I use this space to write about things I am grateful for on a daily basis. I try to identify something that happened the prior day as a reminder of all the amazing people, activities and experiences I am blessed to enjoy. The format is loose but the intention is to develop a habit of gratitude to better frame my day. Most days, my morning routine includes a short meditation and/or stretching, drinking a glass of water with a multi-vitamin, making a pot of strong, black coffee, and writing a brief note to add to the list below.
12/31/21: Check arrived from the condo sale yesterday afternoon! Got it in time to deposit in the bank and expected to clear by morning. Shoosh. Of course I am grateful for this, totally goes without saying. Good reminder though that the joy that comes along with external things is fleeting. It didn’t feel much different than a normal day, once the process was completed.
Decided to send a text to the NYE thread telling those guys I was bowing out. It felt like a bit of a relief to verbalize my thoughts and I was proud for having let it out. Of course everyone was supportive and made me feel ok, good even. I got notes from Sue and Cid offline, which felt nice also. I’m thankful for my friends and also for the ability to be mindful and make a choice that is in line with my goals, if only for one day😉
Got to the gym and did the 2-mile run/walk thing. I ran for about 1.25 and had a good pace and fairly steady run. Proud of myself for generating some momentum around this health thing and recognizing what needs to be done and taking some action. Also thankful for the support from Lisa, who is always a good influence on me in this way.
12/30/21: Got takeout from Smitty’s last night for the family. Lisa and I went to pick it up and had a couple beers while we ordered. That’s part of the tradition of going there. While we sat we talked a lot about the impending NYE and I opened up about my fear of another gluttonous night of drinking and chinese food. It felt good to verbalize all that and to connect with Lisa. We haven’t done a ton of that lately. Not sure what will happen tomorrow, but just talking about it all and sitting with her over a beer made me feel good. Grateful for everything we have together and the life we have built as a family. Oh and the pizza🙂
Visited Ed for a couple hours yesterday. He’s doing ok, though currently mostly confined to a recliner. He’s getting a pacemaker installed next week and already has other surgeries lined up afterward. Hate seeing the guy in such a state, but honestly, he’s pretty solid emotionally, despite the health crises he’s endured the last 10 years. I always enjoy connecting with Ed and we can talk about business, money, work and other topics with ease. I’m thankful for his friendship and will never forget how much he helped me last summer when I was going through my own health crisis. That meant the world to me and he was a big part of helping me get through that.
12/29/21: Doreen came by last night to help me fix an issue I’ve been having in QBO. It was nice to catch up and after about 20 minutes we were able to resolve the issue. Afterward, I was able to reconcile my account and everything is AOK. Thankful for friends like Doreen who are willing/able to assist. She drove over after work, and I know she’s been juggling a lot. Still, she took time out to come by and help me. We also caught up for a bit beforehand, which was nice. We usually only see one another at parties, gigs and such, so it was cool to connect more 1:1 for a change.
Had another day of mindful eating and feeling satisfied. Thankful!
The filing of the paperwork from the closing got delayed by 24 hours. Apparently, they had to wait for a wire transfer on the sale of the prior property, so our transaction won’t be officially recorded/closed until this morning. Patti confirmed that our check will be overnighted today, so I should have it in hand tomorrow. I’ll make plans to wire the payoff funds on Azalea on Friday, assuming that’s enough time for the funds to clear my account. Minor bump in the lengthy process but we are right at the finish line. Grateful.
12/28/21: Keeping it simple today and simply being thankful for ONE DAY of mindful eating.
12/27/21: Continuing the great room migration yesterday. Lisa and I emptied and organized both bathrooms. Again, we got rid of a bunch of junk and really cleaned both areas deeply. It’s been a good process but sleeping upstairs has been a crappy experience so far. The room is warm, so I keep turning the heat down and kicking off the covers. The mattress is also too firm and I’ve woken up with a sore back both nights. It’s also loud, especially with Bella and Cam right across the hallway. I’m sure I’ll get used to it. The room itself is fine and once we get our new bed, I’m hoping I can settle in more. I’m glad to be working on it with Lisa, we make a good team! And Quincy is happy, so there’s that.
After a couple days of gym and eating well, I’m back to my old ways. No gym and overeating. As mentioned, I’m going to add the not-so-good here in an effort to hold myself more accountable. With a week to go in my vacation, I’m hoping I can still make some progress towards better.
We met Patti yesterday and signed all the docs for closing,. It’s a multi-day process, as opposed to the big bang closings of yesteryear. She gave all the papers to the clerk, who was going to courier them to the lawyers today, and they will sign with the new owners tomorrow. We should then have a check overnighted to us for receipt on Wednesday. I’m sure it will go smoothly, and I’m trying to be patient with the waiting and enjoy the knowledge that in72 hours we’ll get the biggest check of our entire lives. Expecting $212k+, which is enough to pay off Azalea, save the tax money aside and keep around $20k for our personal use. Of course it’s easy to be grateful for all that.
12/26/21: Xmas day yesterday. We had the Bento’s over, since Rob & Kelly are out of town and Mikey is of course in Colorado. They came by for lunch as did Randy. We were here with the kids and Cam, after they spent Xmas Eve with his family. Lisa cooked a brisket, soup and some veggies. We hit the Portuguese market for cornbread and fresh rolls, to complete the package. Food was great and everyone seemed to enjoy it. It was nice being in a different setting for the holiday for a change, and having it here was cool. Thankful Randy came. He is definitely more relaxed than when our usual crew is together and he shared some conversation with everyone. After everyone left, we watched Empire Strikes Back and of course kept eating. Tons of snacks around and leftovers to enjoy. We gave Q an electronic drum kit for his studio and a little bit of cash. We gave Bella mostly cash, along with some clothes that Lisa bought. I gifted Cam $100 worth of ETH as I know he is interested in crypto and investing. Thankful for all we have, for being together and for another successful year for everyone in the family.
12/25/21: Lisa and I busted ass yesterday and finished clearing our old bedroom for Q to move in. It really looks great. We removed all of our stuff, donated several bags of clothes, books and old items and tossed a few things also. I must say I love the feeling of thinning out our cruft. It’s so easy to accumulate and become attached to what amounts to junk. Moving has a tendency to reveal what you really feel like keeping. Anyways, the room looks awesome and when he got home from Subway we brought him in. He really dug it, which was nice. The kids have a tendency to downplay their excitement over most things we think will make them happy, but he seemed genuinely psyched. It’s a great space and I think he’s going to have a great time over the next few years making that his part of our home. Grateful to work with Lisa on the project and to get Q a fresh start with the room.
Heard from Patti yesterday and everything is 100% set for our closing! We are going to meet at her office tomorrow and sign everything. Then she is going to send them by courier to the lawyers who will do all the validation and then overnight us our check. We will receive it on Wednesday. I reviewed the closing summary and we are going to walk away with $212k+. We’ll still have the tax situation to sort out in February, but even with the maximum tax burden, we are going to have enough left over to pay off Azalea and keep at least $20k for ourselves. Most likely, we will increase that number by another 5-10k come tax time, but I’m not counting on that until we do all the math. Either way, it’s easily the biggest check we’ll ever have received and paying off AZ means we will now have a nice monthly income from the property, in the neighborhood of $1,250 per month. Plan is to save some of the profit for Q’s college and then sweep money every month into it for the next couple years. By the time he’s ready, we should be able to help him in the same neighborhood as what we’ve done for Bella. Super grateful for all this and also to be so near the end of the long process. It won’t change our day to day, but it’s a big background step towards securing the rest of our lives financially. I’m proud of what we have done.
12/23/21: Gym again yesterday = not success 🙂 – went with Lisa to a small xmas gathering at the gym. Saw Rich, the owner and some of the chicks, which was really nice. Overate, which could have easily been anticipated. Felt crappy overnight and woke up feeling dehydrated and fat. Good reminder of how fleeting good and bad feelings can be. Grateful to have went together with Lisa and to see the girls and I suppose also for the reminder of how fragile it all is.
Making strides with the room switcheroo thing. I installed a wire closet system for Lisa in Q’s bedroom and had him empty all his studio stuff. Felt good to finish that step. It’s a decent setup, though not the most attractive option. Also made some progress on talking through the rest with Lisa and Q. It’s a complicated, stressful thing but I think we came up with a nice solution. I bought a new bed for me and Lisa, that should fit a bit better in the space. We are going to leave our bed and furniture downstairs, so Q will have a new set too. We’ll be able to get rid of his existing bed, as well as the couch and ottoman downstairs. We’ll get a new, properly fitted and matching set for upstairs too. The realignment will also allow us to take the huge armoire from the living room and put it back in our new bedroom, which will make the living room space much more open. Lastly, we’ll be left with a large empty set of closets downstairs, since Q will have furniture for his clothes. We can give Bella one closet and use the other side for storage. With the laundry room closet cleaned out, Lisa can use it as a massage space and make it a little nicer. Overall, the house should be better balanced, a little emptier and use the spaces more efficiently. We’ll also have a nice new setup in our room, to make the move a little sweeter. Everyone seems happy and now just have to buckle down and take a few days to manuever everything into place and do some cleaning. Fortunate to have the means to buy new things and make the house nicer, for the whole family. Also glad to take the opportunity to do a little spring cleaning, and get rid of some cruft and things we really don’t need to keep.
12/22/21: Gym again yesterday = success! Did a 2-mile walk/run again, but mixed it up. Started running much sooner because I was feeling energetic. Ran faster and smoother than the prior day. Also added a .25 mile sprint at the end, which added up to a great 30 minutes. Also continued with the productive/relaxing vacation mode by taking Lisa to brunch. We went to Farmers Daughter which is an awesome spot and I really enjoyed it. I actually felt satisfied by the meal instead of scarfing it down for no reason other than to stuff myself. Took care of some other errands and finished getting things ready with Xmas. Sent some $ to Wyatt and Abi and hit the bank to cover Bella, Quincy and Randy. Really nice to be able to simply grab money to give to others whenever needed. Similarly, I booked a vacation for me and Lisa! 5 days / 4 nights in The Dominican Republic at the end of March. FINALLY got my jetblue account unlocked after 2 months of frustration with their customer support. I immediately figured out my point situation and bought two nonstop tickets. With the $50 credit I had from our Miami flight, the tickets only cost $180 in total. I did some research and found a 5-star, all-inclusive that looks amazing and confirmed that as well. Felt good I must say. I also took the next step to cut the JB card out of the loop after such a bad experience. Applied for a new credit card and will drop JB in the next few weeks. I really liked the approach of writing about something less obviously positive yesterday. Admitting my shortcoming and sitting with it really helped. I think I’ll try and do that more often and “embrace the pain” in an effort to better understand and improve. Thankful for a great day of living all-around.
12/21/21: Got to the gym yesterday and did a 2-mile walk/run. Felt good and had a fairly productive day, settling into vacation mode. After the gym, I stopped by the Liolios house to drop-off a RS sweatshirt for Sammi. She’s a great kid and I enjoyed being able to give her the swag. I also mailed a sweatshirt out to Chip Langille, who has always been a great supporter of ours. I genuinely enjoy giving things to people, especially the RS gear for people who have meant a lot to the org and/or to me personally. After those errands I finally got off my ass and worked on the garbage disposal over at PV. It was the last item to be repaired prior to our closing. It took me a second trip to Lowe’s to account for a weird electrical setup, but once I got the right unit, it was fairly easy. I felt accomplished in taking care of it and we are within one-week of the actual closing now, which feels kinda good. Received a confirmation email from the Falmouth Road Race crew that RS has been accepted into the nonprofit numbers program, for our 5th time. Scary, but I know it’s the right thing and the fact that it’s uncomfortable is exactly what I need. Race is a long ways away but aiming to have some purpose to my routine in an effort to get ready. Fundraising is secondary this time around and I hope I can remember that when the time comes to get started with that. I want the focus to be pushing me through discomfort and getting myself to a better place physically and mentally. Day wasn’t without difficulty. I talked with Perry about this gig possibility we had been discussing. Through that chat I learned that the bands I had considered playing with are already booked at District, basically for the same timeframe. That lead to me feeling sorry for myself and some jealousy. It’s something I’m trying to get better about and I spent time yesterday meditating on why I feel that way. Writing about it here and now is also positive. I know it’s foolish and another example of ego getting in the way of clear thinking and happiness. I’m glad my friends are getting gigs. They deserve it and in most cases have spent their lives learning, practicing and playing music. Why should I feel anything but good for them? Thankful to be paying attention to these feelings and examining them as I know that is the path that can lead to understanding and dissolution. I also started some reading. I’ve literally got probably 10 books that I’ve purchased over the last year which are unread. I’m determined to spend some of my vacation time getting back into the reading habit. I dug into ‘How to Live’ by Derek Sivers, a writer who I really enjoy. Book is awesome and a reminder of how much there is to be grateful for and how much pushing myself, even in small ways results in a rewarding experience always. Thankful.
12/20/21: Had the smallest victory last night when I avoided having ice cream. I’m constantly succumbing to the temptation of eating, especially at night. I think about stuffing my face with junk, even when I know I’m not hungry and that it’s doing irreparable damage to me. That’s the face of addiction. I’ve been doing decently better lately and after dinner, the ice cream in the freezer started calling. I walked around the kitchen twice and went to the bathroom in an attempt to pause, ever so briefly. It’s not that I haven’t tried those tactics before, but this time it actually helped/worked. I avoided the indulgence and am thankful I did. It was only one instance of a million such times, but at least for a moment, I was able to breathe through it.
12/19/21: Did a decent job of decompressing yesterday, the first day of my work vacation. I managed to get the remainder of the addresses sorted out for the Rawkstars holiday cards and get them mailed out. I also did some morning stretching, meditation and even a little practicing on the bass. I cut a big salad and ate pretty well for the day, which is my main goal. I want to get to the point where I can feel productive, but relaxed. I don’t want to waste the days in front of the tv or napping, unless it’s a result of really being tired. Bella is home, though of course working a lot. Also thinking about how best to swap rooms with Q. Lisa is stressed about it already. It’s definitely a big disruption and will take a few days of work and some help will be needed to move the furniture. That said, I think the change will be a good thing once we finish. Thankful to have everyone home and for the runway ahead of us.
12/18/21: Finished up work for the year at Hasbro. I’m officially on break until January 3rd. It’ll probably be my longest stretch of vacation ever, or at least that I can recall. It’s been a pretty strong year, imo, professionally. I sometimes complain about the lack of ‘progress’ I’m making, but that’s only reflective in my title/salary. In terms of the work and impact, 2021 was a strong year for me. I continued the progress made when I came over to the team originally. I managed to launch a new initiative (Game Changers) which was fantastic and enjoyable to work on. I helped the team shape their strategy in new ways and again lead the Immersion projects for GDOJ. On the EE side, I took over Hello Hasbro and really made strides against that. I also took over the monthly recognition, which is mostly an administrative exercise. That said, I improved and documented the processes as well as brought the timeline in so that folks receive their gifts on time, instead of months later as was the case before. I took point on Bring Your Kids to Work and supported the team on Service Anniversary as well as tons of other smaller initiatives. I think overall I brought positive energy, productivity and even helped evangelize both teams. I made a ton of new connections at work and established myself with several of the senior leaders. I’m hopeful 2022 will bring additional rewards my way in the form of promotion and increased pay, but if I’m being mindful and looking at it without coloring the story, I’m in a solid place by nearly every measure. Grateful for that.
12/17/21: Wrapped up the gauntlet of the last several weeks at work by getting through the Holiday Party. It went well, though we continue to be hampered by network performance, which is unfortunate. That aside, it went really well and lots of people seemed impacted by the event. We hosted about 900 employees and featured a few live speakers, our hosts and the video project I put together.
I’m thankful to be part of the team that has the honor of running these shows. I’m thankful for the team that works together, and with the project as the focal point instead of personal recognition. I’m thankful that my company supports these initiatives and entrusts me and my team to execute them.
I’m also thankful that I wrapped up the year on a strong note at Hasbro. I’d like to continue evolving at work and have plenty of ideas going into 2022. Most of all, I’m thankful for the chance to have come into these groups in the last 15 months and for how it’s carried me through what was a tough stretch.
12/14/21: Grateful for a couple days of solid eating and mindfulness. I’ve managed to treat my body well by steering clear of garbage and overeating, at least for the last few days. I’ll take anything I can get at this point but it does feel good and I’m trying to pay attention to the small ways in which I notice it show up and how my body reacts.
Bella surprised us by showing up at home last night with Cam. I knew she was wrapping up finals this week but neither of us knew she was headed home that soon. It was nice to see her of course and it will now be cool having her home for the winter break. We had a nice dinner and Lisa made soup, which is always awesome.
Grateful to all be together.
12/13/21: Spent the day yesterday stuffing holiday cards with Lisa. I’m aiming to send all the Rawkstars supporters a year end note and a RS sticker. I’m not doing the best job with keeping up communication with our base and this is one small way I can connect with them. It seems tedious on its face, but I actually enjoyed it. The house was quiet and Lisa wrote the envelopes while I put in the cards, stickers, return addresses and stamps. We had a couple hours of quiet, drinking coffee and filling the cards. I liked seeing all the names and remembering just how many awesome people are supporting us. I’m hoping to do a better job of really making them feel special by offering more stuff from the kids, and personalized treatment along the way. Despite the fact that I haven’t been great at it, our numbers continue to climb slowly and we’ve had very few defectors. Grateful.
12/12/21: Haven’t been writing the last few weeks as my wordpress site is funky. Figure I’ll restart on Evernote until I can find time to fix.
Had dinner and a few drinks with the Kast’s last night. Nothing fancy, just met kinda spontaneously for a few hours to get out of the house. Felt good to connect with others and talk for a while. They are great people and always enjoyable to hang out with.
Night before I went to see Kansas. I had bought tix for Noah for his 21st birthday, but he texted the day before saying Dave had covid, so they couldn’t go. I asked Q to go with me and we had been planning that, but during the afternoon he got mad at me and bailed at the end. He got his wisdom teeth pulled on Thursday and has been cranky this weekend. I can tell he’s in pain and his face is still swollen. Anyways, I decided to go alone and stopped at a bar for a few drinks by myself, had a burger then took in the show. I had a good time. Band are old and it was one of those gigs where I thought to myself that I don’t enjoy seeing acts that are a shell of themselves. There were 2 original members and although they all played well, it’s just the vibe that is lost with age and non-original members mostly. I’m not a huge fan and wouldn’t have probably gone to see them in regular circumstances, so it wasn’t a bummer or anything, just a thought while I was watching them play. Still, I had a pretty good time and am thankful that I was comfortable enough being along to go to the show solo. It’s kind of a weird experience, but one that I think I’d like to get better at.
12/1/21: Had a really cool interaction with Deb Thomas at work yesterday. It started innocently enough,as I booked time to grab some quotes for a gratitude video I’m producing for the Holiday Event. As we talked, she really opened up and we had a very personal conversation. She shared with me openly and both of us got emotional. It was special to be able to connect with someone deeply, especially someone I don’t know very well.
<11/28/21: Got my ass to the gym yesterday for the first time in forever. I’ve been really feeling badly, both physically and emotionally. Lots of aches and signs from my body that it’s not happy. Also, finding it harder to be mindful and happy as regularly as I usually have been and know it’s at least in part due to my lack of physical activity. Mind/Body. Anyways, I brought my gym bag and went old school. Stopped at PF before going home after work, evn though I’ve been working a bit later these days. No thinking and arrived, changed and jumped on the treadmill. I did a brisk mile walk followed by a moderate mile run. Felt really good and was proud of myself for the first time in a while. Grateful for my body despite my lack of care for it lately.
11/27/21: Continuing to knock off tasks on the way to condo closing. Had the last contractor over to replace the bulkhead. I need to swap the garbage disposal, and then the house will be 100% done. Paperwork too. Condo docs, legal forms, etc. are being chased down every day, but we are keeping up and almost there. Thankful to be so close to completion on this herculean task.
Having Cam and Bella here the last few days has been nice. Cam beat me at Scrabble last night, which was cool. Happy to have a full house again for a bit and all the activity and life that comes from it.
11/25/21: Met up with Chris Weekly yesterday for a couple beers. Always enjoy connecting with him. He’s smart, thoughtful, musically inclined and grateful. Lots to be thankful for and enjoying letting some people know how much they mean to me. Bella and Cam are here fore a couple days, which is nice and we’ll see the Bento crew. Of course we will visit my mom afterward for dessert. Grateful for all those people and all they’ve done to make me who I am.
11/23/21: Hectic week, alas no posts :/ — work has been somewhat stressful. Mainly, it comes down to the part of my job supporting the Employee Experience side. People are awesome but the team lacks autonomy. Beyond our need to get approvals on most things is the fact that folks even outside our group are now chiming in on what our plans should be. Specifically at the moment, it’s been surrounding the holiday party. For weeks, we have been swirling over the plans, on/off, and changing direction with every new person who hears about what we are planning. It’s not an easy place for me to be. I don’t mind working on execution, if I align with the strategy and see the wisdom. When I don’t, it’s really hard. I also don’t like being at the mercy of so many others in regards to what we are doing. In the last 48 hours, it seems to have cleared up, so I’m in a better place currently. I’m trying to use the obvious stress of the prior few days as training in something I need to improve in. I recognize what is happening and am able to better control/react more positively. At least that’s what I’m aspiring towards, even when I’m not there yet. Thankful for my supportive teammates and for my job overall, even when it’s imperfect.
11/19/21: Visited a few of Q’s teachers last night for the annual parent/teacher checkins. We didn’t do it last year with covid and remote, etc. so it felt like something we should do this year. The teachers unanimously praised him and he’s got all A’s on his current report card cycle, again. He’s such a great student and all the teachers say he’s equally as great of a kid. Nice to hear them glow about him and all his great personality traits. I really have no idea what Quincy will do with his life, but he is super smart, talented and on his way to achieving anything he sets out to do. Very proud of him and grateful for his progression in life. Feels nice as his dad and grateful that Lisa and I have been able to raise two amazing kids together
11/18/21: Work is super hectic lately. Juggling philanthropy projects leading up to GDOJ. Those are enjoyable to work on for the most part and I’m managing well. On the flip side, my work with the EE team is more complicated and draining emotionally. There are so many more folks involved with approvals and direction, which adds complexity and comes with a lack of ownership, from a strategic perspective, while still leaving the responsibility on the execution and success end of the equation. Coming to grips with that has been a struggle. Yesterday, I was having a rough day and one of my co-workers, Frances, helped a lot. She took some stuff off my plate and just made me feel supported. I know she also struggles with the same feelings, so she was empathetic as well. Grateful for her friendship and help on a day when I needed it.
11/17/21: Went to Jason Bonham Experience last night at HOB. Epic. Drove in with Mike and Kev and we pregamed at Kevin’s, per usual when we do Boston gigs. Awesome to connect with those guys over music, as always and thankful to have them among my closest bros. By coincidence, I learned that Barry was planning to go in and meet Pete Karys, who was visiting from Florida. Haven’t hung with Barry in a while and Peter hasn’t been around for 10 years or more. He’s such a chill, awesome guy I got even more excited for the show. Turns out Taki, Pete’s brother was also there and I hadn’t seen him in probably 20 years. Lanzetta also went to the gig with Steve Watson, so I found them as well. Lastly, while looking for Jon, I spotted Perry Paolucci who was there with Tom Donovan, who I know a tiny bit. I wound up getting everyone together over at the mix position and we threw down pretty hard. Ton of laughs with the backdrop of great Zeppelin music in a rock show filled room of energy. Doesn’t get much better than that and I wound up drinking pretty hard. Too hard, given my lightweight status these days. I stopped just in the nick of time to prevent disaster, but near the end of the show I was worried I might not make it. Once we got outside and into the car, sitting down really helped. Got home in a pretty buzzed state and wolfed down some food, which helped settle me too. Grateful for the energy, love and connectedness music affords me. Grateful for so many awesome friends who feel the same power from it I do and grateful for Mike and Kev for getting my drunk ass home safely.
11/16/21: Last night we attended the banquet for the end of the Cross Country season. It was an awesome event and I am so very proud of Quincy. I’ve mentioned it here many times, but him joining the track team a few years ago was the most impactful thing in his life, that I can think of. The group of kids is amazing. Not only are they tremendous runners and the team had a 5-0 season, but the kids themselves are exceptional. That was reflected in the comments, parents and stories at the banquet in spades. Q was recognized as a leader, for his hard work and the chemistry he brings to his role in the group. He also spoke on behalf of Ryan Strawbridge, who is one of the seniors graduating this year. Super thankful that Q came across running and proud of how hard he has worked to embrace it in all aspects of his life. Love that fucking kid.
11/15/21: Another nice fall day, another day of yard cleanup. Put away the last of the furniture. I also restacked the wood piles and covered them, so they will be nice and dry come spring. That allowed me to really clean off the patio and get the leaves from all the nooks and crannies where they build up. Did another round of leave removal from the grass and ran the mower out of gas for the season. Again, it felt good to spend a few hours moving and being outside, while making the house look nicer. Thankful I can still tackle the job and appreciate the beauty in it, even when it feels monotonous.
Spent the second half of the day doing very little. Watched football, made a nice healthy lunch and practiced bass a bit. I tried learning a couple songs that my friend Mike Levesque recommended for a little live-jam thing he is doing with some drum students next month. He invited me down and I might try and sit in for a song or two. I think it’s a good way to push myself by playing with strangers and trying some songs I probably wouldn’t choose on my own. Grateful to be asked and to give it some attention in hopes of actually taking on the challenge.
Forgot to mention that Sharyn Dolinsky came by on Saturday with her daughter Jordyn. She is playing trumpet in the school band and I had mentioned to Sharyn a while back that I had a vintage horn my friend Lori Magno had donated. It was played by Lori’s husband Tom and was manufactured circa 1966. It came in the original case, with the warranty card and everything. I hung onto it for about 2 years looking for the right home and finally, seem to have found it. She liked the idea of having an antique instrument and giving it to somebody who will play it, was awesome. I was even able to send Lori a picture of Jordyn with the horn to share with Tom and they were both thrilled. Super grateful that I get to have those kind of experiences regularly and that people entrust me with that kind of responsibility.
11/14/21: Continued the yard cleanup, round #3 yesterday. Been so difficult to keep up this year. Spent the last 2 afternoons raking, mowing, blowing and burning. Matt came over and helped me cut up the downed tree on the patio finally. He’s a great guy and I’m thankful to have such good neighbors. We’ve been blessed here for 20+ years, mainly by the people on the street. Such a great group of folks and never had one iota of tension with any of them. Yard is looking decent finally, but took a real beating this year.
Had dinner with Greg and Rebecca last night down in Plymouth. Good time and the best part is seeing Greg so happy. He’s a good dude and for the years I’ve known him, he never had too many good breaks. Marrying Rebecca has really changed him. He’s so much happier and positive now, and it’s really nice to see. Grateful for his friendship and to be around people who are clearly in love.
11/13/21: Lisa convinced me to go to her gym on Thursday since I had off for Veteran’s Day. I have been feeling just awful about myself and my inability to control my eating, or get myself moving. Despite thinking about it constantly, I’m paralyzed to make better decisions seemingly. Anyways, I got my ass up and went. It started strangely as the room was packed and I really had no clue what to do. I just started watching others and doing my best to keep moving. Everyone was supportive of course and I didn’t feel pressured. Afterward, I felt exhausted but of course great. It’s been 2 days since the class and I’m still sore. I also felt motivated for the first time in a while, so I’m thankful for the push and at least one day of feeling good about myself.
Got through the home inspection on the condo too. Few things came up but nothing huge. We already addressed the electrical issues they raised and I have to get a new disposal, plus replace the bulkhead, or give $2k in rebate. Either way, it’s fine. We are moving ahead nicely towards a closing date of 12/28. P&S is the next step and from there it’s basically a waiting game to close. Thankful the process has been smooth, and that we are nearing the end phase. After months of emotional, physical and financial labor, it’s nearing the payoff.
11/10/21: Been super busy at work lately and even when I’m stressed, I’m able to find moments of gratitude. Yesterday, I had a rollercoaster day, as happens often. I experienced some lows, and highs and in betweens all in the course of a few hours. At times like that, it’s helpful to realize that things change in an instant and that all emotions are ok, but not get too caught up in the feelings that result. Thankful to have improved in this area over the last few years.
11/9/21: Lisa’s 51st bday yesterday. I had to work in the office so I didn’t see her until later in the afternoon. I left her a note before I took off and wrote a post about friendship on FB that I shared with her. Nice to see her get some love from her extended friend group. We had a nice dinner and made burgers on the grill. Thankful we’ve been together so long and are still going strong!
Folks who bought our house sold their home yesterday! We have an inspection scheduled for Thursday and Patti is preparing the purchase & sale right after. Everything is moving in a great direction and these last few days have brought tremendous momentum. Once we get passed the inspection, there shouldn’t be any hurdles to overcome other than administrative. I trust Patti and the other realtor to figure out all that and although the process has been long, it’s all coming together now. Super grateful.
11/8/21: Spent yesterday working in the yard for the second straight afternoon. I put a lot of time in and it looks great. I raked, blew leaves, took apart the tree smashed pergola and mowed the entire yard. Made a huge improvement, kept me active outside and felt productive all at once. I burned lots of debris and old soggy wood along the way too. Yard work / working with your hands has a way of making you feel good. Being tired from physical exertion is satisfying and making our house look better has a way of making me feel good. Thankful.
11/7/21: Q ran another PR at the last xx meet of the year. He smashed his prior time of 19:50 and came in at 19:10. I went to the meet with Cam, who stayed the night before. I had him and Bella surprise Lisa for dinner at Capital Grille. They met us there and we enjoyed some nice steaks together. We celebrated the condo agreement and Lisa’s upcoming b-day. They came back afterward and stayed the night. Of course Bella went into work and I worked in the yard most of the day, cleaning up from the storm a few weeks back. Got a lot done, which felt nice. Really positive/productive weekend for everyone and I’m grateful we had a day all together.
11/6/21: Got an offer on the condo yesterday! On Wednesday, Patti recommended we drop the price by $10k as the activity had been quiet. 4 people had looked but nobody made an offer. She lowered the price that night and in the morning, we got an offer for $310. Later in the afternoon another offer came in, for a lowball $289. She had one final appointment scheduled for the morning, and we weren’t required to respond to offer #1 until the following morning so she showed the place, and boom, they not only matched but added $5k, making their offer $315! Patti thought the first folks had the best chance to sell their place quickly, so she told them about the second offer and they agreed to come up to $315. We quickly updated the paperwork and both sides agreed on $315. Interesting circumstances but worked out perfectly for us. Super thankful to have gotten to this point and even moreso on the price we settled upon. At the outset of the process, I had $299k in mind as our asking price, so to get another $15k on top of that is awesome. We’ll now move into the next phase to the inspection and then purchase & sale. The sellers have an open house tomorrow so fingers crossed they will get some offers too and we can work towards a closing date in December. Grateful to be moving along well towards our goal of selling the property and securing our financial future!
11/2/21: HM rehearsed on Sunday for the first time since before the 9/11 gig was cancelled. It was rusty but felt good to reconnect, plug in and fire up the volume together. We ran through 3 new songs, Come Together, You’re No Good and Double Vision. All sounded ok, but we didn’t play with much confidence, given our lack of jamming together. The building blocks were there for these songs and I have little doubt they will sound immense next round. Also, piloting some of my new gear purchases, including the new Soundcraft mixer I bought just a few days back. I spent the prior day resetting my studio space, wiring, cleaning and getting rid of some things. It looks good and sounded solid, especially for the very first try with a band. I know it will improve over time as I get used to the tools and make tweaks. Slowly heading towards a place where I can try live recording with a combination of room mics and inputs from the board to my computer for some light post-production. Grateful for the friendship and support of my bandmates and for the wherewithal to purchase ‘toys’ to bolster my passions.
10/31/21: Few days off as we lost power and internet for a couple days, after the storm. Driving into work the first morning was insane. Downed trees and power lines everywhere. I had to change direction 4x due to impassable roads, which I had never seen before to that extent. Fortunately, no damage to our place, though a tree did fall on top of the second gazebo, which is trashed now. Tons of leaves and debris, but otherwise, dodged a bullet. Being without connectivity for so long was weird. In part it was nice and I was able to catch up on reading more than I had been. The house was also quieter, which was also nice and I got to practice some new songs. Last night, Lisa and I watched some TV for the first time in 4 days and it reminded me how nice that can be. Thankful our house escaped the wreckage and also for the reminder about simple pleasures like reading and playing music.
10/26/21: Super strange post today but last night we awoke to a fire! Lisa and I were sleeping and around 12:30 we heard Quincy talking upstairs. I thought he was saying ‘fight’ and at first didn’t get startled because he talks in his sleep a lot. After a few times, my sleep started to clear and his voice got louder and Lisa sat up straight. We realized he was saying ‘fire!” and I bolted upstairs. He was in the hallway and had the fire extinguisher on the floor. I went into his room and it was really smoky and I saw a small fire on his bed! When I got upstairs all the alarms were going off. I grabbed the extinguisher and gave it a few sprays and it went out pretty easily. Once the room started to clear, you could see that his laptop had caused the fire, somehow by heating up while he was asleep. There were large burns on his pillows and in the mattress, which were all covered by the fire foamy substance. It smelled really bad and we opened up all the windows as the alarms all started blaring.
Quincy was calm throughout, which made it easy for me to react calmly and take care of it. Proud of him for knowing what to do and keeping his wits. Goes without saying I’m thankful it was contained. With a few more seconds of inactivity or proximity to him or other materials, it could have been disastrous. Also grateful I had the extinguisher. It’s definitely something I’ll replace and remind my friends to get one themselves.
10/25/21: Visited Bella for lunch in Worcester yesterday. She and Cam seem to be doing well and it was nice to catch up. She got her hair cut and looked great as usual. We met at Nu Kitchen, which seems to have become our spot. It was a nice day for a drive and Lisa and I enjoyed the ride listening to some music. Thankful for the chance to see Bella and reconnect a little bit.
Cut the grass and cleaned up the yard/leaves for round 1 this weekend. It usually takes 3-4 rounds before it’s all set for winter, but it felt good to move around and be productive outside. It’s been a while. I also trimmed the hedges and the yard looks pretty good. Soon, it will be time to cover the furniture and put some stuff away. Bittersweet for sure. as the days are already darkening quite a bit around here. Thankful I am still able to physically do some yard work and enjoy the process. Also thankful we have such a nice yard and have been blessed with a great spot to live and for the kids to have grown up in.
Bought a new bass for Brooke Sutterley this weekend. She’s an awesome kid who has been around Rawkstars for years. She and her twin sister were friendly with Bella years back and they are both super musical. We became closer with their family and the mom is a sweetheart too. The twins were briefly enrolled as students officially when the parents got divorced and they had to sell their house. They are now in college and all live in an apartment in Stoughton together. Brooke’s mom told me her bass broke, literally down the middle. She had a starter instrument but really deserved something much nicer. I wanted to take her shopping but she is in school in Lowell and it was hard to find time that worked. There are also not many options to go and play a lot of basses. Even the big stores only have a handful of basses typically. So I wound up buying her a used Fender Jazz on Reverb. It’s being shipped now and I will meet her to deliver it next weekend. Super thankful RS has the resources to help kids like Brooke who so hugely deserve it.
10/24/21: No official offers from the open house yesterday. Patti texted and said 4 couples showed up and 2 seemed interested. She said ‘not to worry’ and that she will probably have more showings today and during the week. She seems highly confident about the sale, which makes me feel good, just waiting on pins and needles for some official offer. Thankful to be in motion and moving closer to finishing this process.
Apple Pie Bake-Off was yesterday over at the Kast’s, as usual. Fewer entries than normal and Alex won, again! Had a good time and best of all, I didn’t go off the rails eating. I sampled the pies and Sue ordered pizza. I had 3-4 slices and small servings of the pie, no ice cream. I had one drink and no snacking. I had been fairly stressed about the day going in, so it felt nice to enjoy myself while also not leaving with a stomach ache and a feeling of failure. Q came along, which is always nice. Grateful for such a good group of friends and for a modicum of mindfulness.
I went clothes shopping during the day and finally gave in to grabbing some clothes that aren’t tight. I bought several shirts, 2 pairs of jeans, a jacket, socks, underwear and t-shirts. Felt good getting some new stuff even though I shopped modestly, at Target and Kohl’s. Now that I’m going back to the office, I need some fresh items that don’t make me feel so constricted. Thankful for being abe to easily afford whatever items I want and for accepting that I need a new size.
10/23/21: I usually write about yesterday but today is the open house at the condo. It’s the culmination of a few months of emotion, waiting, patience, hard work, monetary investment and admittedly, a bit of stress. Lisa and I spent one last afternoon cleaning and prepping. She worked inside and I power washed the deck. I’m really proud of how the place looks and we could not have given more energy to the project than we did. The open house runs 1-3 and I’m not sure what a realistic outcome is, but I’m excited nonetheless. Grateful we made it this far. Grateful we are on the verge of seeing the fruits of an awesome investment payoff. Grateful we should find ourselves in an even better financial position than we are today. Grateful for the sweat equity we put into it. Grateful for all the help we had getting to this point. Grateful that the Patnaude’s found a nice home they are happy with. Grateful for the next chapter in life.
Sox bowed out last night in game 6 of the ALCS to a superior Houston team. They gave us plenty of enjoyment and I’m always thankful for the drama of post-season sports, particularly baseball and hockey.
10/22/21: Got a check in the mail for Rawkstars, for $210. I don’t even know what it’s for but assuming its a Facebook fundraiser someone held. I get those a few times per year and while it’s nice to receive it, FB is absolutely the worst and I hate supporting them, especially through charity. They send these anonymous checks with no detail about who fundraised or who donated. Grateful for the support, even if I cannot personally follow up.
I also got an email from a mom, out in Seattle about her non-verbal, but musical autistic child. We emailed back and forth and I’m hopeful for a Zoom call this weekend to follow up. Definitely outside our geography, but sometimes there is a need and I want to help fulfill if it makes sense. Regardless of outcome, I couldn’t be more thrilled to get such a note from someone who needs support. Thankful that being at the center of Rawkstars allows me to experience human connection in this unique way through music.
10/21/21: Worked out of the Providence office yesterday for a full day. Really enjoyed it, although I don’t have an official cube space. We are also moving into NPA after the new year, so it probably doesn’t make much sense to set one up. Despite that, I liked being downtown for work. Not exactly the same as all the years I spent in Boston downtown, but being around energy, people, movement, food and walking are all positives for me. Gave me the feel that working/living downtown would be awesome. Hopeful I’ll get the chance to fulfill that at some point, but thankful to at least have a taste for now.
Q has been getting his studio reset in recent days. He spent $1,000 buying new monitors and a new I/O interface. He got it all setup over the last couple days and it looks and sounds great. So happy for him that he is pursuing his passion and doing well with it. It’s also nice for us to be able to connect over audio/mixing and recording in that way. He’ll be 10x better and more successful at it than I ever was, but I’m super grateful for the success I achieved and the experiences, friendhsips and influence it had on my own life.
10/20/21: Condo got officially listed yesterday! Patti sent me the link last night and I saw it online right afterward. Exciting time. I stopped by on my way home and the closets were painted, which also looked great. Overall, I’m really happy with how everything came out. The place needs some updates in certain areas, but it really does seem like an attractive purchase option. Grateful to have gotten this far and excited about the open house this weekend.
Office officially re-opened this week and I went into NPA yesterday. It was cool seeing some new/old faces but overall, it was still pretty quiet there. Had a couple in-person meetings which was nice and I felt it took extra energy on my side. Even the commute felt different as I had more urgency to get there than I have recently. I’m thankful the building is open and that things are going pretty well for the company and for me, generally speaking. Look forward to settling into a new routine (again) and seeing if I can improve on my habits as it takes shape.
10/18/21: Finished up the last tasks and heavy cleaning at the condo yesterday. Lisa came down and helped polish things up. Patti came by in the afternoon to take pics and raved about how good it looked. She loved the lights, colors, painting and cleaning job we did. She is going to list this week and set an open house for Saturday, selling price is $319,900, which is about $20k above what I planned for! Beyond thankful for our good fortune and for the potential impact this investment will have on our family.
10/17/21: Quincy ran at the Twilight event down in Falmouth last night. It’s an annual, evening run with schools from all over the state. It was the first time Lisa was able to come this year, due to her work schedule, so it was nice to have her along this time. Q didn’t have his best run but still ran strong. He’s gotten used to PR’ing at the last 5 or 6 events and this time he took a small backstep. After his run, we saw him and he was very psyched. He said how much fun it was and how good he felt, which was beautiful. Just a year ago, he would get really down on himself anytime he didn’t have an absolute perfect run. He was really hard on himself and now he’s grown to appreciate how he feels and his accomplishment, even if the time doesn’t improve. It’s an awesome transformation to see and yet another example of his improving maturity.
Afterward, Lisa and I went to a sushi place on the way home and had a couple drinks and some food. Nothing fancy, we just sat at hte bar and enjoyed the time together. Sox game was on the TV and they took game #2 of the ALCS to tie the series against Houston. Really enjoying the playoff run and spending time with Lisa was nice. We’ve been on different schedules a lot lately, so doing something simple like taking a drive, watching Q run and grabbing dinner is a nice night for us.
10/16/21: Spent a few hours at the condo yesterday buttoning up all the last details. I got 2/3 lights hung, did a bunch of cleaning, changed all the bulbs to brighten the space, took 2 more loads of trash out and bought a couple touches for the bathroom to add polish. It’s looking pretty tight and we are scheduled to take pics with Patty tomorrow. My hope is she will list it this week and have an open house the following weekend. My goal is to sell it for $305k, which would give us an awesome profit, enough to pay off Azalea and another $10k or so for ourselves, maybe for vacation or some other special expenditure. It’s been a lot of work to get to this point and feels good to be so close. I’ll probably head over today and try to get that last fixture hung and do some final cleaning. Thankful all around.
After all that, I hung out with Q. He wanted to get pizza from Smitty’s, so we went there and ate. It was cool and we spent a couple hours connecting. He likes the pizza and his friend Jack P, from the cross country team, works there as a cook. It’s a small townie place, like a tiny version of the original Town Spa, so I dig it too. We talked mostly about mixing and gear. He’s been on a tear lately beefing up his studio. He bought a pair of monitors last week and this week a new audio interface so he has more inputs. He wants to get a new mic and some studio furniture and new macbook also. It’s great seeing him so excited about the studio and working hard to save up and buy things to further his aspirations. Kinda cool having Q be into something that was so impactful for me growing up. I’m sure he will be 10x better at it than I was, which bodes well for him being successful AND happy!
10/15/21: Painters are finally finished up over at the condo. It came out pretty nice. I’ve been going over there nearly every day to check on progress and try to keep up with cleaning and small tasks. I’m planning to head over this afternoon to hang 3 light fixtures and fix a couple broken switches. One last cleanup and it should be ready to photograph and list. Fingers crossed it will go smoothly from there. Grateful for being on the verge of the final stages and for the financial security it should help bring to our family. I hope to net enough profit to payoff the Azalea property, giving us a nice monthly cash flow in addition to having 3 properties with paid off mortgages.
Mrs. Bento just called the house and told us that Tia Aura Santos passed away last night. She was in the Azores and although I haven’t seen her in a few years, she was a cool lady. I have many fond memories of her and am grateful we crossed paths. I know Tina will be heartbroken. Even though she had a really long, healthy life I’m sure it will be hard on her and Donna. Thankful for my own mom and grandmother still being around and that I got a chance to know Tia Aura a little bit.
10/13/21: A few days back I wrote about Brian Goldner, the Hasbro CEO taking a medical leave. Yesterday he passed away :/
As described, after the announcement went out about his leave, I was hurriedly asked to come into the office and put together a short video with our interim CEO being interviewed by Dolph, our Chief HR exec. I was honored to have been tasked with this important project and trusted by those at the highest level of the company. I shuffled my entire schedule and left early for work. I hurriedly arranged a crew with help from my colleague Kevin Shea and saw Dolph and a few others early in the day. We were scheduled to begin setting up after lunch to prepare for the shoot @ 3pm. Around 12:30 I got a note from Dolph saying we were going to have to postpone. I was bummed. I had gone out on a limb with Kevin to ask for his help at the last minute. He had booked 3 crew guys, who had already been at work putting together the equipment for the shoot. I had cancelled at least 4 other meetings I had, including several remote interviews I need to finish for the Service Anniversary project. I felt like I had wasted a day and was somewhat bitter. During the ride home, I realized I was being selfish. I assumed that I was being put off in favor of something else, without anyone understanding all I had done to rearrange things.
When I got home, I jumped back online and wrote a note to Brian. I had an email from him just last Thursday, after he had to cancel our planned interview together. He apologized and said ‘Let’s look for time next week”, assuming he was going to simply reschedule. I relayed a story to him from a video I did with him in 2019. We talked about Global Day of Joy and I asked him why employees should feel like they can make an impact, being just one person across the globe. He said “We are not one, together we are 7,000 ones.” and that phrase always stuck with me. He understood the power of contributing to something bigger than yourself, something that I have always espoused to the Rawkstars supporters. I told him he had 7,000 ones there for him and added my love in closing.
A little while after sending it, I got word that Brian had passed away.
It was a great reminder about giving others the benefit of the doubt and embracing whatever comes. “Amour Fati” is a slogan on a coin I carry in my pocket everyday. It loosely translates into “Love Fate”, meaning to not only tolerate the things that happen, but to embrace the flow of life and make it a positive for yourself.
Brian was genuinely loved and respected at Hasbro and I’m thankful I got to cross paths with him a few times. Grateful.
10/12/21: Spent the day at home after returning from Maine. It was nice to reset and always a great reminder of how awesome it is to just be at home, together, with nothing much to do. Lisa and I took a nice walk and the weather has been spectacular, early fall with sun. I visited the condo and saw nice progress on the painting project. Fingers crossed that will be complete by Friday this week. Quincy was a bit sick, so he hung out inside most of the day and Bella was at Subway. We stopped by the store for lunch and met Fatima, after all these years of her working there. I had a call with Doga to ensure my technology was working ahead of the interview stuff I am planning for this week at Hasbro. In the late afternoon, I watched the Sox vs. TB and Boston eliminated them in 4 games to advance to the ALCS. Cam was with us all day and watched the game and also had dinner with us. All really good, low key reminders of the simple life and how lucky we are to just be alive.
Late in the day, I got a call from Kathrin at work that called my attention to a note from Brian Goldner, our CEO. He is battling cancer and is taking a medical leave. She wanted me to prep for a video shoot (today) to introduce the interim leadership. I cleared my calendar and secured a crew to shoot, through my friend Kevin Shea, which was a life saver. As I write in the office today the shoot seems to be getting punted, but being her first call was something I’m grateful for. I want to be seen as a problem solver and someone people trust with ‘hugh leverage’ situations. Not surprised to have gotten pushed off today, but still thankful for being valued here at the office. Also a tremendous reminder of the importance of health. Brian is a relatively young guy, with all the money and success anyone could hope for. I’m guessing he would trade all of it to be ‘regular’ and free from cancer to enjoy the simple pleasures life offers us every day. Carpe diem.
10/11/21: Spent the last few days at Louie’s place in Maine. All of us went, including Cam. Had a good time as always, though my eating was off the rails. We rode the Quads one afternoon and that was a blast. The kids really enjoy spending time up there and with the DaSilva’s. Some of the other local kids came up one night and we had a little bash. Played pool, ping-pong, music, drinking, food etc. Their house is beautiful and Lou and Trish are great hosts and take care of everything. Grateful to have a family weekend away and for great, lifelong friends that we still enjoy spending time with.
10/8/21: Went into the office yesterday to begin work on the Service Anniversary video project. I hired EmVision of course and we spent the day filming at NPA. I interviewed Kathrin, Dolph, Deb and Mark Brightman. I also got interviewed myself, which spntaneously happened because Bryony was unable to make it to the office. Always enjoy the process and spending time with the SLT folks. They are a genuinely nice crew of people and it’s helpful to see that first hand being an employee. It helps reinforce that despite the issues we all face in our jobs, the people at the top have good hearts and intentions. At one point as I was interviewing Mark, he broke down emotionally. I think he felt the gratitude of being at Hasbro the same way I do. Not surprised as he is one of my closest work buddies and leads with his heart, like me. Thankful for the opportunity to do creative work and have some level of control over the outcome on this project.
10/6/21: Sox / Yankees last night for the tie-breaker AL Wildcard game. Boston won and looked great throughout. Game was at Fenway and the place was packed and loud. Really cool to watch playoff baseball as always, but even cooler to see the NYY get bounced by Boston. I was texting a lot with Barry during the game which was also nice. He’s one of my oldest friends but we don’t see each other much. Hoping we can get together this winter and play some music. He’s an incredible musician and it’s been a real honor, the few times I’ve gotten to jam with him.
I missed Quincy’s meet last night. First one this season I haven’t been able to attend, but it was nearly an hour away in Milford and I couldn’t get out of work early enough. Regardless, he ran another PR and finished the 5k in 19:50, when his goal was to run a sub-20. Truly amazing at how far he’s come and how motivated he is to get better. There are only a couple meets left and I plan to get to as many as possible. Not seeing him run much last year with covid made me realize how special this time is. Couldn’t be happier for him and seeing him push his mind and body while also seeing successful results is just about the best thing I can imagine as his dad. Grateful.
10/5/21: Cold and rainy these past couple days. Definitely fall, with the nights getting cool and dark earlier each day. Q had pasta night with the team in advance of the XX meet today. He really enjoys them and it’s been a great opportunity for the kids to bond and for him to make deeper friendships with kids on the team. He always asks Lisa to make something, which of course she loves, but mildly complains about. Grateful for his progress with the social aspects of the team as well as the physical improvements. Also grateful that Lisa is such a great mom and helps support him and the kids through cooking and other ways.
10/4/21: Visited Wayne’s place yesterday for a little party. He had some people over since his brother Mick is in town from California. I only hung out with him a few times, once in LA at a Dodger game when I was out there for work and another when he visited Boston a few years back. He’s a great guy and someone I always heard about growing up from the Gasm crew. He moved away before I got to know him, but it’s been nice to make a newer/old friend. Wayne is always awesome as is Deb. Homer jammed a bit which is always great and we ran into a few friends from the old timer crew, including the Schiffer’s and Laura Collins. Grateful to have old time friends around even if we don’t see them very often. Also grateful for Homer and his music. I hope we can do something more together in the future. The world needs to experience him more!
Pats lost to the Bucs in the Brady Comes Back game. They had a chance at the end but missed a long field goal. No matter, the team really isn’t very good. That said, I’m thankful for Brady and all his years of immense play for the local team. Tons of enjoyment he’s brought to millions of people around here and he’s genuinely a role model in the way he handles himself.
10/3/21: Bella and Cam slept here the night before so it was nice to see them in the morning. I made them all pancakes while Lisa got ready for work. Afterward, I went over to the condo and worked on the bathroom lights upstairs. I got two of the fixtures taken down, cleaned and re-hung and I hung the new one in the master bath. Came out nice and I bought new bulbs so everything is even and bright. I’ve got to hang the mirrors back up and fix a few of the accessories then finish cleaning both bathrooms again. It will be nice to have at least one part of the house finished and done.
Painting is going much slower than I hoped, but Jim is at least showing up and making some progress. I’m trying to be patient but it’s been harder lately the closer we are getting. I’ve put so much effort into getting this far I’m worried we are going to somehow miss the crest. I’m thankful to be so near the end and trying to breathe and let him do the job.
Had a fire in the backyard by myself for a while, then with Lisa once she got home. Listened to the Sox game and it was a real nail biter. They are vying for the wildcard with one game left and are dead tied with NYY. Sox went into the season with ideas of re-building, while the Yankees were easily the favorite to make the World Series from the AL. Yanks have underperformed while the Sox have exceeded expectations. I don’t think they have enough good players to make a real run, but it’s still nice to see them push to the end and possibly knock off the Yankees, which would be kinda cool. Always thankful for playoff baseball and sports in general. I’ve been following nearly my entire life and it’s always been something that brought me joy.
10/2/21: Went into Boston with Lisa last night. We dropped off Q to meet Cam and Bella to go to J.Cole at the Garden. We grabbed dinner at Pho Pasteur, since we couldn’t get into Q :/ — food is always good but not as special of an experience as Q. Anyways, we met the kids, put them in an Uber to the gig and Lisa and I saw the Many Saints of Newark, Sopranos movie. We are most definitely superfans so it was something I looked forward to. It was cool to see it in a real theater that was pretty full. I enjoyed it though it basically felt like a long episode, as opposed to a film. Story was about Chrissie’s dad, Dicky and all the factors that led to Tony growing up into who he became. They nailed the crew with all their quirks and paid homage to so many stories and episodes from the show. I’m sure I missed some things and will rewatch for sure. Grateful to spend a fun night with Lisa and the kids and for heading into the city. We haven’t gone to Boston much recently and I’m thankful to live between two really great cities.
10/1/21: Hiked up to Franklin yesterday for Q’s latest cross country match. He ran well and beat the kid who usually finishes ahead of him on Taunton Varsity. It was fun watching him run as always and I’ve been psyched to get to know more of the kids on his team. Such a great group and environment they have together. They went to Kev’s afterward and I got a super nice text from Dave Purdy about Q. Essentially, he said how impressive he was and how inclusive he is. He said it’s made an impact on Jacob, but he’s also seen it with other kids and he wanted to let us know. How proud I am of Quincy. He really is an amazing dude. In addition to his running, leadership and empathy, he is also super talented in music, smart as a motherfucker and also becoming a diligent worker. Lisa and I couldn’t be happier or love him any more. Grateful for such an awesome kid and for feeling like a success as a parent.
Got a note from Nick yesterday about the Band Gig results and we are getting a $450 check. It’s amazing to have so many cool people supporting the cause. It’s a meaningful amount and will definitely come in handy. I’m expecting my refund from Narrows still, after cancelling the Rawkstars event and I have outstanding donations from Perry as well as two matching checks from Hasbro. All told, we are still hovering at around $50k in the bank, coming up on the end of the year, which is amazing. I need to figure out a way to start spending more of that down and helping more kids. I want to do a studio/video thing, but haven’t had the bandwidth lately since work and the condo thing are such looming areas of focus. Hoping I can squeeze something in before year’s end to highlight the kids and the amazing year Rawkstars has had. Thankful indeed!
Weighed myself this morning for the first time in a few weeks. I always shy away from the scale when I’m going badly, since I don’t want to see the damage I suppose. That said, I had a great weigh in at 258 after a week of trying to turn myself around. I’m still way up from last year, but I was preparing for 265, so it felt pretty good to see improvement and of course feel it. Thankful for another day to try and treat my body with the respect it deserves and nourish it so it can continue to serve my goal of living a long and healthful life.
9/30/21: Continued mindful eating and taking bits of time for myself yesterday. Certainly nothing fancy or complex, just breathing a bit slower, paying more attention to movement and small appreciations. I got out during lunch and mowed the lawn. Always feels good to take care of the landscape and be outside. Spending so much time online these days for work staring at the screen, it’s becoming more important to force breaks and breathe fresh air. It’s also a nice, easy way to get joyful movement in my day while also being productive and practical.
Got a grant submitted to Reverb, the online gear company. Looking to bolster the studio space in hopes of finally getting to a point where I can record or stream on demand AND with enough raw quality for potential post-production. I really want to spend more time with music and video being creative outside of work. Not sure if having the gear will push me (probably not) but I also connected with my friend Chris Robinson at work, about helping me get everything setup. He’s a knowledgable guy about such things and we’ve become pretty friendly over the years. Grateful to have someone offering me support and connection.
9/29/21: Couple solid mindful days under my belt lately. Yes, that’s a constant up/down here in this space, but it’s a great reminder that even a few days strung together can change the way you feel quite a bit. Work has been super duper hectic and I continue to juggle lots of project work. I’m not gettingmuch traction on the philanthropy side and most of my current work is related to events or in support of Employee Experience. Not as enjoyable for me, but much better than where I left off with IT last year, so I’m trying to keep my perspective in check. Lots of people I know have been making career changes lately and getting big roles. It’s leaving me a bit anxious about my own spot, but I know it’s mostly my ego getting in the way, as my life is going quite well in most ways. Thankful to have a bit of a view into what’s happening, even if it still occurs.
9/28/21: Took a nice walk after work with Lisa. Been really needing ways to unwind that are healthy for me, but not paying enough attention lately. I’m juggling so many things at Hasbro and also the condo sale, Rawkstars and my personal life and feeling a bit overwhelmed. Taking some time to just walk quietly in the fresh air was really great and I’m in need of much more focus on self-care. Taking care of the yard, walking, meditating, reading, going to the gym and practicing music are all ways in which I can take better care of myself and I’m grateful that I got a taste of at least one yesterday.
Been working on a small grant application through Reverb, to acquire some gear for the studio. Asked my old friend Dave Malekpour for a reference and of course, he obliged. Hopeful we’ll get the credits to purchase some more gear and continue the journey of building out the space to perform, record and stream in support of Rawkstars. Thankful for friends like Dave and for the resources to do something I love even better.
9/27/21: Visited Bella for parents weekend at Assumption yesterday. Nothing special, but it was nice to connect with her and Cam. We saw her dorm, which is really nice as well as Cam’s bachelor pad. His folks came for a while too, so we got to see them for the second time. Nice people and easy-going. It was a beautiful fall day and the campus really shines under that light. It was quiet there and we took the kids to Nu Kitchen, the healthy restaurant off campus we’ve come to frequent. Always thankful to see the kids, but especially glad Bella seems to be enjoying her college experience, much more so than last year.
On Saturday we attended a student concert, put together by Band-Gig, as a fundraiser for Rawkstars. My old friend Nick Vecchio runs the school and invited us down. We met his wife, who was also super nice as well as several parents and of course music students. My friend Jonathan Cardoni came down and shot some pics and we also met his wife Carol. Super nice people and it was cool to have another little event to benefit Rawkstars. Not sure how much it raised but regardless it was cool to be honored. I got to speak which is always a welcome practice to hone my chops and I’m sure a small check will show up at some point. Grateful for all the goodwill shown to Rawkstars and by extension, me. We continue to be in a strong financial position and are trending towards ending the year on a high note all around, despite the pandemic, cancelling our event and other challenges in the landscape of nonprofits.
9/24/21: Took Q to Lynyrd Skynyrd last night. I got the tickets free from Mike O’Hare a few months back. He donated them and the intention was to raffle them off at the event. Since that didn’t happen and in the current climate, concert tickets have very little value, I asked Quincy if he wanted to go, so they wouldn’t be wasted. The plan was to arrive late and leave early. I love Skynyrd, but the current iteration is a glorified tribute act and I figured it would just be a cool way to break up the week and hang with the boy.
We arrived just as Teslsa were taking the stage and we sat way in the back, where the seats were located. Tons of empties, as the concert business is still recovering. We watched a few tunes and I got him some food. After a few songs I got a text from my friend Perry, who was sitting in the front section. He sent me two tickets to come down and join him.
So me and Q walked around and made our way down to the floor, which of course was light years better and it started to feel like a Rawk Show. We hung out with Perry and his friend and got a couple beers after Tesla finished. Once Skynyrd came on, the place came much more alive. Everyone was standing and the energy took off to a proper level. Band wasn’t amazing, but it was nice to be outside with a couple friends, hanging with Q and seeing live music. We didn’t stay til the end, but watched most of their set. Highlight was Simple Man, which was awesome to sing out loud with a big crowd next to my son :). Thankful for friends, music and my relationship with Quincy.
9/22/21: Went and saw Q’s track meet yesterday. It’s been so great getting back to being a track parent! He’s doing so awesome and he ran a PR again. He wasn’t satisfied with his placement, since he is trying to stay with the varsity group, but he continues to improve nearly every single run. I’m so fucking proud of the kid and really enjoy seeing him grow. He’s become a team leader for sure and the night prior, he had the kids over to the house for pasta night. Great bunch of kids and so thankful that he discovered running.
I also got caught up on some amazing FB posts and notes I received after my bday. I generally think FB is poison, but the memories section is cool to remind myself of past events and also to think how things have changed. I also enjoyed reading a post that Lisa wrote about me when I turned 50. It made me cry and I was so very moved by her words. Grateful for my amazing wife and for the incredible network of people I’ve managed to amass over the years. It’s a loving, smart and kind group that makes me who I am.
9/20/21: 51 today. Looking back, it’s been a pretty amazing year. Gaining weight has been tough and that continues to be a struggling point for me in terms of getting my health prioritized and in a better place. The other measures of success are strong. I’ve talked plenty about our financial situation and that continues to be on the uptick. Lisa and I are in a solid place and over the last couple months it feels better for us. Bella is doing great and having Cam in her life this year has been a plus. Q is crushing it between his running, starting a job and continuing to kill school. Hasbro is a source of awesomeness most times and I’m on more solid footing with this last part of my corporate career than I have been in years. Rawkstars has more money in the bank than ever and more students than ever at one time. Heavy Mellow is building and even though we have had fits and starts and covid related challenges, it’s been a source of enjoyment and creative energy for me. Thankful for another year of life and for all the blessings I’m surrounded by, even the ones that don’t go the way I want.
9/19/21: Took Lisa to the Greek Food Festival in Brockton last night. Was a nice change and we ran into some people we knew, which was cool. Saw Tony Ios from Upromise days, which was awesome. Met so many great people there who continue to be part of my life. Super thankful for the time I spent there and even ultimately getting laid off was a positive and lead directly to our ability to buy the PV Condo, using the severance check I got as our down payment.
Did lots of other errands, including taking my old ‘Chinese Guy’ painting to be framed. It’s been hanging out in our bedroom the last few months on the floor. I decided to give it a proper framing and protect it, after 40 years. Felt good to celebrate that period of my life a bit and think back on being a little kid. I painted about 5 pieces back then, but most of them were works of a little kid, nothing special. This one was by far the best of the bunch and I’m genuinely proud of it. Thankful that I had some kind of art talent as a kid and that there is some remnant of it still in the world.
9/18/21: Went to the movies yesterday with Lisa. We saw the Clint Eastwood film. Not that great, but seeing Clint at 91 was just a marvel. Dude is the goat and I’m happy he is still doing what he loves, after all this time, even if the level at which he’s doing it isn’t great. It was nice to attend a movie of any sort, after so long away. The place was empty and we enjoyed the theater to ourselves. We had popcorn, of course, and it was nice to hole up in a cinema for a couple hours mid-day. Grateful for the time together.
Got things settled in with the painter yesterday at the condo. Met him there one last time and gave a deposit. He already dropped off his gear and is scheduled to begin on Monday. Fingers crossed it goes smoothly with him, as I think the painting is the biggest factor in getting the place ready for sale. I need to get an electrician to hang some fixtures, but don’t expect that to be too difficult or expensive. Lisa and I will be going over this weekend for some cleaning and other prep work. Exciting time and looking forward to getting the place in the best possible shape. Grateful to be in this position and excited to see how it unfolds over the next few weeks. Worst case scenario is we’ll have a beautifully refreshed unit to rent for top dollar, if for some reason we cannot sell it.
Seems like there may be an issue again with our tenants at Azalea. I got a notice from the software that Bob hasn’t paid rent this month. There have been other instances of weird behavior in the system, so I’m not 100% convinced that it’s a problem yet, but I tried reaching out to Nexus yesterday and haven’t yet heard back. I’m planning to try and call them today to see what’s up. Might be possible that we’ll have to move to evict. Not sure what kind of expense or stress that will add, but in some way, getting Bob out of the place might not be the worst thing ever. Grateful for being in the position of owning property, even though stress and issues like this are part of the equation sometimes.
9/17/21: Yesterday was my one year anniversary coming over to the Philanthropy group. It’s been a great run and I continue to enjoy the day to day. I’ve been a bit frustrated lately with some of the projects, both on the Employee Experience side as well as the Purpose projects I’ve been part of. Lots of running in circles without benefit of exceptional outputs. That’s part of the job sometimes and I hope it will turn around soon. All that aside, I’m in such an exponentially better place all around than this time last year. Work has mostly been awesome and I can see myself doing this for a long time. Financially, we are in the best shape of our lives and both of the kids are doing great. Lisa and I are in a better place than we have been for much of the year and although not perfect, we are still in love and it feels like things have calmed between us and we are both working at it again. Thankful.
Gary and Sue officially moved out! I’ve been at the condo about 5 times in the last week and it’s weird to see it in such an empty state. They are supposed to be 100% done today and cleaned. I had Dan Almeida put in a new hot water tank and replace the upstairs toilet. I’ve tentatively got a painter on the hook who I am hoping will start work Monday. That has been a bit stressful honestly and I won’t be relaxed about it until he’s there and underway with the work. Still need some electrical and lots of cleaning, but hopeful we can work hard and spend a few bucks over the next few weeks and be ready for listing on October 1st. Grateful and excited.
9/14/21: Went into the office yesterday and had lunch with Dolph. He’s such a great guy and I’m thankful for all he has done for me. We ate outside in the 1011 Executive ‘Zen Garden’, which is amazing. We talked about family, etc. and while we ate, Kathrin and her new comms person came out as well. It was really the first time I’d connected with her in person, since she took over our group during covid. So nice to feel included in that group and have such capable people around me at work. I’m coming up on my 1 year anniversary with the team and will surely have plenty to say about that.
Got blown off by a painter after work, but connected via phone with one I met last week. We came to a basic agreement on $3k – $3.5k for the job, which seems totally fair. Fingers crossed I can confirm with him today and have him start on Monday. That will be a big step towards getting the place ready for sale and I’m thankful for moving forward in the process and hopeful about what the next several weeks will bring.
9/13/21: Lunch for Nana’s 100th bday yesterday! She was really happy and some of my mom’s cousins came down for the event. Her brother Morris’ two kids, Arlene and Steven both came with their spouses, plus a cousin named Ellen. They were all super nice and friendly and seemed genuinely happy to be there. It was a nice change from the awkward family dinners we typically have. Ben was calm and paid for the whole shebang. That must have cost him months of saving, but I know it was a big deal to him and nice that he was able to treat everyone. Randy really seemed to have a good time and got pretty sentimental, which was also nice to see. Sometimes with him, it’s easy to forget that he’s got feelings too. He brought some old pics and was chatting with the cousins quite a bit. I ate terribly, which was a theme of the weekend. Made me grateful to have a chance today to restart and for home cooked food. Eating at restaurants is not good for me and I prefer to keep it to an occasional nicety.
9/12/21: Drove to Worcester last night to meet Cam’s parents for dinner. Since the show got cancelled, we decided to meet them, since they were planning to come to the gig. Bella and Cam and his brother/girlfriend joined us and we hung out for a couple hours. They were really nice and it was cool to finally get a bit of flavor from his family. We talked and had a crappy, sports bar meal :). They seemed like really down to Earth people, and we had fun connecting. Grateful that Bella is doing so well and has such a good relationship with Cam. She learned from her first couple boyfriend experiences and found someone who makes her smile.
On the way over, we stopped and met the Kinyanjui family. Tatiana has been enrolled at Rawkstars for many years. She’s grown from a little girl into a 16 year old who is driving. She’s in school for auto-engineering at the Worcester Technical HS. She loves her music lessons and it clearly has had an impact on her trajectory. Trevin, her 11 year old brother, is now the newest Rawkstars student. We brought him a keyboard and he took his first lesson last week. Betty and their dad are super nice people and I’m thankful to have been able to connect with them. Cancelling the gig was of course a bummer, but this made up for it a bit. I feel truly lucky to be able to impact these folks positively, because of the support our fan club members have demonstrated. Feeling the love and good fortune!
9/11/21: Went to PeaceLove yesterday and participated in their Scribl workshop as part of the documentary film being done on them. It was a nice day and they have a great space. I met a ton of new/cool/interesting people and I enjoyed the time there. The filming made it slow but that just served to allow time to talk and mingle with the others who took part. I met a cool chick from Turkey who is finishing her masters in sexual psychology. I met a guy named Omar who has his own clothing brand and another guy named Marvin who spent 25+ years touring as part of a dance company from R.I. I enjoyed participating in the art piece too. I felt super relaxed and it was nice share and connect with strangers. Also honored to be asked by Jeff, the founder. He’s doing well with the nonprofit and I’ve enjoyed getting to know him, Matt the other co-founder as well as the PeaceLove staff. I expect to be doing cool stuff with them through Hasbro as well as potentially on the Rawkstars side.
9/8/21: Made the call to cancel the Rawkstars event yesterday. After sleeping on it (and having trouble actually falling asleep) I started the process yesterday morning. I emailed all the bands first. I reached out to the venue via email and started to get in touch with all the individuals who volunteered, etc. I spoke with Mitch at Boston Beer, Alison from Confectionary and all the moms/kids who were performing. I did all of this throughout the morning/afternoon during work. Once I had signed off for the day, I formatted a note to send to the guests and ticket buyers, which I posted on FB. I started getting an overwhelming list of notes, all 100% positive, about the cancellation. It felt kind of amazing to be drenched in supportive comments about the decision. Everyone not only understood but applauded the stance, which was a bit unexpected, to be honest. I eventually heard back from Narrows who said they would refund us. I’m left with a bunch of merch, but am certain to be able to put those to use. Some people also offered to donate the ticket cost back, but since I didn’t want to take financial advantage of the situation, I auto-refunded all ticket sales immediately. Funny how something that felt so negative turned into a huge positive, almost instantly. I’m so fortunate to be surrounded by amazing people and loving, generous supporters of Rawkstars. It really is an amazing situation and I continue to live a blessed existence with gratitude aplenty.
In the evening, I visited PV with a couple painters. Sue and Gary are on track to be out of the condo next week and I want to get the ball rolling on all the updates we’ll need to get the place in shape for sale. After more careful examination, there are several things that need updating and I’m assuming we will spend more than expected to get it where it needs to be. I already called the plumber about replacing the water tank and will go from there. I know the next few weeks are going to he hectic and probably expensive. That said, we are going to make out well from this sale, even with extra expenses now. I’m thankful the transition is going smooth and that our tenants found a great place to move. Again, lucky as hell.
9/7/21: Got news yesterday that Jerry has covid. That means that Moonstruck & WS won’t be able to play the event. It didn’t start yesterday but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the veracity of the event and am leaning towards cancelling it. Hard to even type, but it’s true. Besides Jerry, I learned that Bob’s wife Dawn also has covid. He hasn’t tested positive, but of course they live together. I’m feeling increasingly responsible for the well being of 300 of my closest friends and their families. If one of the health compromised folks involved got covid, I’d be filled with regret even more so than the regret I’d feel from tossing all the work I put into the gig. Being in charge of stuff is hard. It’s not a new concept to me as I’ve been in charge of things most of my life. That said, it’s always hard to recognize and admit when things need to change course. I’ve got a lot of loose ends that will need to be buttoned up. Refunding tickets, figuring out a refund with the venue and sorting out how to sell of the merch I bought are just a few. All those aside, the sunk cost of all the energy and time I’ve put into the event is the hardest. Thankful for my health.
9/6/21: Went to Worcester yesterday and met Bella and Cam for lunch. We brought Quincy up there so the three of them could go to the Joyner Lucas concert they bought tickets for a few months ago. Q stayed over at Bella’s dorm. We met at the burger joint and I got a salad. Felt good about it and left plenty satisfied, as I munched on a few fries and some hummus also. Was nice to see the kids and I’m grateful they are hanging out with Quincy for the night. It’s good for him to get out of our place once in a while and get a new perspective on his situation. We had a quiet night afterward, and went to bed early. Grateful for my family and where everyone is at in life, individually and collectively.
Practiced the 9/11 song with Lisa a bit. Got the keyboard setup and everything ready in advance of our rehearsal this Thursday. I want to be prepared when Greg and Mike come by so we can hit it hard and get comfortable quickly. It’s going to be ambitious and also emotional. I’ve been reading and watching lots of 9/11 content in the run up to the gig and it’s a reminder of how hard that time was and how deeply sad and scared everyone was. I’m thinking through WTF I’m going to say during the interlude and am getting a touch nervous about being able to convey the gravity and meaning, while holding it together and not getting everyone down. Thankful to be reminded of how lucky I am to be alive and to pay a tiny tribute to those who aren’t as fortunate because of that horrific day.
9/5/21: Spent some time in the yard yesterday. August is usually NOT a yard work month. Typically, the grass doesn’t grow as much, gets burnt and it’s too hot to do much work out there. My patio has gotten overrun with weeds from all the rain and my lack of keeping up with them. After cutting the lawn, I spent about 30 minutes pulling and spraying out there. It needs more TLC but at least I got stared. I also need to edge and do some trimming of the bushes. Figure September will give me some weekend days to get the yard fall ready. Thankful for our home and outside space. It’s been a great place for us to live and raise the kids.
Did a touch of practicing yesterday, and ran through the Jay-Z song with Quincy. Felt good to finally kinda try it and we are supposed to be rehearsing it on Thursday night with the full band. Thankful to do this project with the whole family and excited to have Q especially perform it.
9/4/21: Oyster Bar with Lisa last night. We ate outside and had a great meal, as is always the case there. It was nice to have a date night and do some talking. Another nice night of intimacy, which has been on the uptick lately and it feels good to invest some time and energy into our marriage.
Took a nice bike ride yesterday, as has been my Friday pattern for the last 4 weeks. Didn’t go to R.I., but just headed out from the house to make it easier. Ride was different but good. Much more hilly and there are a few stretches where I’m actually climbing. Got a new rack for the car, which is a much better version than the cheap one I’ve had for 10 years. I didn’t drop any lbs. during my weekly weigh in, but still thankful to continue prioritizing my health and not letting bumps derail me. Long way to go but am enjoying the improved feeling of fitness that’s been with me lately, even in small doses.
9/3/21: Saw a comedy show with Mike Colucci last night. He buzzed me out of the blue, which is how we kinda roll together. Said he had an extra ticket for Doug Stanhope at The Wilbur. I jumped at it and we met up for dinner beforehand, then took in the show. Mike’s a great guy and we have a cool history together. We met originally back in the Gasm days, when he was a DJ over at WBCN. He was always close with the band, especially Rich, and we became friends through the years. He’s been the linchpin for some seriously awesome times for me. First ever Winter Classic at Fenway Park, Mike brought me. Pete Townsend performance and book signing at Berklee, Mike took me. Bruins Stanley Cup film debut at Lowe’s Boston, you guessed it. Billy Joel with passes to the Red Sox dugout, Mike again. Super grateful for our connection and to have such a caring friend.
9/2/21: Had a flurry of package deliveries yesterday. On one hand it’s amazing to live in the era of near instant delivery of things, and with such a plethora of choices. On the other hand, I’m not sure it’s good for society or individuals to behave like this. Definitely not good for the planet.
In either case, I got the merch for the Rawkstars event. Everything looks great and I’m excited to see people wearing the new shirts. I also received the wireless pouch for my bass strap — feels and looks awesome! Got my credit card reader, which will come in handy at the gig and elsewhere down the road. Lastly, I got the stereo equalizer for my PA. I got it roughly setup and I think it sounds ok. Hard to tell until I get a band in the room and start really tweaking the system. It’s a pretty cheap feeling unit, but still feels like an upgrade. Time will tell.
Anyways, I am grateful for the ability to buy things I want and need and living in a time when it’s readily available. I try not to go overboard and keep a healthy balance of saving money, and still enjoying the fruits of my hard work.
9/1/21: Can’t believe it’s September. Fall is an awesome time of year, but admittedly, I wish it were still summer a while longer. Had coffee with Juliet Mervis yesterday at the office. She is an old work friend and she reached out about connecting, which was really nice. We caught up on life and it made the day nicer to connect with someone up close and personal.
Later in the afternoon, I met Bob Mayo, also for coffee. See a pattern? I brought him a case of Wargasm DVD’s that I found in my closet while cleaning one day. It was nice to get those out of the house and into the hands of someone who can use them, but more nice was sitting with an old friend. I’ve known Bob since I was about 17 and we’ve got a lot of shared experiences together over the years. He’s easy to talk with and we never have any trouble keeping the conversation going.
Grateful for human contact and time catching up with friends. And for coffee.
8/30/21: I’ve written about band practice before, but yesterday was terrific. I’ve been tweaking up the sound in our room the last several times and it’s really improved. I started mic’ing the kick and snare, which really makes it pop. The other instruments are in better context now and you can ‘feel’ the tempos better while playing. I also have my rig sounding better all the time and am getting really comfy with my most recent bass. We are coming together nicely and I’m already looking forward to learning new songs, once we pump out the set one more time at the 9/11 gig. Thankful to be in a ‘real band’ again and making such good progress together.
Had some nice sex with Lisa last night. I haven’t written about this subject much because it hasn’t been an area of gratitude I suppose. It’s improved a bit lately and we’ve been closer over the last couple months. Last night felt more like a few years back when I had more energy/interest in sex. I know it’s been a sore spot for us, mutually, for different reasons, but it was nice to have it back even for a night. Grateful for being attracted to my wife and for all the love we’ve shared over the years, even if it isn’t all perfect.
8/29/21: Went to Providence by myself yesterday afternoon as Lisa and Q were both working. I stopped at the Greek Market and bought some stuff to make homemade pizza. Some fresh feta, imported olives and this red pepper tomato paste. Added spinach and red onion and it came out nice on the grill. I walked and drove around a bit just feeling the neighborhoods. Thankful for awesome food and for the love of cooking.
Things are ramping up around the gig, which is less than 2 weeks away. Yikes! Feeling more buttoned up today after sending everyone a note about the band details. Starting to heavily push the event and try to get as many people in the room as possible. Feeling like it might be a down year for attendance, but that’s almost to be expected with the current state of the world. If we get 250 I’ll consider that a success. I’m not looking to make nearly as much money this year either and treating it more like a celebration for our fan club folks and families. Of course making my money back is the responsible thing for the business, but sometimes you need to spend a little to invest in the future, without immediate returns. I’m thankful for everyone who is part of the event, from the bands to the workers and the attendees. It takes a lot to make something like this happen and I’m grateful to have so much support.
8/28/21: Dropped another 2lbs this week and hit the bike path for the 3rd consecutive Friday ride. It’s been a great pattern and definitely helping me keep up the joyful movement. It was hot out and the path was empty for a change. In some ways it was nice not having to dodge so many others but I think I also missed the bustle a bit. I met Jenn Webb afterward for my iced coffee and turkey sandwich. I haven’t seen her in a while since she left Hasbro but always really liked spending time with her. She’s funny, smart and cool all around. We had some laughs and I had to kind of hurry back, since I also had plans to meet Kevin for a couple drinks @ 4:30. We sat at the bar and I ordered non-alcoholic beers. I haven’t drank in about 6 weeks and that was actually the first time I even touched the fake beers. They are helpful in keeping me on track with being in social situations like that. It was good to catch up and he told me all about his dream job working for this Austrian billionaire. Happy he found that, as he has bounced around to lots of firms over the years and this seems right up his alley. Thankful I got time with some friends, while also being mindful of my health.
8/27/21: Met up with Gary and Sue in person finally. They have everything locked in and will be moving out by 9/15, only about 3+ weeks away! The place looked solid and although I know I am going to have some expenses (cleaning, painting, new hot water heater, etc.) the condo appears to be in solid shape. Once they have it emptied, I’ll be able to do a proper inspection and start in with the updates. It’s an exciting development for sure and it ‘feels’ like the timing is still good for selling it. If all goes well, we should be able to list and start showing it by 10/1 I’d imagine. The market still seems hot and we’ll hope for a full price, quick sale. I know there will be some stressful moments over the next few months. It would be hard to go through such a big transaction without any bumps, but I’m really excited to be at the doorstep of this change. Taking PV off my mental list will be nice. Having a large influx of cash will also of course help. If we are able to pay off Azalea, and squeeze in a nice vacation, it will feel great. Azalea will become a real income generator at that point and we’ll have lots of options going forward, should we ever need to borrow, refinance, sell, hold, move, etc. Feeling really fortunate to have bought PV 10 years ago. That initial investment of $35k, most of which was the check I got from my Upromise severance, really paid off. We are in the strongest financial position of our life and did it all on our own. Feeling thankful and a little proud.
8/25/21: Reconnected with Kevin Bento. He reached out about an interview at Hasbro. I haven’t talked with him in a few years but always had a ton of love for the guy. He got divorced last year and is back living with his folks and trying to re-enter the job market after being a stay at home dad, during covid. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like the Hasbro interview went too well, but I did attempt to reach out to the hiring manager and HR to give him a plug. He’s always been a thoughtful, humble, generous, loving type guy and I was happy to talk with him, even though my help didn’t seem to matter. Grateful that Kevin is in my family and that we spent some time getting re-connected.
Heard from Gary over at PV that he and Sue found a home and are going to be moving! He says they are targeting mid-September for closing, which is only a few weeks away. There will most definitely be a ton of work for me over the next few months, but this is what we were after. Feeling hopeful about the process and the options we will have on the other side. Most likely considering using the payout to get rid of the mortage on Azalea. That would leave us holding 3 paid off houses (well 2.5 really
and generating monthly income of about $1500 from Azalea. We can start investing that money for Q’s college fund or whatever seems most prudent. it will also remove the burden of a 4th property from my consciousness, which I think will be a good thing. Grateful for the good fortune and financial stability my family enjoys.
8/24/21: Got out for a second weekly run yesterday. Just going to the middle school and back, 1.75 miles. Did about a minute better than last week and felt a tiny bit more comfortable. I could have run a bit further today, whereas last week I was running on empty. Feels good to have a tiny bit of momentum towards turning the ship around health-wise. Thankful for my body and health, even though it’s not perfect.
I finally got in touch with the Narrows folks about the gig and we are all set to move ahead without vax proof. It takes a lot of pressure off me to decide what to do and whether to cancel the event. I’m looking forawrd to it and although attendance might flag as compared to ‘normal’ years, I still beleive we will have a great event.
Had some creative time at work and designed a newsletter that I’m happy about. Grateful to be able to flex my art muscle from time to time at work.
8/23/21: Band practice yesterday. We sounded GREAT. Probably our best jam ever. Everyone was sharp, but relaxed and the room sounded tight. I tweaked my bass sound a bit and also mic’ed up the kick drum for the first time. It added a nice level of groove that I think made us focus just a touch more. Whatever the cause, it was nice and felt strong. Thankful to play with these guys as always and for holding my own.
Hurricane Henri was a dud. Lots of talk and warnings leading up to a small amount of rain. Grateful we didn’t experience any damage and the impact was little to nothing on most areas.
Made it through the weekend eating reasonably. No wild swings and while I wasn’t perfect, I feel it was a sustainable approach. Continuing the pushup regimen and aiming for a second run sometime today to start the momentum going this week.
Getting lots of questions about the gig situation, since the Narrows published a no-vax/no-entry policy this week. It’s causing me some stress. Jerry, who plays in 2 of the bands, is not vaxxed. I’ll either have to let people know we are not following that directive, or more than likely cancel. Patrick is not responding to my email, which is adding to my anxiety. In the end, if we have to cancel, I’ll be mildly disappointed, but also a touch relieved. I’ll be most bummed about not performing and the energy lost putting everything in place. Out of my hands to a large degree so we’ll see what this week brings in the world of covid. Thankful everything else is on track and I’m healthy.
8/22/21: Visited Bella in Worcester yesterday. Visitors aren’t yet allowed at the school, so we met for lunch off campus. I brought her some stuff she left behind and her new glasses that arrived this week. It was nice to see her and catch up after a week away. We had a nice vegetarian bowl for lunch and some pressed juices. She’s got a lot of responsibility with the RA position, but seems happy to be in the fold. I think she’s glad to have some interaction with others that isn’t classroom related. It’s the kind of interaction you hope for at college but that she got little of last year. Seems like another step forward in her development and will reflect well on her resume, imo. I’m thankful to have had the chance to visit her so soon and for the great food and conversation we shared.
8/21/21: Weighed in yesterday at 261. I had been floating at 265+, so it felt good to have a lower trajectory over the last couple weeks. I followed up by hitting the bike path again, which felt great. After the ride, I met Ecem over at Blue Kangaroo, the lunch/coffee spot I sometimes visit. Was great to see her and she has become a really good friend over the last few years. She’s easy to talk to, smart, funny and insightful. I got this sandwich that I love called The Popeye, which is turkey, spinach, tomato, pesto and asiago cheese. Yumm! Was a great way to spend the afternoon. Grateful for my health focus lately, good friends and good food!
8/19/21: Had lunch with Mark Oglia yesterday. Hadn’t seen him in a few years but always enjoy spending time. He’s funny, smart and easy to talk with. We caught up on everything and had brunch at a cool place in Easton called Farmer’s Daughter. Had an amazing breakfast plate and will definitely return. Thankful for old friends, catching up and being in a position to meet for lunch on a whim, despite keeping down a full time job.
I got a text from Aaron asking me about a second Tom Tom for his drum kit. I had an extra from my kit in the rehearsal space, so I went to meet him and drop it off. He had the kit setup at the ice cream place, in the corner of the parking lot and was jamming away. He seemed happy about the new drum and I hung out and watched him play a few tunes. He’s got a great smile and it’s heartwarming to see his love for music come out so clearly and honestly. Thankful to be in position to helpp him out a bit.
Got to the gym and rode the eliptical, along with some extra pushups. Feeling good after a couple days of clean eating and movement. Thankful to be taking my health seriously and not giving up.
8/18/21: Took a spontaneous day off yesterday. Didn’t have any plans, but wanted. to stay offline on a day when it was beautiful outside. I took a Rawkstars call in the morning with an old friend from Upromise. She had reached out to me on social media, after joining the Fan Club to ask how she might get more involved. It was super nice to reconnect and felt awesome to have Rawkstars resonate with someone so strongly as to invoke action. We’ll see where it goes but she is a super resourceful woman and I think it would be amazing to have her support. Super thankful for everything Rawkstars continues to bring into my life.
In the afternoon I took a ride down to Plymouth by myself. Lisa was getting ready to go to Rick’s and Q was already at Subway for the afternoon. I brought a book and parked by the ocean. I sat for a while on a bench reading, then walked further down the boulevard to find some shade. I then sat in front of the Mayflower and read a bit more. I took a few pics, which was nice and something I haven’t been doing much lately. I planned to grab lunch but decided to hold off so I wasn’t tempted by crappy restaurant food to overeat. Drove home around 3 and made a sandwich, then picked up Q. Quiet night at home after that. Grateful for the ability to simply enjoy a gorgeous day, without regard for work or anything productive.
8/16/21: Went for a run yesterday for the first time in a while. Falmouth Road Race took place on Sunday. Cid ran and did some fundraising for Rawkstars, so it was on my mind. Quincy’s friend Ryan also ran and as we were talking about it, I looked up my old stats. I ran it 4x with the Rawk team and the 3rd year was my strongest effort. 11:40 pace and finished in 1:22. I decided I want to try and get a small charity team together for next year, which will be the 50th anniversary of the event. I don’t want to fundraise too hard, but maybe get like 10 people involved, like we used to do. After so much thinking, I decided to actually try and run, outside in the real world. I did 1.73 miles, to the Middle School and back. It was hard and I ran slow, but I ran. Felt good to just get my ass out there and I want to continue having some running as part of my joyful movement practice. I really need to drop some lbs as I am feeling worse each month. I’m up 30lbs. since my last birthday and am unhappy about how I look, how my clothes fit, how I feel and the impact on my health that is sure to come soon, if I don’t address it. Grateful for yesterday and some motivation. Aiming to keep it going!
8/15/21: Went to Beth Hottinger’s wedding down in Newport last night. It was nice to go to one of those, it’s been a while, especially for someone in our own age group. Hadn’t seen Beth or Erynne in many years and they both seemed great. I’m happy that she found someone to hookup with after all these years. She had a tough road and deserves some peace and love, as everyone does. It was a small wedding so we actually got some time to talk with both of them, which was nice. Life is so different all these years later and it’s nice to be able to reflect with people you know on both ends. I think Lisa really appreciated it and being invited was extra nice. She and Beth are old chick friends and I know it meant a lot to her to be part of it. Thankful for old friendships.
8/14/21: Swam at the Bento’s pool yard yesterday for a few hours. Always thankful to have a pool for the afternoon. It’s been hot lately and it felt nice to lounge outside for a few hours with Lisa and her folks.
Bella came home late afternoon from Subway and I could tell she was upset. She didn’t want to talk so I left her alone. She went out to Boneheads with Cam later and when they came home she sat in the car for a while talking to her boss. When she came in she told us that the Subway A/C had been broken for a while and the store was an oven all day. Both she and the other girl working felt sick and it was over 90 inside for the whole day. Her boss was traveling and unavailable to call, so she decided to close the store around 6pm. She was obviously stressed, but it was totally the right decision. The conditions weren’t safe and she didn’t deserve to be baking in a 90+ degree store making sandwiches all afternoon. I’m proud of her for having the guts to make what I could tell was a hard choice for her. She is a strong woman and doesn’t take the job lightly. I’m glad she told us and glad that she had the sense to do the right thing. She’s a great kid and I’m very grateful to have her in my life.
8/13/21: Visited TJ’s yesterday and met Kayden and Amy, the caseworker from his group home. It was an immensely cool experience. He was shy but came around kinda quickly as I tried getting him to open up. In addition to being in the home and being orphaned, the kid has tourettes, so he had a lot of ticks and made some funky noises. All that aside he seemed comfortable as hell with music. Once I got him setup with the lesson folks, we started looking at guitars. He said his acoustic broke and he wanted an electric. I started showing him different styles and explaining strats, teles, les pauls, etc. He knew absolutely zero about guitars, but once he finally held one, I could tell he was a natural. He moved his left hand with real dexterity and switched chords like he was playing for 10 years. He had big meaty hands like Rich Spillberg but played delicately but with strength. He also sang a bit, though quietly. He mostly fingerpicked, another pretty advanced technique and not something who just started a few months ago would normally have in their arsenal. After 30 minutes or so, he chose a really slick looking strat, with a black/grey finish and tremolo. I got him a nice Fender practice amp, and all the accessories to jump right in. It was so awesome meeting him and seeing him come alive through music. He’s an absolute perfect student for Rawkstars and meeting him was a tremendous blessing. I look forward to seeing his growth on the instrument and feel strongly that it will change him massively to express himself through proper tools, with some professional guidance. So very blessed and humbled to be able to facilitate such an experience.
8/10/21: Quincy had a guy pass out in Subway last night as they were getting ready to close the store. He had his phone handy and called 911 who arrived within a few minutes. He said they helped the guy up off the floor before the ambulance arrived and gave him water. Sounded like he was concious and left with the paramedics in good hands. Still, I’m proud of Q for not panicing and taking care of business quickly. He’s a great kid and the job has been good for him. He never complains about the shifts and has already gotten adept at understanding and saving his money. Proud of him and thankful for such great kids.
Got the finished version of the Guitars Behind Bars trailer over the weekend and it’s awesome. I’m really happy with how it turned out, especially given the hurdles we faced over the last 18 months since the pilot. Doga incorporated the footage of James really well, and got just the right tone I was asking for in his quotes. The stuff I shot with Keith wasn’t usable, due to the audio, but even still, the piece is great. We updated the graphics and it runs about 4:20, but doesn’t feel long whatsoever. Next steps are going to be building a pitch around the trailer and telling the story. Grateful to have worked on such an amazing project, affected the guys we connected with and done something meaningful with my time.
8/8/21: Biked to Bristol yesterday. Made the decision to ride instead of meeting the Bento crew for lunch in Fall River. That was of course tempting as hell, but given that we went to Boneheads the night before, I opted for joyful movement. Glad I did as it was a beautiful afternoon. I couldn’t get anyone to come along, as usual, but tried. I enjoyed the time to myself, as I usually do, even after feeling bad about not having anyone along. After the ride, I went to Blue Kangaroo, and grabbed iced coffee. I also grabbed a sandwich, for the first time there, and it was really good. Turkey, spinach, pesto and asiago cheese. I sat quietly and ate half, along with my coffee. Saw lots of people come/go along with an old Hasbro IT dude. I couldn’t recall his name, but recognized the face. Later on, I was motivated to do a summer lobster roll along with corn, watermelon, etc. but lost steam. I ate the second half of my sub after shopping and just didn’t have a big apettite. I threw some burgers and dogs on the grill for the kiddos and I had some leftover soup that was in the fridge. Grateful for making good choices and putting my own priorities first, for a change.
8/7/21: Some residual traffic from my FB campaign, bringing the total number of signups to 17, with two ‘doubles’, making it effectively 19. Amazing outcome and I’m super thankful to everyone who jumped in. It was especially effective as several of the signups came from outliers in my network, meaning they weren’t people I traditionally would have approached. That still leaves me with a large untapped list of potential members I can continue to market to. Most of all, I’m grateful that we will get to enroll Kayden and I made a plan to meet him next week at TJ’s to buy a guitar and get a class schedule.
We took Wyatt and Abi kayaking down in Providence, which I found great fun. The river isn’t the nicest body of water and the kids complained a bit about the smell, but I thought it was a great way to see the interior of the city. I hit the paddling pretty hard so it also felt like exercise. Afterward we took a quick swim in the Bentos pool, then took Abi out to Boneheads for a late dinner. Wyatt stayed behind, which upset Q, but we had fun nonetheless. Abi is a cool kid and I’m thankful we got to spend some time with her on the vacation.
8/6/21: Ran a FB campaign yesterday to rally 12 people to join the Fan Club in support of Kayden. Was pretty successful and I got at least a dozen people to join! I’ve got some loose ends to tie up today, but it definitely looks like we’ll be able to onboard him this week. It’s a solid strategy in connecting stories with enrollment drives. Several people who were already members asked about giving extra. I don’t want to pile on, so that’s something I’m going to have to learn to manage going forward. In addition to the dozen signups, 2 of them were for $20, so it’s really like 14. We also probably added $100+ from the one-off pledges. Overall, we are right at the 200 mark on subscriptions, which is pretty awesome. I was hopeful for 230 by year’s end, so we could still be on track to hit that number. I still have a working list of folks I want to approach, so these organic ones really help. Regardless of outcome, Rawkstars has more money in the bank than it’s ever had, we have 200 subscriptions coming in each month, and we are telling stories that resonate and matter to people in our network. Can’t be anything but grateful about our progress and the impact we are making and are poised for.
8/5/21: So my Purpose Statement didn’t get the kind of love that I hoped for. I got notes from the team members individually and I felt strongly that it was pretty awesome, but it didn’t bowl over Kathrin, and that’s what we are all after here. Can’t lie and say I didn’t feel disappointment, but it’s ok. I feel good about opening myself up and being genuine to my feelings. I’ll get over it.
Got myself to the gym and continued on a path of solid eating. Feeling ever so slightly better and did 60 pushups, instead of the 30+ that I’ve been doing the last few weeks. Grateful for my body and its response, even if it’s slow and being held back by my mind.
Continuing a slow trickle of Fan Club signups and have had 6 since my story about Aaron last week. I also got an organic call from a woman who runs a local group home. She told me about a kid named Kayden, who is in a ‘high needs’ home, not because he is problematic or has behavioral issues, but because he is nearly 16 and has been bounced around foster care to the point where he has no place to go. She said he taught himself guitar and is a good singer. She said he plays around the house often and performs for the other kids and staff, especially when someone needs to be calmed. I want to help him badly and already have a submitted application in hand. I’m intending to try and rally another set of Fan Club members with his story but regardless of outcome, will bring him into the fold. Sounds exactly like the kind of kid we want to help and he can study at TJ’s which makes it even better. Supremenly grateful for the outreach and for being in position to provide help to this boy.
8/4/21: Yesterday I was in more meetings regarding the Hasbro Purpose Statement. This has been an ongoing project for months. We hired a vendor, who orchestrated lots of meetings, exercises and workshops to illicit 3 proposals. None of the submitted options were strong, imo. Kathrin also didn’t seem impressed and over the last 8 weeks we have started going off the reservation to work on this separate from the vendor. I championed and executed a company survey, which got 800 responses. We then worked with a freelance copywriter through eOne, who I liked connecting with. He submitted some new options but she didn’t seem thrilled with those either. During our session yesterday, we worked on the statement and I added some bits that were well received. At the conclusion, we still were luke warm as a group, especially Kathrin. I couldn’t stop thinking about it afterward and worked on some notes on my own. While I was picking up Q at Subway, I had some ideas and jotted them on a literal napkin in the car. After I got home, I was energized and wrote up a full page workbook about the background, ‘must haves’, data from the survey and eventually a recommended statement that I really thought was strong. I even included some justification about what words I chose based on data, feedback, etc. and I sent it off to the group after hours. I’ve been on pins and needles waiting for some feedback this morning, but nothing yet. Of course I’ll be thrilled if it winds up resonating for people, especially Kathrin. But even if it falls flat, I’m grateful for the creative energy it gave me. Purpose has a way of making ‘work’ feel fun and energizing and I am thankful that my job gives me bursts of feeling this directly.
8/3/21: Picked up Abi yesterday from the Bento’s and took her to the bookstore. I know she loves books so we hung out there and I told her to get anything she wanted. I rummaged around and bought a few for myself, as did Lisa. I have at least 5 unread books already but I can’t help it, I love having new books around. I’m a slower reader than I used to be, but fuck it, I always enjoyed reading, so having some extra on the shelf is fine with me. Abi bought a huge armfull, at least 6 hardcovers. I spent about $250, which again, didn’t really phase me. I’m thankful that money doesn’t rule my life. I’m certainly not rich by modern standards, but I have basically everything I need and most of what I want. Spending a few hundred bucks isn’t going to change anything for me and I was happy to see Abi so excited. We took her out for Chinese afterward with the kids and then drove her home to Stoughton. Wyatt was swimming in the pool with a friend so I got to see him briefly too. They are so grown up and I was really happy to connect with both of them. I miss Mikey and Alyssa, so connecting to them through the kiddos is a good thing. Planning to take them both kayaking on Friday, weather permitting. Grateful for my neice and nephew and for being able to take time out to spend with them for a couple days.
8/2/21: Birthday dinner with the fam for Randy / Bella. We decided to go to Luciano’s, instead of coming here like we have for the last several events. We brought Cam along and had to pickup UB, so we had 10 people. Lucianos is overpriced and the food is moderate. It’s one of those old people restaurants, that white folks with bland pallettes think is high-end, because they’ve never tried modern, elevated dining where real food is really seasoned and prepared in creative thoughtful ways. Anyhow, it was as predictable as ever. Ben was tempermental, Grampa was obnoxious and the sarcasm could be cut with a knife. We had a couple appetizers, 3 drinks in total and the bill came in at $660! Not including the tip! I knew it was going to be pricey, but it was ridiculous. Bella and UB both ordered the cowboy ribeye that was on special and once the bill came, we saw they were $99 each. Anyways, Lisa and I paid and wound up dropping $800 for a meal that was meh. When we got home and told the kids we spent 30 minutes talking about it of course to everyone’s shock. Reason I’m posting it here is that I’m grateful to be in a position to absorb something like that and not have it effect me financially. I’m not happy to have gotten soaked so badly for average food, but am thankful to have covered for the family and not have it be more than a story for the rest of us to talk about. I’m a lucky guy.
8/1/21: Easy post today. Gig day! We played Larry’s 50th party and had a blast. Not a huge crowd but we had a few friends make the effort and of course we had both bands full attention. The day was perfect weather and load-in / setup / soundcheck was smooth as silk. I could hear everything solidly on stage and felt very comfortable performing. I butchered the intro to Sure Know Something, which is the weirdest thing because I know that song cold. Just goes to show you can never take live music for granted. I made mistakes on Sky Is Crying and Touch Too Much, but nothing glaring. Regardless of my miscues, I felt proud of the effort and the band. Everyone enjoyed the set and Lisa/Moonstruck were great as usual. Maureen and Larry both seemed really happy, and we got lots of compliments from the crowd too. I know I’ve mentioned it here many times but playing with these guys is like punching above my weight. They are all pros and I’m so glad they keep me in the mix. Maybe I can keep momentum going and take my playing up a notch? I used my Ampeg and it performed well. The kids even came and caught our set, and complimented me, in a genuine way. I really enjoyed myself all around.
Afterward, Mike invited us all over, of course. I was going to blow it off to avoid the excess, but wound up heading over with Lisa. I gave myself a forced stop at 8:30 to pickup Quincy from work. That technique worked quite well, as it gave me long enough to hang out and connect with people, but provided a guardrail so I knew I wouldn’t lose my willpower. I’m proud of the fact that I stayed true to what I’m trying to get better at, but found a way to be part of the hang with people I love and enjoy. Grateful.
7/31/21: Picked up Abi at the airport yesterday with Rob. Always enjoy spending time with him and he’s one of my favorite people all around. Drive in was pretty easy but the airport itself was a bit of a cluster. Had to circle a few times and got booted out of the parking area by a State Trooper who angrily pointed at me. Anyways, he went inside and got Abi and we eventually connected back out front. She looks so different and grown up. She’s got these big 80s type glasses and reflects the bookworm vibe, that I know is one of her favorite hobbies. We talked for much of the ride and it felt really nice to connect with her. She reflects both Alyssa and Mikey so much it made me feel closer with them. We went back to teh Bentos to drop her off and they were over the moon happy to see her. We ate spaghetti and chatted a bit more before I took Rob back and got home around 10pm myself. It was late but I was super thankful to have made the effort. Love the kids and getting to be part of the reunion was really nice.
Took Lisa and Q to Plymouth for dinner, as it was a sunny Friday and felt like being outside. We found a new seafood spot across from the water and went there after walking to the end of the jetty, which is a tradition anytime we hit Plymouth. Food was solid and I didn’t overdo it. Feeling decent lately with regards to weight but wary about today, as we are playing Larry’s bday party. Really looking forward to the gig part, but don’t want to party or overeat. I may need to make a hard decision later about prioritizing my health and hoping I have the strength for a positive outcome. Writing about it here to reinforce what my priority is. Grateful to be alive.
Dusty Hill passed away earlier this week. Bass player for ZZ Top, he was one of my faves, especially over the last 5 years or so. Before I became a bassist (some would argue that point
I gravitated towards players who dominated the music. Steve Harris, Geddy Lee and others were inarguably the ‘best’ around. Once I finally started playing, I leaned into ‘lesser’ heralded players like Jimmy Bain, Peter Baltes, Mike Anthony and Dusty. Guys like that made me realize that bass works better as a foundational instrument, giving guitar players, singers and drummers a platform on which to dance. The fact that my musical vocabulary is severely limited, I see myself as more of a musician through the eyes of these players which gives me confidence. ZZ Top were an immense force for great riffs and catchy songs, all with a grungy Texas blues vibe. I will warm up today with Precious & Grace and Jesus Just Left Chicago, in hopes of finding a tiny bit of the groove Dusty laid out for bass players like me. Rest in power. Grateful for the music you created and the impact it had on me.
7/29/21: Last week, I got a visit from a friend who wanted to donate a drum set to Rawkstars, Inc. He had been teaching an adult student, who unexpectedly and suddenly passed away. The son of this student gifted the set to my friend, in hopes it would continue to make music beyond his fathers passing.
This week, I took Quincy out for ice cream after work. Soon after, this guy sat down and started playing drums along to “Thriller” which was blasting out of his boombox. Even with makeshift metal sticks and a picnic table as his drum set, I knew he could feel the groove.
I’d seen him many times before. He’s a fixture in the center of our town. Always outside, always listening to music on old school headphones, always singing to himself or playing drums, sometimes on a 5 gallon bucket next to the road.
He’s the type of guy most people in a small blue collar town are wary of. They cross the street and avoid eye contact so they don’t have to engage.
Instead, I walked over, shook his hand and asked about his music. He told me his name was Aaron and he’s been playing drums since age 3. His biggest love is music, but his job at the local dollar store didn’t leave him enough money for a drum set.
I asked him if he wanted one. Free of charge, no strings attached. I gave him my cell # and told him to text me if he needed any help getting started.
10 minutes later, my phone vibrated and Aaron said he wanted the drum kit. Quincy and I loaded it in the car and delivered it to his apartment complex. We helped him set it up and met one of the staff members who runs the facility where he lives. She said it was the nicest thing anyone could have done for him.
Yesterday, Lisa and I walked to the Post Office, passing the street where Aaron lives. We heard drums being played from behind the building. We walked around back and saw him jamming under a shady tree, laying down latin grooves to Carlos Santana.
As soon as he saw us, he started smiling ear to ear. Lisa and I were too. Hearing the discarded drums being brought to life was nothing short of magical.
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can’t buy.
Huge thanks to drummer extraordinaire Mike Levesque for the kit, Sean McLaughlinfor the connection and Paul Lourenco for the tech support.
Sincere gratitude to everyone who has ever supported Rawkstars. My life has been forever changed by the human experiences made possible by your generosity.
7/27/21: Continuing on the joyful movement train and got to the gym, to ride the exercise bike and do some pushups. Feeling ever so slightly better this week and definitely ramping up the movement, while managing the food intake. Started trying kachava yesterday, after using my first bag of huel. Need more time with it to see how it effects my appetite, but glad to be on the path.
Finally having some better weather the last few days and I got some time outside for a few afternoon meetings. Makes a huge difference to just get some sun in my day for an hour or two, during work. Lisa went to the pool and I wished I could have joined, but happy she at least got some time herself.
Quincy continues to kick butt this summer. In addition to doing a decent amount of hours at Subway the last few weeks, he has also been running most mornings with the team over at the HS. I’m super proud of him and how hard he is working. He’s also doing music, but is hard on himself about the output. Sound familiar?! He’s really maturing and I love seeing his growth into adulthood and how he’s handling things.
7/26/21: Band practice yesterday, last one before our party gig at the pines for Larry’s 50th. Had a good time, but not my best as I didn’t spend much time with the songs this week. I feel confident and we have things down pretty well, with a bit of struggle on Still Got the Blues. I’m not worried about anything, and if there were ever a gig to not stress about it’s this one. Still I’m thankful for the band, and everyone in it. We are coming together well since the covid restart and I’m looking forward to adding some new songs to the setlist, after this weekend. I’d love to get one more show on the calendar after 9/11 and before winter really sets in. Would be great to see if we could get something with 2 sets, and have someone open for us. That would be a real push to add new music and take another step.
Went through the weekend without drinking. I don’t typically talk about alcohol much here, mainly because it’s not that important to me. That said, it’s been a bit harder to eliminate it the last few months, similar to how I’ve been struggling to drop some lbs. as confidently as I used to be able to. I think I want to try and go some months without drinking to see if it has an improved effect on my health / weight. I’m no prude and a few drinks from time to time is nice. That said, I’ve spent much of my life consuming alcohol and I kinda like the idea of being clean and sober for a while to see how I feel. Grateful I abstained at least for a week.
7/25/21: Spent a few hours with Keith Mao yesterday up in Lowell. It took a while to connect, but I’m really glad to have made the effort and that he stayed with the process of following up. I drove up and met some of his family at a birthday party for his young cousin. He introduced me to his brother as well. We took a ride to a local park, where it was relatively quiet and setup on a bench in the shade. I setup 2 cameras as best I could and spent the next 30 minutes or so interviewing him. It was really great and I learned a lot about him, his life and also about the GBB program. It was similar to when we interviewed James in that I got a glimpse into what it meant to these guys more personally. I felt so blessed to hear his story and get to know him a bit. He demonstrated a huge love of music and of his brother, who is also very musical. After the interview, we talked about going into the studio. I’d love to be able to put together a project to get them in a space where they can create something together. I’ve got some ideas about bringing people along and seeing what kind of session we could pull off. I have a gut feeling about Keith and what he’s capable of. I’d be honored to help him reach higher and continue his journey towards where he wants to get. I feel super fortunate to have this opportunity and the resources to be able to share with others who deserve a chance, like the ones I had.
7/23/21: Continuing with the busy / productive work weeks. Made some progress on a deck about ‘Purpose’, which I’m trying to tie in with some career development goals. I’ve got a peer coach who is giving me some advice. I’ve never been a great career manager, and literally have had similar titles at the office for 20+ years. My salary has increased a lot and I am not unhappy with my paycheck, but there is always an aspirational piece to jobs for me and I’d love to be able to ‘solve’ for that, heading into what may be my last decade as a regular professional. Grateful for my job overall, regardless of where it goes, I enjoy what I do most days.
Had a call with Keith Mao, from the Guitars Behind Bars project. I’m going to visit him on Saturday afternoon. I’m not sure if EmVision can come, and I felt kinda bad even asking them. They’ve done so much work on the project free of charge, but I want to connect with Keith regardless. I think he has a great story and I’d like to continue trying to help him build on his music, in whatever way possible. I’ll probably shoot him with my own equipment, and potentially use that footage in some way to showcase his skills and story. Grateful to have impacted him and expanded on the power of music to heal.
Yesterday was B’s 20th birthday. We didn’t see each other much, as she hit the beach during the day with Cam, then did a dinner with some of her friends. Regardless, I’m so proud of her and it’s a bit mind blowing to have a 20 year old daughter. She is an amazing person, doing well in all aspects of her life. She takes good care of herself, works hard, builds meaningful relationships, manages her finances and is moving towards a career. She does it all with grace and ease, for the most part. Thankful to have her in our life and see the woman she has become all on her own.
I also had a call with Tivoli Audio. They are a Boston based company that makes high end radios and audio systems. They reached out to me earlier in the week saying they were looking for a music charity to bring into some of their corporate sponsorship work. Turns out the guys who run the company are from a band Vary Lumar, who played a Rawkstars event several years ago, setup through my friend Sean McLaughlin. We’ll be one of their partners and hopefully receive some donations through their platform each quarter. I don’t really know what to expect, but regardless, it’s a great opportunity for us. I also think there are other ways we can partner, with product donations, possibly live performances and other beneficial approaches. I’m aiming to setup an in-person meeting with them in a few weeks to show them the breadth of what Rawkstars is doing and build a connection with them to see what’s possible. Super grateful for the outreach, support and possibilities ahead with this partner.
7/22/21: Work has been busy lately. Juggling lots of meetings and projects, but it’s been good. I feel productive and valuable to the team lately. I’ve also been doing a decent job moving, having gotten to the gym a few more times in the last week. I’m still at an unhealthy weight, but still trying. I’ve realized that my self-talk is a problem in this area. I went out briefly to Lisa’s band practice to talk with the guys about the upcoming gigs and I realized after I left that I mentioned my weight like 3 times. I hadn’t seen Jerry in several months and he looked great. That prompted me to comment and then move into self-deprecation mode. I know this isn’t good and part of the cycle I’m stuck in. Luckily, Quincy has been helping a bit. He and I started a pushup challenge 2 days ago, doing 50 per day to start. It’s small but that is exactly what I am looking for, multiple small changes that I can actually keep up with. I just need consistency and time and I should start to see and feel some effects.
We tossed the frisbee a bit before it got dark and that always is a nice activity together. Today is B’s 20th and she has been around more this week coincidentally. We are planning a family night out to Oyster Bar tomorrow, but will give her some earbuds I bought and make her feel a bit special. Grateful for the whole family and our connections to each other.
7/21/21: 24th anniversary yesterday. Had a busy day at work and didn’t see Lisa until about 8:30pm. I left for the office early and headed to Providence. Had a day full of meetings and ran into Matt Orsi and Kunal at the building, which was really nice. My old team was having an in office meeting for the first time. It was a tiny bit awkward, but I suppose it was good to get it out of the way so early. I came home in the afternoon and Lisa had already left for her shift at Rick’s. I hit the gym for some cardio and then came home to make dinner. We all ate together, albeit super late, but it was nice to have a family dinner. I posted on FB about it, as I have been active on there since announcing the gig last week. Got a ton of nice comments and I hope Lisa appreciated my sentiment. I got her some ear buds for running, which I know she wanted. Grateful to be together still, even through ups and downs that come with 35 years of friendship and 24 years of marriage. I couldn’t imagine my life without Lisa and she has helped make me the person I am more than anyone, raised the kids and made a great home life for all of us.
7/19/21: Two days ago, Quincy and I had a fight. It started out innocently enough, as I went to the gym and then woke him up to come to breakfast. We were talking about mixing and at one point I told him it seemed like he was ‘being a pussy’, because he was afraid to mix other people’s music. Tying it sounds harsh, and that’s basically how he also took it. In the moment, it was meant to be more playful than it sounds, as it’s a word I’ve used and had used towards me hundreds of times, with my closest friends. After I said it, he shut down, which angered me and things went downhill from there. I felt awful afterward as he was visibly shaken and took it super personally. I tried to apologize and get him to talk a few more times and again after we got home, but it went nowhere. I felt like garbage and went to bed that way.
Yesterday, after I cut the grass, we were able to talk. I apologized and he explained more about what made him upset. He was trying to quell the argument and I basically wouldn’t allow him to. I understand the conflict as he was attempting to drop the subject, which he traditionally hasn’t been good at, but I made it worse by pushing him and not respecting the impasse he tried to create by telling me to stop.
He made it easy to talk and gave me a very thoughtful, calm explanation of what went wrong. I apologized again and we left on a good note. A while later, he asked me to toss the frisbee, which felt like another olive branch for us to connect. We usually have good conversations when we do that and it felt good to just do something together outside. I took him to work shortly after and the rest of the day was much better.
I’m super thankful for my relationship with Q. I honestly don’t feel super close to many people. I have ‘freinds’ but we mostly only hang out or talk when there is a party situation or similar. I don’t really have people in my life that call/text or connect 1:1 for activities without others involved. He’s really the only person I feel like who does that and we have deep conversations and I think we know each other pretty well. I’m so happy to have him in my life and he has matured into such an amazing kid who is insightful, smart, compassionate and wants to do the right thing. I couldn’t be more proud.
7/17/21: Great band practice last night. Things are really rounding into shape and we sound so much better than just a few weeks ago. After practice Chuck hung out for a while and we chatted. It was cool to connect and we talked about old times and the families, etc. He’s a good guy and I’m grateful for his friendship. He’s also a pretty damn good guitarist and being in the band with him is awesome.
The night before, Bella and I went to the WooSox game. She had bought tickets for us as a Fathers Day gift a few weeks back and the game was on Thursday. We drove up, talked a bit on the ride and parked. The stadium is great and we found our seats, then sat a while and chatted a bit more. We walked around the park a few times and got BBQ sandwiches and some drinks. We didn’t stay for the whole game, as I know Bella doesn’t care a lick about baseball. It was a long ride and I wanted to get home also. No matter about the game, it was awesome to spend a couple hours alone together. That hasn’t happened in quite some time. Bella has her own life nowadays and between school, work, friends, Cam and her social life, I’m lucky if I see her for a few minutes each day or for one family dinner per week or something. We don’t get time to talk that much and I was super grateful. It was a very thoughtful gift as well. She knows I love baseball and that I wanted to go see the new park. Kids are always listening
7/15/21: Had some alone time with Cam yesterday evening. Lisa was at band practice, Bella was working and Q had some friends over. We talked for a while about marketing. I explained to him where I’m at with Jamie and the needs of Rawkstars and it was fun. I could tell he was genuinely interested in the subject as he was animated, asked good questions and listened well. It was nice to bond with him a bit and share in something we have mutual interest in. Thankful that Bella is so happy being with him and that he is connecting more to all of us.
I ordered a new bathroom faucet in the first step towards fixing the sink pressure. I’m really not sure why I’ve stalled on that for so long, but it will be nice to address the one area of the house that needs real attention. Small, but impactful I’d say.
I paid Bella’s 5th of 8 tuition bills yesterday. After some back and forth I realized her credit for housing was already included in the amount owed, which made the bill more than I had hoped. Still, I had enough in her school account to cover it and still have a small sum left. I’m sure when she goes back in September, she will give me another big check, which will put her somewhere in the ballpark of having enough for payment #6 in December. Super grateful that we will have made it at least 3/4 years without her having to take any loans. If you had told me that when she started, I wouldn’t have believed it and I would have said it was a big accomplishment. Thankful to get her off on such a good start and that she herself contributed a lot to the process. She’s proven to be a super hard worker and pretty responsible saver, two awesome traits.
7/14/21: Received the GBKF grant check for Rawkstars yesterday. I knew it was a done deal, but actually getting, seeing and depositing the check was kinda cool. Our bank account is definitely at an all time high now, pushing $47k. Sold a few more tickets and had one signup for the Fan Club as well. Really happy about the first couple days of show reaction and planning to spend the next 2 months promoting it as well as working on a signup drive to get to 225 memberships. Grateful for the focus and for the support of so many people.
7/13/21: Announced the Rawkstars event yesterday and had a nice response. Published the poster and event page on FB and had 80+ folks respond. Sold about a dozen tickets and heard some really nice commentary from several people. Felt great and it was a physical and mental relief. No matter how many gigs I put together, they always come with a lot of pressure and somehow I’m always surprised at how much it hits me. Thankful that so many people are supportive of the charity and that I’ve built something so resonant with the local music community.
7/12/21: Saw Mojo yesterday at The Pines. They had a nice crowd and it’s always great to see Chuck do his guitar thing. Mike O’Hare came out, which was nice. We have been texting the last several weeks but that was the first time we have connected in person. He seems good and looks healthy. He seemed to have a good time and was thankful for the invite. Also ran into several others including, Tommy, Larry, Fradkin, Mooney/Doreen, Jim/Kelly and some others. I enjoyed it but also was ready to take off after a couple hours. I find that I’m just not as social nowadays as I used to be. I prefer smaller hangouts and fewer people. Not sure what has changed for me, but I’m just not as into the large gathering thing. Another gloomy day weather wise, as its been for a few weeks now. Seems like the sun is on hiatus. Watched the Bee-Gees documentary with Lisa last night which was awesome. I’ll leave it as thankful to have learned about their career and for their music in general.
7/11/21: Went to Dorothy’s delayed 4th of July party yesterday. Saw chunks of the family which was really nice. Caught up with Kim Raposo for a while and enjoyed seeing her. Reminded me of all the amazing times we had at their old Brockton house together. Dorothy has a great house too, the yard is amazing. Seeing all the kids run around and connecting with family always feels good. The kids and Cam came down and seeing them interact is also great. Thankful as usual for the family/friends I am blessed to be part of.
We had to cut out early from the party for band practice. Sounded great and feels like the songs are really coming together. We’ve got a 9 song set-list ready for Larry’s party and we have 2 more rehearsals booked before the gig. I think we will definitely be ready and am psyched with our new direction.
Picked up a drum set on Friday, which I gave to Paul Lourenco. It was mostly junk I didn’t want/need, but I grabbed a throne from the pile to upgrade my set downstairs. I’ve got another one getting delivered today from a local drummer I’m meeting for the first time. Grateful to have so many folks reaching out to donate gear, even if I cannot accept or use much of it.
7/10/21: Lots of Rawkstars activity this week. Delivered the keyboard to Daniela on Thursday and also dropped a guitar off for a girl through Greg Alonge. Felt good to move some instruments along and meeting Daniela and Myra in person was very nice. She seems like an excellent candidate for music lessons and I’m hopeful she will be on the roster for a while. Meeting families also gives me improved perspective on my own good fortune and I’m appreciative of the options I am blessed to have around me.
Quincy started working this week at Subway. He seems to actually enjoy it and it’s great seeing him take the initiative. I went to pick him up the other night and went inside to see him in action. He was making subs for some customers, which gave me a smile. There was a teenage kid who came in right at closing time. He bought a sandwich and then didn’t have enough cash to pay for it, so I covered for him. He was thankful and it felt nice to help a stranger spontaneously. After the kid left, Q and his buddy Strawbridge, who is also on the track team, started the closing routine. I went out to the car to wait and started listening to old Motown. They took about an hour to wrap up, which is a big difference from Bella, who usually finishes in about 15 minutes. In any case, instead of getting impatient, I grooved to the music and reconnected with some amazing tunes. Temptations, Four Tops and of course my favorites, The Supremes. Such moving music that hits me deeply. We drove home and my mood was perfect. Grateful for such awesome kids and for the chance to be alone with music for an hour.
Lisa took a part time job working the lesson desk at Rick’s Music. I had heard the day before that Paul, our drummer, was quitting the position. I told Lisa yesterday that she should go talk with Robin, even just to get some perspective on her job search. She actually got an offer from an office gig in the Taunton industrial park earlier in the day. I could tell she was unsure about taking it and when I mentioned the music store, she decided to reach out. About an hour later, she was heading over there to talk with Rick and Robin and an hour later came home and said she was going to work there! She seems happy about the choice and I know she will be a great fit. The store is a nice environment, family oriented business. and plenty of cool, talented people are there every day. She’ll also be meeting kids and moms signing up for music lessons so what could be better? I’m grateful she seems happy with the choice and hopefully it will take some stress off our marriage and bring her to a better place, to feel good about working again. I’m also happy to know she’ll be with cool people and close to home doing something with a personal connection.
7/7/21: Got to the gym again yesterday for a nice elliptical workout. Feeling mildly better after a few days strung together of movement and mindful eating. Got back in the saddle with work and after a sluggish morning, made progress on some small items and some strategy around our return to work and holiday activities. Thankful for the time off and also for the chance to get back to work. My job is terrific and I’m lucky to have it / Hasbro.
Got some progress against the 9/11 Rawkshow done as well. Emily finished the gig poster, which is amazingly beautiful. I created a ticket site and am working to confirm Moonstruck as the last band. I’m hoping putting it out there officially will be a sense of relief for me. Bottling up the plans and having no resonance doesn’t feel good. It should be a low stress gig for me, but it hasn’t been, even though we haven’t even gotten started. Looking forward to releasing the energy and getting at least some reaction and momentum, even if it’s slower than I would like.
Chatted with some new Rawkstars students as well. Finally have a date to deliver a keyboard to Daniela, who officially started lessons last week. It will be great to meet her in person, drop off the keyboard and get some pics with her and her mom Myra. I also got an email from Beatrice, Tatiana’s mom. Tatiana has been a long-time piano student and she has a younger brother who now also wants to enroll. Beatrice is a super nice woman and I have talked with her many times. Her family always comes to our events and Tatiana is a model student. Beatrice said she was ‘ashamed’ to reach out asking about another kid. I totally understand but told her it was an honor for us to be there to help. It literally is the reason Rawkstars exists and I couldn’t be more thankful to be in a position to assist their family, by adding Trevin to our ranks. The last few months, we’ve added Kiernan, Charissa, Daniela and now have applications pending from Trevin as well as Natalie, the drum student I met through Deb DaSilva last month. I’m going to work on adding the last two, which will give Rawkstars 5 new kids in just the last few months. I’m hopeful that will also help me fundraise, and find sponsors for the new kids in the coming weeks. Grateful indeed.
7/6/21: Did some needed yard work yesterday. After a week+ of vacation, the yard was a bit scraggly. Felt good to push the mower and run the edger and just be outside moving. Thankful for our home, yard and that my body is able to still handle an hour of landscaping.
Had a nice talk with Lisa yesterday about our lack of intimacy. I haven’t written about it much here, probably as it is such a source of pain. It’s honestly something that took on a life of its own over the last 9-12 months. It started as I was gaining weight and feeling shame about my body/looks. Then last summer, when I was going through the depression and anxiety due to work, money, etc. it continued. Once I started on the meds, I had some ‘issues’ with performance and it just felt weird. By the time I stopped taking them, it had become a few months of distance and it just became harder to connect. The chasm between us grew as a result of the lack of physical connection and became ‘a thing’, which I really haven’t figured out how to address. Talking and putting it out there together was a good first step and I think we both felt some relief. Grateful for the talk and for the opportunity to make things better going forward in our marriage. Being together for so long is not easy and comes with lots of ups/downs and learning. Grateful for the chance to take another step forward with Lisa.
7/5/21: Went down to Newport and did a long stretch of the Cliff Walk with Lisa. We went off the path at the sound end and it was really cool. We turned around once it started to get more treacherous, but did 4 miles overall and it was a nice way to spend a couple hours. Ate mindfully again and spent the rest of the dreary day watching movies. Our new TV is awesome and the sound is tremendous. Thankful for a few mellow days post-vacation before jumping back into the work mode. I also did some cooking, which I haven’t been doing much of lately. Made some cod filets on the grill and some corn, asparagus and potatoes. Nothing fancy but tried to take care of Lisa and give her a break. Didn’t get time to practice music but another chance today to warm back up before practice next weekend.
7/4/21: Got my ass to the gym yesterday for the first time in quite a while. It felt good and I did 30+ minutes on the elliptical machine. The gym has been expanded and being in the space with several others working out was motivating. I’m trying to commit to daily movement and pushing myself in an effort to lose some lbs. This go round with weight gain has been tougher. Guessing since I’m older, my ability to burn calories is slowed. Whatever the case, I’m in a real struggle these last several months and it’s having an impact on my physical, emotional and joyful well being. Grateful to have gotten through one day with some level of motivation and small success.
It was a rainy Saturday and we didn’t really get out. Seems like the gloomy weather followed us from Miami back home. Quincy started at Subway yesterday for his first official day of work. Bella said he did really well and I’m not surprised, knowing how seriously he tends to take things. Still it was nice to see him motivated and pushing himself to a new experience. I know he’ll be happy to earn some of his own money and I’ll be interested to see how he handles that aspect of working.
July 4th today but we don’t have any plans to do anything, so looking like another day at home. Focusing on getting myself back to the gym for day #2 and starting to generate some momentum on changing my health situation. Also planning to get some time with my bass so I can polish up the songs we pledged to work on for next rehearsal.
7/3/21: Got back home from vacation last night. As usual, it felt great to be home again. Being away is nice but always makes you realize all the little niceties about home. The trip was ok but definitely not as epic as previous vacations. As mentioned below, the weather was not great and we started with a crappy flight experience. The second day was decent and we got some pool/beach time, but I could tell Bella wasn’t digging it. She likes the pool experience but only when the sun is blazing and she didn’t even change into her suit due to the clouds. The room was also a bit smaller than I hoped and didn’t leave us much room to spread out, especially given the weather and being forced to spend more time indoors.
The resort was super duper pricey and I had some sticker shock early on. Drinks at the bar were $25 and an 18% tip was added to every single interaction. We spent the 3rd day, which was a total washout, Ubering into the city. We did an escape room, which was fun and then we did axe throwing, which is bascially like darts, but with axes. Both were fun enough, but also expensive and things got a bit testy with the kids a few times. I think the weather and close proximity got to all of us at various times.
The 4th day was the best, weather wise and we spent basically the entire day a the pool/beach. I think everyone enjoyed that the most and it was closest to what we had expected the whole trip to be like.
Cam watched Ajax for us, which was really nice of him. Courtney also came by a few times to feed him after Bella asked for help.
Overall, it was a decent trip, but we definitely spent more than what it was worth IMO. Q made me proud with his willingness to make the most of every day and staying positive. I’m grateful that I can treat the family and even when things don’t go as expected, I know we made some fun memories and it will only make future trips better by comparison.
I’m also really thankful for what we have here at home. We have all the comforts of an amazing bed, climate control, entertainment options and peace of mind. We also have amazing, fresh and healthy food options and Lisa who takes care of us in that regard.
6/29/21: Arrived in Miami yesterday after a kinda long, shitty travel day. JetBlue is usually pretty solid which is why we prefer to fly them, but yesterday started off badly. I didn’t get any text before leaving the house @ 615am and once we arrived at Logan and made it through security, we learned the flight was delayed by over 2 hours :/. It got worse as they then delayed it again, for another 90 minutes. We got to the airport at 730, thinking we would board at 830 and didn’t wind up taking off until about 12:30. Then upon arrival to Miami, a weather delay made us circle the airport for another hour. Once we finally got to the hotel and checked in, it was early evening. Quincy had some spunk and rallied me to head downstairs to the pool. We changed and wound up swimming at night. It was pretty nice and I felt better about the day, closing on a good note. Thankful for his energy and attitude throughout the whole ordeal of the day. He set the bar and I really appreciated that he noticed how I was feeling and did something to make it better for me and all of us.
6/26/21: Feeling worse the last few days with this head cold. The prior night I slept terribly but better last night. Seems a touch more productive this morning as well, so hoping it’s moving through so I can be right for the trip on Monday.
Buttoned up a bunch of loose ends at work yesterday, including 2 sessions as a grantor. I was thrilled to be able to make calls to two new partners, PeaceLove and Urban Arts, both of whom I interviewed and helped bring into Hasbro. We gifted them $20k and $50k respectively and it was kinda awesome to be able to deliver that kind of impact news to these orgs. Urban Arts were thrilled. I really like the woman I’ve been connecting with over there. She seems super smart and capable and it makes me wish I could find a partner like that on the Rawkstars side. I know that’s poinsonous for my mind, but that’s where it goes. I have high hopes in learning from them as well as helping them do great things. The PeaceLove guys were a bit less enthusiastic, I think because of the amount. They said the right things but I had a feeling Jeff was disappointed and hoping for more. I totally understand, but he needs to see it as a process and opportunity. I think they are poised for growth as well and like the idea of having a local partner that I can interact with in person more formally. Jeff and I have begun a bit of a friendship, so I’ll need to be cognizant of that from the professional side. Thankful for all the learning potential of this role and that Hasbro has given me this great joy and opportunity. I think it’s probably fairly unique to be on the giving and recieving side of grantmaking and I am lucky to have experienced both emotions.
6/23/21: Got our TV mounted earlier this week and it looks awesome. Also bought a soundbar and it makes such a huge difference. The experience is much better and we watched a movie, which was really fun. Super grateful to have a job that pays me enough for small luxuries. Also thankful that we don’t have to worry about money so much. We aren’t what I’d call rich, but I can’t remember being worries about where my next meal is coming from or having a place to live. I know there are millions of people in that boat and I am grateful to be financially secure.
Emily shared the Rawkstars event poster with me yesterday and it’s absolutely beautiful! She did a tremendous job of designing it and I cannot wait to share with the world. We’ll be announcing the gig finally, over the next 2 weeks and the poster will really help convey what the event is about. Thankful I became friends with Emily. She is so nice and immensely talented.
I’m feeling a bit ill the last few days. Nothing too serious but a classic head cold with congestion. It’s funny but over the last 18 months of covid, getting ‘sick’ has changed. The only connotation was covid and nobody really talked about regular old colds, the flu or anything like that. Luckily I haven’t really gotten sick, outside of the week we had covid, but it’s made me remember what it feels like. It always has a way of making you realize how much health is the #1 factor and everything else is a distant second. I’m grateful that my health is overall decent. I’m overweight and have plenty of aches, but I don’t have any nagging, critical conditions that prevent me from getting through the day feeling ‘normal’. I’m trying to celebrate my body and health in small ways, so the absence of sickness is actually hugely something to be thankful for.
6/22/21: Visited the dermatologist yesterday. After a few weeks of healing, stitches started to emerge from my incision and I could feel and see them on my face. Turns out I had both internal and external stitches and while the external ones dissolved the internal ones were rejected by my body, most likely because I’m allergic. Anyways, the doctor pulled them out and I felt immediate relief. He said it should start closing up much better in those spots and I already see and feel a difference. Glad I went back in and grateful that it finally appears to be on the mend!
Finished re-booking our vacation yesterday from las Vegas –> Miami. Even though we’ve visited Miami before, I feel good about the decision. I managed to get us great flights, which are shorter and a killer resort style hotel right on South Beach all for the same price as our Vegas spend. Basically an even swap. I think we’ll have a great time and I’m looking forward to the trip even more without the worry of the brutal weather and the red-eye flights we would have been taking. I think the kids and Lisa are also happy and looking forward to the trip. Fingers crossed for great weather and some fun activities as a family. I already made reservations at a rooftop Mexican restaurant and will continue to look for fun things to do while we are there. Thankful all around.
6/21/21: Spent Father’s Day over at the Bento’s pool yard. It was low key. Rob came by with the boys. We had the Sunday soup, bread, torresmos staple lunch and then played dominoes with Rob, Lisa and Mr. Bento. Dipped a few times in the pool and had a couple beers. Enjoyed myself and was pretty mindful on the eating side. I always enjoy hanging out with Rob, he’s such a good guy and I’m thankful to have him in my family. The Bento’s are always great too and such awesome in-laws. Blessed to have family members that enjoy the same things in life as I do and who are always willing to share. Bella was at work all day and Q didn’t feel like coming, so he hung at the house. Bella gave me tix to the WooSox game later in July, which was really thoughtful. I had mentioned it in passing several weeks ago and clearly she took note. I’ll look forward to going with her when it comes around.
I decided to change vacation plans last night too. We had reservations for Las Vegas coming up next Sunday. Lisa told me the western part of the US is experiencing a record heat wave and the projected forecast is 114 degrees for that whole week! Since the idea was to spend time around the town, in the desert and other spots, I poked around on changing plans. We don’t get tons of chances to vacation all together and I want to ensure we can all enjoy it, without cooking anytime we poke outside the A/C. So, we pivoted and are going to Miami Beach again. It wouldn’t have been my first choice, but we did have a good time there a few years back and there are some advantages. Easy flight, no cost increase and we’ll book a hotel right on South Beach. I’m feeling good about the last minute change and although I’d still like to vacation in Vegas, I think we need to consider doing it in the fall, and possibly combine with a trip to Zion, etc. Grateful we live in a time when changing plans is so easy and for the fact that we are lucky enough to be able to afford a nice family vacation together.
6/20/21: Went and saw Lisa / Moonstruck last night at their first gig in forever. It was a Perry event at the American Legion in Raynham. There were a ton of people there and I saw so many old faces. It was really nice and the band sounded solid as usual. Always thankful for the chance to see Lisa sing and for connecting with so many old faces that I haven’t talked with, literally in years in some cases. Perry is a big-hearted guy and does a lot to help others through music. Glad to know him and have become friends a bit over the years.
I got my ass out and was fairly active yesterday. I cut the grass in the morning, then did a 3.1 mile walk in the mid-afternoon sun. It was hot as hell, but I enjoyed it and felt good after. I was pretty successful in navigating the gig. I did have 2 drinks, but also had a few waters. I got more buzzed than I should have but that was because I didn’t eat. At the end Lisa and I stopped for food and I ordered a greek salad. I felt good about my choice and woke this morning feeling a touch better about my weight/health situation than I described yesterday. Hoping to make better choices again today.
6/19/21: The struggle continues. Went down to RI with Lisa and Q to get fried clams, etc. We found a cool place in Warren and enjoyed the process but I definitely didn’t do it from a place of mindfulness. I did it from a place of addiction and reaction. My weight is raging out of control yet I am unable to arrest it. Everyday has been a struggle and I’ve not written as much about it here as it deserves, another aspect of hiding and denial. Today is a new day and I’d love to say I’m hopeful to begin taking it more seriously, but in all honesty, I’m not feeling that way.
Visited with Steve Seropian yesterday at his office. Learned about his business, which is really cool and we have lots in common, being former sound guys and with lots of shared connections. He invited me down because he wants to get on board supporting Rawkstars more formally, which is of course awesome. He said he was going to send me a check, since he is more old school, than going the subscription path. Definitely talking about Rawkstars and knowing that it hits people makes me super grateful and Steve is someone I admire.
Had a call with another potential Rawkstars mom yesterday, that I met through Deb DaSilva. She has a daughter who is home schooled and interested in drum lessons. It’s been great to connect with so many new kids the last few months and be in a position financially to bring some new blood into the program. We onboarded Kiernan, and Charissa and now are poised to add Daniela and Natalie. We had to remove Aiden from the program, as he moved away and has been unresponsive to the people at TJ’s as well as to Jamie’s outreach. Sad that we lost him, but it’s a positive on the business side for us to be able to move on when appropriate and take action to add new kids to the mix. Proud and grateful for the progress we are making to expand to new households.
6/18/21: Continuing the nightly frisbee routine with Q. It’s been nice even though my tendency to be lazy creeps in. We get outside for some fresh air, move slightly and usually have a good conversation. Grateful for these times and that I have such a mindfully aware son!
Hung out with Jeff Crocker and Mike + Sue Keefe last night. Jeff came up from Florida to jam with his old bandmates, Sick Phyllis. I mixed them a decent amount and became friends with Jeff, reconnecting in recent years through FB, etc. He asked me about borrowing some bass gear while he was here and I was psyched to be able to oblige and lend a hand. He’s been super generous to Rawkstars over the last bunch of years and it was the least I could do. We hung out around the firepit and had some burgers. I invited Mike over as I know they were good friends too. It felt nice to have some people over and talk with some new folks in a casual, small setting. Thankful for old friends, for our home and for being able to help Jeff out, through music.
Confirmed that our band is going to play at Larry’s 50th bday party in July. It had been a bit of a point of stress, after he asked us. Moonstruck is changing drummers and hasn’t had much momentum in a positive direction lately. Heavy Mellow is just getting fired up again and scheduling anything with Paul has been tough. Anyways, after some texts and calls, everyone is on board. Larry, being a cool guy, offered to pay everyone and take care of getting a sound guy. I’m actually really looking forward to it. It will give HM some focus in the near term, and help us get ready for the Rawkstars gig in September. Nothing like playing live to make you better quickly and having the date booked should help us schedule additional rehearsals and hone in on a setlist. Grateful to Larry for the offer and that everyone in both bands was able to make it work, despite the challenges.
6/15/21: Grateful for playing frisbee with Q last night after dinner. He’s been getting into that lately and we played over the weekend at Noah’s party. Nothing fancy, just tossing the disc around in the street. Nice spending time with the boy doing stuff like that.
Starting to poke around for ideas of what to do out in Vegas. We’ll be leaving in less than two weeks and I’m looking to make it a memorable trip. While we have money, I’ll do my best to try and not worry about spending and focus on creating memories as a family.
6/14/21: Worked in the yard yesterday. Did an overdue mow, which took quite a while, with constant bagging. I also edged the walkway for the first time in a while and weeded, both the front beds and spraying of the back patio and rock garden. I edged the curb in front of. the house and lastly I dug up the dead bush from the front planting bed. It felt good to be outside and was a good reminder that my body is still capable of hard work, even though I’m not doing my best with eating. I’m grateful that it still works and that I am able to muster the energy to beautify the house and feel good about the results.
Watched the semis and the finals of the French Open over the weekend. Some of the best tennis I’ve watched in years. Even though Djokovic won and beat Nadal and Tsitsipas, both of whom I was rooting for, I enjoyed both matches immensely. Thankful to witness such incredible athleticism and skill. I enjoy tennis a great deal and it was a nice balance of being active combined with some sports watching.
Practiced music again last night and started learning ‘My Love is Alive”, a song that Lisa suggested. It’s a cool funky bass line but I think the song will be heavy as hell when we jam it. It’s a classic 70s melody and I was glad that she suggested something for us to try and that I was able to already make progress learning it.
6/13/21: Went to Noah’s 21st bday last night. I think he’s the first kid that we’ve known since he was born that turned 21. Crazy to think back on all the years of growth and changes. He’s an awesome guy and it was nice to see so many old faces. Redd came down, and it was also cool to connect with him. The kids came as well as Cam and everyone had a good time. Grateful for old friends and for the fact that our families are close.
Got some nice practice time on my bass yesterday, and it felt good to keep moving ahead with the HM songs. My new bass amp is really fun to play through and I’m really glad to have bought it and grateful for the ability to buy mostly what I want.
6/12/21: Visited James as mentioned yesterday. Had a great morning of shooting and interviewing him. I learned a lot about his experience and about how our program worked through his eyes. He also opened up about his own situation and I learned that he killed someone in a DUI accident. It was hard to hear him talk about it and a keen reminder that is the type of thing that could happen to anybody. Literally. Everyone I know, including myself, has gotten behind the wheel in a scenario where we would have failed a breathalyzer test. My heart went out to him, but I’m glad he is doing better now. Can’t wait to leverage the new footage into the video and see where Doga takes it. Grateful to have those guys in my corner and even more grateful that our music program helped people in the ways James described.
Jamie texted me in the afternoon and offered some tickets to a local gig at The District. We saw some half baked Foreigner band. They weren’t awesome but I had fun. We saw a couple people we knew and got to get out of the house for a couple hours. Always thankful for live music and I’d love to see if the band could perform at that venue. It’s so close to the house and definitely a music focused spot to play.
6/11/21: Heading out this morning to visit James, from the Guitars Behind Bars program. He has been released and I am going up with Jonas and Doga to film an interview with him about his experience. This has been a long time coming and I’m super excited to get this footage in the can. Not only will it allow us to finally finish off the video project, but I feel it might be a catalyst for moving ahead with seeking funding for additional programs. Regardless of the outcome, I’ll be pumped to finally put the project out on the front lines and definitely will be able to use it for my summer Fan Club blitz to march to 225 members. Thankful to be working on something creative again and always to be connecting with the EmVision guys on a video effort.
6/10/21: Another gap in time, but all good. Mostly, I’ve been missing my scheduled time to post in the morning, because I’ve changed up my routine. Been waking up earlier and walking at the park. The sun rises so early this time of year, I’m awake earlier without trying. I had been lounging and spending extra time in bed but decided on Monday to get up and get out. It’s been nice. I’m driving over to Massasoit around 715 and walking the 3.25 mile loop, getting back to the house about an hour later. That still leaves me enough time to shower and change before heading upstairs to be online for my 9am standup. I like the pattern and find my energy level has been higher during the day and in the evening too. Guessing that isn’t just coincidence. Grateful to have a week under my belt and hoping that documenting it here will give me a tiny bit of resilience when I am surely tempted to return to lounging.
Talked with Sterling today at work for the first time in a while. He’s one of my best Hasbro buds and I always laugh a lot when we hookup. He’s one of those dudes that I can go months without speaking with, but the second we see each other it’s straight back to when we were hanging every day. Easy going, smart and talented. Thankful to have crossed paths with my brother from another mother and have him in my life.
Band rehearsed this past weekend for the first time since November! We plugged in also, which felt nice. We learned 3 new songs and I was surprised at how good they sounded. Felt natural and I didn’t embarrass myself at all. I had picked up a new bass rig the day before on Craigslist. I bought an Ampeg Portaflex 500 system which is a 500w head running through 1×15 and 2×10 cabs. I set it up side by side and it sounds and looks awesome! I felt like I had more power at my fingertips which allowed me to relax and dig in slightly less while playing, and still be heard and felt. It was also the first time we have rehearsed since I upgraded the PA. Even though I didn’t really ring it out much or tweak anything, it also performed well. I’m hoping to spend some more time improving the sound in our room by touching up the drum kit and experimenting with mic’ing the kick drum. A nice upgrade would be something to process vocals, as the onboard effects in my mixer are fairly terrible. I could also use a used set of upgraded cymbals for the kit. I kinda wish I had a band jamming there without me on bass so I could play sound guy and work the room, but still happy with the status overall and glad to have music back in my life.
6/4/21: Visited the office again yesterday. Had coffee and conversation with Dolph. He’s such a great guy and I owe him so much. Nothing special happened, I just reached out since I was going to be onsite and asked if we could connect. He made time and came over to hang out. We hugged and spent about 45 minutes on the couches just catching up. Hasbro, family, sports, etc. Appreciative of the human connection and for the role he played very directly in where I am today.
I also made good progress on a deck I’ve been working on for Sue, regarding Hello Hasbro. Nothing special again, but something I’ve been stalling on the last couple weeks. She liked the content and I felt good about what I came up with. Thankful that little things at work continue to be a source of stability for me.
Took the kiddos to ice cream last night. Lisa went out to meet the girls and we had some laughs. Also ordered this pile of Funko toys. I had this bright idea to decorate our new tv stand with music characters. Q came up with the idea of everyone picking 3 so we’d have an array. After lots of surfing and chatter I spent like $350 on the damn things. Definitely more than I had been planning, but super grateful that I am in position to not worry about the cost and just be able to enjoy that with the family and do something to make the house look cooler.
I didn’t write about it last week, but I also did a similar creative project with a bunch of music pics in a collage by the front door. I had printed a ton of B&W photos over the last few months and finally got around to hanging them. I spent a couple hours on a rainy Sunday putting it all together. I must say I’m really happy with how it came out and it was a fun process that took patience and creativity, two things I can always use more of. Always feels good when the house gets any kind of refresh and I’m grateful for the opportunity to have such a nice home.
6/3/21: Struggling with mindful eating. Again. Still. Seems like I’m in this circular process of good/bad, on/off track that I cannot seem to arrest. I suppose its the nature of things to behave this way in general and something about my need to control it is probably at the root. That said, I’ve experienced long stretches (years, even) where I was able to live a balanced life of consumption, discipline, fitness and contentment with regards to my food and movement. I am struggling to get back to that big time, but grateful for another chance to try today.
Heard from Gary over at PV yesterday that he and Sue are planning to purchase a home. They were approved for a mortgage and are starting down the path. I don’t know how long that will take, but I took it as a positive. Ideally, they can find something this month, giving them about 2 subsequent months to close and move. Not sure if we could list the condo in the meantime, but that would be ideal. Even if we were looking at an empty condo come September 1st, that feels like a win and still within the realm of possibility for us to cash in nicely, while retaining the humanity in the process. Grateful for the chance to execute against this vision and the potential for what it will mean for my family and me personally. Dropping another responsibility, while bolstering our financial position would be immense.
I’m thinking part of the imbalance I’m feeling with food (see above) is related to the music/gig situation. I’m feeling tentative about the Rawkshow and need to move over the hump of announcing it soon, I think. It’s kinda normal to be worried about it prior to selling tickets, and all the details that will go into pulling it off. I always suffer this when taking this leap or when embarking on fundraising. I think the lack of rehearsal and confidence on the music side is part of it. Hoping that our rehearsal this coming Sunday will help alleviate some of that for me. In some ways, I should be looser than ever. We don’t really NEED to make money or sell a ton of tickets here. RS is in the best financial shape of its life and we could easily survive, regardless of the monetary success of any event. I think its more of my soul fearing that people won’t turn out to support us, but not sure why I feel that way. We’ve never been let down by those folks and I shouldn’t let it concern me. Seth always talks about the fear of leaping and I suppose that’s what is happening. Even though I leap more often than most, I’m not immune to the effects of feeling the trepidation and probably never will be. I’ll use that as my compass to inform me that I know I’m doing the right there here, and let the universe unfold as it always does, regardless of how I feel
6/2/21: Offline for a bit :/. Went to see Q run again last night. Been great watching and supporting him at the track meets over the last month or so. I forgot how much I enjoyed going to them and seeing him run. He’s made good progress and set a PR @ 5:41 on the mile yesterday for the last meet of the season. So gratifying seeing him take his role on the team so seriously. He’s even started to run offline a bit on weekends and outside the practice schedule. Hopeful it will have some effect on me, as the Fun Run season is scheduled to begin next Monday night. The thought of running 5k is daunting to say the least, given my lack of “shape” and excess weight, but I want to see if I can make it a Monday habit through the summer and help me turn the corner.
I let the Patnaude’s know about the PV plan last week. They are of course upset and I haven’t heard much back from them, about getting together to talk. I brought Patti by the unit and she told me it would list for $299k. I’m tiptoeing around with Gary, but also am determined to make this work and get myself out from at least the one property. I’ve been lucky for the most part with landlording but this part sucks. I want to do my best to close the books on this place and reap the rewards of my investment and hard work over the years. I’m seeing the path won’t be easy, but I’m committing to walking it at this point.
Thankful to be watching playoff hockey, which is always an enjoyable time of year. B’s are tied 1-1 with NYI in round #2. They look solid, but Tampa Bay appears to be a juggernaut and I’m not sure anyone can hang with them.
Getting close to announcing the Rawkstars 9/11 show. It’s been weighing on me already and the process feels more rocky than in the past. Not sure if that’s my perception (probably) or reality. Regardless, it’s forced me to pickup my bass, which is positive. Heavy Mellow is supposed to rehearse on Sunday for the first time since October. Looking forawrd to that, even though I’m kinda scared TBH. My skills have rusted and I want to feel confident in myself, and not let the guys down.
Financials are solid on the RS front. I did my books yesterday and we are at $22k+ with a clean month of bills. At the end of June, I should receive the $25k grant from GBKF, which would put our balance at perhaps its highest total ever. I still have a ways to go to reach 225 Fan Club members, but I feel pretty confident I will get there with the gig as a backdrop for memberships, as well as some emails I’m planning to send out. Why can’t I shake the feeling of pressure with this stuff, even though it’s going so well? Grateful to write here as a reminder of that fact!
Had the MOH’s procedure last week and my stitches are now gone. The scar has cleared up pretty well so far, but I still have remnants of the scabbing. I’m thankful to have gotten this dealt with and grateful the healing process has been pretty mellow. Not feeling awesome about my health lately, but grateful for another day today!
5/25/21: Continued a good streak of movement by walking in the park after work with Lisa. During the walk we talked about selling PV. It’s obviously been in my mind for a few years now, and I brought it up more directly as a strong reco to sell. It’s a difficult experience, this side of landlording. For nearly 10 years we’ve been doing this, never having had to ‘move on’ from someone. I had actually approached Gary and Sue 2 summers back when I first was thinking about selling. It didn’t come to fruition, mainly because I was unable to get Bob out of Azalea, and then covid struck. We’ve all kinda been in limbo ever since. I hate the idea of displacing them and I know the rental market is super tough right now, and expensive. I don’t know how much luck they will have but I feel it’s important to push the envelope with them, even if it hurts. With the market cresting, we have the opportunity to make enough profit on PV to completely pay off the mortgage on Azalea. That would give us 2.5 rental properties, plus our own home, mortgage free. It’s just too attractive an opportunity to ignore and could set us up for the kind of ‘golden years’ we sought by investing in the first place. The Patnaude’s have been ideal tenants, and we’ve had a great relationship since they moved in. We’ve always addressed their issues quickly and take good care of the property and they’ve always been mellow, timely tenants. It’s heartbreaking inside, but I don’t know how else to reconcile the idea of having the property and being a good person. I’ll give them every chance to find a place and even help them financially if I can. I can offer them a free months rent and see if Patti or someone else can act as a tenant realtor to get them settled, even if I have to pay for that. Grateful for the potential outcome here, but struggling to swallow the process of displacing a cool family.
5/24/21: Experiencing a bit of a heatwave lately, and I’m digging it. It’s been warm (even hot) and sunny, so lots of time outside. Worked in the yard yesterday and it looks terrific. Spring lawns are the best, growing like crazy, thick and green. It’s also helpful movement for me to keep somewhat active.
Bruins closed out WAS last night to win round #1 of the playoffs. They looked good in the last two games, but need more consistency moving ahead. I’m of course glad they are moving on and watching playoff hockey, especially with the home team still alive is one of the great pleasures we are fortunate to enjoy.
Ecem came by yesterday with her son, Jack. He’s 13 and getting interested in guitar from a class at school. I outfitted him with a guitar, amp and a bunch of extras. It felt really nice to help him get on track and see if music will inspire him. Super grateful to be someone who gets that type of call, from a good friend.
Booked a pool cabana for our Vegas trip for day 1 and 2. Started kicking the tires on other stuff to do. I really want to make the vacation memorable and active for the whole family. I’m worrying less about cost than usual and focusing more on fun. I know I’m able to do that due to our solid financial footing, but still, I’m thankful for the changed POV and obviously to be in the position to make those kinds of decisions.
5/22/21: Had my MOH procedure yesterday to remove the basal carcinoma from my cheek. It was fairly quick and I was at the office for just a few hours before heading home. They took two rounds to scrape the margins of my cheek and took a chunk the size of a dime. It’s all stitched up and swollen, and after about a week, I return to get the stitches taken out and cleaned. Thankful that Lisa made me finally visit the dermatologist and thankful that I have medical insurance to cover some of the costs. Also grateful to have found a good place and doctor for the treatment.
Booked a family vacation to Las Vegas a few nights ago. Finally was able to figure something out that I think everyone will enjoy. It has bright lights and big city energy for Q, pools and relaxation for Bella and we can find plenty to keep us busy and entertained I’m certain. Also planning to try and get a night trip to Zion or one of the national parks, so we can have a nature component to the trip also (for me :). Really glad to have it on the books for late June and thankful that we have the money to afford stuff like this without issue.
Walked the park again with Crissy yesterday and it’s been nice to have some company to talk to. I also have been doing a bit of practicing on bass, which feels good. Band is on the same page with getting back together in a few weeks to rehearse. We are going to try a new approach, and plug back in and slant towards more blues/guitar oriented tunes. I’m hopeful we can pick things up with a positive start and get rolling on learning a set for the RS gig in September. I really want to be able to perform at a high level and reconnect musically with everyone, as well as myself. That’s been a missing element for sure and I need to do a better job at balancing my priorities, as well as really figuring out WTF they actually are
5/19/21: Home for the last few days, which has been nice. No place like home. Thankful for my bed! After getting back, I’ve been sleeping like a baby and the bed is such a difference. Weather has been exceptional and we’ve had the first couple of days pushing 80 degrees. I got to the park for a walk twice. My eating has been ok, not awesome and not terrible. Glad to have survived the vacation in about the same spot as I was before leaving. Bruins tied the series in OT and thankful to be watching playoff hockey, which is the best. I had a Rawkstars advisory board meeting the other night and it was good. Nothing revelatory but having some folks contribute to the thought process was helpful and I felt good about getting their input. I met with Amy A. last night and she is plugging away to come up with a reco on moving ahead with the new site project. Very thankful to be working with her on this and feeling confident we may finally get this right. Being off work has been good too, I kinda needed the break and will be jumping back in tomorrow. Got to see Q run a couple times the last few weeks including last night, when he did the 800m, a new event for him. Love giving him the attention he deserves and seeing him thrive. Grateful for a good week all around.
5/16/21: Bruins lost last night in game #1 of the playoffs. Fun to have the game on up here, but not a terrific game overall, even before they gave up the overtime goal. Always thankful for playoff hockey, plenty of enjoyment to follow. Finished the trip strong, with plenty of laughs, as has been the case. I lost a bit of control last night, after having a few drinks. Noticing the coincidence between the two. Wondering if it’s the alcohol, or just the fact that I let my ‘guard down’ on both ends? Either way, I overdid it at the end of the night and was mindlessly snacking before deciding to simply go to bed. Glad I finally arrested myself and stopped and grateful for the start of a new day. Lisa had a rough go yesterday and got really drunk and wound up passing out around 5pm. I’m guessing she won’t be happy with herself today and I’ll try to make her feel better about it and move on. Also thankful we will be packing up this morning and we’ll see the kids sometime around 130 or 2pm. We’ll still have a chunk of the day left to unpack and relax back into being home. Someone mentioned the weather is supposed to be in the 80s back home this week, so really excited to have some warm, sunny days and still be off from work.
5/15/21: Another great day at the lake. I’ve been proud of myself and feeling good. Enjoying it a lot but not stressing about food and consuming mindfully. I’ve mostly been smoking, which I have more ability to control. Not eating any junk and moving fairly often. We picked up the boat today and enjoyed the hell out of it. It was a nice boat and we saddled up a ride early and checked out some of the homes in the area, which are nothing short of magnificent. We drove to the town and docked, then grabbed a beer and walked a bit. On the way back, I let Doug helm and he loved it. At least until he drove us over a sandbar and ravaged the propeller. We were literally like 100 yards from the house when it happened. It kinda put a buzzkill on what had been a perfect afternoon, but we didn’t stress. I took the boat back and told them what happened. Doug drove over in his car and of course wanted to pay for the damage. The people were super gracious and it surely happens regularly. It only cost Doug $190, which also paid for the fuel we used. After we got back and were of course laughing about it. I told everyone how lucky we were to be able to rent the boat, which would be a luxury for most. We were equally as lucky to not have to worry about it even after it got fucked up, $200 is nothing in our lives. I was thankful for the day and made sure everyone realized that is what we should focus on.
5/14/21: First full day at LG, had a fun time. Doug and I rode our bikes to the downtown area, about 13 miles round trip. It was a nice rolling street, so we had sections of uphill effort and then coasting downhill. It felt tremendous and I’m so happy that we went. We hung out downtown a bit and rested. I took some pictures, which I haven’t done in about a year, covid and all. That felt so damn good. Tons of awesome houses in the area and very cool to check out. Thankful that I got myself moving and that Doug came along with me for motivation and company.
Weather has been great and in the afternoon, we hung out on the deck mostly. I’ve managed to eat really well, and enjoy myself balanced with self-control. Plenty of music, laughs and camraderie. Slept a bit better, but the bed situation isn’t awesome. Grateful for this time and for unplugging from work.
5/13/21: Drove up to Lake George last night with the crew. Dave & Liza, Doug & Sue, Mike & Doreen and Cid. We carpooled and have a convoy with two trucks full of stuff. We arrived at the cabin sorta late so it was already dark. We have our own room and the place is nice. Had some laughs late night and I did really well with being mindful of taking care of myself. I didn’t snack and drank water. I brought some pot and actually rolled a joint, for the first time in years. It felt good to smoke and have a buzz without the side effects, dehydration and sluggish morning.
Went down to the lake early this morning with Lisa and Doug. Was so quiet and peaceful. I stretched a bit, did my pushups and had coffee. Beautiful spot and enjoyed our first morning with the lake background.
Grateful to be away from home for a few days with friends and be in a new environment. Thankful for a great start to the vacation, and planning to hit the bike ride today, with Doug.
5/12/21: As mentioned, Lisa came back. Was nice having the house full again. Bella has been working a ton, but things feel balanced and it’s nice. Quincy had a spring track meet yesterday afternoon, up in Wrentham. He hasn’t had one that was open to parents in over a year and I miss going to see him run and support him. I had a mid-day call I couldn’t miss, so I drove up early and took the call from my car. Once that ended, I walked over to the field and found him. It was much smaller than the usual mass of kids and parents, but was relatively nice out so I enjoyed the waiting. He ran a 5:50 mile, which was a PR. He was of course thrilled and it was really nice to be there in person. We hung out briefly after the race, then I headed back home. So thankful to have gotten to check out at least the one meet. Covid had far reaching effects and that was one it was nice to get beyond.
Had some great conversations at work yesterday. One was with an org from Providence called Peace Love and another round with the folks at Urban Arts in Brooklyn, that I met a few weeks back. This process of ‘interviewing’ is very interesting and I’m learning a lot. It feels nice to know that we are going to be helping out so many of these new partners and building Hasbro’s philanthropic portfolio up. Being able to get to know about these orgs and the people running them is a genuine blessing and I’m fortunate to have this POV.
5/11/21: Lisa is home! Picked them up at the airport super early this AM @ 6. Aside from the alarm clock and fog of waking up extra early, it was nice to get up and out. The birds are always cranking at this hour and I struggled to adjust my eyes to the sunlight so early, but somehow it felt good. I drove in silence and met them curbside. Always nice that first few seconds of seeing someone you miss. They had a great time and everyone seemed genuinely happy. After getting home, Lisa went downstairs to nap, as she pulled basically an all-nighter coming in on the red eye. I’m sure she’ll be up in a few hours and it’s great to have her back in the fold
Yesterday I spent time cleaning up, so she would come home to a kept house. I cut the lawn, which is growing super fast and it got me outside and moving. I also did some more cooking and am thankful I had the chance to dive in on that this week, even if it took some extra time and attention. I made chicken thighs, which I cooked in the oven since I ran out of propane. They came out awesome and anytime I get to cook inside the oven it’s good, since I don’t use it that much. I also made a nice brown rice dish, using up all the leftover veggies we had on hand. A splash of soy sauce and it tasted super yummy and satisfying, without the need to add any sauce or sweeteners. I’ve had a solid week of mindful consumption and connecting with non-processed foods much more. Feeling good and aiming to keep the momentum going as we head into our trip up to Lake George.
5/10/21: Mother’s Day yesterday. We had the fam over, without Lisa and without UB. It was pretty quiet as expected. Weather was solid so we were at least able to have the windows open and spend a bit of time on the deck. GiGi especially loves being out there and feeling the warm sun, as do I. Randy brought over a deli tray from the Jewish place, which is an easy score and made the prep and cleanup a breeze. We got flowers and cards of course and it was a pretty painless day, which my mom enjoyed. That’s the main point and I’m thankful for all she did for me, especially growing up and her attempts at keeping me on track, even when they didn’t work
Over the weekend I connected with bascially all the band guys and gals. Seems like everyone is on point with getting back together and trying to put together a set for the RS event on 9/11. I had beers with Jim and we caught up about lots of stuff. He was basically asking me questions about my music life, since getting started as an engineer. It was cool to recount some of that and was a reminder for me how fotrunate I have been in that world and in my own life. I proposed to everyone that we scrap the acoustics in favor of rock/blues songs and shared a bunch of tunes I want to learn. Next step is going to be figuring out a rehearsal schedule that will allow us to ramp up quickly so we can be strong for the gig. Grateful to have a musical purpose back and burning and looking forward to getting my chops back where they need to be.
5/8/21: Met up with Heather and Jeff Delleo yesterday. They have a beautiful home over in Walpole and invited me over. I grabbed a keyboard from them and Heather had pledged a $1,500 donation when we ran a FB post a few weeks back. They always give via a Fidelity Donor Advised check, so I’m sure it will arrive in the next few weeks. In any case, we hung out and had coffee and talked. We haven’t seen each other in a few years and met them through Mikey and Alyssa. They were super close friends and that’s how we know them. I really enjoyed the conversation, catching up with new people and just sharing. They are super generous and helped Rawkstars in numerous ways over the years. Grateful for cool people, for the generosity of others and for the small pleasures of just connecting with like-minded humans in close quarters.
I was alone for most of the day, as Bella worked in the morning then went straight to Cam’s. Q had school and then a track meet in Medford right after, so he didn’t come back until about 7pm. During the afternoon I went by the dispensary, for the first time in a while. That led me to taking out my bass when I got back. I dialed up a few songs and tried to play through. I was able to but my hand strength was low and my endurance was near zero. I jammed through some of the blues songs I want to do for the 9/11 show and revised my working list a bit after. I also tuned up the PA a bit after cranking it at high levels, and it sounded much better. I sat and listened to some more tunes and wound up with a really nice song list that I think is doable. It felt good to run through a few tunes and feel like I’ll be able to get back well enough to a playing level that won’t embarrass me and the others
I also met Lourenco in the afternoon to gauge his interest/ability to rehearse. He’s always a long straw because he works a lot and has at least 2 other musical commitments. I think he wants to give it a try and offered up a couple windows of time. We also chatted a bit about his financial situation. He doesn’t make much money in his job life. He’s a super talented dude with art and music, but never put that together into a proper career, so he’s doing menial jobs. It was a reminder to me that people I’m close to in life are in this boat. He doesn’t have proper insurance and I’m certain he’s not saving for retirement or anything beyond sneaking by. I wish there were a way to help him out, and I know he deserves to put his talents to work and feel rewarded by that. Live music returning will help him a bit, so he can return to supplementing his income, but I wonder what will happen as we age. I’m ever more thankful for being able to turn my own skills into something valuable enough to make a strong income and take care of myself and the family. We have it so very good and our financial picture is a strength and not a liability. Grateful for that.
5/7/21: Met up with old friend Natalie Hogan down in Providence for lunch. She left Hasbro a few years back but we used to hang out and I always liked her. She told me about her career move, which put her in a leadership position for a tech company up in Boston these last few years. Sounds like the company grew a ton and she was in the epicenter of it, but things fell apart recently. She and her boss and some others are starting a new venture together and I’m sure she will do well. I am thankful to have some smart, ambitious folks in my network that I can connect with and learn from. We also had a really nice lunch at a small shop in Wayland Square. I got some homemade falafel and hummus, with some greens and grape leaves. Yum! I made salmon and chicken for dinner along with some Brussels sprouts. Grateful for good food in my life as always.
Quincy’s new couch came in for his room. We put it together and it fits nicely. I’m thankful we have resources to help him make his space more inviting and functional. We are going to make some other updates and I’m happy we can continue to beautify the house and also give the kids what they need.
Had a meeting with Phoenix, which is a recovery based program that I connected with through Josh Bowdridge from Middlesex House of Corrections. We talked about some possible music programming, and there are some exciting possibilities there. I honestly don’t need any more projects or work focus areas, but it’s always good to expand my network and talk with like-minded folks who want to partner. There’s an opportunity to do a concert up at their space in Lowell, with support from the prison and if I can get Keith to respond to me, I’d love to feature him. That’s been a challenge that I really want to solve, so we can close out the documentary. I’ll keep at it and hope he comes around.
5/6/21: Took Bella to have her wisdom teeth pulled. She did well and it only took about 2 hours start to finish. I missed much of the workday, but actually I think I needed to rest myself. I felt a bit rundown after getting my vax shot the day before. Lots of people have reported getting sick and while I didn’t feel that bad, I could definitely tell I wasn’t myself. Cam came down to hang out with her, which I’m sure she liked. I made squash soup for dinner, which came out awesome. Grateful for the family time and helping take care of the kids lately in Lisa’s absence. She has pretty much covered all that for the last while so it feels good to chip in again.
Did some mild walking and spent some time stretching in the evening. Continuing with my morning pushup and squat sets and feeling ever so slightly better. Grateful to have a functioning body still and aiming to try and keep it that way!
5/5/21: Day #2 of solo flight without Lisa :). Had a productive day overall. Got the sink and electrical fixed. Connected with Bob Rochleau, who came by and fixed the switch in about 20 minutes, without charging me a dime. He’s a good dude and it felt good to see him and talk a bit. It also made me realize how thankful I am for friends. I could have easily spent $200 or whatever to have someone come over and do the same thing. I probably could have even fixed it myself. That said, I’m thankful for Bob’s friendship and it was a reminder for me to do small favors for others when possible. I do my best in that area, but it was a nice reminder.
I also carved out some time to make guacamole. I had gone shopping the day before, to prepare to eat well while Lisa is away. I couldn’t resist the bag of overripe avocados on the bargain rack. It feels so good to take time to prepare food and have health in mind when doing so. I’ve had a nice couple days of making my relationship with food a focus. Grateful for access and willingness to use my energy on this. It’s something I need to keep top of mind about why it’s important and beneficial to my life.
Got my second Covid vax, so I’m currently up to date. Feeling a bit lethargic today and my arm is sore. That seems mild compared with symptoms I’ve heard others report. Grateful for my health and that I live in a country that has such unfettered access to health care. Also grateful to live in a time where science and business can combine to solve a huge problem for the world.
5/3/21: Dropped Lisa, Olga, Tina and Donna at the airport yesterday morning. I know they are going to have a great time and it was nice to see them off. It also felt good to be up and out of the house so early. It’s been a while since I’ve done that and something about it is peaceful and a reminder of the freshness of every day. We’re going to miss her terribly and it was already strange to be home alone for most of the morning/afternoon, until Q came back from track.
I connected with Crissy for the first time in months. We texted a bit and ultimately decided to meet over at Massasoit for a walk. We caught up on work, music, and life in general. I enjoyed it greatly and having someone to talk with was nice. I told her I wanted to get something together for the 9/11 gig but am still kinda working that out in my mind. I’m feeling more certain that it should be a blues thing with her, Chuck, Jimmy and Joe M. I may also ask Emily B. to sing with us, provided Lisa will be playing with Moonstruck. Still lacking the motivation to pickup my bass, but feeling some semblance of reality coming into focus will push me where I need to be. Grateful for Lisa, our family and for the friends that I have who are willing to connect.
5/2/21: Went out to see live music last night! Drove to Boston and saw Julie Rhodes perform. I’ve been wanting to see her play for quite some time, but finally got the chance. It was at a pretty cool restaurant called The Porch, that hosts a lot of blues bands. Food was solid, like a southern bbq type place. It was about an hour away, but it also felt good to drive someplace new and different. She was pretty good and the band was filled with good players. I could tell they weren’t quite in ‘game shape’, like I assume most bands won’t be early on. Still, I enjoyed it and we had a nice dinner, some drinks and made a night of it. Thankful that things are returning to normal and that soon, we’ll be able to see national acts again.
5/1/21: Chatted with Prof yesterday. He’s an old friend and we connected a few times during covid. He’s having some marriage issues and seems to be separating from longtime partner Alison. I always thought they were a great couple, but it just proves you never know what’s going on in private lives. In any case, I’ve been wanting to be a supportive friend and so we’ve had a handful of Zoom calls, just to hang a bit and talk. It’s nice and I’m grateful to have him in my life and to be able to be a friend to him, when he probably needs it most.
I finally am reaching some mental clarity with regards to the Rawkstars planned show on 9/11. It’s been swirling in my head and I’ve been reticent to solidify much of a plan or really ask anyone formally. I couldn’t sleep last night immediately and got up and wrote down some ideas. I’m feeling better about it now, in terms of having a plan of attack. I’ll begin to contact people today and get buy-in, and adjust anything if necessary. I think it will be a good time to have a gig, with things returning to pre-covid times, in terms of gatherings. We’re not quite there yet, but venues are starting to open and people seem much more willing to gather. The Narrows is a perfect space because it’s wide open. I think having something on the calendar more ‘real’ will help me get my shit together on the music side, and perhaps bring some focus to other areas of my life, if I start to bring music back into my heart. Guessing the show won’t be a moneymaker for us, but I want to put the show itself ahead of any monetary gain. This year especially, I think the aim is different for us. Always thankful for the chance to bring people together in the name of Rawkstars, music and charity.
4/30/21: Had a call with Gary and Joan Eichorrn last night. I met Gary about 15 years back when Rawkstars was still coming together. We had started a guitar class at the Boys & Girls Club in Allston called the West End House. It was our first partnership and I remember it fondly. At the time, Gary was just spinning up his Music Clubhouse program through his own nonprofit, Music & Youth Initiative and we joined forces a bit. I brought him into the West End House and introduced him to Andrea, the Executive Director. Over the coming weeks he decided that would be a perfect spot for his next clubhouse and proceeded to build a permanent music space, which still exists today. I got edged out shortly thereafter as Rawkstars wasn’t needed anymore. It hurt at the time, but I think I just took it too personally and over the years, I realized that and have watched Gary’s org go on to establish clubhouses all over the country. Pretty impressive and impactful.
Anyways, we’ve stayed loosely in touch over the years and they have sent a check to Rawkstars for many years to donate. Generally $1,000, which is amazing. We connected a few months back via email, when Gary responded to one of our newsletter posts about the prison project. Since that time, I reached out to him and asked advice on some research I’ve been doing at Hasbro. I could tell there was some interest there so I asked about a Zoom. We caught up on personal stuff then I talked about Rawkstars, our pivot to the Fan Club model and of course Guitars Behind Bars. I shared the trailer and we talked about the need in this area pretty deeply. He told me that he and Joan wanted to offer their support for this program and help in any way they could. He offered some possible hardware in the form of these portable studio units they use at the Clubhouses. They look pretty slick and basically consist of a tablet, a converter, a mic and a small keyboard with some headphones. Everything is mounted to a guitar pedal board so it can literally be carried around and contains everything needed to make and record music. He also said he had some connections he would introduce me to for possible funding and another who works closely with the prison system, who may be able to offer advice or introductions to facilities where we could engage more pilots. It’s exciting and rekindled my energy for the program a bit. It’s also a bit scary, TBH, as I’ve already been swirling a little with so much juggling between work, RS and new ideas I want to dig into. I’ll continue down the path and reconnect with him after a few weeks of thinking and more homework. Regardless of how it pans out, I’m grateful to have moved others to the point of action with this project. I know it’s powerful and desperately needed. To be able to make a tiny dent in the issue feels amazing and reminded me how grateful and fortunate I have been in what we already accomplished.
4/29/21: Another solid day of being mindful. I’ve started to do some simple squats and pushups in the morning. I’ve also been curbing my coffee intake ever so slightly. Last night, Lisa went out to band practice and I ordered burgers for the kids. I made myself a salad and ate the leftovers we had. After dinner, when I started to get the urge for snacking (immediately!) I held onto the feeling and tried to pay attention to it in my body. Where it came from, how it felt, etc. and I was able to hold the line and not snack. I was far from ‘hungry’ but I’m in this pattern of consumption, and hunger has nothing to do with it! I was grateful to have been aware, at least for one moment and to have made a mindful choice instead of reacting habitually.
I also used some of the alone time to research ideas around creating this signature program under the Hasbro philanthropy umbrella. Sarah had the thought of creating such a program approach and I started to put some ideas around it. I think investing in the area of access to jobs in our industry for bipoc and women groups is what I want to pitch. By changing the faces behind the screen, we can best impact the narrative and makeup on the screen. Our company has a vested interest in developing this talent pool and we have the opportunity to be leaders in this area. I already reached out to a contact at ViacomCBS, who helped plant the seed by sharing a research study on kids they did recently. I love the idea of establishing something extremely strategic for the company, but also important for society. I think the idea has a ton of legs and could really take-off, if allowed to do so. I did some research on corporate partnerships and the idea of big business coming together to solve societal problems, like accelerating the corona vaccination. There is a lot of great reading on the subject and I’m grateful to be learning and pushing myself creatively in this space.
4/28/21: Cut the grass for the first time this season. I stepped outside after work, around 5:00 and it had warmed up significantly. Here in NE, spring means some days get warm and others are still pretty cold. It’s rained a fair amount lately, so it’s been more of the latter, especially since my concept of warm reflects a higher temperature than most probably would say. Anyhow, it was sunny and warm so I decided to get some time outside and mow the grass. Always a meditative activity for me, and I almost always enjoy it. I also get good ideas and clarity when I mow typically, which makes it even more attractive. I love the smell of cut grass and my lawn looks solid. It’s improved over the last couple seasons and I’ve taken better care of it, as well as beautified with some landscape work. Planning on a few more small projects this season. I want to increase my bird area and add some more feeders, along with using some stone I have left over to cover the ground. I also need to dig out 2 bushes from the front area and better space the beds. The mulching will need to be done as well as fixing the broken stone step on the patio out back by reinforcing with sand. Looking forward to being active and making the yard look nicer. Grateful to be able to still move well enough to do some yard work and for the time outside yesterday.
4/27/21: Had a strong day of mindfulness yesterday. Ate well. Meditated, moved a bit, and reconnected with my self. Thinking that music is another missing element from my routine lately, as is movement. Didn’t pickup the bass, but am realizing that my need to have outlets beyond work is what is causing some of the stress/overeating.
Had a follow up with Amy about the Rawkstars web/brand/tech project and feeling good about starting up with her. She proposed a monthly sprint, even pace, which I think is great. I probably wouldn’t have suggested going slow, but once she verbalized it, it resonated with me. Makes me feel more confident about working with her and let’s face it, there really is no impetus to rush at this point. Things are solid with our financials, membership numbers are up and we have an event on the calendar, even if I don’t have much of a plan :). If we can accomplish the new site, etc. and hit the 200 member mark by year’s end, I think that would put us in excellent position heading into next year.
Grateful for being able to see balance when it appears and for being able to breathe and embrace it.
4/26/21: Rough weekend on the food side. Tried to go to breakfast with Q and Cam. Bella left early to work and left Cam at the house with us. We went to Harry’s, waited for a seat only to find they are not serving breakfast anymore. We had some awful frozen lunch type junk and left unsatisfied. I rolled that bad experience into a full day of terrible eating. Q had some friends over and we ordered pizza for them (and for me!) and I gorged on random junk throughout the in between. Hard to find a silver lining in yesterday, but it was nice seeing both of the kids with friends. Bella is definitely smitten with Cam and they have been spending lots of time together. I chatted with him more yesterday and learned he is a solid student, making the Dean’s list a few times. Not sure what that is indicative of, but I’m glad to see he’s taken school seriously enough to apply himself. Quincy had Owen, Delci and a girl from his track team over. He’s been friends with the first two forever and they are both nice kids. He’s gotten a bit more social over the last few years and seeing him interact with friends is nice.
I’ll close with being grateful that today is a new day. After getting up, I showered, drank water, did some squats, meditated and am sipping coffee as I write. Good habits all.
4/25/21: Got down to the bike path for the first time this year. Did the short run, from Del’s down to Bristol. Felt good and the weather was perfect, but then I came home and ate like shit :/. Got some yard cleanup done and later in the evening we hooked up with Jimmy and Kelly to grab some dinner. Been a while since we’ve seen them and it was nice to connect and talk about the band, music, life, etc. We came back to the house after for a couple beers in the yard and it was a nice night to hang. Bella had Cam over, and they poked out briefly. Bummed that I continue to slip and sway on my eating. Grateful for friends and for talk of music returning to our lives.
4/24/21: Continuing to have great conversations. Yesterday, I connected with some folks from Urban Arts, a nonprofit in NYC that we are considering funding at Hasbro. It was fun to ask questions and feel the conversation from the side of the funder, as opposed to the org looking for help. It’s definitely a great learning experience for me and I’m beyond grateful to gain a new POV on all this.
I also got connected with a few guys from Phoenix. They are a nonprofit that is doing work in the sobriety space and Josh from MHOC connected them with Rawkstars. We didn’t have a ton of time, so I’m not really sure where it might go or even how I feel about it. That said, they are doing some good work and there is some chance for us to partner together. They have some kind of footprint in the prison system with music as part of their offering. I’m curious for our next meeting, and hope to learn more as well as potentially shape some thoughts about how we might partner, or if it makes sense.
Lastly, I connected with Amy Avitable. She designed the Rawkstars website about 10 years ago. I’m looking for someone to redesign our website as well as help connect some of our systems together for improved operations, data collection and of course better visuals. I really enjoyed working with her years ago and left with a great feeling again yesterday. This is a weird area, as I feel like I haven’t had great luck hiring people to do work. I generally wind up disappointed and unsure about if I got much value. Going into this relationship thinking positively and certainly thankful for Amy’s time. She is smart, talented and passionate about helping people.
4/23/21: Part 2 of BYCTW Day and I presented again for the kids and parents. Definitely enjoying getting the extra experience presenting. It’s something I need to improve on and the only real way is to present. Glad to have another event in the rear-view mirror. It was successful and fun, though not highly attended. Hasbro needs to figure out how to improve its comms programs, as reaching employees is cumbersome and ineffective. Grateful for the chance to represent the team, especially in front of the kids.
Still aglow from the fallout of the FB post 2 days ago. It really pushed us towards the goal of 200 subscriptions. Having extra revenue each month is critical and will help ensure we can continue with all our students and onboard a few more, while also addressing the website, tech updates and new programming ideas for later this year. Grateful to our fans and for my personal network. They truly RAWK!
4/22/21: Yesterday was one of those days when everything just aligns :). I’d been procrastinating on doing personal outreach for new Rawkstars Fan Club members, despite having a few students in waiting and despite having already curated a list of folks I wanted to contact. I’ve just been so damn busy lately, that anything extra feels like a chore, regardless of the effort involved. I had also seen a few posts on LinkedIn about a clip from School of Rock that had been circulating. It’s the scene where Tamika tells Jack Black that she didn’t try out as the singer because she is fat. JB gives her the most awesome speech (of course) and in recent days, that has been circulating on social media. Of course that resonated with me and I decided to share it via FB. I figured it would at least attract a few comments and perhaps a few folks would join the Fan Club. I assumed it would also give some visibility to what I wanted to do and help me motivate to have some follow up conversations with the folks on my list. The response was instead overwhelming and immediate. A couple of people dove in and joined right away. I took that as a sign to push the momentum and started counting down, using the concept that getting 12 people to join would allow us to enroll this new student. Every few minutes, someone else posted and joined. Before I knew it we had almost the full dozen members. Many opted for the annual subscription, which means that April will be a huge lump sum month going forward. A few people opted for increments of $20, above the standard $10. As the day wore on, posts and signups continued to trickle in and even some overnight. As of this morning, we had a full 21 subscriptions created, many from folks who were not even on my original list. It was an eye-opening day and showed that sometimes, the uncurated/organic communication style is more effective than something more thoughtful. The story simply resonated with a ton of people and I was able to connect the dots between how they felt and how they could directly help this student. BTW, the student is a 10 year old girl, who was sent our way by a sponsor at Harvard Children’s Hospital. He is helping her through a program for obese kids and learned of her desire to play piano. I spoke with him just the day before and I’m so glad that it all came together in such a compelling, inspiring and profitable way. Immensely grateful that I can continue to learn and continue to be inspired by the Rawkstars power, network, brand and impact even after nearly 18 years. Humbled.
During the day, I also participated in the Bring Your Child to Work event. I am on the team who put the event together, but also hosted a session on Purpose. I got to tell my story to a group of employees and their kids, which was highly rewarding. I think some of it went over their heads, but nonetheless, it was a terrific experience. I continue to hone my chops speaking and presenting and I got to reflect on a topic so close and meaningful to me. Near the end, I led an exercise in gratitude journaling and I stopped presenting long enough to see all the kids on camera. It felt awesome and I couldn’t stop smiling :). Super thankful that I got to do this, but also reflecting on the fact that I’m literally getting paid an amazing salary for doing something I’d do for free. Wow, that is fucking special and I am fucking lucky.
Lastly, I got invited to the Community Chest award dinner, where Hasbro employees with > 200 volunteer hours are recognized. I feel like it’s a tiny bit of a cheat on my side, since running Rawkstars requires at least that much of my attention. I’d like to expand my volunteer scope outside of RS a bit more, but being part of this group is very special. There are several folks who are doing amazing work and having this cohort together is very meaningful to me. It’s yet another chance to live my dream through the office and in all candor, being recognized feels kinda nice too. Thankful so be part of such a great company, and connected to so many compassionate people within it.
4/21/21: I started working on research for nonprofits in the music/arts/tech space for potential partnership with Hasbro. I’ve been waiting for this type of work to come my way and it’s exciting. We received a nice deposit into the Hasbro Children’s Fund, which is the base of money we use to support our partners. In addition to continuing with most of our existing partners, we have the amazing opportunity to add new ones this year, because of the additional funding. We are also trying to do a better job aligning our new charities with our business goals and strategy. We’ve spent a few days organizing those thoughts and narrowing in on some target areas, which each of us are taking back to dive into. Even taking time to read about some of these orgs and see the commitment of the folks running them and the work they are doing is awesome enough. Thinking ahead to the prospect of contacting some of them to work on Hasbro partnerships is beyond awesome. Really grateful everyday for the job I’ve found myself in and for the opportunity to do work that I really love.
Got over to the park yesterday for a walk with Q. Nice spring day and I was able to cut out of work a touch early and enjoy the sun while it was still warm. We had a long talk, as we generally do during the walks. It began to degenerate a few times, but we both caught ourselves before it got contentious. Thankful we are both getting better at that and I thought about it a lot after getting home. I need to improve in this area and be a better listener. Also thankful for the slight uptick in movement and for getting my ass out of the chair to enjoy some outdoor time with Q and with nature.
4/20/21: Chugging through with some overwhelm at work lately. Having a bit of clarity about. the fact that I am overextending myself. I’ve really been pushing on the Purpose side, flowing ideas, joining committees and participating in any way I can. Trying to figure out my motivation has been tough, because this is a normal path for me. I think I need to slow the roll on this side and get refocused on my core work. I saw an exercise about ranking what you value most out of work (Social Impact, Money, Colleagues, Status, Creativity) and if I’m being honest, I think status is the least important on this list. That said, I’m wired to chase it. It hasn’t really come in the form of a new title, but I get regular affirmation from folks throughout the company, and I enjoy and sometimes seek it. I’m going to try and settle in a bit and let some of that go over the next few weeks and see what happens. Grateful for some visibility into my behavior and the potential for making changes.
4/18/21: Hiked Blue Hills with Gary L. and Corey Brown yesterday. It was cold and raining and I started waffling but decided to go anyways. It was a nice hike and we had a good time talking all the way up and down. I haven’t seen Corey in years and he was always a nice guy. I’m thankful that I got myself up and moving a bit and grateful for old friends that helped motivate me. I need more of that in my life and want to continue to seek connections with people who want to make movement a priority. We’re not killing ourselves in the gym, but just simple stuff like walking, biking or hiking is enough to put me in a better place.
4/17/21: Met up with the Dave/Kast/Mooney crews last night. Fun as usual but mostly writing here because I went into in mindfully and had a good time. Dave made a big, beefy dinner but I ate reasonable. I enjoyed what I ate and didn’t take more than I needed. I brought some of the non-alcoholic beers along so I had something to keep me company. I drank some water as well, and talked to everyone a bit. It was a good reminder that it is indeed possible to hang without overdoing it. It’s also a reminder that I need other activities in my life to balance out things like that and encourage me to consider alternatives. Planning to meet Gary L. today to hike Blue Hills. Grateful for some clarity and mindful behavior lately. I’m also down -7lbs over the last 6 weeks or so. It’s slow but I’m feeling every so slightly better physically and mentally, with regards to my weight and body.
4/13/21: Reconnected with an old Upromise friend, Rob Percival via Zoom. He commented on a LinkedIn post I made last week and we decided to hangout. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but UP was such a very special place and I made a ton of friendships that continue to this day. Rob seems like he is doing well and he also joined the Rawkstars Fan Club, after I followed up with him later. Blessed to have such a network of great people, even ones I don’t see often.
I presented my Purpose Deck to Kathrin yesterday. She absolutely loved it and gave me a ton of awesome feedback. She said it was the best preso she has seen in a while and liked my creativity, as well as the content. At the end she said she wanted to start meeting with me and Kevin regularly to put some plans into action. I’m really excited to be part of the core team getting this off the ground with her. I’m reminding myself that I am happy with my role and that last year I would (probably literally) killed to have my position. That said I can’t seem to help but push for more. I genuinely want to be involved with shaping the purpose rollout at Hasbro and working closely with Kathrin and others to make that happen. I’d love to get promoted (I think?!) and extend my ability to impact this specific aspect of the business. Feels good to be recognized and to continue the positive impact at work.
4/12/21: Spent a productive day doing some re-design of the living room area. I started by taking down this gigantic mirror we have and relocating it to the foyer. It took a bit of doing, as the mirror is about 7′ tall and weighs probably 80 lbs. or more. I took my time and eventually got it re-hung. It looked so good, I kept going. We got another mirror that used to hang in the bathroom down from the attic and I put it in the old space. Then I rearranged several of our pictures and paintings to create a much more pleasing look. Lisa did some cleaning and helping out with organizing drawers, etc. It was a great effort to spend a day making the place nicer. We barely spent any money, besides one frame I decided to purchase and simply repurposed stuff we already had in new ways. Grateful for the little pleasure of accomplishing something creative that benefitted our living space.
4/11/21: Last few days have been eventful. At work, I began participating in the exercise to begin funding some new partners, as well as evaluating old ones. It’s super exciting and I’m looking very much forward to being part of the process, especially to recommend and lead some new orgs. I want to develop relationships with partners I see as key executors of our shared vision. Getting involved from the inception of those partnerships will be an amazing learning experience and I’m coming into the org at a time when we have more money to spend than in the last few years.
I’ve had a couple rough eating days, but yesterday got myself to the gym with Gary Lorimer. He texted me out of the blue at 5am, and the timing was perfect after a night of not taking care of myself. We talked and worked out a bit and both felt great. Thankful for another chance to improve and continue on this crazy journey of discovery and learning about myself.
Yesterday was an absolutely gorgeous day. Certainly the warmest day we’ve experienced here since last year. Strong sunshine and it felt great to be outside, especially after having worked out. I took Lisa down to Providence. First we went by The Vet, where my friend Jack had left us tickets to see the RI Philharmonic. He works for them and they just now started offering in person concerts. There were only 250 people in the theater which was kinda cool, but also sad. The orchestra were amazing and it was kinda nice to see that type of music performed, even if it mostly goes over my head.
After the show we went over to Oyster Bar, which is one of our classic PVD eating spots. The whole area was bustling with people and activity which was awesome to see, after such a long drought. Everyone was out, enjoying the warm night and we had a hell of a meal. We got to sit near the front door, so there was fresh air throughout the meal. It was a great reminder of all the things we have been missing during covid. Great restaurants, the energy of other people and a relaxed happy atmosphere outside of the home.
I got into a ‘flow’ with a presentation I’ve been struggling to put together at work. I’m meeting with Kathrin our CPO tomorrow morning to present her some ideas on purpose/execution. I’d planned to simply walk her through my outline of notes, but late in the week got inspired by Sue Taylor to put it into slides. I typically am slow with that process and had been procrastinating, because I knew it would be a lot of work to translate the ideas. She told me about her own experience with her boss and how much having her ideas in slide form helped to convey the concepts and have them be well received. I started down the path on Friday afternoon and wound up getting really far in only about 90 minutes. I continued to work on it over the weekend and will be presenting tomorrow with a solid looking deck. Thankful for the motivation and results, regardless of how the presentation goes.
4/8/21: Terrible eating yesterday :/. Since Easter, I’ve been skidding a little bit each day. Yesterday was on the pendulum of savory/sweet. Crackers, cheese, ice cream and generally not giving a shit. I’m thankful it’s over and today is a fresh chance, again. On the positive side, I drank a lot of water yesterday for the first time in a while, so there’s something.
Started chatting with the kids about the idea of going someplace while Lisa is in AZ with her mom. We kinda landed on Vegas. It’s warm, has pool options and plenty of buzz to offer for Q. I started digging into it a bit last night and feels like about $3k all in for a 3-night trip. We can certainly swing it, but I do get anxious about spending that amount of money for some reason. I’ll probably talk with them a bit more tonight about it and if it feels good, go ahead and book something. Grateful to have the option to do things like this, regardless of outcome. Just having the opportunity is a gift itself.
Getting a bit of progress on the Rawkstars 9/11 gig idea too. I want to have a bunch of intimate parent/kid performances. I already talked to Dave/Noah and Chuck/Anthony/Mike. I’m also thinking that me, Lisa, Bella and Q could do something and Homer Stevens also confirmed a set, not with Wayne but he’s still amazing! Thinking about Barry and his daughter as well as Mike Fradkin and his sons. That would give a cool backdrop to whatever else we can arrange band-wise. We’ll of course include some Rawkstars students and the idea is to have as many folks share the stage as possible. Other ideas I’m toying with are a possible Wicked Blue mini-reunion, Shine Mk. 3 to do an electric blues set and Toys To Men, to attract some Hasbro love. There’s also Moonstruck and Kevin/Mike’s new band with Munro. Plenty of options, just need to be thoughtful to put together the best representation possible and build some energy around the event.
4/7/21: Sat outside yesterday during lunch for about 30 minutes. Simply felt the sun on my face and slowed down. It was nice to take a few minutes to myself during the day. Work has been super busy and though I take short breaks throughout the day, I haven’t had near as much time outdoors as I’d like. I also bought a water vessel and am making an attempt to increase my hydration. Like most things, I go up/down and lately I’ve been feeling dehydrated and definitely not drinking enough water. It seems silly even typing it, but I’m thinking if I have a plan to drink 2 of these per day, it will help me keep better track and make my intake more habitual. Oh, the mind and how it works ;). Thankful for simple pleasures like sitting in the sun and having access to clean water with ease.
4/6/21: Back on the solid eating plan yesterday after the Sunday meltdown. Grateful to be able to arrest the variance quickly. Still in need of movement increase, but also trying to be patient with myself and achieve some stable middle ground.
Enjoying having Bella back. Dinners have been nice and the increased traffic in the house is kinda welcome. She’s got a couple more weeks of school and then will be on full time Subway duty I’m certain. Being all together is a blessing that I know won’t last forever and I’m thankful for the chance to have a full house again, especially heading into the spring/summer season and with the virus restrictions fading by the day.
Speaking of which, I bought tickets to see Julie Rhodes at The Porch in a few weeks. I’d been wanting to see her for the last couple years. Also had plans to go to The Porch last year before covid, but my gig got cancelled. Supposed to be a cool spot to eat and see music. I know the national gigs will take more time, since the bands need to ramp up with confidence they can book tours, but the local stuff is a good start. Grateful for the slow return of live music!!
4/5/21: Easter Sunday = lunch at The Bento’s = overdid it. Had good intentions going in, but lost my focus after a few hours. Had a satisfying lunch but later found myself eating ice cream, after the kids went to Crescent Ridge and brought some back. It snowballed, as is generally the case and then I continued overeating after we got home. Despite being totally full, I squeezed in a bowl of soup, some sweet bread and later in the evening, some fistfuls of salty trail mix. Disappointed with myself but trying to wipe the slate today and start over. Grateful for the chance to regain a mindful approach and fulfill the intention of what I want today to be.
On the plus side, always enjoy connecting with Rob and the others. His friend Jim came again and it’s been nice having him around. Good dude and definitely loves to eat. The kids have been bonding a bit more too and Logan drove them all to the ice cream place and they all joined in on some of our adult conversations.
I also picked up my bass, ever so briefly, before leaving. I played through a couple tunes and it felt good to at least remind myself I can still play the fucking thing. I’ve got to get re-started and build up my finger strength again, so I can put together a proper project for the summer and eventual show on 9/11 for Rawkstars. Grateful to get started, even just a bit.
4/4/21: Met Bella’s new BF yesterday. Cam came over in the afternoon and he lives someplace out near Assumption. Seemed like a nice quiet kid. Didn’t talk too much but gave off an innocent, humble vibe. When he got here I was out in the backyard sitting by the fire. I had the baseball game on the radio and watched the birds. It was crisp out but I felt great in a sweatshirt and sitting in the sun, with a small fire. Simple pleasures and awesome to have baseball back this spring! The kids hung out for a bit then went for ice cream and brought Q along :). Grateful that Bella has always been able to find nice guys to connect with.
Went to a 50th bday party for Tom’s GF Adena last night at the Raynham VFW. They have a pretty cool outside area for bands and a huge firepit. I had a non-alcoholic beer and didn’t overdo any food. There was a cover band playing who were decent and Lisa got up and sang a few songs, which got all the girls going. I’m glad she is a relaxed type of singer and not too uptight to get up and jam whenever asked. It’s also nice to see her get accolades from the people at the party. It’s been a while since her band has played and I know she really misses it. I didn’t know many people but connected with a few folks and had a fun time. Grateful to be around people and hear some music.
4/3/21: Bought a new TV yesterday. Borrowed Mike’s truck and took Q to walmart, where I wound up grabbing a 70′ tv. Hadn’t intended to get something quite that big, and it’s not my usual approach. It was discounted like $200 and I guess I couldn’t resist. Anyways, it wound up being a touch too big for our stand, so now we are looking at hanging it, or getting a new stand. Been a bit of a spending spree lately, but it feels kinda nice to be honest. We are usually pretty conservative with spending most times, and updating some stuff around the house has been a positive change. Thankful for the ability to embrace the feeling. and to make our home a bit nicer.
Chatted for about an hour with Richie yesterday. We don’t talk nearly as much as we used to but he will always feel like one of my closest friends. We always seem to be on a similar page and have plenty of respect for one another and common ground. He sounded like he was doing well, despite the lessening of work through the pandemic. He took over the dad role for much of the last year and I’m sure was in it up to his neck, as he always jumps into everything. It felt good to connect with him and have some laughs and I smiled often throughout the conversation. Grateful that he has been part of my life for the better part of 30+ years and that we can always pickup where we left off, no matter how long we go without connecting.
4/2/21: Round 2 of our Louder with Crouder debate series last night, topic Abortion. Me, Lisa and Q watched another of those videos and then had our own internal debate. I think we all described being pro-choice, but in different ways. It’s been an interesting exercise and I welcome it. I think it helps us have open conversations on deep topics and helps us be better communicators with each other and listeners. Q and I tend to get a bit more heated and he called me out last night, which was a good learning for me. I’m thankful to have such a thoughtful, intelligent and articulate son who cares about the world and can express himself clearly.
Continuing on the mindful eating path and had another small minus on the scale. I’ve dropped about 6 lbs. in the last 3+ weeks and am feeling good overall. I’m still not exercising much so there is a lot of room for improvement. That said, I’m appreciating each meal and considering the reasons why I’m trying to eat better and it’s a nice change. Weather has been up/down and work has kept me from getting outside during the day as much as I’d like to. Hoping I can focus in on movement and that the warmth continues to creep into our daily lives more reliably. Grateful to be on a path of well being and self care towards the person I want to be and the values I want to live.
3/31/21: Yesterday was the second round of the Game Changers program. Everything went really well and Operation Smile Colombia took home the first place grant. The first session was a bit clumsier than I would have liked but as expected was much lighter on attendance. I almost looked at it as a paid rehearsal, which really informed the second iteration. We made some changes last minute which I think really made it better. No tech difficulties and we had lots of nice comments about the event before, during and after. Really grateful to have been given the chance to produce this event and to work with Sarah so closely. She’s a terrific partner and definitely made a huge impact on the event. I’m looking ahead to adding some new tasks to my plate, and giving a little more focus to BYCTW and Hello Hasbro, both of which need a bit of TLC from me in the next few weeks.
Had our new sink installed last night. Larry’s brother in law Nicky did the plumbing and he needs to come back to fix something with the hot water pressure. Besides that it looks great and I’m so happy we decided to upgrade. Thankful we have the finances to make home improvements and look forward to some more small upgrades.
Bella came back from Assumption last night for Easter break, and will be finishing the last few weeks of the semester from home. So she will be home for the entire summer, which is a good long stretch. We went out for a family dinner which was really nice and having her back will be great for all of us. She immediately went back to Subway this morning and I know she will be working hard to stash money for next year. With what we already have set aside and what she can generate over the summer, I fully expect her to have close to enough to pay for her junior year. Thinking back to before she started, if you told me she would only need loans for one year of school, I would have been really psyched for her (and us!). It’s yet another thing to be thankful for as I really want her to come out of school ready to hit the career path without being saddled with student loan debt. That will give her maximum flexibility and get her off to a solid start on the next chapter of her journey. Grateful.
3/30/21: Tonight is the first session for the Game Changers initiative at Hasbro. We’re going to host an evening session to accommodate folks in EU and expand the time zones able to attend and vote. We had the tech rehearsal yesterday and everything feels pretty buttoned up. Excited for the live events and to crown a winner. Grateful for this opportunity and for the chance to have others see what our team is able to achieve and execute. Working with everyone has been terrific but most especially Sarah. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned before that we have great working chemistry and I think we are a powerful combination.
Had virtual coffee with Kathrin yesterday as well. She is really open and honest and I appreciate having someone in our corner who is available and a good listener. We had a nice chat and I’m looking forward to a couple follow ups to share some ideas I hope will resonate. Feels good to have some face time with the bosses boss and get to better understand the vision for where our department is potentially headed first hand.
3/28/21: Continued the home improvement bits yesterday. In the morning, I messaged a roofing contractor to come out and check on our attic moisture. Surprisingly, he buzzed me back almost immediately and said he would come right out. Totally unexpected but I was psyched. The guy was great and a few hours later he had scoured the entire roof, patched a couple spots he found and re-applied the rings around our exhaust pipes. Charged me $175 and was on his way. I’m thankful to have found this guy and gotten such great service. Lisa was happy since she has brought this up to me a few times and I was able to get it resolved.
We also wound up buying a new sink and faucet for the kitchen. Again, Lisa had recommended it when I was talking about updates the other day and I agreed it would be a good idea. I found a couple options online and after we checked them out we agreed and I bought and picked one up. I buzzed Larry about his brother-in-law, who is apprenticing as a plumber. Figure this is an easy job for someone like that and we can hopefully have it installed this week. I’d love to do the backsplash too, so we’ll see if Lisa agrees to that. All around, I continue to be grateful that we have such a nice home and are able to maintain and even improve it along the way. Oh yeah, and it’s paid for
3/27/21: Last night, Lisa, Q and I had a deep conversation about gender. Quincy put on this youtube show with this guy named Crowder who goes around to college campuses purposely inviting people to ‘change his mind’, using controversial topics like racism, gun control, etc. It was pretty interesting and a good concept for this kind of show. Anyways, it led us to have a long conversation instead of putting on the TV and it felt nice. We all had thoughts about this complicated topic and it’s cool to hear Q articulate his thoughts. He’s such a smart, articulate and compelling conversationist. It was also nice to just feel connected through real conversation instead of the typical ‘how was your day’ type stuff. Grateful to be able to have this kind of conversation and I’m hopeful this will become a pattern to express ourselves and continue to grow and learn from each other.
Lisa got her haircut yesterday from Dorothy. When she came back, she seemed itchy to go out. The girls were meeting at Emma’s for drinks and apps and she asked if I wanted to go. I really didn’t. Not because I don’t like those guys but because I’m trying to stay out of situations where I’m likely to overeat (especially crappy restaurant food) and drink. We talked about other options but as usual, nobody had ideas and we wound up just making dinner at home. I think she was a bit disappointed but it turned out to be a fun night, I think. I also was able to refrain from drinking or overeating and I’m glad to have done so. I really want to attempt to make changes in my life so everything is not so focused on eating/drinking. It’s easier said than done, because I generally enjoy both, especially eating. It’s also hard when everyone in your life feels the same way and there are limited options to be outside and active, at least for long stretches of the year. I’m thankful for at least one choice that put my long term goals of taking care of myself better at the forefront.
3/26/21: 3rd consecutive weigh-in that resulted in a loss. I’ve dropped 6lbs. over the last 2 weeks or so. I’m feeling good about it as I am not starving myself or steering 100% clear of anything besides sweets. I want to be in a place where I can enjoy myself, but do it mindfully, instead of from habit or other emotions. I’ve been toying with the slow down technique and it’s definitely helping. I spend my days in somewhat of a crazed state of jumping from task to task and topic to topic and meeting to meeting. You get the idea. It can be hard to ‘turn off’ that vibe when I separate myself from the workday. I’ve been trying to notice when I’m doing that and take a minute to breathe and feel the feeling. I think it’s a contributing factor to the speed of my eating for sure, but also to the feeling that sometimes takes over when I start to binge.
Making great progress against Game Changers at Hasbro this week and in a few days is the live event. The feedback has been tremendously positive and I’m really looking forward to the event. Yesterday we had the finalists selected and it was a very interesting process to watch unfold. None of the nonprofits I was attracted to made the cut, and several that got picked were not really on my radar. Shows the personal nature of what moves people in this space and how everyone has a totally unique perspective. Regardless, all the presenters were awesome and I’m feeling like what we are doing here is super important. It goes way beyond money for the winners and is giving a voice to internal leaders in Hasbro. It’s connecting more people to our community and I expect it to pay dividends all around for years to come. Grateful to be able to do this work and get paid handsomely for it.
3/25/21: Continuing my days of mindful intake and making time for my meditation practice. I’m feeling good overall and in a pretty balanced state. I spoke with Ed about wrapping up some tax stuff and also had good news there. I had been prepared emotionally to owe Uncle Same about $17k, after all the wheeling and dealing last year. I’ve got that set aside and then some, so my only fear was having a bill larger than that come over. Sounds like it will be a bit less than that and we’ll also have the option to amend Bella’s return so she can take advantage of the college tax credit, since we will make too much to qualify. That would give a $2500 rebate to her, which could then be put into her fund for the fall semester. We can also spread the distribution over 3 years, which would lower our overall tax rate for this filing season, saving us several thousand dollars. We would probably go ahead and set aside the funds now into a CD or something to generate a couple hundred bucks and have access to the money in case of emergency. In either case, it’s all good and I continue to be grateful for our financial well being. I’m also thankful to have Ed helping out, as he always has. It’s also been nice to connect with him so frequently, between his hospital stays and tax season, we are talking very regularly. Grateful for old friends who are there for me.
3/24/21: Had the semi-final round for my Game Changers program at work. We started with 68 nonprofits who were nominated for an award. Legal and other factors winnowed that down to 38. Yesterday, we brought all 38 ambassadors together to pitch their nonprofit to a committee we put together of Hasbro / eOne / Wizards employees. Everyone had 5 minutes to make their case to the committee in an effort to advance to the final round. It was a great session and a ton of folks knocked it out of the park. It was amazing to spend 1/2 my work day simply listening to employees talk about their passion for one nonprofit or another. Sarah and I ran the session as we have partnered on the entire program. She is an awesome person to work with and we have complimentary skill sets. Despite the breadth and volume of participants, we kept things moving and right on time. We answered a ton of questions and were prepared for everything that came over the wall and adjusted on the fly where necessary. I’m excited to be part of such an impactful program that employees have embraced with such energy. It’s going to be a tough decision for the committee to narrow the list down and next week will be the live voting, final round. Having some of my work focused around live events is a great fit for me. I thrive in that scenario as I have most of my adult life. Thankful for connecting with work like this and people like this.
3/23/21: Wow. Yesterday, I got a text from John V. at GBKF, the foundation that supported Rawkstars a few years back with a $15k grant, by way of Dave Yuknat. I had connected with Dave and John a few weeks ago and walked them through a deck that Michelle C. at monkeymarketing mostly put together. At the end I asked them for another $20,300 to engage with MM and continue to keep Jamie on staff for another year. When I called John back, he gave me the news that not only was our grant approved, but they were increasing it to $25k to give us more to work with! He told me they had great confidence in me and in what I presented. It felt pretty amazing and easily represents the largest gift Rawkstars has ever received. Thinking about some folks I barely know having the trust in what we do and in me personally was pretty staggering, I must say. We’ll be receiving the funds June 30th, but can already start to accelerate the programming since our bank account is in such good shape already.
About an hour later, I got another text from Keith Mao, one of the young men I met through the Guitars Behind Bars project last year. In fact Keith was kind of the star. He wrote and sang the track that is featured in our trailer and he was immensely musical, despite not having any formal training in his past. I connected with the folks at MHOC a few weeks ago about coming back in to finish the interviews and was told Keith had been released. They gave me his mom’s contact info and I texted her last week. She passed on the message and Keith and I spoke for about 20 minutes. He sounded awesome and totally remembered me. He told me he beat the 10 year sentence he was facing and I could hear the joy in his voice. He also told me how much music he’d been writing and that he had so much to say. I don’t think he owns an instrument. We made plans to connect in person when he returns from a family visit to Brazil, in a few weeks. Jonas, Doga and I will travel up to meet him and do an interview, as well as shoot B-Roll and this should give us some amazing footage and content to finish off our mini-feature. I’m also super excited to help Keith take another step forward. Surely he’ll be helped by having a keyboard and other instruments with which to write. I’d also love to work with him on lessons potentially or maybe some studio time to record something ‘proper’. I can barely express how it feels to know the music program we spent so much time, energy and money on made a difference for at least one young man. Grateful beyond words.
After all the great news yesterday I was amped up, to the point where I was almost shaking. I spontaneously decided to get out my new bike and take a spin. I rode probably 5 miles or so, but pushed myself and worked up a nice little sweat. It was a great feeling to be outside, even if it was a bit cool. The bike performed well and although I need a few tweaks to the seat and some new grips, I’m glad I made the purchase. Glad I made the decision to use exercise as a means to feel better. I’m happy to take a tiny step towards kickstarting that habit again.
An awesome day to be thankful for.
3/21/21: Little spending spree yesterday. I bought a new bike! And we also bought some new patio furniture to continue making our yard more attractive and functional. I had attempted to buy a bike last season, as I spent a lot of time riding and felt I was invested enough to step up a bit. At the time, covid was in full swing and there were literally no stores that had bikes in stock. I bought one on a whim off Craigslist, but it wasn’t a good fit and I sold it like a month later. There still seems to be a big shortage in supply and I was lucky enough to find one hybrid bike that fit me, and wasn’t too expensive. I’m psyched to head into riding season with an upgrade!
Over the last few weeks, I’ve also been getting our yard setup for spring/summer and cleaning things up. I got a wood delivery, put together a canopy and rearranged our furniture. Yesterday we found a high top dining set and brought it home to try out the size. I spent a few hours putting it all together and it’s a great set. I’m thankful that our space is getting some TLC as we haven’t really done much to the house in the last several years, outside of the bathroom remodel. With the house paid off and our cash situation as strong as ever, it felt kinda nice to splurge on a few things that will add to our lives for years to come. Grateful to have the ability to do so every now and then.
Cathy Nolan stopped by in the afternoon and dropped off an old guitar. She is super nice and helped Rawkstars out a few times by being part of our Falmouth Road Race crew. We got to know her a bit as well as her daughter Colby, who wasn’t playing the instrument any longer. It was nice to connect with an old friend and she told me that she is often inspired by my even keel and gracious approach to life. I was very flattered and am thankful that something I did or said rubbed off in a positive way on someone I don’t know very well. It made me feel nice and her words impacted me.
3/20/21: Q’s 15th birthday yesterday and he dropped his newest mix-tape, called Anastasis. It’s fucking amazing! He didn’t let me hear any of it leading up, so it was really fresh to check out. His game has come a long way in the last year since he released Revelation. The lyrics are better, the samples are better, the beats and songs are better and the production overall is better. He really knocked it out of the park and impressed me greatly. I’d love to help him get some visibility, especially for his lyrics, which are special. I’m also going to help him get some better gear including a proper mic. So proud of the kid for not only the output but his dedication to the craft and hard work. He takes it really seriously and pays tribute to the OG MC’s, with lyrics about positivity (mostly). He is learning the history of the genre and really making an impact. Hugely grateful to see him working his ass of at something he so genuinely loves, and becoming good at it!
I connected with Bella over text and her attitude had turned 100%. The school policy having been relaxed, she got out with her girls and hit Starbucks, and drove around on a sunny day. She said she was listening to Van Halen and that it always reminded her of driving on a sunny day with me when she was young. So sweet, my heart about melted. Thankful that she is feeling better and that her friends are feeling ‘normal’ and doing healthy college activities instead of wallowing.
Grabbed dinner with Lisa at Grange, a fave vegetarian spot of ours. We had a few drinks beforehand, despite my plan to lay off booze for a while. I only made it two weeks which is a bit disappointing but I’m not going to beat myself up about it. We had a nice meal and I had another solid day of eating mindfully. I’ve dropped about 4lbs. in the last 10 days or so, which isn’t enough to see a big difference but I do feel a little better and am grateful to be turning a corner. I’m going today to potentially buy a new bike and looking to continue building some movement back into my daily life. Grateful to have the resources to buy things I need/want, and also for not spending to excess, despite the fact that we have the ability to do so.
3/19/21: A few days ago, I finally got to the dermatologist, with Lisa’s help, to have the lesion on my cheek scoped out. Turns out it’s most likely Basal Carcinoma, a mild form of skin cancer. They scraped a sample to biopsy for sure, but I’ll probably have to return in a few weeks for a procedure to remove it more fully. The occurrence is common and I’m glad I finally got my ass to have it checked out.
I’ve been having a nice string of days eating mindfully and have had a couple scale check-ins that resulted in minuses. I’m feeling a bit better and taking it day by day. I’m trying to remind myself why I’m doing it, and not just thinking of appearance or my clothes being too tight. I’m making more of a focus on my health and what values I want to live with. I don’t want to be the kind of person who gorges on food for no reason and I want to live with some measure of discipline and treat my body the way it deserves instead of punishing it in the name of ‘fun’, celebration, anxiety or any of the other triggers that cause me to go off the rails. My daily habit routine is also solid and I’m meditating most mornings and even an occasional afternoon session. I’ve realized that there are things that need to be done at a different speed than what I’m doing during some workdays. I often jump from activity to activity, topic to topic, person to person and meeting to meeting. It’s a bit of a necessity in some ways at work, but outside, it’s not helpful. I want to ensure I don’t have that mindset, especially when I’m trying to sit down and eat, to enjoy nourishing food.
Bella’s school opened up their policy about keeping kids on campus! Not sure if my chat with the woman had anything to do with it, but I’m thankful either way. I’m hoping it will help her and the other kids relax a bit and feel less trapped. She also will be coming home for Easter weekend and perhaps the remainder of the semester. Even if she returns, it’s only about 3 more weeks beyond the holiday so she will be rejoining us towards the end of April, at latest. I’m hopeful her grades are at least decent and that she feel better about her choices going forward. She will be halfway through her college career and I’m grateful she’s made it through what is hopefully the worst of it.
We got another round of stimulus money from the pandemic. On top of my recent bonus and the money we had previously been saving, our bank account is as fat as I can ever remember. We also have a great cash flow in place since paying off the mortgage and all the other savings measures we put in place. Still waiting on our tax bill for this year, as Ed has been out of commission and things are fluid with the IRS, due to covid, etc. I’m sure it’s going to be hefty, and am preparing mentally for something in the $17/$18k range. Even if that is what we owe, we’ll still be left in a great position going forward, with little debt, solid income and even some savings remaining. Grateful.
3/15/21: I connected with the woman who runs the Assumption FB group. I had been commenting on there a few days prior to talk about the quarantine, and how many kids are struggling emotionally with it. IMO, the school is very controlling in its communication methods and has done a poor job of showing kids empathy. This isn’t the first case and I am not a big fan of how they operate. It was nice of this woman to reach out and give me her contact info. She was very nice and listened to everything I had to say, and vice-versa. I don’t know if anything will come of the encounter or changes will ensure for the kids, but it felt good to get things off my chest with a real human interaction. I want to be as supportive of Bella as possible and potentially be a catalyst for change in policy, for her and the other kids who are suffering.
I had a call with Amanda and Kiernan, a mom/son who applied for Rawkstars. They were awesome. Kiernan was such an outgoing kid and he had a few different guitars in and out during our zoom call. He noticed one of my basses in the background and knew exactly what it was. He had a big personality and I really enjoyed connecting with him. His mom also seemed proactive and a good communicator. She apparently works in the mental health field and her son has an IEP at school, which currently services him with music therapy, among other support I’d imagine. I’m very grateful to get a new student on the Rawkstars program and bring some new energy. I also am looking to use his story to try and on-board some new Fan Club members. I’m planning some personal outreach to see if I can rally some folks who haven’t joined as of yet.
Made it through the weekend feeling good about my eating. I moved each day a bit and spent lots of time outside in the yard. I got our furniture setup, replaced some of the old pillows, ordered and stacked a bunch of wood for the firepit and generally cleaned up the area. Even though it’s back to being pretty cold this week, it feels nice to see the space take shape and a harbinger of spring is in the air. Thankful we are turning a corner here in New England with daylight savings and some improved weather. Even if the transition will be slow, it’s happening.
3/14/21: Continuing with a few solid days of mindful eating. I had a call on Friday with Lori DeRosa at work. She’s a friend and we somehow got on the subject of food, etc. and after telling me she was a dietician, we agreed to talk. It was good to have someone simply to unburden to and be open about my struggles. She’s a good listener and gave me some good thoughts to carry forward. Grateful to have cool, smart people in my life who are there to help.
Bonus money came in a few days back and our account is seriously flush. I know we are going to get killed on taxes so a big chunk will be gone in a few weeks, but it still feels kinda good. We should still have some funds left and I’m again thankful to be in a strong financial position, even if I’m a bit miffed at having to give Uncle Sam so much of the dough I’ve earned.
Bella is struggling a bit at Assumption. I know she hates being cooped up there and they have a policy of not letting the kids leave campus. It’s highly unfair, IMO, since they have a ton of students, teachers, staff, vendors, etc. all coming and going each day without issue. Her roommates are also struggling and the kids are trying to make the school listen, which they have proven a few times isn’t their forte. I started messaging people on the FB group in support of the kids and I’m hopeful there will be some forum and potentially some relief. I’m not a fan of the school but also want to be mindful of Bella and have her best interests in mind. I know she simply wants a fun, carefree college experience and it just hasn’t happened. I’m thankful that she is at least kind of talking to us about it instead of suffering in silence. I’m also thankful that she is involved with the other kids trying to make a ruckus. It’s important that she flex her independence and not simply sit back when she things strongly about something. Proud of her.
Ed is scheduled to have heart surgery tomorrow and I’m hopeful that he will recover and be back to his old self. He’s had a lot of health problems the last decade or so. He’s a great guy and as described in this blog, helped me tremendously, last fall when I was really suffering. I want to be there for him and return the favor and have been trying to keep in touch and keep his spirits high. Thankful to have folks I care about and ones that I can help through simply being friends. I also had Louie visit him in the hospital as he was on Lou’s floor for several days. It was nice of him to stop by and comfort Ed, with his mere presence.
3/12/21: Had a mindful eating day yesterday and it felt good. Nirav stopped over with Jody, to grab a bass I had in the closet. Always good to get an unused instrument into the hands of someone interested in using it. I’ve also got leads for 2 new Rawkstars students and am super grateful for that. We need an infusion of energy into the program and it will give me some nice runway to reach out to some as of yet unconverted Fan Club prospects. Met with Jamie and outlined a plan for her to manage and structure student intake and tracking going forward. That has been an achilles heel for Rawkstars since day one and if she can unlock that key it will be one of the greatest steps forward the organization could make. Grateful for her inclusion and work on behalf of the charity and all our future kids.
3/9/21: Connected via Zoom last night with Prof, Marc Freedman, Glen Rice and Mike Luke. I had reached out to everyone last week to see about getting together to support Paul, who is going through a divorce situation. He’s a bit introverted and I thought it might be cool to show him how many of us are there for him. It was selfishly also fun, since I don’t get to see/talk to those guys often. Generally, it’s at a gig, which is never the best time to connect with people for real since one or more or us are involved. Usually me :). Anyways, it was great to connect with those guys and catch up. Mike is still hilarious and I think I walked away having really learned something about everyone on the call. Grateful for the cool people I’ve crossed paths with.
I also had a call with the woman from ‘Not Another Diet’. Rebecca is a writer that I came across last year in a Medium series that she wrote. Her words resonated with me bit time. Not only her writing style, but the content about weight, healthy movement and permanent sustainable weight loss. Since I’ve been struggling so hard the last several months I came across her writing again and decided to reach out. Her program is 9 weeks and the first step was a personal interview. I found her awesome to talk with, smart and it made me want to jump in. That said the cost is $3k. In terms of life, if I could spend that amount and come out the other side where I want to be, it would easily be the biggest bargain of my entire life. I just don’t know if swinging that kind of money is the right thing for me. I want to believe that I can overcome this and turn things around on my own, but the truth is I haven’t been able to. It’s a big deal to ask Lisa to be ok with that kind of thing and it also puts a lot of pressure on me, which is scary. I suppose that’s probably at least part of the point. My commitment level hasn’t been where it needs to be and I’m trying to leave the door open for all the things. I want to continue to do, including parties, vacations, work, Rawkstars, etc. and let my weight problem linger. Unsure about what to do, but thankful to have met Rebecca regardless. Stay tuned…
3/8/21: Beginning stages of considering a Rawkstars event for this summer/fall. I connected with The Narrows and have an opportunity to put something together there. I also am kicking the tires on the PACC outdoor space as well as The District here in Taunton. Narrows is the most turnkey and I know what to expect there. PACC would have the most variables but I like the idea of having it in a new space and potentially outdoors, to be more covid friendly perhaps. Not sure where it will go but it’s kinda nice to have a bit of energy for something new.
I bought and assembled a gazebo for the deck. I got it together ok, but it’s a bit too small for the space :/. I looked around a ton for one I thought would fit better but just could not find anything. Most likely will have to move it down to the patio, but I’m trying to be thankful for the ‘progress’ I made?!?!
Stuttering again on food/movement and didn’t get out all weekend to exercise. Also ate poorly last night. Grateful to still be alive and able to continue to fight to make changes, even though they aren’t readily happening for me.
3/7/21: Made a nice roast chicken with carrots and potatoes for family dinner last night. I’ve gotten pretty good at this recipe and it came out awesome. I was thinking about how simply and cheap it is to feed everyone something nourishing and filling. The chicken cost maybe $8.50 and a few carrots and potatoes can’t be more than $2. The 3 of us were totally full and we still have leftovers for today. Most folks think that buying and preparing fresh foods is expensive, which it can be, but there are also plenty of budget options. I’m grateful in either case to be able to spend time making something that my family enjoys and having such easy access to it.
Watched a cool movie last night called Nomadland. Frances McDormand plays a woman who travels around living in a van, living off very little money. She finds a community of like-minded folks doing the same and develops relationships in that group. Made me think how much I haven’t seen in the country/world. I’ve done more than my fair share of travel, but really haven’t spent the time or experience being in many of those places. Would love to rent a modest RV and spend a few months rambling the country in search of nature, calm, new people and experiences outdoors. Perhaps with the work at home scenario we are facing this will be possible? Grateful that I have some flexibility in my professional life nowadays and hope that I can take more advantage by testing the waters of working elsewhere for short periods of time.
3/6/21: Great/meh news as our bonuses were officially announced. I was floored when I learned that we were going to get paid out 111% of our eligible bonus, which is simply incredible. On top of that, my team specifically were all getting an additional $2,500 for having such a tremendous year. The cash outlay is upwards of $24k, of which I’d expect to clear $15k after taxes. That news was tempered by the fact that I still owe a big amount to the IRS for the 401k distribution I took last year. Of course I knew that was out there, but something about the passage of time has a way of dulling the experience. I had set aside about $16k in expected tax implications, but then decided to ‘save it’, by paying down our home equity line. I could certainly take it back out, but now I’ll be getting a replenish from Hasbro. It’s as if they are sweeping in to cover (most) of my tax bill. It’s truly incredible, and the end result (once we actually file and pay) is that we’ll have used the 401k advance to fully pay our home mortgage, Lisa’s car and our home equity line off 100%. Trying to remind myself of how truly great that situation is, but honestly thinking about getting such a windfall and sending all to Uncle Sam hurts a bit, even if I am grateful for our financial position :/
Went over Nirav’s house last night for a hang. Met up with his new girlfriend who seemed really cool. He also had another friend who met us and later in the night, Lisa stopped by with Lolita and Lynne, since they were out on the town in Providence coincidentally. It was cool to mix with some new faces, although I wound up having a few drinks, even though I told myself I was going to be on the wagon for a while. I didn’t overdo it at least. I’ve been friends with Nirav since I started at Hasbro and he’s a cool guy to hang with. Grateful to have some different friend groups and grateful I was able to mitigate my drinking/eating to nominal levels of excess.
3/5/21: Continuing with the mindful week, my morning mediations have been amazing. I am really digging the pattern of doing it first thing, before I even get water or coffee or anything, and am thankful to have given that another try. We had a late team meeting yesterday in which Kathryn joined. Unusual and I expected her to thank us for having such a strong 2020. She did in fact do that, but also dropped a nice bombshell that we were all going to get additional bonus money! She said that Dolph recommended it for us, which is simply another amazing bit of news. So damn thankful for Hasbro.
I had a great meeting with Dave and John from GBKF yesterday also. I walked them through the deck that Michelle from MMGT had created, after making some modifications on my own. I left with a strong feeling they may continue to support us. I outlined the plan to continue working with Jamie and in bringing MMGT on for 25 hours per month for a yearlong engagement. Total cost of about $21,000. Regardless, it felt good to walk through those details with someone and it gave me confidence I could do that again with others. Of course I’m hopeful they will come back with another grant for us, but even if they don’t it was a good experience and I’m super thankful for everything they have already done for us.
3/4/21: Good patterns continuing the last few days. Starting the day with the meditation, before I even go upstairs, has been feeling nice. I had an outdoor walk yesterday by myself. It wasn’t super cold and I figured it was preferable vs. walking inside the gym. I took a leap and signed up for an intro call with this woman Rebecca Thomas, who I’ve been reading sporadically for the last year or so. She has a program called ‘Not Another Diet’ that I really dig and figured I’d see it it feels like a fit. I do feel like I could use some coaching/learning/accountability and a plan I can ‘live’ with. I’m grateful to be able to have enough motivation to continue to seek answers and self-improvement, even when I’m struggling.
Had a call with Jack VL yesterday and it was nice to catch up with him. I also took point and texted Glen Rice, Mike Luke and Marc Freedman, to organize a zoom call. They are all close with Prof, who is going through some relationship changes. I spoke with him last week and I figured he could use some laughs with old friends. In all honesty, I think it will be excellent for all of us, since we don’t see or connect with each other that often. I’m thankful to have folks in my life I feel comfortable reaching out to and plenty who have open hearts and willing to be there for one another.
Work continues to be challenging, busy and enjoyable. We are on the verge of getting annual bonuses so the ‘vibe’ in the air has been positive, more than usual. Super fortunate to have such a great working setup, and feeling happy with how I’m spending my time and being financially rewarded for it. Truly special.
3/3/21: Had a strong, mindful day yesterday. Started out with my 20 minute meditation, which I had been neglecting for a while. I decided to return to doing it in the morning, first thing, which used to be my pattern. I think it gives more grounding to my day and allows me to start in a good place, if nothing else. Had a reasonable amount of food throughout the day and paid attention to the fact that I really wasn’t hungry. I generally eat regardless of hunger and I want to remind myself that the goal isn’t to consume as much as possible, even while being mindful.
I also got to the gym for some cycling. It was nice to get my heart going and feel my body work. I had been thinking about getting my ‘real bike’ out but yesterday was brutally cold and windy. I’m planning to see if I can do that the next day when it is reasonably mild. I want to try and do my moving outside when possible, to get the extra benefits of sun and fresh air.
Work continues to be a source of awesomeness and positive energy. I’ve got lots of projects in the pipeline and enjoying all of them. I continue to connect with great people and meet new folks all around the company. Yesterday I was added to a group of ‘internal influencers’ where I met 3 brand new folks. I also have been participating in the ‘Purpose’ committee to put together the kickoff to draft a new purpose statement for the company. I’m interacting with new folks there and understanding more about the company overall.
3/2/21: Sousa’s funeral was yesterday. Wake for immediate family followed by church and then the graveyard. Lastly, we wound up for lunch. All in all it was pretty social for a funeral. She had such a long life and was not in great shape the last couple years, so it wasn’t particularly sad, for me at least, and I felt that from others. I’m super grateful to be part of such an amazing family. I genuinely love all those folks and feel love reciprocated towards me. I got to catch up with many of the older crowd that I don’t see as often. I’m also thankful for my in-laws. It’s been a rough stretch for them and I’m hoping this transition will ease their suffering, especially Olga. She has been taking care of others her entire life and finally seems to be at the end of that cycle. I’m wishing that she will use the downtime to take care of herself and Joe and enjoy life a bit more outside the home. They deserve it so much.
2/24/21: As evidenced, this is my first post in a week. Not sure what the root cause of my malaise is. I’m doing great at the office and things are good between Lisa and I. The kids are good and our family finances are in as good a shape as I can recall. My personal health is not great. I’ve been overeating since October and am at my highest weight in several years. I’m also not being mindful, as shown by my lack of writing, meditating and general physical activity. I’m blaming some of it on winter doldrums, which is a real thing for me, but there’s something more. I’m grateful to be alive today for another chance to figure it out and turn things around.
Sousa passed away last night. It’s been a long time coming and she hasn’t been well for quite some time. I know it’s going to be tough on Mrs. Bento more than anyone. She is so tightly associated with her mother and I worry that she is going to beat herself up about it in death as she did while she was alive. She is such a great lady and deserves some peace and time to care for herself, after so many years of caring for her mother. I’m hopeful that comes in time. I know the kids made fun of Sousa and she was a tough lady, especially with Mrs. B. That said, I remember all the conversations we had where I tried to speak Portuguese to her. She really liked that and I will always crack a smile thinking about the little ways I would make her laugh. Also thankful to still have my own Nana, who is 99, but still very healthy and ‘with it’.
2/17/21: Continuing with the pattern of hitting the gym late afternoons and eating well. I am feeling a bit better and made it through a full week of mindful eating/movement. Nice to notice even a tiny change in the way I feel and look. Grateful to have a bit of momentum after a rough few months on the health front.
Lisa has been making some really nice, creative and healthy dinners lately. She always cooks and 9 times out of ten it’s something pretty awesome. That said I can tell she is motivated more lately to come up with special dinners for us. I’m thankful to have a wife who is such a good cook and cares so much about what we eat. I’m also thankful to be able to enjoy something healthy and delicious with my wife and son each night.
Work has been pretty inspired lately too. Continuing to connect with new people across the company. Lately, I’ve been learning a lot and meeting HR folks as I move to pickup the Hello Hasbro torch. I feel excited about the progress and the future prospects of building this out to a larger audience with improved materials and programming. I’m grateful to have been given this responsibility and opportunity to improve a small piece of the Hasbro pie. Also getting closer to the official launch of Hasbro Game Changers, the new philanthropic initiative I’m leading with Sarah. The internal announcement comes next week and I’m feeling pretty close to buttoned up. I enjoy teaming up with Sarah very much. We have similar work styles but also compliment each other. She’s a super hard worker and extremely smart and driven. Thankful to have a teammate that pushes me and makes work more enjoyable and productive for the business.
2/14/21: Lisa and I did an overnight down in Providence on Friday. I saw a note that Emily Bawn from Hasbro was playing a few sets with her acoustic duo at some little pub. I definitely wanted to go, given the dearth of live music in my life the last year. Instead of rushing down, watching my drinking and heading home I decided to grab a room at the Marriott. It was nice and gave us a chance to unwind a bit. Nothing fancy, we stopped at a couple different bars, had some tequilas and then sat and watched Emily and her guitar player. They were really good and we had a fun night. Grateful for the ability to make special nights whenever we want and to be able to afford small luxuries. Also grateful to have seen Emily perform finally. They were excellent and I’m guessing that we will do some kind of music project together down the road.
I’ve continued a solid week of mindful eating and movement. I made it to the gym all 5 weekdays and didn’t overeat or consume anything awful. It’s hard feeling like I’ve veered so far off the path that it’s going to take quite some time to return to the place I was previously, hovering around 235. That said, I’m at least starting and trying to be in the present, one day at a time. I know that’s the path to resolution and at least for this week I’ve been able to breathe through the temptation to give up. Thankful.
2/11/21: Mary Wilson passed away. Made me sad as I have such reverence for The Supremes. Not sure why, but it hit me more than most of the other artist passings, probably because of the music. When a rock icon or tough guy metalhead passes it seems like the nature of things. Perhaps the fact that she was a woman? She’s also someone who performed with such grace and outside the spotlight on songs that touch my heart. In any case, I’m super thankful for her music and the fact that it touched my soul so deeply. I’m also thankful that I got to see Diana Ross (2x) Aretha, Temptations, Four Tops and other Motown acts before they are all gone. Some of the most important music in my life right there.
Work has been ramping up lately, in a good way. I’m taking over a program called Hello Hasbro that is fairly visible and has a good foundational grounding. I’m also continuing to put together ‘Hasbro Game Changers” with Sarah, which has been fun. She’s a great collaborator and super smart/hard working. The event will come to fruition at the end of March and has the potential to become a tent-pole event on the Hasbro/Philanthropy calendar. Lastly, I’m connecting with more and more new folks around the company. Most recently, I’m jumping in with our new sister team in CSR to work with some consultants on a report around risk in human rights, beyond the supply chain. It’s a totally new area for me, but represents such importance in our ‘purpose’ driven mission and I’m hopeful to bring some new perspective to the project as well as learn a lot about Hasbro’s business outside the US.
Had a few positive Rawkstars calls this week as well. Connected with Doga, which is always inspirational. I love the video world and when we connect I tend to get a flow of ideas. I also had a Zoom with Sarah Edrie, who I knew a hundred years ago at Digitas, round 1. She is super smart and talented as well as creative. We talked about charity work and music and I’m hopeful we can collaborate on something in either realm down the road. On Friday I’m going to Zoom with Bob Sylvester and Steve Sera, guys I knew from my NESN/Fleet Center days. Much of this came about after I updated my job title on LinkedIn. I got a barrage of notes from people that I haven’t spoken to in ages, which was really nice. I’m genuinely thankful to have developed so many amazing relationships in my career and in my life. I enjoy people terrifically and it’s a great source of joy to reconnect with so many and catch up. It’s a great perspective on the positivity and success that so many people I know are fortunate to enjoy.
2/8/21: Pretty sure I’ve written this before, but yesterday was the Superbowl and guess what, Tom Brady won. Technically, I suppose the TB Bucs won, but TB12 was the catalyst. No matter that he is no long QB for New England, I rooted for him just as hard. Really enjoyable to watch as he dismantled the heavily favored Chiefs. It’s cartoonish to see what he’s personally done in sports and to cap it off, he really seems like he has his shit together. He manages to achieve and push himself despite the level of success he’s already accomplished. Really happy for the guy personally and grateful to have lived through this era in sports being so closely connected to watching what he’s done.
Lisa came home from her weekend in NH and it felt great to have her back. It was nice to be alone with Q for a couple days but we both missed her. I know she enjoyed the time away as well and I’m sure it gave her perspective on being home, as going away always does. Grateful we are doing well as a couple, family and friends lately.
2/7/21: Got to the gym for a walk yesterday. I felt pretty good for the first part of the day, but then overdid it at dinner and afterward ate ice cream. While I am not psyched about how my trajectory has been going, I’m holding on to the tiny fact that I got moving a bit. I know it doesn’t seem like much but when you’re in a funk, even small victories are meaningful. I also did some reading for the first time in a while. Lanzetta gave me a book for my b-day about the Patriots dynasty and I started it last night. Felt good to sit with a book, which is another area I’ve been procrastinating on. Spent some time with the bass and trying to get back to learning Little Dreamer. I got most of it down though I need to work on the speed and clarity of my playing. Not sure what it’s going to take to snap me out of the rut I’m in physically but these types of baby steps are good.
2/5/21: Lisa headed out for a weekend up in NH with the gym chicks. I’m thankful she has an outlet to spend time with friends outside the house. She’s been stuck here more than anyone for the last year and although she makes the most of it by exercising and walking most days, I know she needs more emotional connection. Since Bella is at school it will be me and Q for the next couple days. I don’t expect we’ll do anything super special, but it will be nice to connect with him perhaps a bit more personally in whatever form that takes. Thankful for time with him and for everyone to have a bit of their own space from time to time.
2/4/21: Dropped off our taxes yesterday with Ed. Always enjoy our visits and catching up on money as well as personal stuff. Grateful I have someone I trust with financial help that’s also a long time friend. This is a big year for us tax-wise, having taken a large disbursement to pay off the mortgage, and other bills. Not positive how it’s going to impact us but hopeful we get lucky and pay a reduced penalty as a result of covid exemptions. In any case, thankful to be in a good position financially and to have someone like Ed helping out with the tax angle.
2/3/21: It’s been tough lately as I’m not ‘feeling’ the gratitude. Mostly it stems from my lack of physical exercise and poor eating that have plagued me all fall/winter. Since late September, when I turned the corner with the job/depression, I’ve struggled with my weight and movement and body. Still stuck in that same gear and seemingly unable to move the needle. I know that isn’t really true but I’m feeling really stagnant. Despite the fact that my calendar isn’t too heavy and I certainly have capacity in my day to take care of myself, I am doing the opposite.
I’m thankful for heat, power and the basic foundations of my daily life. Without those, things would be much tougher and it’s so easy to take them for granted.
2/2/21: Baked a loaf of crusty bread yesterday. Thankful for the time, ability and interest in doing something like that. I started making bread a couple years ago. I’m no master, but I have a tried and true recipe that is super simple, takes only 5 ingredients and comes out super yummy. Lisa made a vegetable stew, so we had some nice hot soup and homemade bread for dinner. It’s been cold and snowy so the comfort of food like this is really nice. Grateful to never have to worry about food.
1/31/21: Dropped Bella off at Assumption yesterday. She hasn’t been on campus for 10 months. It was kind of eerie in that the school was fairly deserted. I drove up behind her and we both had our cars loaded with stuff. She has a great little apartment setup with 2 other girls. Much better than the dorm room she had last year as a Freshman. Building seemed nice, clean and safe. I’m happy for her and know she needs to keep going on her path as opposed to being stuck at home for however many more months. I’m also hopeful that being away from home will help her focus more on the actual school work and content. She’s got Subway and lots of other distractions at home and I’m thinking that she’ll be able to concentrate more being up there. I want her to finish the school and feel confident that she’s learned what she needs to get into the chemistry field and start figuring out her path. It’s also good perspective for her to be away from the house and feel what it’s like to be on her own. She also emptied most of her bank account and gave me a check for $8000 to put towards her next semester payment. She’s a really good saver and with what we already had set aside, she should have close to enough to cover the entire 5th payment. Only 3 more to figure out and she hasn’t yet had to borrow a dime. Grateful.
1/28/21: Connected with Jack VL yesterday for the first time in months. Was good to catch up with him and connect about all the goings on of the last few months. I also had a call with Jonas, which was also productive and friendly. He offered his services for the RS Board and I need to figure out how to take him up on that and get something more formal in place.
Feeling pretty decent again today after the quarantine period officially ended. Been 10 days since we’ve really been anyplace besides a few car rides and walks for fresh air. Glad we all made it through without killing each other. Lisa and I are in a friendlier place as well, which makes me really grateful.
Work is starting to clarify more each day. After a couple weeks of ramp up for the group and me working on my job details with HR and others, things are starting to come together. Looks like I’m going to be leading up this ’employee journey’ project this year as part of the Employee Experience side. I’ll be officially taking on Hello Hasbro, which is an on-boarding program we run for new employees. They want that program to be refreshed, and be just one pillar across a portfolio of programs intended to result in more connected employees. There’s plenty of work there and it will be nice to lead something up and build it. On the Philanthropy side, I’ve already taken point on a new project we are calling Game Changers, to allow employees to nominate smaller nonprofits that have meaning to them in furtherance of winning a grant for that organization. It’s coming together nicely and has the chance to become a pillar event on the GPSI calendar for years to come.
Excited and thankful to have some meaty things to work on and keep me motivated at work through the rest of this winter. Things that will touch employees personally as they start their own Hasbro journey and causes they are close to, for longer tenured teammates.
1/27/21: Feeling solid again today, so I think I’m beyond the worst part of covid. Tomorrow is officially 10 days of quarantine for us and everyone seems on good footing. Bella is preparing to move on Friday as mentioned, after being cleared to return. She cleaned her room and has most of her stuff packed already. She’s definitely anxious to start the next chapter and I can’t say as I blame her. Lisa will be taking her tomorrow to finish a list of errands and I think I’ll be dropping her off on Friday, so long as I still feel well. We’re going to miss her but of course, time marches on, and I know it will be a good experience for her, and for us by extension. Thankful she is going to return to some semblance of college life.
Snowed a bit last night and again this morning. The nice, beautiful kind of snow. Since we don’t need to commute, there’s no rush on shoveling out and at the moment, it’s simply falling slowly and peacefully. The world quiets down a lot when it’s covered with a layer of powder and before the madness of plowing takes place, it’s so peaceful and beautiful. While I’ll never be confused with a fan of the cold weather, times like this are pretty nice and I’m thankful to be able to experience it that way, even nowadays.
1/26/21: Thinking I’ve turned the corner (again) on the covid. I felt a backslide the last couple days but today woke up again and my body feels more normal. Hoping it lasts this time and that I can back to a regular state of daily energy and increase my activity levels. Grateful to be on the mend and for the prospect of feeling stronger.
Bella got good news about returning to Assumption on Friday. We were worried she wouldn’t pass the covid test required to return to school. After reaching out to them and getting a note from her doctor, she is going to be allowed to return on Friday as planned. It’s going to be weird again not having her around but I know it’s for the best on her side. She really has handled being home well enough but I know she is desperate to return to some kind of college experience and being on her own, even if it’s not what she started out with. I’m glad for her to have another chance at college life and think her studies will benefit from being away with fewer distractions.
1/25/21: Feeling better as we all recover, slowly, from covid. The kids seem mostly fine, especially Quincy. Lisa has limited symptoms, mainly the loss of taste and smell. My symptoms have been persistent and have me feeling a bit more ‘sick’. On Saturday, I felt really good, almost as if it were all in the rear view mirror, but yesterday I returned to mild chills and achy muscles. Today I feel a bit of that also. I’m grateful to be on the mend and not have been devastated by covid, even if the frustration associated is high.
Bella is starting her first week of the college semester today, remotely. She’s supposed to return to the campus on Friday, provided she can pass the covid test. Fingers crossed for her as I know she really needs to get some time with her friends and be out of the house for a while. She’s got a tough semester of classes ahead and my hope is she will be able to focus better being over there and without the distractions of being home and without having to take shifts at Subway.
Watched TB12 make his 10th superbowl yesterday and first with Tampa Bay. Dude continues to be a marvel and I am rooting for him just as hard as I was when he was leading the Patriots to all those magical moments. It’s fun to follow his career and see the hard work, focus and commitment front and center. Thankful to have been around for his 20+ year run of unprecedented greatness.
1/22/21: Things have mellowed at the house. Nothing tipped and we didn’t really close the conversation but we both have been able to lower the drama and it feels good. I’ve been feeling pretty crappy and both kids officially tested positive in the last 24 hours. It’s been a rough week, but I’m thankful that everyone else seems to be feeling somewhat better. It’s been a pendulum for me, where I start to feel improvement then backslide. Still having body aches and my sense of taste/smell has dulled significantly. I feel tired almost constantly. In a way, being in it together helps and we don’t have to be as careful around the house as we were earlier in the week when we weren’t sure of the kids’ status. Thankful we are hanging in there and really hoping for iterative improvement for myself and a return to a normal body temp at least.
1/21/21: Last few days have been trying. I’m still sick but improving. This morning, I feel better than yesterday for sure and hopefully have turned the corner. Kids went for testing yesterday but ETA on results is a few days, since they didn’t have the rapid version that we took.
Lisa and I have been fighting. Started when she gave me a hard time about tossing the last remnants of a bag of popcorn I bought a few days back. I was eating it absentmindedly on Tuesday night watching TV. Typically, I overdid it and felt like shit the next morning. When I saw the last bits of popcorn in the bag, I couldn’t get rid of it fast enough and dropped it in the trash. Of course Lisa saw that the next morning and confronted me about it, asking why I didn’t offer it to her or ask before discarding it. She feels like I don’t listen to her and that I don’t care about her feelings. I can see in hindsight that she may feel that way, but if I’m being honest, it feels so petty to me. Tossing it was simply an act of disgust for myself and my own lack of self-control. It’s always been a trigger food for me, yet still I struggle to enjoy it mindfully. All I could think of was to get that shit out of the house. I mean, it was a 10/th of a bag of popcorn for crying out loud. It’s more of a signal of my behavior for her, clearly. We definitely have had poor communication and are generally not on the same page for the last while. I don’t know exactly why that is, but of course it’s a combination of things. Guessing the corona and Lisa’s personal situation have something to do with it. I don’t think she’s ‘liked me’ for quite some time. I’m far from perfect, as all of us are. I of course occasionally say and do the wrong thing. I am not always mindful of her feelings, just as she is not always aware or mindful of mine. I’m at a bit of a loss as to how to make things better. I know that love and compassion are the answer but am finding it hard to muster those feelings at the moment. I feel hurt by the constant need to re-affirm that I’m not a complete asshole in her mind.
Since I’m supposed to be writing about gratitude, I’ll lean on the fact that I’m feeling better and hopefully recovering from the covid.
1/19/21: Been sick the last day+. Lisa said she was feeling crummy a couple days ago and then I started feeling it Sunday afternoon. She told us that some of the gym chicks had been getting sick and feverish, so many that the gym is closed for a bit. I’ve been up/down with chills, muscle aches, headache and clearing my throat incessantly. I’m not hellaciously sick, but definitely showing the symptoms of covid. Lisa and I have been trying to quarantine downstairs to stay away from the kids as best as possible. We are both getting tested this afternoon. Bella also reported feeling under the weather and I scheduled tests for her and Q tomorrow afternoon. Fingers crossed that it moves through quickly and we can keep it under wraps so nobody else gets infected. Suppose it’s just a matter of time for most people to get the virus and I’m trying to keep positive until I get the test results. Thankful that we have access to health care, glad that we have all been pretty healthy despite feeling sick and thankful that we have each other to get through this scenario.
Lisa seems to be feeling pretty sensitive about it. Probably because it seems like she may have brought it in the house through the gym. She’s also been the most vulnerable these last several months as she doesn’t have work, music or anything else to occupy her time/mind. Hoping we can get through this quickly and that she can return to some semblance of activity in the coming weeks, one way or another.
1/17/21: My Epiphone Thunderbird got delivered yesterday. Again, I’ll reiterate my thankfulness over being able to occasionally treat myself, even if it’s most likely excessive. I don’t feel like that’s my typical M.O. but like everyone, it happens sometimes. The bass is gorgeous but not as high end of an instrument as the Fender. Still, I’m psyched with the direction I’m taking with the guitars and I’ve been continuing to jam along with the new songs and feeling good. I’d like to start some more structured learning, with some youtube lessons or something. I’m planning to look into that this week and give it a whirl. I think with some focus I can really make progress on my playing.
Made it to the gym again yesterday. Nothing heavy, but walking for 30+ minutes has been a good starting point. Feels good to string together some days of mindful eating and low impact exercise. Grateful for some energy to treat my body as it deserves.
1/16/21: Spent about an hour playing songs last night. Lisa was out with the girls and the kids were occupied. My new bass came in a few days back and I’ve been enjoying exploring it. I started officially trying to put Shine Mk. 3 together to do a metal set. I asked Kevin and Jim and both are in. I’ve got about 5 songs that I already mostly know and I have another few in my back pocket. Ideally, I’d like to have a few rehearsals, then record and perform a short set ‘live’, either streamed from a venue or the house/studio/etc. We’ll see how things unfold but I’m grateful to potentially have a plan and a path to working on that.
I’ve strung together a few days of mindful eating. I made it to the gym yesterday for a walk and it felt good to move and be around other people. Long way to go but it was a nice reminder that you can start to feel better in just a few days of improving your habits. I’ve also been more mindful in general and able to breathe through situations during the day instead of reacting or blowing past my feelings. Grateful for moments of clarity.
1/14/21: I’m alive. I’m relatively healthy. I have plenty to eat and drink. I live in a warm home. I have a good job. I have a family that loves each other. Trying to stick to basics lately in an attempt to reset (yes, again). It’s good to remind ourselves of these simple truths, especially when they become obscured by emotions and other feelings of being unsettled. Thankful for the reminder.
1/12/21: Weather has been wintery cold lately. Grateful for heat and having a home that is warm(ish).
We’re afforded such luxuries that were only available to kings not that long ago. We have so many things like this to take for granted, sometimes it’s helpful to simply recognize them.
We met with Kathrin yesterday as a team. She is the newly minted Chief Purpose Officer at Hasbro and Global Philanthropy will be rolling up to her. It’s a very exciting time for our area and she seems like a really down to earth person. Really looking forward to the energy of a C-level executive directly overseeing my area and getting to know Kathrin and the extended team. I feel like I’m joining at an opportune time when our programs are needed and also being supported financially by the company at large. Having someone with the skills to elevate our team will be awesome and I look forward to being a contributor to the effort. Grateful.
1/11/21: Missing posts lately, due to a lack of mindfulness. Trying to get back on track, but struggling mightily with food and lack of movement. Over the weekend we met up with the Cannon’s for a couple drinks. It was nice to connect with them and also nice to be out of the house for a change.
Yesterday, I dropped off an Epiphone Les Paul to Noah. I’ve had it for about a year and it’s sat untouched. I know Noah really doesn’t need another instrument, but I’m hoping to see the guitar used and loved by someone. Having instruments sit unplayed is kind of sad. Hopeful it brings him a bit of joy and that it gets some fingers laid on it. I also think I found a home for the cello that Peter gave us a couple weeks back. Bella’s friend Courtney needs one for college and it will be nice to pair her up with the instrument and see it come out of the closet.
I’ve been practicing a bit more than usual, which is one area I feel like I’m making some progress. I also pulled the trigger on buying not one, but TWO basses. I know it seems excessive and most likely is. That said, I had been trolling the music sites for weeks looking for a new guitar. I sold off 2 Rawkstars instruments and one of my own basses last week, so I felt it was a good time to make an addition. As I started deciding what I wanted, there were two instruments I was going back and forth about. I called musiciansfriend and got a 15% coupon to combine them into one purchase, so I decided WTF, and pulled the trigger. They should arrive later this week and I’m grateful to be in a position to buy nice things I want, even if they are not necessary. It definitely wasn’t the most mindful decision, and I spent money out of desire for sure. Still, I’m thankful to be able to do that from time to time without impacting my quality of life and still keeping all my obligations afloat. It’ll be a good investment if I’m able to sustain my motivation with practicing. Improving as a musician is definitely a goal I have this year and am off to a decent start, by at least more frequent noodling.
1/7/21: Slow couple of days. As mentioned below, the transition back to work has been gradual. I’ve been working to finalize my job description and discuss what areas I’ll cover with my new role. Had a couple calls to this effect and next step is to submit the eval and description to HR formally. I’m anticipating it will take a few weeks to go through all the steps, but feeling more confident about the outcome and less concerned that I’m going to be ‘taken back’, since I believe everyone is aware and on board at this point.
Sold some basses to Ralph Whittemore this week. I posted pics of the 2 that Zeus donated and figured while I was at it I would try and sell my 75 Jazz replica. Ralph took all 3 for $1k. I wanted someone to feel like they got a really good deal, as opposed to haggling for the most money. I think that was a super fair price and Ralph seemed happy with all the guitars. I’ve put 1/2 into Rawkstars and will keep $500 from my ’75 to go towards a new purchase at some point. I was immediately struck with ‘seller’s remorse’ about my ’75, but I know it’s a natural feeling and am glad I pulled the trigger to lessen my collection and benefit Rawkstars at the same time. Also grateful for generous friends, both Ralph and Zeus, who together brought $500 to Rawkstars this week.
There were 2 late donations just before New Year, and along with the money from the sale, we are starting the year with nearly $23k in the bank. Not too shabby considering where we were around March, when the OMG rift was happening along with the start of the pandemic. Along with the solid bank balance, we are also pulling in an average of nearly $1600 monthly, which is almost enough to cover all our monthly bills, meaning some of our reserves can be safely used towards new projects, equipment or other activities to benefit the kids and Rawkstars overall. Grateful for the opportunity to serve this music community in more ways and add new students in 2021.
1/4/21: Back to work this morning. Been a looong 2 weeks off. Strange transition for me. Prior to the vacation, I spent about 3 months going 90mph and then a few weeks going about 120mph. Then, like dropping off a cliff, the holiday break came. The first few days I continued to login to ‘work’ out of habit, even though I had nothing to do and very few people were online. I didn’t spend all day, but felt uncomfortable enough in breaking the pattern so abruptly. Then over the last 10 days or so, I slipped into much sloth. I’ve continued to eat poorly for the most part, after 3-4 days of feeling better and moving. We continued with lots of ‘nesting’ around the house and really did a nice job purging a lot of cruft from the house, especially downstairs. I cleaned out the music room a lot and it’s much better organized now. I’d still like to get rid of some instruments and turn them into $ for Rawkstars, but that will have to come slowly. We also cleared a lot of junk out of the bedroom/bathroom/closet areas. I purged a ton of the old tequila bottles and reorganized the bookshelves. Lisa did a lot of cleaning and helped with purging some stuff to donate and toss as well. Overall it looks and feels much better. I’d like to spend a few bucks maybe replacing some lights, getting some plumbing done in the upstairs bathroom and maybe freshening up some small items, but the last few weeks was a good start. We also managed to shave some more small expenses from our monthly budget. I finally cut the cord with Verizon and we swapped over to YouTube TV. We didn’t save a ton, but will probably end up about $20 a month less. We have no contracts for cable or internet service and got rid of all the wires and boxes, which also felt good. I also paused our YouTube premium, which is another $15 per month savings. They are small items but it feels good to reign things in and keep more of the money we make for ourselves or to reallocate. Thankful for the rollercoaster that was 2020 and also to be starting 21 on such solid footing. I know it won’t last, but I’m grateful for the ride and where I am at today, right now.
1/2/21: Quiet day at home yesterday. Visited the Azalea property, to measure for a new fridge. It was the first time I’d been over since the dishwasher incident with Bob. It was slightly awkward but he and his wife were very pleasant. He’s not a horrible guy but I was pretty shaken by the abusive tirade he launched at me last year. It led to a positive outcome in that Nexus has been a nice partner in managing the property. I could envision working with them for our other rentals and if things change moving forward with tenants, etc. that could be an option. In any case, I bought them a new fridge and it should be delivered next week. I’m thankful to have paying tenants in all 3 of our properties and making money from those investments, without a tremendous amount of overhead or stress.
We also paid our first quarterly real estate bill, post mortgage. It was timely in that we received the newest stimulus check from Uncle Sam on the same day. We were able to pay that bill as well as cover the fridge and only had to dip into our slush fund for the difference. Very thankful for being in a solid financial position going into the new year.
1/1/21: Mellow NYE at home last night with the family. We did ‘breakfast for dinner’ and made eggs, bacon, waffles and bagels with chive cheese and lox. All 4 of us were home and enjoyed the meal. We talked about people who passed away as well as things that were positive in 2020. Thankful on so many levels to have such a great family to share this life with.
Bella went out to meet some friends and Lisa, Q and I hung in. We watched some TV, had a few laughs and snacks and I officially went to bed just after midnight. Grateful to have survived another year. It was challenging, mostly in the first half and not as much because of the pandemic. So thankful to be heading in a new direction with work, in an amazing position to have a great year with Rawkstars and to be on such solid financial footing. Hopeful 2021 can be a positive year on the weight/health side for me, while keeping the rest going as well. I know whatever comes I can survive it and will simply do my best each day and start again as needed.
