it. While I don’t ascribe to the version of patriotism that leads to a scarcity mindset, we’re #1 or “us vs them”, my own version is proud of the fact that I have advantages and freedoms many don’t enjoy.
Got a pic texted to me at night from Kevin Curran, a selfie with Joey Vera?! I wondered if he was in LA and they somehow connected but turned out he is in Birmingham for the big Ozzy farewell metal-fest. He tagged along with Dennis, which is awesome and of course was at some party with tons of metal luminaries. He saw JV and went over, told him we were friends and they started talking. He said Joey was awesome and that he almost cried. I thought it was sweet and it made me feel connected in a tiny way to the celebration, having a few separate friends there connecting. He sent me some more pics and I was happy that Kev is getting to vibe with that crew. He’s probably the most true blue metal person I know and it seems fitting for him. Of course part of me wished I were there too, and if I had tried it may have been possible. That said, I also realized I was having my own great day simply being at home with ‘regular’ life and I’m probably most thankful for that thought than anything else, as it would have been easy to feel jealousy or a feeling of being left out, which simply isn’t accurate or helpful.
7/3/25: What a day yesterday. Shaka visited RITS and it was a whirlwind of emotion and coolness. I picked him up at his hotel and we hit it off quickly. I introduced him to Larome and all the folks at RITS and everyone was happy. We shot a short interview with him for the doc and I felt like I could have listened to him for hours. Great stories, speaker and composure. Alden and the crew staged a great shot on the stairwell just as I had envisioned. We then visited the 3 mods and he gave talks to each, totally different. The kids resonated with him and asked questions and felt engaged, at least as much as you can expect. We visited the girls mod last and it was the first time I ever stepped foot in there. We were supposed to have 3 girls, but only 1 came as the others were on lockdown. It was hyper personal and the girl, named ‘Bella’ recounted sex trafficking and having a gun held to her head. She was visibly uncomfortable and I felt invasive just being there. Shaka was great with her and after a long chat they bonded over books. He cruised the book shelf and he gave her some to check out after she said she was a voracious reader. I also talked with her about Rawkstars coming in this summer and I think she dug that, saying she was a huge music person. It was hard to hear and her name kept coming up which kinda shook me. I feel blessed to be in spaces with folks who can benefit from our programs and to be able to offer even the slightest bit of support for someone with that much trauma.
Part two of the day I brought the film crew to TIDES to visit Travis’ studio where we had Devonte working on a track. It was cool to see him and we shook hands. He looked so different, even though its only been like 4-5 months since I saw him inside. I loved seeing him wear his own clothes, be himself and honestly seem more grown up and comfortable in his own skin than the awkward kid I saw inside. He’s not the greatest speaker, but did his best to answer questions and Alden seemed happy with what we shot. We even rode with him and Travis to a pizza place, and filmed the whole encounter. Not positive how Alden plans to incorporate everything into the doc, but I trust his vision and he seemed pleased.
Finished the evening grabbing drinks and dinner at Shaka’s hotel downtown. Larome joined us and I could tell Shaka really liked him. They had a lot in common from the mid-west and people they know in the various corrections roles throughout the country. Larome is an awesome guy and has become a friend. He trusts me and Rawkstars to a high degree and none of the ambitious projects I’ve brought in would be possible without his support. We all drank tequila and had some great food. Shaka had so many great stories and is connected as anyone I’ve ever met. He was telling us tales about Oprah, Nas, Eckert Tolle (one of my faves!), Big Sean and other biz/celebs he’s spent time with. I’m happy for him that he’s lived such an amazing life, considering where he started. It must be dreamlike for him and it’s nice to see someone successful that didn’t have anything gift wrapped for him and earned every bit of it. He seems genuinely interested in what we’re doing and helping Rawkstars. Not sure what form that will take but I’m going to work hard to get the finished doc and the FREEDOM music piece to him by end of summer. Hopeful he will share with some folks who might want to help us scale to other youth facilities or get Rawkstars in front of some folks who may be able to help us grow. Regardless of any of that, yesterday was an epic day in a life full of epic days. I feel very grateful for all life has brought me and all the unique circumstances I’ve found myself in.
6/30/25: Got to the gym and did the treadmill workout I’d be considering starting. It felt good and was definitely more difficult than a standard walk. Thankful for the motivation which has been lacking and for getting myself there. However, we went to a grad party later in the afternoon at Leigh’s house for her son, and I proceeded to eat myself off a cliff. Always a super duper challenge to be around parties like that and something I really need to address with some tactics. I was glad to celebrate with others and have some fun, but the eating component always ruins me.
6/29/25: Slow day mostly at home. I did get a grant application put together for one I found from the city of Pawtucket. It was simple and only took me about an hour. I also worked on another with Lauren from GNE, that should go out today. I’m kinda stuck on this fence of whether to cut them loose or keep spending on two people doing this work. On one hand, I feel like saving the $ is smart and also pushing myself to take more charge of the process. On the other, I know we can afford it, at least for now, and perhaps it’s best to just keep pushing it along as-is. It’s an area of running a biz that I’m still learning about and being conservative with $ is in my DNA, both with Rawkstars and personally. Dunno if that’s the smartest but it makes it harder when I don’t feel super confident in the folks I’m giving the $ to. GNE has basically paid for themselves, but not really landed anything I feel like I couldn’t have gotten on my own. Other than the software to search and getting the apps started, I feel like I’m still involved in a decent amount of effort in many of them. Is that worth $1k per month?! Maybe?! Grateful to be in the position to have come this far with them and either way I go, it’s not a terrible decision.
6/28/25: Walked at DW yesterday with Alyssa and Abi. They’re leaving for Denver today and it was nice to see them one last time before they took off. DW is such a great park and walking it of course reminded me of all the times I went there running. I can hardly believe that I’m the same guy who could run that track TWICE as walking it once was hard enough. It’s the location of lots of great memories and I’m thankful to have spent so much time there. Alyssa and Abi are both great and I’m also thankful to have them in our family and as friends.
Sat outside and made a fire last night myself. Lisa was trying out some music with Steve Seropian for the first time, so I was alone. After I got it started Q and Erin came out and it was nice to talk with them for a while. It was a pleasant evening after many hot nights recently and I was glad to be able to sit out there for a few hours. Thankful for our yard and setup, it’s not the most amazing ever but it’s pretty nice and sometimes I take it for granted.
6/27/25: Feeling like Scribl is going to survive for the near term. Last few months have been touch and go over there but lately turning positive again. We have a new partnership with Whitespectre who are going to build our new iteration of the game. I found them through old friend Brian Ploetz from Upromise. I think they will be a great fit for us and the momentum seems to have attracted some funding at least to get us through the building of a second version more tailored to single play. I’m thankful for all those guys have done to help me get through these last couple years and to have the capacity to build Rawkstars. Fingers crossed I can help them get to the next level and we can all benefit over the next year+ and stabilize everything we want to do.
Still working through the QBO saga 🙂 — each day brings some new piece of the puzzle that isn’t connected. Latest is the vendor stuff, which I have to redo from scratch. I also had to start over with a new Quickbooks checking account, since the existing one is only tied to my old instance for some reason?! I’m in the process of getting that setup and moving the $ over, which is painstaking but seems to be working. Last is gonna be the few vendors we have that pay using Bill. I’m thinking that’s another aspect I’ll need to fix. Psyched when this is done and I can move on with my newfound expertise in QBO and with a lower monthly bill for all my efforts.
6/26/25: Excellent follow up meeting with Plymouth B&GC yesterday. I finally met Matt Glynn and his wife, the folks supporting the music program financially. Seem like a great couple and very dedicated to putting this space together in memory of their son Josh. Olivia, who works at the club and already runs music lessons, is also fabulous. She’s young, eager and seems willing to collaborate with us. Having someone on the front lines every day would be an amazing evolution for us and possibly even a new model for future clubs. We’re going to meet again tomorrow to harden the proposed calendar and program outline, then submit to the Flynn’s along with a SOW and budget. Fingers crossed we’ll be moving forward come September. I feel like it has the potential to be our biggest partnership to date and most robust program. Grateful.
Making progress swapping my QBO subscription over. I spent a while on customer service and have the new instance mostly working. There are a few anomalies that I think can be resolved today and then I can go ahead and cancel our prior subscription. Even if there are little nuances I have to reset, it will have been worth the cost savings in the long run as it’s a recurring and ever increasing bill for us. Glad to have some patience and willingness to absorb the short term pain for long term improvement. Something I need to continue in other areas of my life!
6/25/25: Started trying to copy my QBO business to take advantage of a discount that I found through TechSoup. I know it’s a hassle, but if it works it could save Rawkstars about $800 per year, so I’m diving in. Met with Shannon yesterday on new grants and we got news from NAMM that we moved to the second round. Fingers crossed we can start making traction with her. I’m still in limbo with Grants New England and not sure why I can’t pull the plug or just forget it and keep paying them. Running the biz is filled with decisions like this and some I am clear on and others, not so much. Grateful that things are continuing to progress in a positive direction and hope I can continue to learn and improve.
6/24/25: Slow day yesterday and was kinda unmotivated. It’s been hella hot outside so I wound up spending most of the day indoors, unfortunately. Need to get better at enjoying the downtime instead of just killing time. I did finish reading ‘Brothers’ the Van Halen book Q gave me several months ago. It was a fast read and more of a dictated set of stories rather than something Alex wrote. The stories were cool and what shone through was his love for Ed and his parents. It was cool to read a rock book that wasnt super detailed on debauchery, which of course it could have been. He also didn’t shit all over DLR, even though he left the band at their peak. He acknowledged Dave’s desire for fame and spotlight, which I think even he would readily admit, but he also gave him credit for what he brought to the band and his ability to write cool lyrics and be one of the best front men ever. Alex seems like a grounded dude, grateful and most definitely one of the best rock drummers ever.
6/23/25: Freedom session last night with Paul and his band. Record Co. is a cool spot. Clean, organized, well staffed and solid gear for all sorts of music. Josh and Joi had some struggles getting things working quickly, just due to lack of experience with the space. That meant that we didn’t have as much time for actual tracking as would have been nice. That said, the band were good and I think I left with what I need. Drums and bass felt on point, and keyboard player (Calvin) was a great musician, but I think overplayed a bit. Miranda was also not super prepared, which wasn’t an issue really as they preferred playing to the track anyways. Some is my fault as I never really communicated directly with the guys on what I wanted and kinda left it to a conversation w/Paul that didn’t trickle down enough. Lesson learned but it felt good to get this kicked off and the rhythm tracks are definitely usable. I could have gotten to this point for less $, but overall, it’s progress and I’m happy to be past session #1.
6/21/25: Saw Abi play hockey last night as she and Alyssa are in town for a few days. Heather and Jeff were there as was their old neighbor and some other friends. We had some laughs and went out to dinner after at Legal Sea Food. Q and Erin met us and it was nice to connect w/everyone for a few hours.
Weather has been super nice lately and I’ve been outdoors a lot. Always feels good to have sun and sweat a bit while doing yardwork, etc. and I’m thankful I can still move around enough to do some.
6/19/25: Heard back from Lowell that they want to move ahead with a Rawkstars program in the fall! Even better, he wants to pay us $15k up front, as part of a recent grant award they received. It has the chance to be a powerful program for us, that is less centered on music making, and Paul can develop a great curriculum around it. It’ll be our very first school day program that kids will get credits for as part of their HS Diploma. Being a charter school, we don’t have to work only as an after school component. It’s also a great opportunity for us to service another blue collar city that really fits our profile and grow our footprint. I think we can tell a cool story around it with funders as well, as the goal is to get kids into community college or career ready. Sean, the principal and Sean/Truth are both good dudes and I think will make great partners for us. Thankful for the continued growth and faith that others are showing in rawkstars, and me.
Met Travis for breakfast and always good to catch up with him. He’s such a great guy and a treasure for the community of PVD. He gives so much of himself to the kids and I admire his commitment and hustle, despite not getting paid what he is worth, imo. We talked about the video project and he’s gonna help connect us with Devontae and his mom to shoot an ending for the documentary that has kinda been missing from the story. He also introduced me to a guy at the nonviolence institute, who seems to be another solid community human. He’s also a pastor and Travis says is a great singer. Thinking there might be a spot for him in the Freedom piece and I’m hoping to connect with him soon. We talked on email yesterday so we’ll see if it comes together, but regardless, it was awesome to learn about the work they do and I spent some time reading their website. So many good people out there making a difference for the kiddos.
6/18/25: Got a lovely card from new RS student JaeLee yesterday. It was a handwritten note on a card from The Met. It’s been a long process to get her settled, having started her originally at Guitar Center, only to have her miss several lessons and not connect with the teacher. To her credit, she stayed with the process and eventually we found Providence Music School, where she started last week. I sent her a keyboard also and she seems happy with having a more appropriate instructor for her age and gender. It’s so nice to get stuff like that, especially in old school format. Thankful for being in a position to impact the lives of kids and offer them something of value through my own efforts.
6/17/25: Met Myka for lunch in Harvard Square. She’s in Boston for a workshop with some other foundation friends and it was cool to meet in person and talk. She’s a cool person and definitely supportive of Rawkstars. Having Guitar Center associated with us, even without $, is a win. I asked her if she would write us a letter of support and also potentially be involved with further conversations for expansion, if I can find a funder that would be meaningful to. We ate oysters and had some laughs and it was a beautiful day outside. Grateful.
Also, got a small $2,250 grant through one of the submissions Steve wrote. He’ll be glad to know that we got $7,500 since he’s left Grants New England. I’m glad too, as it makes the time and investment in that relationship a lot easier to swallow, since we’re basically about even or slightly above. It’s cost $12/13k for the first year and I think we’ve gotten $13.5 through their work. Of course I contributed to the work side also, which is the part I’m struggling with. Regardless, it’s great news for Rawkstars to continue to attract funders, even at a small level, and a definite step forward as I continue to build our ‘runway’.
6/16/25: Father’s Day yesterday. Bella came down unexpectedly and we all hung out at home, took a walk at the park and Lisa made her famous brisket for lunch. I also cut the lawn which always feels good and that plus the long walk felt good to have some movement in the day. Truly thankful for Lisa and the kids. They are my greatest achievement in life and make all the other things worthwhile. I’m a lucky dude.
6/14/25: Took Q and Erin to Ringo Starr. The gig was down in Connecticut so the drive was hella long both ways. Still, it’s always good to spend time together and do some talking in the car. The show was a ton of fun. We had great seats up close and the band was terrific. They played with more chemistry than I expected and we all really dug it. I know it was a bucket list for Erin and towards the end of the show, they let everyone crowd the very front of the stage and I told Q to bring Erin up there, which he did. I know it was an awesome feeling for her and I’m always thankful to help create musical memories for others (and myself 🙂
The day before we had an ice cream / pizza party for the kids at Marshfield. We decided to forego the performance this semester, as circumstances conspired to make it too complicated. Joe has been sick with vertigo and missed a few classes, while the session itself was also shortened by a week, due to the upcoming summer camp. Anyways, when I arrived, the kids saw me and started screaming for me to come over. They also started chanting my name “JJ, JJ, JJ” which really made me feel nice. They performed a little version of Stand By Me, which Bri had taught them and accompanied on guitar. Again, Lindsay made the whole thing happen and it was such a great little party that I think everyone enjoyed. So grateful to be part of that org and the family vibe they’ve extended my way.
6/12/25: Got a $10k check from Jack Tarver (MA Gallerani) and yesterday found out we received a $5k grant from Nellie Mae Foundation. Psyched to continue to have checks roll in, and getting these grants is so helpful. The gift from MA was supposed to only be $7.5k but she sent 10. NM was one that came through Grants New England, who I’m on the verge of cutting loose. All together, we’ve gotten $11k through their efforts and paid $12k. Not exactly a windfall, but I’m thankful to basically be even. We did get on the radar of several orgs and developed at least somewhat of a grant package that I can use going forward. I’m glad I took the leap with them even if it comes to a close next month.
Visited Marshfield yesterday for a little ice cream / pizza social. With Joe being sick lately and a short semester, we decided to punt on a showcase. It was a gorgeous day so all the kids were outside playing and Lindsay had a ten setup with out group. I arrived a few minutes late and the kids started yelling once they saw my car. They started chanting “JJ, JJ, JJ” as I walked over, which felt unreal. They did a song with Bri once I came by and they were clearly having fun and chowing down on pizza and ice cream. It felt very special and I want to hold onto the feeling it gave me. I also saw Joe and his wife Marnie, which was nice. He looked a bit rough but sounds like he’s on the mend and trying to get to a point of working less, as his condition seems to have been brought on by stress, mostly from busting ass working a ton. Thankful for my relationship with Joe, his health, the kids and most definitely for Lindsay. She is a shining star and if we had someone like her at every location, we’d be crushing it even more.
Had dinner with Larome at Oyster Bar a few nights ago. It was really fun and man that guy can eat. We had some laughs and a few drinks and he invited me to speak yesterday at a conference call, attended by several folks in the juvenile justice space. I gave a little pitch on BB&B, which I honed using the deck I used when I spoke at Battlegreen a few nights ago. Getting the chance to speak about our work is always a blessing. Not sure if anything will come from either of the presentations but I feel like getting better at it is worth the investment. Cecely, from DYS was particularly supportive on the call yesterday and getting something going through them would obviously be of great benefit. Todd Angilly was also at the Battlegreen event and told me he wants to get involved. Dunno if either will come to fruition, but having more opportunity is good.
Bella finally turned down the job offer yesterday. She was trying to get her company to match her offer. While they didn’t, she did manage a small raise and ultimately, went with her heart and stayed. I’m proud of her and I know it was a process that was weighing on her. The new place offered a big raise, and I know that would have helped her in the near term, but she didn’t have a good feeling about the place and couldn’t pull the trigger. It’s kinda nice to know that she’s not ruled by $, even though I’ve been worried about her financial situation a bit. It’s something I’m still struggling to accept late in life. Seeing people raking in cash while we are just skating by is tough some days emotionally. I get tempted by jobs and sometimes lament not making what I used to. Even though I’m proud of what I’m building and the impact Rawkstars is having, the $ thing is so deeply ingrained in me and most of society, it’s a powerful pull. Grateful that Bella made her choice based on happiness and not simply following the dollars.
6/9/25: Hung out mostly at home. Watched the most epic French Open Final I can remember. Alcaraz vs Sinner. It went 5 hours 30 minutes and was nonstop drama, great shots, and epic swings of momentum. Sinner lost, which was an absolute gut punch, having played his ass off in a match nobody deserved to lose. He demonstrated pure class in the post match conversation, and it was another cool reminder of the attitude we can all take no matter the circumstance.
We stopped by the Crehan’s in the evening, at Q’s request. It was nice to spend a bit of time with them, and I know he wants us to develop more of a relationship with them, as do we. He’s surrounded himself with cool people and I’m thankful he has so many good relationships.
6/8/25: Hung out w Mikey for a bit yesterday. He’s in town for a few days and came by the house. Nice to see him, always some good laughs and I know Lisa was happy to hang with her brother. The kids popped in and I’m glad they have some attraction to connecting with the family and being part of stuff like that, even when it’s not convenient for them.
6/7/25: Bella got offered the job she interviewed for! Super proud of her as it’s no small feat to get noticed, get called and close the deal. The new gig is a pretty big raise on the $ side, but I can tell Bella is very unsure about taking it. We talked a lot yesterday and I reinforced to her how proud of her I was and that she didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to. All the outcomes are positive ones. She took the mature and I’m guessing difficult step of presenting the offer to her HR dept. She was very up front about it and very honest about her desire to stay at veranova. I know it’s a big variable for a company to have the flexibility to pull off a quick counter offer, but I think that’s what Bella is hoping for. She’s such a strong person and I’m really rooting for her to get what she wants.
6/5/25: RITS graduation last night. Lisa came with me and it was awesome to introduce her to some of my friends. The event was pretty amazing and of the 12 grads, 6 were kids from our music program. I saw King, Guat, Francois, JJ and Jeremiah. I met some of the parents and we sat at a table with JJ’s family. It was very moving and helped me put another piece together to understand what it must be like to have an incarcerated child. Paul gave the keynote and was pretty awesome and he also brought along FourSee, a young rapper I met a few times in Brockton, who has been doing very well career-wise. I think it was great to have them witness everything and being connected to more cool people in this realm is heartening. During the ceremony, Heather started talking about a community service award, and gave it to Rawkstars/me! I was pretty surprised and really choked up. I went to the stage to recieve the award and had tears of joy. It really is a special crew there, very authentic and caring. I’m honored to be a tiny part of what they do in service of caring for these young people.
6/4/25: Met with B&GC Plymouth yesterday, after a long buildup trying to get in there. The program director, Christine and a girl Olivia, who is teaching some music classes were great. The space is very built out, as advertised. They are poised to create a big music program that could include lots of aspects and I’m thrilled to at least be in the mix to help make it happen. It was a good first meeting and my hope is to have a follow up that includes the board president Matt, who is responsible for a lot of the funding for the program, on behalf of his late son’s foundation. I feel super thankful to be connecting with folks in this circle and making lots of potential strides with Rawkstars.
Also connected afterward with Pat over at Levitate. He’s trying to put something small together as part of the festival and asked me to participate. Not sure what it will turn into, as he seems a bit unsure about the direction, but the fact that he reached out and is thinking of us is awesome. He’s a good dude and I always enjoy sitting and talking with him. He also confirmed their willingness to increase our support to $10k for 2025, which should help us with Plymouth having them in the mix.
M.A. also confirmed a $10k donation for Rawkstars this year, which is more than the $7.5k she promised last year. Again, making progress with people willing and able to support out growth is just amazing. I’m remaining optimistic, and trying to take it day by day, as this builds.
6/1/25: Watched a bunch of Clint Eastwood films as yesterday was his 95th birthday! Dude is not only an epic filmmaker but such a great example of trying new things, going with your instincts and keeping it simple. He’s famous for the westerns and cop movies but has veered into so many areas it’s almost hard to fathom. He’s made some killer love stories, and even done some scoring of music on his own movies. He’s well known for keeping the productions quick and straightahead, a formula that has worked across many decades and genres. I also feel like his production company, Malpaso, was one of the first times I knew that a star was in charge of the whole project, as opposed to a studio/label/boss. Glad he’s still with us.
Started messing around with the arrangement and approach for the FREEDOM project. It ear wormed its way into my head quickly and I tossed in bed for a while. I feel like this is going to be a super ambitious project across lots of people. It has the chance to be great but it feels less certain than others I’ve put together, probably because of the same reasons. Grateful to be embarking on this creative journey, even though I’m a bit uncertain about the process and nervous about the cost.
5/31/25: Took a few months off from writing here. Not really planned just kinda happened and once it went a few weeks, I figured maybe it was healthy to give a pause?! Or maybe just being lazy. Either way, I’ve been thinking about it more lately and decided to come back, at least for now. I’ve been keeping up with my monthly substack and Rawkstars newsletter, so I’m getting some writing in and it’s good to be sharing some pieces with the outside world again.
Finally got an agreement with Bob about vacating Azalea. I spent a horrible 3 hours in housing court with the mediator and team from Nexus, who have been a disappointment. Without the gory details, I offered Bob 3 months free rent in exchange for signing a document that he would vacate by August 31st. So we’ll have 3 months this summer to wait for him to move and collect zero rent. It’s not amazing to lose the $ but honestly felt like the best outcome. At least we know a fixed amount that it’s costing us and we can hopefully breathe easy that he will leave, since the agreement includes a clause that he owes us the money back if he isn’t gone and it would really be a bad eviction outcome should he not leave of his own accord. The idea of going back to court and the lawyer that Nexus provided was absolutely awful. I couldn’t stomach any of that. Bob actually came over at the end of the whole thing and shook me hand and thanked me for helping his family and that he wouldn’t forget it. It was nice to hear and I told him I never wished him anything but good luck. So funny how different perspectives come into play and god willing, we will have the place empty by end of summer and can get it cleaned up and on the market sometime in September. Hard to know 100% but I have a strong pull towards just keeping that money, paying the taxes and having access to a liquid pile of cash. It goes against my general pattern of trying to plan for the future and preserve the money while also growing it but maybe this is what it took for me to realize that life is now. Having the security and peace of mind that we’ve got enough $ to deal with all the life happenings that come up, help the kids and do some travel and maybe improving our own house feels kinda right.
Got a meeting setup with the folks at Plymouth B&GC! It’s been a few months since their name came up and I’ve heard so much second hand info about the club and their teen center program, especially the Flynn Foundation component. I have Levitate and SSMC already committed to $5k in funding so hoping there is a relationship to be had between us. Would be another great hurdle to get over and have some proximity with Marshfield, to building a south shore center of excellence.
Cassandra sent me a pic of her baby Oliver wearing the black AB/CD onesie I bought him 🙂 So cute and it really made me smile. Seeing the next generation emerging through friends children is awesome.
Spent a few hours alone with Bella last weekend. She came down without Travis and Lisa already had plans with Judy and Q was out with Erin. We went to Fall River and hung outside in the park for a while then went to get lunch. It was really nice and she told me about her friend who has been having a hard time with her family. Sounds like Bella has taken her under her wing a bit and it was super sweet to hear the empathy and compassion in her voice. She’s also in pursuit of a new job, which I think is great. She’s so young in her career and broadening horizons is probably a smart move. Especially with her having to tackle overnights, just to take the extra $. If she can make more and go back to day shift while adding to her resume and meeting more people in the industry it seems like a good move, at least from afar. I’m proud of her for not getting down, doing what she has to and for thriving in a tough financial environment.
Had the showcase at the prison yesterday with the BBB kids. It went well, though kinda cringy in a few spot with regards to lyrics. I don’t think anything bad will come of it as the folks in attendance are probably used to the kids blowing off that kind of steam. That said, I need to do a better job with the teachers of making it super clear about the content, especially during the showcases. It’s one thing in the privacy of class, but in front of a room with many women, we need to keep it respectful and positive. Part of our curriculum is supposed to be helping the kids grow, and that needs to become more visible to outsiders when the hear the kids perform. Afterward, I was chatting a bit with some of the staff and think there’s some motivation there to collaborate on ways to make that happen. I think that will only strengthen the program and our relationship with the school.
Also had a good call with Sean, the principal at LMACS, the charter school in Lowell. Fingers crossed we’ll be starting something there in the fall. Paul would be running the class and I think that would be a great development for us. Truth will also be part of our team consulting and being the one who introduced us to LMACS, I’m glad to be able to include him in the budget with a meaningful role in shaping the program. Sean seemed pretty committed to it and we talked about the budget, etc. We haven’t gotten a 100% go yet, but I believe that will be forthcoming. Ending 2025 with Fall River, Marshfield, Plymouth, RITS and LMACS would be absolutely fantastic. In addition to our Rawk Enroll kids being up to 25, we’d be in the neighborhood of 150 kids per week – which is just incredible. Fingers crossed I can bring these two new programs into the fold, keep everyone happy and continue to grow our little business.
3/26/25: Got to the gym and started a new cycle of moves. Legs are killing but glad I made it in. Hopeful to get back this afternoon after some morning errands and try to keep momentum. Feeling a bit weird coming off whole30. Feeling like I want to binge and trying to introduce foods again, and enjoy myself, without skidding and crashing. Finding balance continues to be a struggle, but I’m thankful for continuing to try.
Took a walk and had lunch with Q, as his flying got cancelled yesterday and we were both home. Work has been lighter for me in terms of meetings, so I can dig that and spending time with him is a great pleasure. Grateful we are so close.
3/24/25: Fun day having lunch at the Bento’s yesterday. Bella and Q came up and we went through old pics. He’s been on a family tree kick the last while and Bella is really into the family pics too, so it was pretty fun. I also ate some cornbread with the soup and it felt nice to have it. B has been around much more the last several weeks, since Travis is nearby and I think she’s also trying to keep busy and misses us genuinely. It’s nice and I’m thankful the kids still wanna hang with us.
3/23/25: Made it to the gym. I’m not crushing it or any such thing but have had a decent pattern of stretching, light exercise and some walking over the last 30 days, along with the eating program. I’m feeling better as described and know I could amp it up a bit. I’d like to see if I can ease the throttle up a little this coming month and increase without making too large of an increase. If I could drop even a couple lbs in the coming month and keep my momentum going similar to today that would be great. Slow and steady as they say and not doing more that will make me feel like throwing in the towel. Thankful for small progress.
3/22/25: Feeling a bit better about my dressing down. I’ve given it genuine consideration and respect for Jon’s pov. That said, I disagree pretty strongly with much of his characterization of how I handled things w him. I respect his thoughts and will take something away from it positive and move on.
I’m nearing the end of whole30 in terms of timing. I think today is my 28th day and I feel better. I’m definitely having cravings lately for new items and feeling like I want to reintroduce things. Of course I’m craving grains the most and anything with crunch. I’d like to considering adding bread back in, but perhaps can focus on homemade/bread with real ingredients. I feel like I could live without dairy, though I do miss bits of cheese. I could probably hold off there for a while longer, same with alcohol. Grateful to be feeling some improvement and have my weight at least being managed.
I got nice text messages from Mike Mooney and Richie in the last couple days. Mike reached out after I shared the latest Rawkstars BBB trailer, which got a lot of positive reaction online. He and I don’t talk that much anymore, not so much because of any falling out, but just changes in each of our lives. It felt good to hear from him 1:1 instead of just at some gig or whatever. Richie texted me a sticker on some van of the Bruins logo. He randomly saw it in a parking lot and said it made him think of me. We were super close for a long time and I miss him a lot. We don’t talk near enough and getting that tiny random touchpoint felt really good. I told both of them so.
3/21/25: Got a scathing email from Jon Hope yesterday in regards to our recent ‘partnerships’. He essentially called me a ‘colonialist’ for not following through enough, throwing him breadcrumbs and capitalizing on his time and content for my own purposes. It was pretty shocking and I’ve been definitely bothered by it since it came. I had thought we were developing a pretty good friendship. I know the biz stuff hadn’t come together as fully as he would like, but it’s only been a short time that we’ve been collaborating officially. He pointed out some things that I own up to, around communications and responsiveness, but I really didn’t expect or concur with his other observations. I’m giving it time to sink in and not dwelling too hard, but reading those kind of accusations about my character is jarring to say the least. Jon is a smart dude and I genuinely enjoyed all the stuff we did together. I did get a vibe from him a few times that biz and money were at the core of our connection but I passed those feelings off as nothing to focus on. It’s an opportunity to learn and improve on my mistakes, most of which I can see stem from my over zealousness to expand our programs and bring in other folks as business partners. I do think there is room for that going forward but I’ll have to make sure it’s something I can commit to managing, being more open about and doing a better job of finding someone with the same goals and work style as me. Hurt but hopeful.
3/18/25: Got the SS Music Circus grant submitted yesterday. It represents $5k which I’d love to use to get a program kicked off in Plymouth, which Levitate has already pledged $5k towards. It would be another dynamic partnership with a legendary local arts/music org and Plymouth is supposedly an immensely well funded music program. Proud and grateful to have been nominated by old friend Shawn Radley and newer friend Vince Luongo who book and run the venues respectively.
Q told us he is supposed to be entitled to $5,5k per semester in reimbursement funds at Bridgewater?! I don’t really understand how any of this works, but Erin seemingly confirmed as well. I filled out the fafsa which is supposed to be a prerequisite and my fingers are crossed hugely that this is accurate. We don’t have much left in his college fund and probably enough to get through the rest of this semester and for him to get the first pilot rating. Had been planning to secure the Azalea funds by then and to make a plan to sort out the next year of tuition, but this would go a looong way towards his license if it turns out to be accurate.
Also had a phone call with Nexus about Azalea and they have submitted a request to the lawyer for a court date to determine Bob’s fate. Dunno what to expect but am prepared for multiple months and court dates, etc. to get him to vacate. I hate how this feels and wish there were a more human way, but I tried to give him a lot of time to prepare and move, but it hasn’t resulted in anything. Honestly, not sure that I can go down this road again in terms of being a landlord. We still have the PVD spot of course but divesting ourselves of that is also on the table, depending on the outcome here. I’m thankful for all the good luck we’ve had as real estate investors and even with this setback/stress, I’m so glad to have gotten us into that realm and for all it’s brought us.
3/17/25: Had the fam over yesterday for Qs and Nana’s bdays. It was mellow and Travis and Erin both joined, which really was nice. I grilled steak and chicken and stuck with the whole30, which I’m on day 22 now. My mom was pumped and it felt good to make her feel good. Quincy showed off his family tree project, which was a big hit. Travis told us he got a real job in finance which made me happy to hear. He’s a good kid and seems to be trying hard to improve his situation in life, and Bella seems really happy with him which is of course #1. Thankful for a small party and some laughs with the kids and crew.
3/16/25: I feel like I’ve been a bit anti-social lately. Last few weeks skated on parties that took place. I do enjoy being home and the big parties are tough for me in terms of eating/drinking, but I feel like I haven’t made enough effort to connect with people. Just noticing and wanted to write it here for future sake.
I’m a full 3 weeks into whole30 and exercising in the mornings. I feel better but haven’t really dropped a lot of weight. I have lost some, though since I didn’t weigh in originally, I’m not positive how much. It probably doesn’t matter but I invariably but too much emphasis on my weight, and I would like it to go down. Feeling better is good though and I need to reinforce that with myself, weight is not the ultimate metric. I also need to be patient and can’t get derailed because I’ve only dropped a few lbs in 3 weeks, instead of 10 or some number I’d be pumped about. It took me 2 years to gain this 30ish lbs and if it takes 2 years to drop it, it will still be well worth it!
3/15/25: Our realtor Chris Perry visited Azalea yesterday to take pics of the place inside. Bob is definitely not primed to move and we are 100% going to be pursuing eviction come the end of this month. I’m happy to hear the condo looks good inside and needs only some small repairs. I’m going to get moving on those now, at Chris’ suggestion and keep working towards getting the place empty in the coming months. I know it’s going to cost us and be a stress point but there’s no other path forward at this point. Bracing for the process and thankful to be nearing some point of movement, even if that movement is going to be painful. Also grateful for Chris’ help and support, we’re going to need some level headed, experienced folks helping us get through this.
3/14/25: Busy on the Scribl side lately and hopeful that things will continue on a positive trajectory there. There continues to be a weekly swing between big events and living on the edge. I guess that’s par for the course there and I’m being patient with waiting for my $ for February, which is a few weeks overdue at this point. I’m cool with giving those guys every possible benefit considering they were there for me in my darkest hour. I do hope that things will take off, not so much for my own enrichment as it would be hard to walk away from the Rawkstars path, regardless of what they might offer. I want them to be successful for their own sake and for the sake of the product, which I am proud to have helped along.
3/12/25: Spoke with SSPH / Rebecca who represents the south shore music circus / cape cod melody tent. They have a grant program and we’ll be applying for $5k from them. Feeling thankful for old friend Shawn Radley, who was the booker at Deringers. He turned me on to Vince Longo, who he works with booking those venues. Vince then connected me to Rebecca, who runs the foundation side. Goes to show how relationships can be genuine connectors and play such a huge role in success and making progress on this journey. They would be another amazing music/arts/local partner for us in the region that everyone knows.
3/11/25: Locked everything down with B&GC Fall River yesterday and created a budget for the 4 sessions. Pretty psyched it came together so quickly. I’m still waiting to confirm 100% with the instructor on Nicole’s side. I also talked with Bella about Courtney as a possible option. She has teaching experience with kids and I could probably get her at a lower cost than Nicole’s Music Therapist. I’m going to give her every chance to fill the spot, since I want to invest in our partnership, so we’ll see what the next couple days brings. Grateful to Patrick at Narrows for helping make it happen and for the staff at B&GC giving us a chance.
3/10/25: Bracing for the eviction process with Bob. He told me today they still haven’t found a place, and with 3 weeks remaining in the month, it’s unlikely he’s going to figure it out. It’s a shame and I hate to go down this road but I feel like I need to commit at this point. I’ve been as patient as possible with a full 10 months for him to sort this. I know it’s going to such, be stressful and involve us paying thousands of dollars in fees, but I don’t know what the alternative is. I want more than ever to cash out of Azalea, given this scenario and extending him more time isn’t going to solve, because clearly he’s not motivated to leave. I suppose after 3 rental properties and nearly 15 years of landlording is a good run and this was bound to happen eventually. It’s going to leave a sour taste for whatever our next step is and perhaps it’s my cue to divest all our properties and figure out the next phase of our long-term savings/investment? I won’t take that leap yet as there is going to be work ahead first. Thankful that my problem involves losing some money, in the face of making a lot. I know it could be worse, but I must admit it’s feeling stressful and heavy already and we’re not even at the critical juncture yet.
3/9/25: We had a family lunch yesterday with Bella, Travis, Q an Erin. We went to 2 Jerks, as we had to stay close since Erin had to work. It was fun and nice to get that crew together for the first time. I know Bella has been feeling bad that we haven’t gotten to know Traivs, and we wanted her to feel that we were trying to change that. It was also my first time eating out on whole30 and I did pretty well. I ordered roasted chicken with chimichurri which I think was compliant. I passed on the sides except for a cucumber salad and felt full afterward. I’ve been eating a solid amount but keeping to the code pretty darn closely. I know I’ve dropped a few lbs but didn’t weigh myself at the outset, so not sure exactly how much. I am feeling better and also due to the gym, moving more and using my muscles. It’s only been a few weeks but I’m proud of myself for getting some momentum and feeling ok about continuing with whole30 for a while longer.
3/8/25: Met with Peter Mello at Art Complex in Duxbury yesterday. Got connected with him from Matt Stone. Peter used to run waterfire, a PVD staple and we know lots of the same people. Dunno if anything will turn out with them in terms of working together, but it was a great convo and definitely a resource I feel like I can tap into with a long track record of biz development a a big network. In fact, he knows Nicole Dufresne really well, who is the CEO of the PVD B&GC network. I met with her a while back when I was working with Gary and I thought she was super cool. Getting into the PVD clubs would be HUGE, as there are 4+ locations and cover the whole city. At some point in the next couple weeks I’m going to reach out to Nicole and see if I can reignite with her to talk about it.
Thankful for the help of so many cool people.
3/7/25: Got another substack out yesterday, after a longer than desired break. Felt good though probably not my best piece. Still I had some nice replies from people I don’t always talk to. I met Rizz for coffee and it’s always good to connect with him. He’s a good dude and we always have good conversation. I also met with Pat over at Levitate and that continues to evolve. I’ve gotta learn to take things a bit slower, as I sometimes feel like I’ve overwhelming, probably since I have so many ideas and am eager to work with them more. Anyways, he’s a good dude too and we have a good vibe. He agreed to support a second music program and once I’m settled in with Fall River, I want to try and target Plymouth. I think that would make an amazing south shore combo and of course its right in the Levitate wheelhouse. I also finally got a callback from someone at South Shore Music Circus after talking with Vince back in January. It was the woman who oversees the foundation and she sent me over an application. Psyched to have a chance to get on their radar and to bring in another potential music org into our fold. Timing could be good considering the above south shore thoughts. Thankful for continuing to draw opportunities to Rawkstars.
3/5/25: Heard from Bella yesterday that she didn’t get the job she interviewed for. My heart sank a bit as I know the sting that comes from those rejections, especially when you get your hopes up. She seems even keeled about it but I also know she is struggling a bit financially, for the first time in a while. Splitting with Cam meant her bills went way up. She also has a huge tax bill stemming from her egg donations and non payment of taxes against all that income. She’ll get through it but she’s being forced to make decisions she doesn’t want to, like going back to overnights at work, for the sake of money. It’s hard going through this stuff yourself, but also hard as a parent. I’m not sure if I had such strong feelings about the kids life circumstance when they were younger, but as a more mature person I’m feeling them more acutely. I know that Bella will persist and in time she will find a better paying gig, move in with Travis or someone, and things will improve in her financial world. I’m also hopeful to be part of the solution for both kids, in ensuring they have the best possible start to their adult lives and continued support from me and Lisa even as they become adults. We certainly can’t do everything for them but we are in position to help in times of need and for that I’m super thankful.
3/4/25: Sorted out the Duda issues and have the site up! Still needs some TLC but getting over that tech hurdle felt good. Glad I still have some tech chops to figure this shit out. Still haven’t replied to the Thrive guys yet. I’m unsure what to say and that always makes me procrastinate. I’m getting things settled with the Fall River program and have Rilla on tap to lead the studio sessions. I’m meeting with Nicole Friday in hopes of locking in her teacher for the other class and for summer. If that comes together things should be in a good place to kickoff on March 25th. That will be another milestone for us and be a real feather in the cap, moving ahead to an event at the Narrows in support of the program. I also got confirmation from Colleen in Marshfield about the summer classes there and that brings a small increase in revenue as well as another session of classes to showcase the kiddos.
Got back to the gym yesterday and today, starting week #2 strong. Eating is still solid. I’ve been hungry a lot but I know part of that is from being at home these last couple days. I generally leave the house more on Monday but been home the last couple, as well as today. If that’s going to continue, making some kind of plan to be elsewhere for at least part of the afternoon would be good, so I’m not just sitting home tempted to eat when I get bored. I’m proud of myself and definitely notice a bit of extra energy as well as a slight change in the mirror. Thankful for a tiny bit of progress and some motivation with winter beginning to slowly fade!
3/3/25: Having some tech issues with getting the Sorella site launched in Duda. It’s tough volleying back and forth without access to all the accounts my client has. Definitely more work than expected on this project. It coincides with another offer I have to do some consulting with Thrive Outside on their road race campaign later this year. I like those guys and it’s hard to turn down work, but this is reminding me of what too much juggling feels like. I need to respond to those guys and am leaning towards politely declining. It’s a weird feeling for me, since my instinct is to say yes and see if it leads to other work. Thankful to be asked and for some clarity around making a hard choice.
3/2/25: Made it a full week on whole30. It’s been a bit of a challenge, mostly in the being prepared front. Also, not having the option generally to go out to eat. I do think that’s possible, but saving that challenge for another time. Looking back, I didn’t go hungry and ate basically when and as much as I felt like. I did start to get sick of some of the flavors and lack of crunch, but that’s to be expected. Looking forward to week #2 and rising to the challenge. I also got to the gym yesterday after skipping Friday. Felt good and I took my time and got through the workout without much trouble. I plan to take today off though I will stretch and spend the day shopping and prepping more food for the week. Thankful.
Getting Quickbooks setup so I can start paying everyone as official contractors and sending 1099’s at year’s end, including for myself. It’s a necessary step at this point with the biz growing and although it’s costing me extra and may cause some extra work, I need to do it. I explored bringing a financial person on board to handle all this, plus bookkeeping and taxes. I’m supposed to meet him again next week to get a price, but honestly, I probably will keep it on my own plate. It’s not a ton of work and spending like $4k a year seems better used eleswhere. It’s one of those good problems, from running a growing business and I’m thankful to be juggling these tasks.
3/1/25: Funky last few days with Lisa. We had a disagreement a few nights ago, surrounding my latest attempt at diet/exercise. Sounds fucked up even typing that and it’s a good representation of how I feel, meaning I don’t really understand fully why. Essentially, Lisa recommended a workout plan that her program uses. I started doing it, since it only requires 15 minutes / 2 exercises per day. I’m also doing the stretching routine and as described, began eating whole30 as well. After the first few days she started asking me more questions about eating and what my long term plan was. She also told me I should start tracking my calories and macros and protein intake. I really didn’t want to do any of that so I said no. I also tried to explain that I didn’t really have a long-term plan and that I wanted to try whole30 because I had success doing it in the past and I remember how good it made me feel. It is somewhat extreme, especially at the outset, but that I don’t intend to eat that way forever and the plan doesn’t really encourage that. Anyways, she got upset because I didn’t listen to her advice. She said I’m always encouraging her to become a trainer or similar, but that I won’t take her advice myself. I’m glad she thinks I’ve been encouraging, because I’ve tried to be. But I don’t understand how she took it so personally that I decided to compliment her exercise reco with my own decision about whole30. It also felt extremely unsettling to have an argument stem from me trying to do something so difficult for myself and something she’s encouraged me to do and that I know she has been waiting for me to take action on. It felt like she made it about herself and her feelings and how I should have accepted her pov instead of moving ahead with what I felt good about trying. Anyhow, it’s led to basically a cold shoulder routine for a couple days now. It’s thawed slightly but still lingers in the air. I’m not good at resolving these things and am gunshy about bringing up the conversation as I feel like saying these things will result in worsening the situation. Despite all this I am thankful to have had an excellent week of self care. I made it to the gym 5/6 days and am on day 7 of whole30. I feel better physically, my muscles have felt sore from use instead of stagnant and I can tell my stomach is down slightly. I’ve been able to keep up with meal prep which is the hardest part since you can’t really eat out or grab things quickly if they’re not on hand.
2/28/25: Continuing with my morning exercise / stretching routine this week as well as whole30. I’ve got 5 days in now and feeling good. The biggest thing is making food regularly and having stuff on hand to eat. I’m doing my best to put in the effort and am thankful to even get through a short period of time. I’m not going to get ahead of myself and simply want to try and continue for one more day. Today.
I also had a walk with Jerry at Massassoit on Wednesday and planning to make that a weekly thing. He’s a good guy and we talk about spiritual stuff as well as music of course. He’s going through life change with his girl leaving him and bad realationships with his grown kids, but seems to be doing well despite those things, especially as compared to when I saw him last a few months back. I’m glad to have someone to try and spend time with who wants to be active. I don’t really have that outlet from anyone else and my friend group is small to begin with.
Bombshell from the Purdy’s telling us that they are selling their house! Dave was one of the people involved with the lawsuit against the casino a few years back and recently it has come back to life. Seems like that was the biggest factor for him wanting to move, and once he decided, it was a fast process to find a new place. I’m happy for them, and hope they will find joy in their new spot. It’s a bit sad for our street considering we’ve all been here 23+ years. It was bound to happen of course, but now that it’s here it feels odd. Thinking of someone else across the street is strange, though of course there’s the potential for it being someone awesome, which I’ll be looking forward to.
2/25/25: WENT TO THE GYM 2 DAYS IN A ROW. as indicated by all caps, it’s been a minute. Lisa gave me a ’15 minute’ routine from her gym friends and I’m giving it a go. I feel good about myself and got there in the morning both days. Goal is to make a morning routine that kicks me off instead of simply going from bed to couch. I’m continuing to stretch too, though today was rough since my legs are burning from the workout and I couldn’t really move well. I’m also clean eating and have 3 days in the books there. I know, it sounds like a huge sea change and it probably is. That said, my easing into shit wasn’t yielding any movement and so trying to combine these habits is where I’m at. I want to take it slow and focus on one day/workout/meal at a time. Thankful that I’ve mustered some courage to try again.
2/23/25: Got a 7 day streak of stretching today. I do notice an improvement in my shoulder and general posture I think too. Thinking about doing a whole30 stretch to try and give myself guardrails for eating that I cannot seem to impose otherwise. I’ve stopped taking the zepbound and I do feel a bit less ‘in control’ but it’s not like I was rigidly stable on it either. I think it’s best if I move on from that and see about getting myself into the gym, stretching and walking more. Another day, another chance to succeed.
The last week I had some good meetings with B&GC Fall River and that is getting closer to fruition. The have a weird schedule that I’m trying to fully digest between 8-week program cycles, a summer camp offsite and some other ‘dead times’ in the calendar. I think it’s going to come out to around a 42 week program, but with extra summer hours it might wind up being in the same realm of cost and I can probably afford to pay the instructors more, in hopes of locking in great talent. I’m probably going to ask Nicole at SEC to staff one of the classes with a music therapist and I already reached out to old friend Rilla, who would be a great leader of the studio class program.
Had a good week at Scribl as I got Rich Hua to send an email out to his EPIC group on our behalf and we got 400+ signups. We’re on the hook to do something with them now, but getting his support is meaningful, especially so to Matt and Jeff. I’d been feeling a bit lax in adding value with those guys so it feels good to do something to make them happy. I am hopeful they are successful in continuing to attract enough $ to keep things going this year. It always seems they are on the edge of disaster but I think that’s just how they roll and have been in that mode for years before I showed up. The income is definitely helping and still accounts for more than 50% of my pay. Rawkstars is increasing but I’m not yet ready to land on paying myself full income on that side yet. Perhaps if I can make more strides this year and attract some grant funding, it will be a reality for 2026? I’m thankful either way for both RS and Scribl. Without either I’d be struggling and having support from multiple fronts is a good place to be for now.
2/17/25: Did some morning stretching for the first time in forever. Man, it was so friggin hard, but also awesome. I’ve done a real disservice to myself with how I’ve managed (or not) my physical health. I know beating myself up isn’t helpful and the idea is to move on and take steps towards rectifying. I stretched again today. Walking is a good place to start and I’ve done a couple cold air walks with Lisa the last few days. Starting with a better morning / routine I think is going to be important. I’m aiming to kick off my day at 7 and use the first part to stretch and hopefully walk, or similar movement. Thankful that I’m still in one piece and although I’m not nearly in as good of shape as I was just a few years ago, I want to find my way back to balance between thriving professionally and creatively as well as mentally AND physically. I seem to excel in specific areas at the expense of the others. Grateful for another opportunity to try today.
2/16/25: Went to Joe’s yesterday while he mixed the McCartney tune. Did a great job and I knew he’d be able to clean up the messyness of the performances far better than I could have ever done. He’s fast at honing in on the sounds too, as far as eq and compression, etc. of course that comes with spending thousands of hours in front of Logic mixing everything under the sun. One thing I noticed was he zeroes in on the ‘presence’ of the instruments more than I would personally consider. It gives everything a sheen and separation to some degree that is helpful for certain kinds of mixes. Psyched to be onto the video portion which I’ll be doing at Massimoto on Tuesday w/Dave D. Grateful for such talented friends!
2/15/25: @RITS yesterday with Renan. Shot some short interviews with Francois and Jayden, to supplement the audio bits for the documentary. I brought Renan along as I figured we might as well shoot instead of just gathering audio. Now I have that footage to make a short teaser about the program. Jayden in particular seems like such a wise, talented kid. He’s clearly smart and I don’t know what he did to get locked up but I’m totally rooting for the kid to turn shit around.
We also got a matching gift check from the battlegreen event last year and earlier in the week the MCC grant also finally arrived. About $5k between the two, but important milestones for Rawkstars, especially getting in with MCC, who are one of the larger funding arts groups in massachusetts. A few months into 2025 and our cash flow situation is even better than where we started. I’ve got operating funds for at least 4 more months and expected program fees from RITS and B&GC coming shortly, not including the Fall River program which I hope will officially kickoff this spring. Feeling thankful to be able to see the business grow while also continuing to generate real impact for kids in all these locations.
2/14/25: Visited B&GC of Fall River yesterday with Patrick from The Narrows. Visit went awesome and they are ready to move ahead with a Rawkstars music program! Patrick is old friends with the CEO, so he had introduced the concept already and it made the conversation super simple. We toured the club with a couple of the program and funding folks and the space is great. There are plenty of options for music and even a small control room / vocal booth we can commandeer in the super nice teen center. I outlined the cost at around $35k, and Narrows is on board to cover $10k, by way of an annual fundraising gig. Leaving the $25 to B&GC. They have some grant money already on hand and seemed confident about generating the rest. I think there is a ton of room for impact here and partnering with Narrows is a genuine honor and yet another great partnership for Rawkstars. So thankful to Patrick for being so gracious not only to introduce us, but getting behind it financially. Huge accomplishment for 2025 and it’s only mid-February!
2/13/25: Connected with Shannon, the new grant writer I’m trying out. She really seems great and presented me with a list of opportunities that sound much more worthwhile than most of what my current partners have shared. They are orgs that are very arts focused and offer operating grants, with no limit on geography. She also has a much better process I believe that will result in genuine writing being generated, as opposed to simply replying to questions. The storytelling piece is definitely missing from our current slate of work and I haven’t personally seen any of the applications Steve has submitted. It’s going to be a few months of overlap when I have to pay both parties but seems like a worthwhile investment to ensure she is the right fit before I cut these guys loose. All this has been a learning experience for me and I’m thankful even for the missteps, in hopes they will lead me to a better trajectory down the road.
2/12/25: Met up with Dave Yuknat for lunch. He’s been a good friend since Upromise days and his family foundation is the biggest supporter financially, that Rawkstars has. They’ve supported us to the tune of about 60k+ over the last several years, nobody even comes close. Anyways, we caught up on life and I’m not asking for any support atm, just want to continue nurturing a great relationship. Of course I filled him in on what we’ve been doing with their funds and he seemed genuinely impressed. I feel a sense of responsibility to ensure he knows that his support is warranted and it felt good to give him the update. It’s also helpful for me to listen to myself when I tell people about all the positive developments and projects going on. It’s so damn easy for me to look past what’s happened and concentrate on what’s next. I’ve gotten much better at that over the years but still suffer from that on occasion. Grateful to have Dave in my corner and to be able to kick it over lunch with an old friend and nothing more.
2/11/25: Week 3 of the Restorative Justice program last night. I enjoy the sessions, though carving out the 2 hours in the evening is a lot. I’m thankful to be part of the group and the process is cool, though I don’t feel like I’m learning a ton, given the time. Work has been busy and I continue to juggle lots of projects and meetings. Glad to be busy but feeling a bit uneven in trying to get my priorities straight.
2/10/25: Superbowl. The NFL has become so weak that I’m far less invested in it than ever. Between the rule changes that have made games a laughingstock, to their insatiable apetite for growth at all costs, namely endless betting. It’s terrible for the world and I’m sick of these conglomerates never being satisfied and not giving a shit about the world as they ruin lives without regret in the name of money. We had it on with Q and talked about the halftime show at least. We also did pushups which felt good and gave some value to the experience.
It snowed the prior night for the first real snow of the winter. Lisa and I did our morning thing and shoveled out the cars, driveway, etc. It’s another ‘chore’ type activity that I can see beauty in and embrace the tedium. Grateful for anytime that can happen.
2/9/25: Went to the Led Zeppelin doc yesterday w/ Q. It was really cool and the sound was a highlight. Felt like they were jamming right in front of us. It was also great going together and at the beginning, they showed a video of Page jamming at his school when he was like 10 years old , totally nerdy and awkward. Q leans over and says “10 years later he wrote Dazed & Confused and nothing was ever the same” and I was like, Fuck yes!
Been a busy few weeks with Scribl and Rawkstars. Lots of good brewing there but I’ll save writing more until some other activity happens.
I also met with the women who run Thrive Outside. I met with one of them last year and they’re asking me about possible consulting work. I like them very much and am kinda torn about it. I’ve been juggling a lot on the work side and feel like my time is best spent doubling down on the two clients I have. That said, it’s always hard to turn down new work and $. We haven’t formally had that conversation yet, so I don’t need to decide just now. It’s really nice to be wanted and I’m so thankful for where I am professionally, as compared with 2 short years ago.
Bella and I have been texting and she has a job interview setup for next week sometime. It sounds like a great opporunity and a bit of an upgrade on the money side. She was lamenting her current role while we were in Cancun, so I’m thrilled to hear about it. She sounded a bit down on the prospects of changing jobs and I tried to give her a pep talk without being too much of an asshole. Seeing her land an interview just a few weeks later is awesome. I’m rooting for her as I know it will be a great confidence builder if she gets an offer. She’s such a resilient person and I’m very proud of all she is doing.
2/1/25: Had the showcase event at RITS yesterday and it was fabulous. About 30 staff came down to see the kids and they killed it. They performed 4 songs and a few were nervous but overcame it splendidly. After the music, each of the kids shared a bit about the program and it was amazing. Francois in particular had the crowd in near tears as he talked about how it made him feel human and how they deserved to be treated well. He’s been in RITS for 2 years and told me he has a ton of legal issues in front of him. I tried to reassure him that Rawkstars would do everything to help I said “don’t worry when you do get out, we’ll be there for you.” and he said “no, I’ll be there for you!” it was very touching and did my heart good to see how much the kids really embrace the music. Seeing them get positive reinforcement from so many felt great too. Proud of them and for what Rawkstars brought to their lives.
Held a little poker game at the house last night, me and Q played with Doug and Kevin Kast, Rob, Munro and Mike Andrews came by. It was awesome to hang with that crew and really nice to connect with new/old faces. I won a few bucks and nobody really got beat too bad, which was the goal. Everyone had fun and laughed a lot.
1/30/25: Weighed in this morning at 269. That’s a tick below where I was prior to Cancun. I waited a week before weighing in, because I really overdid it and feared what the scale would do to me. I know it’s foolish, but I’m proud of myself for getting back on track right away and having a really good week of healthy consumption. It felt good to see that I could veer off without careening off a cliff. I’ve also had a fair bit of pushups this week and mental wellness too. Thankful.
Had class #2 of the restorative justice with Noble and crew. We started getting into a bit about the concepts and ideas of RJ, which I had been waiting for. We also had a share where Noble broke down, talking about his first interaction with the law, stemming from assaulting his dad. He spoke of waiting years for the moment when he would be strong/big enough to prevent his old man from beating him and his mom. The idea of that being someone’s goal is crazy enough, but to have the result of it land you in juvenile jail, without any regard for the circumstances and subsequent destruction of his life is really heavy. I was struck by lots of revelations in this area since I can’t ever imagine many of those circumstances and never connected with someone deep enough to learn about them. Noble is a good dude and I’m really glad to have crossed paths with him.
1/28/25: Started a 3 week class on restorative justice last night. My man Noble is running it along with some others from his shop TPP. I’m hoping to learn some stuff that will help inform the BBB curriculum that we can implement at RITS and bake into our approach. I’m excited to be part of the cohort and sharing and interacting with new folks. I enjoy that greatly.
1/27/25: Saw Alyssa and Abi yesterday as they’re in town for a hockey tournament and to see some colleges. Love those guys and it felt nice to catch up in person. All the kiddos are growing up and blooming. Wyatt is doing much better and enrolling in nursing school, which is such great news, given his last 6 months of turmoil. Rob was there too and it’s always good seeing him also. Thankful to have such a great family.
Took some time to write a Rawkstars newsletter and launch it today after god knows how long. Not sure wtf is my lack of motivation on that, since I clearly spend a lot of time writing. In any case, it felt good as well and I am pledging to add that to my monthly task list and start developing that channel which has been completely stagnant for years. I spent a few hours capturing and totalling my milage for tax purposes. I’ll be heading to see Ed soon and that’s a big part of my biz deductions. Again, felt good to be productive and cross something off that I needed to do but stalled on.
I’ve been doing some light pushups in the morning since getting back from vaca. Yesterday, I actually did the football pushup thing as I had the game on in the background. It sounds small and it is, but for me, any kind of physical motivation is big. Feeling like I’m getting past the post vaca fatness, and hopeful to build some momentum and break the plateau after dropping 10lbs these last few months.
1/25/24: Spent 4 days in Cancun with the family and Erin, thus been offline a lot. Trip was good, though the weather wasn’t nearly as perfect as we hoped. It rained one full day and sprinkled a bit outside of that. There was generally overcast skies except one day that was sunny and parts of other days when it peeked out. That was a bummer but I think everyone held up well and made the most of the time together. We of course ate a ton and drank, as is expected on these trips. I was disappointed in myself but turning around since getting back and feeling ok atm. Q ordered room service incessantly, which was funny to watch. Never saw him eat that much but it also was apparent he enjoyed it. It was nice having Erin along too, although she can be tough to read and had moments of trepidation while flying. Bella was a bit moody, I think in part because she was alone and Travis didn’t come, and also due to the lack of blazing sun, which she loves. That said, I’m glad we had the opportunity to spend the time together and formed more memories. I’m super thankful to be able to afford such luxuries, even though our $ is nowhere near what it used to be. I know the kids appreciated the effort and expense. It also always reinforces how good things are at home for us. There were even a few times when I found myself longing for simply being on the couch and watching tv quietly with Lisa, despite the fact we were in such a beautiful luxurious place.
1/18/25: Delivery day for MoW yesterday. It’s been thin lately with a few folks dropping off the list. It’s part of the process and I’ve seen several come and go. Winter time is also less prone to hang out and chat with Mike Banner or Wesley or anyone else, so the route goes really quick. I’m thankful I stumbled into this a couple years back and today I’m reflecting on where I was two years ago, struggling mightily with my moment to moment existence and doubting myself in just about every way. Today I’m packing for our Cancun trip tomorrow and running a growing nonprofit business in my own vision on my own terms. Our financial situation isn’t as good as it once was, but it’s still pretty good. We aren’t as flush each week on the cash flow but we’re getting by without going into debt and still have a decent slush fund under our feet. At some point, we’ll get past the Azalea property and be really flush. The original plan was to roll up into a larger rental and increase our cash flow to subsidize the loss of income. That may happen but the longer time goes by the more inclined I’m feeling towards just keeping the money, putting it into a low risk account and just living. Take some vacations, pay off Qs school and just enjoy a cushion instead of always planning for the future. We’ll see but either way, I’m thankful to be writing all this 2 years removed from the lowest point of my life.
1/17/25: Visited Bella in Worcester yesterday for mani/pedi appointments that she made me us for Xmas 🙂 – it felt good to get the treatment and was even better spending a few hours together. We were at the spa for about 2 hours, then grabbed lunch at a falafel place, then sat for coffee afterwards before heading home. Bella is awesome and it seems like she is doing really great, post Cam, etc. I’m proud of her and thankful to have such an awesome daughter. The spa was fun too and we all left feeling special 🙂
1/16/25: Had a slow day yesterday, not many meetings. I did manage to help out around the house and started by using up a bunch of food before we head on vaca. I made some bone chicken, squash and wax beans. The simple act of cooking is always pleasant and a good way to pay attention to the now. It feels good to nurture myself and others with good food, and using things on hand to do so.
1/15/25: Met with Heather and the team at RITS and discussed an end of semester showcase, and also confirmed we’re moving ahead with another semester. Super excited and that’s huge for Rawkstars and the continued development of our curriculum. We talked about a Friday rotation of once per month overlapping with the last period of school and working with the teachers on a shared topic related to music. Something like that sounds exciting though we’ll have to experiment and see what we can come up with that’s relevant.
I also secured a commitment from Colleen at B&GC to move ahead with the program at the club 🙂 — I’m going to bill them quarterly for $4875, which = 19.5k annually. Gotta figure out what we’ll do with the second part of the class that Joe was teaching. Not sure he’ll want to repeat the same thing, but we might substitute another therapist. They also want to do a summer camp thing and perhaps that’s where Joe could come in to shine? In any case, both of these are big developments for us in 2025. It solidifies our two biggest program partners and should result in regular payments and profit for us to meet our budget goals. It should also give me a chance to begin finding additional partners. I’d love to secure 1 more B&GC relationship on the south shore to make it feasible for staffing and resources and potentially also Fall River, to compliment Narrows and strengthen their support for us.
Lastly, I sat for coffee with Josh and talked about the BBB curriculum development. We have a good outline and I’m wicked thankful for having met Josh. He’s such a perfect guy for this work and I love his vibe, and what he brings to the table. The idea is gonna be to harden a regular templated approach to rolling these programs out and package it up to look for additional opportunities, especially with DYS. All the pieces are there we just need to formalize the package and get Josh and Travis fully on board with implementing the ideas. Thankful all the way around.
1/14/25: Kicking off another week and thankful to simply be here. I shared the first version of the Sorella website with Julie and she really loved it. I was relieved as it’s always scary showing someone your creative work and not knowing how they’ll react. It’s something I’ve experienced a ton and I’m grateful, because that means I’ve been able to do a lot of creative work and been able to overcome the fear of failure that comes along with that work. It’s a small project but making extra $ is good for us and I’m glad to be able to provide for my family, even though my circumstances have changed a lot in the last couple years.
1/13/25: Had the Band on the Run session on Saturday. It went really well and the guys sounded terrific in the room. I was able to really focus on the mix through the PA but also the levels going into Logic. It felt nice to be sitting by and making sure everything was on point and good for everyone else and not worrying about jamming also. And, Jeff Cohen sounded amazing on bass! He and Joe were absolutely locked in and Lisa, Bella and Joe sounded terrific together. They spent about an hour before the session warming up and going through all the parts, which helped immensely. I fucked around with the tracks a bit yesterday while I was cleaning up the studio and I’m pretty happy. I think the guitars are going to need the most massaging. Mike and Q are both good players but don’t have a ton of performance and tone skill. I think they both played more sloppily than I thought and neither had great tone. I went through a couple logic tutorials and started figuring out how to replace sounds on drums, guitars, etc. and although I didn’t really get either working properly, I at least experimented and feel confident I can figure that out. I may do a rough mix then work with Joe on some tighter surgical sections if we need to do some cut/paste using other takes to clean up the guitars. We’ll see and I won’t be disappointed either way. Thankful that everyone has such faith in me and trusts my musical/creative skills to produce something everyone can be proud of. I think the video stuff will be better than AIC, though I’m only going on hunch since I haven’t seen any of the footage. Since I wasn’t playing I was able to run one of the cameras, so I’m confident I at least have proper footage of everyone for a full take, and should be able to sync things pretty well, which was problematic last time. I think getting closer to being able to leverage a click would be worthwhile, even if I try a visual one. It probably need not be perfect, but would result in more shooting options.
1/11/25: Hung out with Doug and Sue last night. We got some chinese food and basically just chilled. Those guys are great and I’m thankful to spend time with another couple at the house. We haven’t done much of that lately and it’s nice. Got a brief note back from the woman I contacted at the residential program that Marli referred me to. I’m pretty psyched to speak with her and would be absolutely honored to put together something with them and Rawkstars. It was 2 years ago now that I was struggling like a motherfucker to get myself right. I experienced what that type of program is like and if we could bring music into a place that’s focused on teens, it would be just amazing. Thankful for the connection through Marli and for the chance at least to speak with someone who’s in charge of programming at the facility.
I connected with Ira a few days back for coffee and he seems super knowledgable in the realm of education spaces. He’s worked in that scene his whole life as well as lots of nonprofit stuff. I think he could turn out to be a great resource and person to work on programs with. I could envision something where he could run an educational program and do most of it on his own. It could be similar to what I’m doing in that we could pay him as a consultant and basically give a portion of the profit on all incoming program fees. That would be a win win and give Rawkstars bandwidth in a way it never has before. Hmmmm?
1/9/25: Haven’t been dropping any more weight lately, but also haven’t been gaining. Hovering at 270, which is -10 from where I started a couple months back. I’m not feeling much impact from the meds (I don’t think) or maybe it’s just super mild. Of course I wish I were losing more but I’m glad to be down some and staying even, which is an improvement over my uneven struggles of the last swath of time. I’ll take it!
1/8/25: Re-entry to the work world the last few days. Scribl is off to a good start as we are inching closer towards pilots with EY, CVS and FCA. All of those would be huge wins for us, not only on the customer side, but to get some experience in the processes and learning about working with partners at an enterprise. It’s sure to be bumpy but also fruitful on the learning side. I know things are tenuous on the biz side there so making progress is nice and if we can get these started, it should boost the confidence on investors so we can secure some more runway of funding.
I also have locked in time to meet with B&GC next week to hopefully finalize a plan and budget for 2025. I’m meeting tomorrow with RITS on the same topic and locking both in will go a huge way towards settling into the year for Rawkstars feeling strong about where we are.
I got an email from Marli about a potential meeting with her company, Newport, which is a youth residential facility in Bourne. Securing a music partnership in that setting would be amazing! Of course having another client and small revenue stream would be awesome, but it would also allow us to tell another really powerful story and work in a setting where music is seen as more than a fun, entertaining activity. Bringing any bit of relief to someone in such a program would be highly fulfilling. The 9 days I spent in one 2 years ago was the lowest point in my life and the idea of Rawkstars benefitting someone in the same boat is filling me with joy.
1/6/25: Wrapped up the extended holiday break. Mostly another low key day around the house doing mundane stuff = really cool. Since I sent me latest substack last week I’ve gotten some cool messages. Iggy, Redd, Branden Maxham and Shannon McGill are folks I don’t hear from regularly. I’m thankful for these mini-interactions and it really is one of the main reasons I write, other than scratching the creative itch. It feels good to maintain old relationships in a genuine way and to have people feel the same interconnectedness. Grateful for having found that platform and to have made good progress on delivering against that goal.
1/5/25: Made a tomato basil cream sauce with tofu rice for dinner last night. It came out pretty good but I feel like the recipe itself is something I’ll do again. I’d probably make it with some veggies in it next time and a different base than rice. It dulled the sauce a bit too much which was super flavorful on its own. I don’t do tons of cooking but I do enjoy it. I’m decent though not really adept at the basic concepts and need to follow instructions generally speaking. It’s another form of being creative and anytime I get to do it it feels good.
1/4/25: Interviewed a few candidates for grant writing yesterday. Both were very different and clearly opposite price points. Trying to decide on how much to invest in things with RS is a challenge for me. After so many years of penny pinching, growth is a new concept and something I need to get better at. It’s a good problem to have, as evidenced by the uncomfortable nature of the choices. I’m thankful to be in the position of even having this option and curious about how things will unfold and the learning it will generate for me.
Continued the ‘nesting’ of the last few weeks and cleared up an issue with my LLC bank account, paid my annual filings and submitted some paperwork for a grant award I’ve been waiting several weeks for from Mass Cultural Council. That and a few other small items are getting 2025 off on the right foot. Still waiting for a matching gift from State Street which will also apply to 2025 books. It feels good doing these small things on my own without meetings, zoom calls, etc. though I know that will be changing after this weekend again and having this time has been good perspective for me and appreciation for my position.
Had a call with South Shore Music Circus, where I had been referred by old friend Shawn Radley. They have a foundation and we’re aiming for a $2,300 grant request. Vince was a cool guy to speak with and seemed genuinely interested and supportive of Rawkstars. I felt like our conversation was solid and though he isn’t the guy running the foundation directly, he said he would be connecting me with the relevant folks who do, after his upcoming vacation. They would make a tremendous partner for us, considering the history of the venue and it’s prominence for South Shore community. The grant is small, but I think there are larger sums available based on our conversation. Having the chance to get on the path with them would be amazing and I’m grateful for the intro and for Vince’s time and support.
1/3/25: Beginning of the year has been a slow return to working, as it pertains to involving other people. I did a bunch of solo work over the break which was kinda awesome. I revamped the website, updated my chart of accounts, created new program logos and cleaned up my budget spreadsheet for 2025, among other things. All of them were great to cross off my todo and feel like I’m kicking off 2025 in an organized fashion, which is of course important to a control freak like me.
Yesterday I connected with Eric and talked about Scribl for the first time since before XMas. My inclination was to cancel, but we met and it wound up being productive. He’s a good dude and I’m glad to have become friends with him. I have a feeling there’s a lot more to him than he lets on at work and I look forward to maybe getting some personal time together this coming year.
Looking back on 24, having the stability and financial support from Scribl was probably the most impactful thing. I accomplished a ton with Rawkstars, but that foundation is what really made it possible I think. Hopeful that 25 will bring similar consistency and allow me to build on both sides of the equation. I want my contributions to Scribl to feel to those guys the way theirs feel to me.
Got a quick text from old friend Greg Purvis that he scored a new job, after many months of unemployment from a layoff. Greg is a super nice person and we’ve remained friends since Upromise, through Hasbro and beyond. I admire him for his simplistic approach to life and his joyful appreciation of family, music and little things, without coming across as ambitious, complex or self-absorbed. I’m super happy for him and was thankful he reached out to tell me the good news.
I managed to drop a quick substack on NY Day, which felt good. I haven’t written there in a bit and came home motivated with a fast idea that I banged out in about an hour. That was the intention with starting it so I’m glad to continue to write there and do so in a way that feels creative and helpful, without making me feel overwhelmed by the need to be perfect or amazing in what I share. Hope to embrace that even more and continue with the quick and dirtier approach.
