I use this space to write about things I am grateful for on a daily basis. I try to identify something that happened the prior day as a reminder of all the amazing people, activities and experiences I am blessed to enjoy. The format is loose but the intention is to develop a habit of gratitude to better frame my day and awareness over time. Most days, my morning routine includes some combination of (meditation / light stretching / pushups / 4-7-8 breathing), drinking a glass of water, making a pot of strong black coffee, and writing a brief note below. The intention is to remind myself of all the awesomeness in my life, big and small. Sometimes it becomes more of a diary.
12/31/23: New Years Eve!? It’s been quite a rollercoaster year to say the least. More change here at home than I can recall at any other time. I’ve been reflecting on it all with gratitude for where I/we have come. All of us had seismic shifts this year. Me in terms of Hasbro and my resultant mental health crisis. And yes, it was a full on crisis. Lisa pushed through the inertia that seemed to keep her from going back to work. That really helped stabilize things at home and for me emotionally. It gave the family much needed health insurance and made me feel really supported with less weight on my shoulders. I think it might have brought Lisa a modicum of satisfaction and confidence being more of a financial contributor to the home, and seeing that she still has plenty of skills to offer a company. She’s contributed to our collective family success in many ways, and I’m proud of her for taking this difficult leap. Bella finished college, started her first professional job in chemistry and moved into the Lamarche house. She’s also on the precipice of now moving into her own condo with Cam in a few weeks. Q has become the leading musician in the family, started driving his own car and met Erin, who he’s been dating for nearly an entire year already?! Of course there were tons of smaller bits along the way but this is a lot of big change for one family of four. Good news is all of them are positive, or at least have become so with the passage of time. I’m thankful for the family in every way, especially Lisa. 2023 hasn’t been our best year for sure, and a lot of that is on me. That aside, she’s always stuck with me through thick and thin and I genuinely love her for it. She’s tough and resilient and gives me a complimentary perspective on my own weaknesses, which are different than hers. Even in rough times, together we have made a pretty awesome life with success and joy in almost too many ways to count. Lucky.
12/28/23: Continuing to get the studio space in shape and running. The goal is to be able to record and get on the path to learning the software. I also want to be able to run the band through the PA using Logic when we rehearse. I’m struggling to figure out some of the routing for monitoring as well as having both interfaces connected together and sync’ed with the DAW. Inching closer and I reached out to Joe Merrick for some help. He’s gonna come by Sunday and spend a few hours helping me out. Thankful to have smart friends like that and for having the resources to purchase this gear. I’ve been buying some stuff that’s probably ‘optional’, because our financial status is strong. I also moved a few grand into Quincy’s college fund as well as padding for our HSA account. Again, thankful to be in a good place financially and to be able to provide for the kids as well as our health expenses, on top of all our ‘regular’ shit.
12/27/23: Quincy had a party last night since the kids are on vaca from school. His friends called me outside after a while to do a shot with them. They were chanting ‘Mr Jacobs’ and egging me on. I don’t usually join them and don’t want to be a party-parent with the kids’ friends, even though I like them all and don’t mind them having fun at the house. They also pitched in and bought me and Lisa a $100 gift card for PVD Oyster Bar, which was super duper nice. I’m thankful he has such a great group of friends, as Bella also did when she was here. Makes a huge impact on how the kids behave, learn, grow and achieve. Speaking of which, Bella told us she and Cam applied for an apartment in Worcester, which they got approved for. It’s a beautiful, new building and a high-end type condo, not a starter apartment like we had as kids. At first when she told us they were looking, I was kinda bummed as I assumed she was gonna have a decent runway at the LaMarche place and have a chance to legitimately save a lot of money. I want her to accumulate enough to get into a house as soon as possible, as I know from experience it’s the best path to acquiring a super valuable asset and eventual financial independence. Lisa had a more attuned opinion and reminded me about how we felt when we were kids and getting into our first apartments. I know it’s the right attitude and I’m super happy for Bella and Cam. I know in my heart they will be ok down the road and figure out the money stuff in their own time. It’s hard for me to let go of the idea of them doing things ‘correctly’ instead of going with their heart. Thankful Lisa can give me perspective in areas where my own is off base.
12/26/23: Xmas came and went. It was a nice week leading up and yesterday was also fun. Typical, as we went to the Bento’s for lunch and ate a ton! Bella, Cam and Q as well as Logan and Caden were there too. Enjoyed a nice meal and some family time. The weather was also super warm, which allowed a bit of outside time in the sun, bonus! We exchanged gifts, nothing too fancy of course. Q gave us a nice card and a picture of Lisa and I from the gig 🙂 Bella & Cam joined the RS fan club, which was also super cool. We gave the kids tickets to events, Bella to Pete Davidson and Quincy to Jordan Peterson. I got tix for Lisa and I to Dice Clay and Sarah MacLachlan, both of which should be awesome this coming year. Still working on cruise control a bit through this week to close out the year hopefully in a peaceful, balanced and grateful way. 2024 is going to be a big one for us I believe and I’m thankful to have the chance to make it so!
12/24/23: Lost 1.2 lbs :). Doesn’t seem like much but given my state of inactivity/food intake the last few months, it’s the first time in a bit I’ve felt any sort of traction in a positive direction. I managed to eat within the 10:30 – 7:30 pattern most of the week, without really feeling deprived. I also ate pizza and even a few snacks this weekend, so it was far from perfect, but effective nonetheless. I started listening to Eckert Tolle’s ‘The Power of Now’ on spotify. I’ve had the book for years but never managed to get very far along with it. Listening is much easier to digest and it’s been really powerful to listen in the car. I’m trying to immerse myself in the ideas contained in it, which hit me very personally. It’s hard to even fathom someone being that insightful and on point with such huge ideas about life, but he manages to explain it in a way I’ve not felt before. I’ve also been pretty diligent with my morning routine of including some ‘good morning’ stretches, along with the 478 breathing and finishing with a few moments of silent prayer. None of these things sound huge, but together have given me at least a modicum of momentum and I’m feeling solid this week. Thankful!
12/23/23: Did my Meals on Wheels deliveries yesterday and realized it’s been just over a year since I started. I remember because it was just before XMas and we delivered extra meals due to the holiday schedule. That has been a good thing for me and I’m thankful I had the courage to start it last year. I received some of the audio gear I ordered and started to setup the studio to move to all digital. Q convinced me it was the way to go, and after years of being scared of it, I’m gonna finally make the switch. I got at least some of it setup and working, and have a good feeling that it’s going to be an improvement. Grateful for the motivation to change and for having the resources to take the leap.
In the afternoon, I fetched the mail and had 4 year end checks for Rawkstars, totally $5,300! One was the $1,000 from Lewis Prize for making it to round 2, even though we weren’t selected. The Delleo family sent in $2k and I finally got the donations from the Rock N Rhode event two months ago, which totaled 2,300. So blessed and Rawkstars continues to end each year ahead of where we were previously. I know that probably cannot keep happening, but seeing the growth, even with me only really focusing harder these last few months, is motivating. I feel great about where we are of course, but equally excited about what 2024 can/might/will bring, in terms of growth and business operations. The absolute ultimate would be finishing next year at the same (or higher) level of resources, while also covering my planned salary, which will be a big sea change in how we operate. Me = lucky.
12/21/23: Went to connect with the PeaceLove guys to help them move a bunch of stuff out of the basement and upstairs. They’re consolidating to save the rental on the warehouse, which seems smart. It also gives them a chance to clean and re-orient the space, which is always good and gives a fresh look to the room. It also gave me a chance to connect with Matt and Eric on something guy-ish. I like being part of the team in that way and want to be viewed as a team player, no matter what’s needed. It also was a pretty good workout, especially given my lack of movement these last few months. Later I met Mayo for coffee and to catch up about life and music. I think we’re gonna try and jam and get some other folks involved. I think it would be good for me and the chance to play with Bob more would be awesome. Of course getting it off the ground won’t be simple and managing another music project may get overwhelming, but I also feel it would keep me moving in the right direction on playing. We’ll see where it all goes but it’s a blessing to even be talking about it.
12/20/23: Small wins again and stayed in my window. Feels good to have even the smallest feeling of self-control and mindfulness. Grateful. Spent some time submitting an app/resume to Amgen for a corporate philanthropy position. I felt pretty good about the match and potential for at least a call. Today I already got the form letter saying thanks but no thanks. Perhaps I need to pay more attention to what is happening here. I’m making slow but steady progress on the consulting front, but continue to have one eye on the job scene. I think it’s distracting me and also making me feel disappointed, which may also be an overreaction, considering how few I’ve submitted and my ratio of getting calls is actually decent. I’ve kept up the progress on working on the 2024/2025 budget for Rawkstars and feeling better about it each iteration. I’ve landed on paying myself $2k per month starting in the new year, with a plan to bump that to $4k in 2025. I feel that’s a doable amount on the fundraising side and doesn’t account for anything outrageous. I’m also hopeful on the PeaceLove front as we are moving into plans for an Enterprise build starting in the new year. I’ve been charging them a reduced amount, since I haven’t been putting a ton into it the last few weeks. I also want to make it as easy as possible for us to continue working together, rather than take as much as possible each week. If I can secure some longer-term outlook with them, even at the reduced rate, that, combined with the RS salary would be enough to keep us afloat. It would buy me a pretty long runway to be able to see what comes next and try for more progress. Thankful to be in this position and for seeing things in a healthier view, even if it’s not perfect.
12/19/23: Small wins but I made it through the day keeping my eating window reduced to 10:30 – 7:30. It was a reco from the RN I saw last week and it’s something that I’ve known about for a while, but never implemented. One of my big problems is the eating after dinner thing, so I want to get myself emotionally to the point of understanding that I simply do not eat after dinner/7:30. If I can stick with just that, I believe it will have a strong impact on me. I’ve also started kicking off the morning with 10 GM stretches. Nothing taxing, but it’s a small signal to my body that the day is starting and a reminder to me that I need to care for my body, it’s where I live after all. I’d never treat my physical space the way I do my body. I’m generally very neat and meticulous with my physical space and spend time tending it so it looks and feels how I like it. I need to approach my body that way too. It’s sacred and deserves to be treated as such. Anyways, thankful today for those small wins.
12/18/23: Met up with Sterling on Friday for the first time since I got let go. He also got whacked last week in the 1,100 person bloodbath at Hasbro. I know a lot of other folks who got axed and I was grateful that I could share my experience with Sterling and try to be supportive of what he’s going through. Weekend was fun too and Lisa and I went to Boston and had brunch at a cool Greek place. Afterward we visited this traveling show called Bodyworks Human Happiness. It was a gallery of human anatomy showing in depth all the aspects of the body, with info about human development intertwined with happiness and how it affects your health. I knew Lisa would dig it being into the body and anatomy and I’m glad she did enjoy it. Bella called with a flat tire while we were in the city and I had to help her sort out getting roadside assistance and will take care of her tire this week. Thankful for the momentum I have lately in regards to Rawkstars and even tiny positive thoughts and behaviors around my health. Certainly not ‘solved’ but even the smallest changes for me are positive, after several months of literally doing nothing about it.
12/14/23: Home mostly alone yesterday and didn’t take full advantage of it. I was lazy, as has been a pattern the last few months. I did get some grocery shopping done and a little bit of reading, so I’ll give myself a bit of credit :). Later, i got motivated to begin putting together an actual budget for Rawkstars. It might sound weird but it’s something I’ve done very little of over the years. With this new chapter in my life, it’s more important if I’m going to make it work getting paid to run the org. I figured out how much we need to raise over the next 2 years to keep us not just solvent, but with similar reserves to what we currently have. That may not be the ‘proper’ way to look at running a business, but it’s what will make me feel ok as far as taking a small salary. I figure if I can raise a similar amount, I’m not really detracting from our ability to do just as much as we are now, probably even more. I’m hoping that spending more time and focus on Rawkstars in the next couple years will also lead to some new wins, funding sources and things I’ve never even thought of. I believe the fundraising targets are doable, especially if we can secure a decent chunk from GBKF, which I believe we can do. Grateful for feeling more secure and confident in my prospects to make this work. It gets better every month.
12/13/23: Still aglow from the feelings described below. It’s nice to have it linger a bit longer than usual, since I usually get caught up in what’s missing or what could go wrong later if I don’t fix it now. I met up with Dave Yuknat yesterday for lunch. He took me to the place he’s working on to bring an arts center to Medfield. It’s super ambitious and super cool. I’m grateful for his friendship and he’s been an amazing supporter, both personally and financially for Rawkstars. He indicated they’d be willing to support us again, and I told him I wanted to give it more thought about specifically what I’d need. 2024 is going to be a big year for me, in terms of where things go professionally and if I’m able to continue down the path of self-employment and focus on RS. Knowing I have a leg up and the potential for additional support feels pretty fuckin good.
12/12/23: Feeling good about the work I did yesterday. I know it’s a longshot, but I feel like it represents progress, which is all I can ask for. I also received a couple end of year payments and deposited them. I got a check from M&YI, which is probably the last one I’ll get at least for regular hours billed. I also got a nice deposit from Kim Raposo, who’s always been generous since day 1. I’m expecting a few others including the donation we expected from The Last Resort gig a few months ago. I’m also expecting a $1k check from the Lewis Prize application. Not locked, but thinking Bob M. is planning to give me a check at our meeting later this week and possibly one other private donation, that usually comes around end of year. All this adds up to Rawkstars ending 2023 ahead of where I hoped. After depositing our slush into the CD, I was hopeful to land with $50k in our checking account. We’re approaching $55-$60k, which is an amazing start to next year. I’m coming around to thinking about payroll differently, as I move into a new era of ‘working’ for Rawkstars as a consultant. Instead of thinking about how much I’m depleting, I’m looking at it as a target number for attracting additional income beyond the Fan Club payments. If I spend $36k on consulting, for example, if I can raise that amount in the 2024 calendar year, I’ll essentially be able to keep our burn near zero. It’s not a small amount, but I can think of at least half of that right off the bat. We’ll no doubt have a few fundraisers coming out way and the Battlegreen Run has the potential to bring in a nice amount. If we reach $18k that will make a huge difference in extending the timeline and giving me the chance to uncover bigger opportunities, a few of which are already being pursued. I’m quite thankful for being in this position, given where I was emotionally at the beginning of the year. I’m lucky indeed.
12/11/23: Submitted my response to the DYS RFP today! I worked on it and reviewed several times before submitting. NOt sure what my chances are and I get the impression it might be a bit of a fishing expedition, in terms of them actually moving forward with moving away from commcorp anytime soon. Magda helped me a couple times and I’m very thankful that she and I crossed paths. I hope that whatever the future holds for me or her working on any of this means that we’ll reconnect. I’m proud of myself for continuing to uncover opportunities for Rawkstars, even though none of them have materialized. At some point, something will break for us and it will be because I stayed with it and got better through the process. Getting this gig would be a gamechanger, not only for the revenue stream but for the impact we could make for a ton of kids who need it. Fingers crossed.
12/10/23: Shared the video at Bob’s retirement party last night. Everyone absolutely loved it and it felt good to have made that happen for Bob and his familiy/friends. I’m grateful I got a chance to get to know those guys and see a great example of a close family. Bob is a special guy and created quite a beautiful life and legacy for a ton of people. It also feels good to have flexed my creative muscles again and completed another paying project. I’m hopeful more storytelling work will come my way as I quite enjoy it.
12/9/23: Met up for a few beers with Kevin last night. Jerry was there for a bit also. It was good seeing them both and felt nice to get out and have some laughs with friends. I like the small group thing as opposed to the gig/party gatherings. Thankful for that and hope to have more of it.
Made some good headway on the RFP as well. I’m trying to approach it less formally, after a brief call I had with Katie the other day. I think there will be follow up conversations with whichever vendors they think are best, as opposed to a winner take all decision simply from the responses. That would actually be so very helpful as detailing some of the specifics is impossible, given the lack of information on some of the requests. In any case, I’m thankful to be moving forward and continuing to make pitches and see about securing a longer engagement for Rawkstars and myself. It would really allow me to relax deeply into something and this particular project would be quite immense to take ownership of.
12/7/23: Met up with many old Hasbro friends last night! Their annual Day of Joy took place and afterward everyone met at the bar, so I went down to see them. I really enjoyed myself and felt very much loved. Sydney, Katy, Kat, Kate, Rosanne, Manny, Brian Bulk, Mike Marseglia, Jim Heys, Jim Peluso and Josh Duarte were all there. Of course they all asked how I was doing and it felt good to be in a place where I could honestly say that life is great. We all shared and I tried my best to get time with everyone. Thankful for such great people in my life and for the good fortune I’ve had over the years with the places I’ve worked. I’ve made relationships at each of them that outlasted our employment together and it’s very special.
12/6/23: Followed up with Noble and learned more about the state of TPP as well as their relationship with DYS. I’m thrilled to be even close to this work and hopeful that things will align for it to come to fruition. I’ve put the RITS work on the back burner, not intentionally, but out of being engrossed with so much else, starting before the 20th gig. I did drop a note to Larome to keep a connection and let him know I’m still interested. In true fashion, he wrote me back quickly and positively. Dunno if either of these paths will pan out but it feel good to be making inroads in getting closer to the source of work I want to do. Turning the proximity into actual opportunity remains to be seen, but it feels good to inch along.
12/5/23: Spent the evening participating in a restorative justice circle with the people from Transformational Prison Project. I met Noble, Zoe in person and Bobby for the first time. All of them were awesome, as expected. The first group of kids was really engaged, respectful, open and fun. The second a bit less so, and the whole experience reminded me so much of the previous programs I’ve been part of. It’s a sad environment and the idea of bringing a bit of light into the space feels good. The facility had a really nice room allocated for the studio space and a decent amount of nice, unboxed equipment that would make a great foundation for setting up a studio. I’m thankful to have connected with Noble and TPP and am hopeful we can continue to develop a relationship both professionally and personally.
12/4/23: Took a bit of time with Q yesterday trying to get Logic running on my macbook. I got it installed, but got stuck getting all the audio routed so I can keep the PA, monitoring from my work computer and audio out from the macbook. Even though it’s not all working yet, I’m thankful for taking a baby step towards sorting it. We also did a bit of recording into GarageBand the day before in an effort to get something into the iPad for Gary. It was fun, albeit clunky using the tablet. We managed to get a drum track programmed, a few guitar tracks and bass track with mild mixing. Again, thankful for a baby step towards getting comfortable enough to eventually record at the house. I’ve got all the components at this point, just need to get more experience in using them.
12/1/23: Had a productive, low key day yesterday. Lisa went into the office and Q was at school, then worked a shift, so I was home alone much of the day. It was kinda nice to have the silence and I was able to use it to focus on a few items and make good strides. I started the day by applying for a job!? Strangely enough, the day before I finally turned off most of my LinkedIn notices, except one that I kept active. I’ve been telling myself to turn them off for a while, so I can focus on my business, but have been unable to cut the cord fully. Anyways, I saw a post come across the night before for a senior position at the Yawkey Foundation. It’s a long running, highly visible foundation started by the Yawkey’s, who previously owned the Red Sox. A position like that offers an incredible opportunity to impact people, especially in our community of New England and with the baseball connection, I simply couldn’t bypass it. It’s probably a stretch title-wise as it’s posted as a Chief Program Officer. That said I can’t get a call if I don’t at least try, so I put together a revised version of my resume and went for it. We’ll see if anything comes, but I’m thankful for the opportunity and also to see if I’m still a viable candidate for something like this.
Later in the day I got started on the pic/slideshow portion of Bob’s retirement video. I’ve got a good chunk of the video/interview stuff done, which will lead the piece. The idea is to transition to this slideshow for the ending, using the music Crissy suggested and squeeze as many pics in as I can. I found a simple tool that has some elegant presentations that I thought would elevate the piece, over simply a timeline with transitions, so I started trying it. It’s not perfect and there are some things I cannot edit which I would like to, but after a few false starts, I got momentum and found a method that I think will work. I really enjoyed the feeling of making progress on a creative project and hunkering down for a few hours to do so. I really want to knock this out of the park. Christy and Crissy are great friends and Bob is simply an incredible human being. Making him and his closest friends feel some loving emotions during/after the piece will be a great source of joy for me.
At night, i hit Smitty’s with Mike Mooney. It’s been a minute since we’ve really hung out. Typically, we connect at a gig or party with lots of other people. That’s ok but it doesn’t really allow you to sit with anyone directly. We grabbed a few beers and just shot the shit and ordered pizza of course. After a few hours, Quincy showed up. He knew we were going there as I told him I’d bring him a pie home, and when he got done with work, he decided to see if we were still there. I was glad of course to have him drop by and it was sweet that he thought about it and wanted to hang with us. Thankful for my friendship with Mike and for having a son who sees the value in connections like that.
11/30/23: Got the horrible news yesterday that my old friend Ted Condo was killed in a motorycle crash. It hit me quite hard I must say. Even though I haven’t seen Ted in many years, there was a time when we were close. Although that was short, I really admired him on many levels. He was a genuine rockstar. He had an ease, style, confidence and grace that was effortless and that everyone felt. His music also opened my eyes to the simplicity it could take and still be moving. I’m thankful we crossed paths and only wish I had the chance to tell him how much of an impact he had on me. Love you brother.
11/29/23: Had a follow up wellness appointment with a coach at Firefly. I dig this new platform and both visits I’ve had so far felt good. I’m grateful that I’m at least communicating and reaching out about my health concerns, even if I’m not putting enough effort into solving them. Funny, as I typed that, I thought about the advice the coach left me with, which was being more forgiving and compassionate towards myself. He read that pretty quickly as my tendency is always to downplay the accomplishments and greatness in my life while easily highlighting any shortcomings. Earlier this year when I went through my ‘breakdown’, I spent a lot of time reading about that subject and trying to focus on improving that. I should get back to that and suppose I just did 🙂
I also managed to make good progress on the website project for Ananya as well as getting started with the DYS RFP account. As far as the site, I got a homepage layout that I’m pretty happy with. The creative feels solid to me and the skeleton for the sections needs more work, but is there in some form I think. It felt good to focus on that and come out after a couple hours with something I feel is meaningful progress. I want to show it to Ananya before I go too much further, to ensure she digs the direction and also to clarify some of the sub-pages she thinks are most important.
The DYS thing is predictably, insanely complicated. It took me probably 2 hours to simply get a vendor account created, logged in, find the appropriate RFP and fill out the high level bits about Rawkstars. The directions are outdated and the site is very unfriendly. In any event, I’m glad I got started and getting into the writing part should be more enjoyable. This really is a HUGE opportunity for Rawkstars (and me personally). If we could secure some funding for the studio oversight, community music programming and event support, it would go a long way towards ensuring the survival of my self-directed business efforts for all of 2024. Beyond that, it’s impactful work and something I would be super proud to accomplish both personally and professionally. I need that to keep my confidence and belief in this undertaking headed in the proper direction. Super grateful for the chance to even apply.
11/28/23: Kicked off another week and feeling pretty good about things. We’re closing in on the end of 2023 and things are steady and cool all around. Family is stable and our finances are hanging in. We’ll end the year between 30-35k in our slush fund, which is where we began the year. Rawkstars is blossoming as well, with a nice cushion in its bank account as well, even a bit ahead of where we started 2023, despite the fact we’re supporting more kids than ever and spending accordingly. My health isn’t where I’d like it to be, but yesterday was a good day and today is starting well. I met up with Jerry and we walked through the RS website updates and using WordPress. I’m thankful for having his energy come on board and seeing what he and Wendy can contribute. I’m sure it’s going to be impactful and even just having new energy and people close to RS is beneficial all around.
11/27/23: Took Quincy to HOB to see Jason Bonham last night. He loved it and it was his first real chance to see some semblance of Led Zeppelin, performed by such a great band. We ran into Lanzetta and it’s always a blessing to see him. Afterward, we grabbed sausages outside, which has become a part of the tradition for us. I really am thrilled to be able to share this stuff with Quincy. In fact, Jason talked about his connection with his own dad through music, both listening and playing. Of course neither of us are named ‘Bonham’ but our bond is similar in that we can authentically share something we love so deeply and make it part of our own story. Thankful.
11/26/23: Apple Pie Bake-Off yesterday. As usual, we spent the day at the Kast’s with all the usual suspects. Always a fun day of eating, drinking, laughs and competitive juices. Dave pulled off the victory this year, and I’m glad he finally won. Q and Erin came along as did Bella and Cam. I’m thankful that they enjoy hanging with us and our crew sometimes like that. I know it’s a good example for them of long term relationships and people that genuinely care about one another. Doug and Sue are always great hosts and their kids are also fantastically welcoming and sweet.
11/24/23: Thanksgiving yesterday, typically the best of all holidays. Of course we had lunch at the Bento’s, but the crowd is getting smaller as the kids grow up. Thankful for all those guys and for the entire family actually. My mom didn’t have anything this year and I think she was pretty bummed out, being the first year that GiGi isn’t around and of course Ben too. I underestimate how tough that is on her since it doesn’t hit me as hard. I made a point to text her and check in a few times, which I think she appreciated. She’s asking about Hanukkah already and we’re going to have to make that work for her and get the kids on board. Thinking back to where I was last year I’m pretty darn thankful. Life has been pretty solid these last 6 months or so, save for my weight issues and sex life, both of which are on me to resolve mostly. That said, the family is great and the kids are kicking ass. Lisa seems to have settled into her job and it feels good I think for her to be working again, without much stress coming with the job. Her income has been super helpful and of course the benefits as I continue to make this new path into something more tangible. I’m heading into the holiday gauntlet feeling pretty positive about the future and present too. If I can arrest my eating addiction and get myself back into some sort of physical routine I know that would help. Rawkstars is in a great place and I’m going to begin drawing a salary in 2024 for the first time ever. I think that’s a net positive and even if it takes away from the coffers I think it will push the business in new ways. I’m feeling upbeat about the potential of bringing in new $ through grants and partnerships to make the RITS project a reality and fingers crossed, a contract with DYS to oversee the studios and provide other support services. I’ve got a few side gigs still rolling including the Bob video and Ananya’s website. Those should bring in a nice chunk of change for me to end the year strong on the financial side. Fingers crossed the PeaceLove gig will continue as well. That, plus Rawkstars, even on the smallest of scale would be enough for me to continue traveling this path without too much worry. Hopefully there will be even more and I envision some new streams of event revenue this year including the Battlegreen Run, an event at Mockingbird, Band-Gig and MJ’s events and maybe even something at Rick’s again? All that plus our Fan Club revenue should be enough to keep the books relatively balanced between expenses and income, even with me taking some paycheck dollars.
11/22/23: Dropped off a statue at the Delleo’s house. Hung out with Heather a bit, and she’s always fun and sweet. We caught up about life, Rawkstars, work, kids, etc. and they have a beautiful, welcoming home. They’ve been very generous to RS over the years and I wanted to recognize them with the award as well as give them some swag. Grateful for their support and for a nice visit with an old friend 🙂
Got a sticker for my car, finally! I’ve been slacking lately with taking care of it and it felt good to get that done, along with the oil change the day before. I need to address the leaky tire(s) and probably will need a pair soon. I’ll head to Aziz and take care of that. Feels good to care for my things, especially something as expensive/important as the car. I need that baby to last me a long time, and want to keep her happy.
Had a call with Magda yesterday about the RFP I had seen regarding the Arts Contracts DYS is issuing. She’s a sweet lady and was very open with me about what’s happening. Sounds like CommCorp is backing away from their contract in this area, so she might be without a job soon :/ Sounds like DYS is looking to bring the regional coordinators and vendors in house, so I’m definitely planning to apply on behalf of Rawkstars. I think there are a few areas we can definitely hope to be in the mix for. Namely providing services for the music/studio programming around the state at all their facilities. We also have direct experience with the Arts Showcase and in providing event, creative and tech services to those areas. I think I will also apply for a regional Arts Director, focusing on the southern district. It involves managing artists for events and programs and seems like something I’m more than cut out for. Dunno if any of this will land, and the application process seems overly complicated and most likely political. That said, I’m throwing irons in the fire and seeing where they take me. This feels right and could be a great source of stready income for Rawkstars/me at least in the near term, coupled with more deep connections in an area I’m looking to grow my experience and have an impact. Win-win!
11/21/23: Spent the day doing little housekeeping stuff. Got the oil changed in my car finally! Started organizing the RS awards and some merch I need to mail out and delivered a couple in person. Continued with organizing the studio and reset my desk with a new monitor that we had kicking around, and the MacBook I’ve had sitting since the Taunton DYS gig. Made myself a follow up appointment with the health consultant through the Firefly app, after getting my test results (which looked pretty decent although a slightly elevated total cholesterol needs attention). Connected with Jerry Jivoin on the new iteration of the RS newsletter that he’s taking over. Dropped off my Hartke amp at the music store for consignment sale as I try and clean out some stuff from the studio. Lastly, I made it through the day without nighttime snacking for the first time in forever. I also drank extra water, which had me peeing all night, but felt needed. I expect the next several days to be low key, which isn’t a bad thing, so long as it doesn’t last too long.
11/20/23: Spent the day in the studio in Brockton with Q and Josh Jackson. First off, Josh was amazing. He has a great vibe and calm approach, with a real focus on the student. I was really impressed with his approach and also his tech chops. Really grateful I connected with him as I’m positive there will be more we can do together. Q was so damn happy. He was literally bobbing in his chair almost incessantly. The joy was palpable from him and it felt good to be able to bring that out in him. He was respectful and thanked both of us a few times. I feel very fortunate to have people like Josh in my circle and families like Q and his mom Brittany in the Rawkstars orbit.
11/19/23: Met up with Crissy & Christy yesterday for lunch. We talked about the Bob video, which was really helpful. I was feeling a bit unsure about the music and talked with Crissy, who was easy going about it and we are in a good place. Studio is booked this week, so i might try and whip together the photo montage stuff at home. That would save me a few hundred bucks in doing it at the studio and it seems like a good idea to be more conservative with money, as we’ve been spending a bit higher lately.
11/18/23: Had a kinda big summary meeting with P/L to close out the pilot and inform the partners of the findings. Matt actually asked me to lead a bunch of it, and we connected along with Eric and Helen and Alli a few times to button it up. I started out a bit rocky as the sharing of the deck was a bit weird for me, not being in a .ppt or google format, but once I got it loaded it went pretty well. Everyone left with a positive feeling I think and the next few weeks/months will be critical in determining if we can get this thing out at an enterprise level with real clients and real business infrastructure behind it. I’m thankful to be part of this team and really feel positive about the potential for success. It’s been a great 6 months.
11/17/23: Continued theme of busy thus the break in writing here. Over the last few days the afterglow of the event continues to radiate. Patrick at the Narrows offered Rawkstars one night per year to use the venue free of charge for anything we want!! I also had a couple Fan Club members trickle in. Not as many as I hoped, but that was in part due to the fact we had to skip some portions of the program where we asked directly for that. No matter, it was awesome and successful on every front.
I also received the Arts/Learning award that Nicole Smith nominated me/Rawkstars for. I attended a ceremony in Boston the other night and it was quite moving. The event itself was nothing special, but the room was filled with very accomplished music educators with lots of letters after their names. These folks have dedicated their lives to music/arts/kids and even though I have zero musical or educational training, I was right there with them in the room being recognized. That felt kinda nice I must say :). It was very kind of Nicole to nominate us and I’m very thankful for her friendship.
I took senior pics with Q which was fun. Of course I love shooting and got a couple solid options, even though the whole thing was very last minute and rushed. It’s always nice to spend time together with him and do something memorable, especially something that involves being creative.
PeaceLove continues to gain momentum and the pilot is wrapping up officially today. It’s been great and I feel the best is yet to come with them. I’m so fucking thankful for their faith in me and support personally, professionally and financially. I’m hopeful to continue on this journey with them and keep them as a client as long as possible.
I also started on the Burbidge video and got a bunch done yesterday at Massimoto. Super fun as usual and I’m pleased with the progress. I’m probably going to have to spend a bit more on editing than planned, but I’ll still come out ahead. Even better, I’m doing something creative and impactful for people I love and for someone who deserves to be honored (Bob).
I even managed to finally get traction on the website for Ananya. I sent her some logo follow ups and she loved them! I need to make small tweaks but should be able to start building the site out starting next week. Between this and the video, I should bring in another $5k after expenses before the year’s end. It’ll give us another few months worth of solvency in the bank and every week/month it feels closer to reality in being able to make this approach doable. Thankful!
11/13/23: Overwhelmed the last few days and unable to write. The 20th Anniversary show was awesome and I consider it a genuine success. We had about 300 people and the room was electric with energy. I was stressed as the day wore on and I felt like I ran out of time to take care of some details, but they wound up being fairly unimportant. The only real snafus came with the table assignments at the door and the time running out. I had moved some people around to best maximize the seating and put certain people together. That would have probably been ok, but I didn’t anticipate 100+ people coming into the venue prior to doors and really having little control. That led to confusion around where to sit, who was at which table, etc. It settled down and I don’t think it ruined anyone’s experience. The other bit was we simply didn’t have enough time for all we planned. I cut short a few bits during the intro, since we ran late, mainly due to me and Betty both speaking longer than planned. Cutting wasn’t a problem really, but at the end of the night, Whenzdaze wasn’t even able to perform as we hit 11pm at the end of the Assassin set :/ — those guys were super gracious about it and I paid them twice what I promised, to try and make it worth their while. That hurt as I’m not used to giving bands a poor experience. Besides that, everything felt pretty good. We ran out of food and booze, which wasn’t necessarily bad, since I didn’t want to bring a ton home like in past years. I didn’t sell as much merch as expected, but I still have plenty leftover to sell to folks who couldn’t attend, so it’s all good.
It’s hard to put into words how much the playing part meant to me, but I really felt great about my own performing level, as I had really practiced and it showed. The Heavy Mellow set was basically flawless, and people reacted pretty strongly to every song we played. The FamJam simply blew everyone away including us. Quincy absolutely stole the show with his playing, energy and stage presence. I can’t even tell y0u how many people commented about the FamJam and him specifically. So amazing to be able to do what I love most with the people I love most. Truly astounding.
The Gasms were fun as hell, with Spartacus being the clear highlight. A bunch of people had started to leave as the night wore on, so the crowd was smaller. That said the folks who stayed really dug it. The Grasso clan as well as Kevin, Mike and Greg were just blown away and it was probably the most ‘fun’ song for me to play. Similar vibe with Assassins, in terms of the crowd and Revenge being the highlight. Of course Barry & Bob were thankful but also lots of folks in the crowd and those who viewed the clips online. Also super fun to play, it felt like coming full circle after so many years of Wargasm impacting me in a positive way. Was a tiny little way to give something back to those guys and make them feel special.
Lastly, I’m grateful to move on. The event took a shitload of effort on my side and I’m ready to focus on other things. I’m blessed to have more to choose from and can only hope my energies result in positive outcome as much as it did with the event.
11/9/23: Jammed with the Gasms last night. Extra, extra special because it was just me, Barry and Bob. Our last practice didn’t go so well for Barry, so we talked about stripping it down and we played as a trio. It felt fucking awesome! Barry really came to life and I could tell he did his homework. He played with confidence and with just 3 of us, the sound/vibe/energy in the room was high. As if that weren’t enough, after running through our tunes a bunch, we started just fiddling around. Since I really can’t jump in and freelance musically, I called Quincy downstairs. He proceeded to rip through cuts by Deep Purple, Angelwitch, UFO, Van Halen and others. Lisa came down to sing Highway Star and I “sang” on most of the rest with Barry. We were all smiling ear to ear the whole time and afterwards, they were just gushing with how awesome it was to play with Q. It sounded just immense and seeing two of my oldest and most respected music friends jam with my son and how much fun they had was really magical. His confidence is growing by leaps and bounds and I fucking love it!
Lisa’s BDay. We aren’t usually too big on making a fuss, but I wanted to make her feel a bit special and bought her some cool sneakers as a gift. She’s big into shoes and likes to dress up in rock attire so I think she genuinely liked them. Q (again) blew us away by collecting money from his friend group and buying Lisa a gift card for Kohl’s. It was a very sweet gesture by him to organize it and for them to contribute, considering all the times we’ve had them in our home. Lisa continues to defy time by looking great and being as fit as ever. I’m extremely thankful for everything we have together 🙂
11/8/23: Had coffee with Dolph yesterday and hung out for an hour+. Such a great guy and it felt really good to reconnect. We chatted about everything, work, family, etc. and I told him about my biz efforts. Of course he was supportive and gave me an idea about consulting about nonprofits through schools, which apparently leverage non-teachers with lived experience. I’d actually enjoy that a lot, as working with young people is obviously my thing. He also told me that Katherine, the old head of my department at Hasbro, got let go a few months prior. It felt weird to hear, as I had vilified her to some degree in my mind. Looking back, I got a cold feeling from her the last couple times we interacted, which was very unusual given our prior relationship had felt quite genuine. I know it’s complicated in terms of what goes into a layoff and I’m sure it was difficult to choose me, or anyone else. That said, she was something of a point person in my mind for anger and blame, so hearing she also got kicked out felt ‘interesting’. It wasn’t as if I was happy, but I also thought a lot about the fact that she is probably going through a lot of the same emotions I was. Even though she is pretty well off and in no jeopardy of financial ruin, I know for sure she is hurt, embarrassed, angry, etc. I actually thought about reaching out to her. Not sure if I will or if she would even respond, but in some ways I think these changes have been helpful in me moving on, even if it’s been a slow journey.
Met with a program director at the Transform Prison Project, a cool org in Boston that does a lot of work with DYS and incarcerated youth. Great conversation and I’m hopeful to visit them onsite next week to get a first hand glimpse of their work. I’m thankful to be moving the needle ever so slightly in this direction and seeing where it might go.
Finishing the last bits of the RS 20th, including a guest/table assignment list, downloading pics and making a collage and other outreach with the bands on load-in, etc. Downloading the pics and arranging the slideshow was kinda awesome. It’s totally lowbrow with zero production value, but it was a great visualization of how many people Rawkstars has touched. It was only a sampling of things/people we’ve worked on, but I was still able to whip together a 20 minute piece with almost no effort. Great reminder for me about what 20 years actually means, instead of a theoretical assessment, which I’m always drawn into.
11/7/23: Jammed for the last time pre-show with my actual band last night :). It was fun and we settled on the tunes. It’s a nice array for us and we’re gonna squeeze in 4 as opposed to everyone else getting 3. Fuck it, it’s my show right :). Thankful as always to play with those guys and for the fact that I’ve gotten better at bass and music in general these last several months!
Got some admin work done in setting up the table assignments for the show and starting to figure out the load-in and logistics for the stage. I’m planning on working that out today, which leaves the picture downloads and the final Run of Show before the end of the week. Ticket sales are steady, not overwhelming but I think we’ll be where we need to be by the time the show starts Saturday evening.
Picked up the merch from Shanna and really pleased with the results. She’s super nice also and I’m glad to connect with extended folks in the Bento family tree. Her husband Sergio has cancer and is finishing up radiation. Grateful he seems to be doing ok and thankful for my own decent health, even when I don’t do anything to protect it :/
11/6/23: Went up to Lexington yesterday with Lisa to participate in the Battlegreen Run. It’s the annual charity race run by Bob Burbidge / Genesis. I was kinda dreading driving up and spending the day but it turned out to be pretty awesome. I got to see most of the Burbidge family and a few in person I had only met via zoom. I also got to collect a bit of video footage from the race itself that I think might help the video. I also connected by chance with Todd Angeles, the anthem singer for the Bruins. My friend Josh Bowdridge is close with him and has mentioned him to me in the past, since he oversees some state agency that’s involved somehow with the prison system. It seems like there could be opportunity for some kind of vendo relationship and I’m pumped to explore it. I introduced myself to Todd and mentioned Josh and he was like ‘oh yeah, you’re that guy with the music program’ so it was an easy conversation from there. It was also a nice day and I got to walk for an hour through Lexington with Lisa. All in all it was a great way to spend a Sunday.
11/4/23: Jammed with the Gasms last night. Barry had a rough night and I felt bad for him. He was struggling with the arrangements of the tunes and I think he was buzzed, from having beers after work before he came down. He really is such a great drummer but very hard on himself. It must be a tough feeling to be so amazing at something your whole life and then feel like you’re struggling to keep up. I know he mostly plays guitar nowadays, so his drumming is rusty and he probably didn’t realize how hard he might have to work to really learn the tunes and figured he’d just sit down and be Barry/Awesome. No matter what I love the dude and am so very grateful to jam with him. I feel confident about the show and I hope he’ll be aok emotionally. I know he’s struggled with that a lot over the years.
Had breakfast with Jack Myers, who I haven’t seen in over a year. He’s a good dude and it really inspired me talking to him. He runs a really successful company and he told me a lot about the journey, including not making any money the first 4 years. He definitely understands a lot of the emotions I’ve struggled with and I could tell he’s been there. He was extremely positive and made me feel really good about myself and my prospects. He also offered to introduce me to a couple folks in his network that seem potentially helpful, at minimum good connections to make. I’m genuinely appreciative of his friendship and for connecting with someone who I respect from a business standpoint.
11/3/23: Worked a few hours at Massimoto yesterday, getting started on the Bob Burbidge retirement video. Always enjoy my time there and hanging with David. Scrubbing through the footage and marking stuff was also fun, and made me remember how amazing of a guy Bob is. He seems to be a wellspring of love and support for not only his family and friends, but the world in general. Honored to be working on something to pay tribute to such an impactful human being.
Had my bi-weekly with Gary/Joan also. As we haven’t spoken recently and with my time being most consumed with the 20th event, we didn’t have a ton to review. I’m feeling like our time is going to end soon, and I think it’s probably the right thing. I definitely appreciate the collaboration, financial support and most of all, the opportunity to meet so many amazing people in the PVD area involved with youth music programming. That said, working with/for Gary isn’t easy. He’s very stuck in his ways and negative in general, always looking for the worst in people. It’s very far afield from how I operate and though he’s more than entitled to run things his own way, it’s not conducive to partnering. He’s also quite averse to anything outside the realm of what they already do, despite the fact that when we began our discussions, that was a point of focus, to bring new ideas/approaches/thinking to M&YI. Every time I tried to offer a differing POV or direction, I could tell it wasn’t going anyplace unless it fit their existing model. Again, totally entitled to run the org the way he sees fit, but it’s just not in line with my own process. Grateful for the few months we had together and for my own willingness to be ok with potentially losing it, especially given the tenuous nature of my income. I feel good about replacing the time with a new client or new work that will pan out in time.
In the afternoon, I had my first visit with a new PCP using the Firefly platform through Lisa’s insurance. It actually was kind of enjoyable and I should be on the road to getting some blood work done, which I haven’t done in too long. Also a testosterone test which I’m pretty sure I know the outcome of. I know it won’t change anything overnight, but thankful that I took even a small step towards something to address my health and well being. Hopeful.
11/2/23: Spent a bit of time with Q refreshing the mobile studio spreadsheet. It’s a task that’s been eating at me for a bit and it felt good to make progress towards finishing it. It was also cool to work together with him on it for an hour. Thankful for his help and for the fact that we can spend time together on projects and what not.
Met with the mom’s club as part of the RS 20th event last night. Tami, Toni, Rebekah, Beatrice and Cid all joined. It was nice to connect with them all, and to have them meet one another. It was really nice to hear what they had to say of course, and I’m very grateful to have them in my extended family. They are all great moms and I think will do a great job of representing what the Rawkstars impact has been on their kids and families. Hard to fathom but the event is in 8+ days?!?! I’m feeling pretty good/ready about everything and know it will come together as best as possible. I put my time into it and feel proud regardless of turnout (am I being honest?! – I kinda think so 🙂
11/1/23: Applied for another job yesterday. ED of the Lionheart foundation, which works for youth in the juvenile justice space. Not sure what my motivation was, but it shook something in me, so I spent a bit of time polishing my resume, which is probably a good idea anyways. Dunno if I’ll get a callback, or even if I would want the position, but I’m just going on instinct I suppose. Grateful that I continue to occasionally see jobs that look appealing and within my wheelhouse and would allow me to make an impact.
I stopped by Gentiva and helped Judy cut and frame a bunch of certificates for Veterans Day. It felt nice to sit and chit chat, while I did some mindless work stuff. I even thought about myself in an office like that, really low key and probably not a ton of taxing work. I’m sure the money isn’t great but does that still matter? I guess a bit, but I feel like I could consider something much smaller in salary if it were spending time in an easy-going, stable, low stress place making an impact on some level for others.
10/31/23: Happy Halloween! I began the day yesterday visiting Gentiva Hospice to help Judy with some tasks. It consisted of cutting and framing a bunch of certificates they will be handing out to veterans next week in their honor. It felt good to help and it was super easy. we sat and talked a bit and Judy is a super nice woman. I’m grateful that I have time to offer and the desire to seek out little opportunities like this. Afterward, had a couple meetings at PeaceLove and things continue to truck along there. Still don’t know where that’s all headed but at least for now, it’s kind of my anchor each week. Spent about an hour after dinner talking to Quincy about buying properties. He started the conversation with a basic question, but then we walked through all sorts of things like down payments, mortgages, equity, taxes and such. I enjoy when he asks me stuff that I know about, and also when he genuinely wants to listen/learn. We often do more ‘debating’ than talking when our pov differs, though in recent years that has gotten much more civil. Thankful he values my opinions and that he’s thinking about stuff like this already.
I also took the time to enroll in an online health care program through Blue Cross, our insurance from Lisa’s job. I even made an appointment to be seen next week. I’ve wanted to move on from my old PCP in favor of something/someone I feel more comfortable visiting and also who offers remote visits when necessary. It’s a baby step but a step nonetheless. This past year has been about the toughest on my health-wise, starting with the hernia surgery, followed by mental distress to the point of being medicated and accompanying weight gain. I know I need to address my well being but for whatever reason have been kicking it down the road in favor of doing basically nothing. Perhaps this is a tiny step towards improvement?
10/30/23: Used the tub for the first time yesterday and it was AWESOME. Immediately remembered how good it feels on the body and the simple act of being outside while staying warm in the tub. The spa is much smaller than our old one and not as many seats/jets but I’m happy we bought it and it was within our budget even with all the electrical and removal costs for the old one. Thankful to have that back in our lives.
10/29/23: Lisa’s new band played last night for the first time! There was a good crowd and everyone there really liked them. Lisa is a terrific singer and has a great way of commanding the stage, especially for the classic rock stuff which she’s most confident singing. Lolita came out with her bf and Dave also showed up, which was really nice. I’m certain Lisa really appreciated that. I’m proud of how far she’s come with these guys as I know it hasn’t been an easy road. Seeing her up there was awesome and I’m thankful she’s got this going for herself, and hoping she can build on it over the next few months. Guys in her band seem chill. Guitar player was really good and the other guys were solid and seemed really happy to have her fronting the band, of course! Nice to see so many ppl coming up to her after the show telling her how awesome she was. It’s a great boost for her I’m sure after such a rough stretch since Moonstruck fizzled out.
10/28/23: Went to see Kings X last night in New Bedford. Always a great time and they never disappoint. We met Wayne and Deb there and had some good laughs. Ran into some friends, Joe Patten is the FOH guy there so we connected briefly. And Roger Chouinard was running lights. Good dudes and it always feels good to see friends at the gigs.
In the afternoon, I met Chris Robinson and his buddy Ed. We talked about the veterans day tribute thing and I think Ed is going to crush it. He has a cool story and seems like a great guy. I expected such coming from Chris, and I was thankful we crossed paths. Show is coming together with all the deets, just need to sell another hundred tickets or so in the next couple weeks.
10/27/23: Jammed with the Gasms again last night. Barry was sick and Mike Luc couldn’t get down, but me, Bob, Munro and Jon Grasso came down and worked on it at low volume. Turned out to be super awesome and helpful. Grasso nailed it and after a bit of early jitters settled in nicely with some guidance from Bob. Munro is really coming along too. His phrasing is more on point and he’s singing with much more confidence and flow. Really thrilled to be doing this and including Jon is the icing on the cake. He’s such a great guy and his family has always been there for Rawkstars. His dad wrote the damn song and seeing him up there with us is going to just floor them I’m certain. Thankful to try and impact people through music and emotion with some of my best friends!
Doing better with Lisa too. After a rough night we were able to get passed it pretty quickly which I am very thankful for. I really want her to feel supported and I need to look for small (and big!) ways to make that clear. I tend to put my time and energy into so many other things that I forget the basics, like my marriage and my health. Not sure why that is but I’m glad to at least be aware of it and try to understand and improve.
10/26/23: Tough sledding yesterday as Lisa got quite angry with me. We’re on the same topic of me not being a good listener and understanding where she’s at emotionally. I’m not sure what’s blocking, but I suppose I insert doing things as showing care and love, as opposed to considering feelings as more important. I guess it’s a symptom of being focused on solutions and actions to do everything. We at least talked rationally after she got home from work, and I made a point to take responsibility and apologize, which I think she appreciated. I am thankful for Lisa and our life together, even when things are not going well. Today is another chance to do better!
10/25/23: Got the tub fully sorted yesterday. Electrician had to come back and fix something, which cost another $150, but I was able to fill the tub and it’s now fully heated. On my way home later I’ll grab up some chemicals and we can use it tonight. Thankful and hopeful it will improve my body/mind connection and give a boost in the bedroom.
Ran through the Halestorm version of the AC/DC tune and it’s very similar. Basically just simplifies two parts, the solo section and the ending. It’s more ‘standardized’ which is nice so we won’t have to worry about little variances that don’t make the song better.
Talked through the Rawkstars event with Lisa and Cid last night. Felt good to go through the doc in detail with other people, since I’ve basically been working on it in a vacuum this whole time. Had some good little feedback and confirmation of some things I was unsure about. I’m definitely feeling some overwhelm in my life and I suppose thankful to be able to recognize that while it’s happening.
10/24/23: Got the hot tub wired yesterday! It wasn’t cheap ($650) but all that’s left is to fill it, heat it and treat the water and we’ll be using it, hopefully by tomorrow night :). Thankful I pulled the trigger despite the cost and grateful we are in position to even make that choice.
10/23/23: Continued the rehearsal parade yesterday and FINALLY jammed with the Family Band 🙂 — so me, Lisa, Bella and Quincy, plus Noah and his drummer Ethan. It was the project I’ve probably spent the least amount of time on over the last month, simply because of scheduling and getting the other ones booked first. I spent an hour in the morning cramming on the AC/DC song to get ready and crossing my fingers. I know Lisa hasn’t done much and she told me Bella was unsure about singing that song, even though it was her pick. Bella is insanely talented, but our music history has shown she flys by the seat of her pants more than I would. Probably because she’s much more confident musically than I am. Anyways, none of us had played together and we all met Ethan for the very first time. Happy to say it went really well! Dare I say awesome!? Ethan (and Noah) are both excellent players and great people, making it easy and comfortable to jam together. Despite Bella being nervous about her song, once she started singing the first verse, I knew she was gonna be awesome! We managed to get through all 3 songs multiple times, which is pretty good for a first rehearsal. Ethan was super prepared, which really helped all of us lock in. Very impressed with not only his musicianship, but commitment and attitude. I feel quite blessed to jam with this crew and it’s just one more super personally fulfilling project in a night which has almost more than I can fathom.
Before our rehearsal, Q had Anthony and Michael over to run through their anthem project. OMFG it was incredible! They are super talented musicians and seeing Quincy play with them is something I know really pushed him, and it showed! The arrangement is immensely cool and Mike basically put it together himself and taught the others. Love seeing Q jam with people as good/better than him and I know that will light a fire for him and bring him to even greater heights. So proud of that kid and I know he’s capable of anything he sets his mind to. I think this performance is going to bring down the fucking house!
10/22/23: Rawkstars benefit gig at Last Resort yesterday. I played terribly :/ — I really felt ready and have had the songs down for several weeks now. I even brushed up on two little things in the morning beforehand. I had issues with tuning on the songs where I play in drop d. Initially, I got knocked out of tune by hitting my headstock on the rafter since the ceiling was so low, then spent a bunch of time recovering. Then, to make matters worse, I tuned my E-String only 1/2 step down, not a FULL step?!?!? Only excuse is that I’ve been playing so many other songs in the 1/2 step tuning, I completely blanked and tuned to that instead. I could hear things weren’t right but didn’t know how to fix it in the moment, or even realized what I did until after. That’s part of playing live, things go wrong and the environment is often hostile, as compared with rehearsal. There was a lot of feedback in one of the monitors, which was quite distracting and made it harder to hear things. Greg also didn’t play his best gig and a few times I was trying to lock eyes with him which only served to lose my own concentration. Anyways, we went on first and there weren’t a ton of ppl there. Still, it’s disappointing to feel like I let the band down, even though they are all supportive and we all bring that vibe to one another in general. That said, I’m not beating myself up too badly and playing music is probably the one area of my life where I don’t hold myself to the highest standards. I’m also thankful that we’ll have another chance in a few weeks to redeem ourselves and me personally.
10/20/23: Jammed with the Gasm crew again last night. We’re still pretty rocky on some of the arrangements, but it really is a blast playing with those guys. They are all total rock pros and even when we screw up, it’s not catastrophic. I’m 100% confident that we’ll be ready by showtime and really, it’s about the camaraderie and vibe more than a polished musical performance, so I’m just having fun with it. Hardest part of all this is juggling the multiple projects. Heavy Mellow has an actual gig tomorrow! so I’m trying to work on those tunes. Then there’s Gasm and the Assassin guys and I haven’t even jammed with the FamBand yet, but will Sunday. I’m doing my best to prioritize based on next up, and so far I’m keeping my head above water. It really is an honor to be playing with each and every one of these folks!
10/18/23: Thought a lot about embracing the challenge/freedom/learning that’s coming from my consulting biz. I know part of me is still attracted (sometimes consumed!) to the idea of a big corporate title and salary. I’m not 100% sure why, unless it’s the fact that I feel less valued or respected by others (or myself?!) as a result of not having those things as I once did. I know it’s just a habit and long time pattern of thinking for me. We are doing fine financially and living basically the same life we had before the job changes. I feel like I haven’t fully taken advantage of what the change offers me, in terms of free time to schedule non-work things that would greatly improve my life, such a exercise and time with Lisa! I’m glad to be at least aware of these even if inaction has been my pattern.
Visited the B&GC of Brockton yesterday with Gary & Joan. It’s a great space and I met Rilla’s friend Joshua, who runs the clubhouse. It’s already a cool space but they are planning a big expansion of the club, separating into a teen center and adjacent newer space for the younger kids. That would basically triple the size of the music space and they seem committed to making a showpiece of a club, which is simply amazing and such a great benefit for the kids and families of Brockton that go there. It was a good reminder of what this work is about and even though things aren’t exactly going how I want, the impact is there and that’s enough!
10/17/23: Heard back from LEGO yesterday that they passed on moving me to the 3rd round. A bit disappointed, but took it in stride I think. I knew it was a longshot when I sent in the resume, so even getting a callback and 2 interviews felt like progress/positive movement. I won’t say I wasn’t a bit bummed to see the email, but in a ‘normal’ kind of way and not all consuming, which makes me feel happy. I guess I still have more to learn on this journey and look forward to seeing where it takes me. Things feel possible on the PeaceLove side and working with them is something I enjoy and I think could be fulfilling as a part time gig in the long-term, assuming they’re able to make that happen and want me involved. I’m rooting for those guys regardless, as mentioned here before, they’ve shown belief and support for me since day 1.
I also got started on the Wiring Right brand/web project yesterday and came up with some draft designs and color schemes for the logo. I really enjoy that kind of work and being creative, even with rudimentary design tools/skills is definitely a place I can spend time being ‘in the zone’. I’ll be presenting the drafts to Ananya and Bijay at the end of this week and go from there. Hopefully she will gravitate to 1 or 2 designs and I can firm up from there and start the build. I’m thankful to have this project going and to have another income source in the near term to pad our slush fund.
10/15/23: In the morning Q had his crew come by at 8am to help move the tub into position. It was cool of them and actually turned out to be pretty easy. I gave Quincy the credit card to buy everyone breakfast afterward. I had to jet early myself to head into Lexington to ramp up production on the Bob Burbidge video project. I interviewed his wife Jean, and the 3 daughters Christy, Joanna and Suzanne. Then we brought in the grandkids, 5 of them! One had a bit of a meltdown and we didn’t really have the chance to include her but we’ll follow up with another opportunity later. I enjoyed hanging out with the family and really feel honored to be creating something special for a guy who clearly has impacted a ton of other people in a hugely positive way. Jon Cardoni came along with me and I always enjoy spending time with him. He’s helpful, has decent gear and works for a fair price. We’ve got a good thing going together and I’m thankful we reconnected all these years post Good-Vibes!
10/13/23: Yesterday turned out to be nice outside and productive, even though I didn’t have a lot planned. I made contact with a local junk removal guy who was available and came to take the hot tub away!! He charged $475 but that was a good deal, since every other person who quoted me was over $1k. Later in the afternoon, the new one arrived. They were only going to drop it at the driveway, but the driver was super cool and helped me get it all the way to the patio using his pallet jack. So it only needs to be moved about 15′ to its destination. Q’s friends are going to help us move it over and then I’ll get an electrician to hook it up to the panel and we’ll be in business. Psyched to have a tub again (almost) and it’s the perfect time of year to start using it at night. I think it’s going to have a real impact on Lisa and I both and grateful we can afford such luxuries in our life.
10/12/23: Had a solid day yesterday. In the afternoon, I got a text from Doug. He opened up and told me he wasn’t doing that great these last several months and was worried about the guitar playing idea. It made me feel really good that he felt comfortable enough to open up to me like that. Doug is wicked laid back externally and seems like the type of guy to keep that to himself and not burden others with it. In actuality, I felt the opposite, which is one of the strange conundrums of human relationships. I told him not to worry about the music thing of course, but more importantly, I made plans to hit the bike path with him tomorrow and hang out. I’ve had my own struggles with emotional turmoil and would love to do any small thing I can to bring someone else a step closer to feeling better, which I know can/will happen for him.
Last night I jammed with ‘Angled Shelf’ – Mayo, Barry, Munro and Mike Luke. I’ve been practicing the songs for weeks in an effort to ensure I don’t embarrass myself and it felt great I must say. I was totally comfortable and even adapted when I had to play the Sweet tune 1/2 step down from where I’d been practicing, to keep us all aligned on tuning for the 3 songs. I must say, Barry in particular is just amazing to play with! I’ve jammed with him a few times in the past and of course always knew how great of a musician he is. I know he’s focused more on guitar these last several years, but his drumming is insanely good. He has massive feel and dynamics when playing fills and his tempos are even. He used to rush a lot when we were kids and he was playing flat out thrash, but nowadays he’s able to sit in the pocket and stay there, which feels amazing when you’re playing with other humans. The jam was pretty rough around the edges, as only Bob and I had spent time getting ready. That said, we were able to get through all 3 songs by the end of the night and they got better each time. Everyone also seems really committed to playing a bunch more, so we can be tight as shit by the gig. So thankful to have such great friends, who are also great musicians and who trust me enough to perform together, even though my track record is way more limited than theirs.
10/11/23: Visited my PVD space for the first time in about 2 weeks. Felt good to get out of the house and get at it early. I continued making progress on the retirement video for Bob and interviewed a 3rd person in the morning. It’s fun doing this again and meeting new folks to talk about someone they clearly love very much. I’m grateful for the chance to put this together and even make some money doing it. I’m checking off boxes for the RS event, which is one month away as of today! I got some table signs done with stands that I am going to spread around the space. They have a giant QR code on one side that drives to the Fan Club signup page. I’m hopeful to get 20 new ppl to join at the event. I also got the estimate from Luka B for the merch order, which is north of $3k! It’s a lot to spend I know, but I really want to make the night awesome and having some fresh designs and new products besides t-shirts will be great. Tix are selling slowly but surely and I’m gaining confidence in the success and attendance. I also got time to jam the tunes I’m doing with the Gasms ahead of our first scheduled rehearsal tonight. I’m super excited to play with those guys, all for the 1st time except Barry. I want them to feel confident about playing with me and feel ready for the practice and proud of myself for hammering these tunes into shape when they are outside my comfort zone.
10/10/23: Chipping away at the Rawkstars list as the event creeps closer. I’ve got rehearsals officially scheduled with the Gasms, Assassins and FamJam crew throughout October. Heavy Mellow is also rehearsing of course, and we are gigging in a few weeks at the Rock N Rhode Event, which will be a perfect tune up for me/us since we haven’t performed in a year.
Met up with Nirav in the morning at his place, after a meeting I had in Pawtucket got cancelled. He’s a good dude and we’ve been friends since i started at Hasbro. He reinforced the positive message of all the things I’ve been doing and encouraged me to stay the course, which I appreciated. I know life is a constant state of up/down/change and so being able to ride out the rougher patches will always lead to a new patch at some point. I guess that’s at the core of what happens internally. I get caught up in worry and am not fully able to ‘let go’ ‘trust’ or whatever the analogy is. I’ve gotten better at it, case in point that I’ve spun up this business and have been working at it for about 6 months now. I’m thankful for people reminding me of this and for the lifelong path of learning.
10/9/23: Spent a few hours doing yard work yesterday. Doesn’t sound like much but it’s the first time in a while I’ve given the yard any attention and also felt motivated enough to get off my ass and move. Started with a mow, which took a while due to the aforementioned gap since the last time. It’s also rained a ton and been sunny, so lots of growth. Anyways, after the mow, I decided to keep going and busted out the trimmer. I did an edging around much of the house. I spent a ton of time doing the walkway, which always looks amazing when done. I also cleared tons of weeds from the patio using the trimmer, something I never did before for some reason?! It worked really well and after I did that, I took out the blower and cleaned off all the debris, over a series of multiple rounds of each. At the end, it looks pretty great, certainly better than it’s looked in a few months. It’s nice to have that feeling of pride in the house/yard and also from getting up and working on something physical. I need much more of that, but at least I took a baby step.
10/8/23: Went with Lisa to see Seinfeld last night. He was AWESOME. Even funnier than I expected. Show was in Boston so we had to drive in and park, which took some time. We ate at Pho Pasteur, the old lowbrow standby, which was great. Grabbed a couple drinks after before heading to the show. Lisa felt kind of cold, even though I really was trying to engage, talk and have some laughs. I mean we didn’t argue or anything, but I just felt a chill. I was hopeful we might engage in some intimacy after getting home, but it dissipated due to the fact I couldn’t seem to get her to a place where it felt ok. I’m glad to be thinking of it and trying to make something happen, even if I failed last night.
I also (finally) locked in for the website/branding project with Bijay and Ananya. I had figured it wasn’t happening after not hearing back for a while, but Bijay called and apologized and said they were ready. It will be a fun project for me, and I don’t feel any pressure to get it over the line until after the Rawkstars event. It’ll be the first time anyone officially hired me for branding, so I think that’s kinda cool. It’s something I enjoy and now that there are simple tools for laymen, I feel I can do a pretty decent job putting a package together. Thankful for more work, being creative and people believing in me!
10/7/23: Had my second interview with LEGO yesterday. Felt good and I really liked the woman, Liz, who interviewed me. She leads the team I would be part of but not 100% positive if she’s the direct hiring manager. I felt more comfortable after a few minutes and warmed up well once it got going. The company definitely has a huge commitment to social impact, literally donating 25% of their annual profits to the foundation. That is mind blowing to me. I’m not entirely sure what that equates to but it must be a tremendous amount. I still feel weird about all this and not sure what I’m doing or what I even want really. All that aside, I feel like I’m simply pursuing a potential opportunity that came my way, same as I would any kind of partnership, work, program, etc. I’m genuinely grateful to feel even a small amount of pride that my resume and experience is in the ballpark of what someone like this is looking for. I’m hopeful it will lead to other options for me.
10/5/23: Met Steve Holley who is a bass player from Memphis who runs a national music educator nonprofit. Cool guy. Not sure there is a ton of synergy immediately for us, but it was cool to hang with someone new over lunch in Boston. Fixed the lights in Q’s room. Not such a huge task, but for me, I’m generally not the best at home maintenance type stuff so I celebrate where I can. Received the invite for my #2 interview at LEGO, which is tomorrow morning. Honestly, I like the quick turnaround here so if it’s not going anyplace I don’t have to think about it for weeks on end. I also think not giving myself too much time to think or prepare may be a good thing. I’m confident in myself and my skills and have enough time to unearth some nuggets about the company I can use. Thankful to be in the saddle, even if it doesn’t work out. YES, I MEAN THAT~
10/4/23: Had my bi-weekly checkin yesterday with Gary & Joan. Went well, and we ran long as usual. I got some insights from this session which I think will prove helpful. Grateful for their belief in me and for the opportunity to spread love through music.
I also got a callback from LEGO, just one day after my call with the recruiter. Just seeing her email gave me a sense of fear and I hesitated before opening it. I’m still in a vulnerable headspace when it comes to this job stuff. Even though things are going pretty well and I’m on more solid footing, I can help but wonder if what I’m doing is ‘right’. I realize there is no answer and I would tell someone else to listen to their gut. I definitely continue to be attracted by the idea of getting back into corporate philanthropy, for many reasons. It’s fulfilling work to do work like that at scale and I got a taste of that. The eco-system surrounding that type of role is positive. Partners always want to work with you, people in the office enjoy talking to you about it, it brings a great sense of pride when telling others about it, it pays really well and continuing on the trajectory I had gotten started on, but wasn’t able to build upon. The whole process is scaring me, but I’m also super thankful. The fact that such a great company would recognize my skills, even without an insider helping me, and spend time talking to me is really great. It shows me I’m not too far off course and even if this doesn’t pan out, something else just might.
10/3/23: Interviewed for a social impact leadership position at LEGO yesterday! I can’t recall if I mentioned it, but I tossed a resume at this a few weeks back and surprisingly, it found the right person and they called me. It was just a first pass call with their recruiter but admittedly, it felt pretty good. Knowing that I’ve got a resume attractive enough for a company like this to respond tells me that I’m not super far away from connecting the dots.
I’m not 100% sure if that’s even what I want, and probably never will. I’m thankful for the prosperity, income and opportunities that have come my way already and getting TheGreaterGoodProject off the ground has been awesome. Perhaps that’s my intended path and perhaps not? Learning to live with the uncertainty is where I’m at. Some days are better than others in that realm, but overall, I am genuinely grateful to have these options and feel relatively confident that a bountiful path will reveal itself if I stick with it long enough.
10/2/23: HM rehearsal yesterday, always good to pump out music with other humans together! I wasn’t as sharp on a few tunes, since I’ve mostly been practicing other stuff for the event. ll good though, my stamina is in a good place and I feel confident in my playing. Continuing the pattern of outreach to involve more folks in the RS gig. Talked with Paul Lourenco about jamming a tune and he brought up an idea about a drum circle which I really liked. It’s different and inclusive. It also gives me a chance to invite a few more drummers into the fold and expand the love. I’m definitely adding to my todo list but managing ok. The juggling has been harder lately with P/L and M&Y competing for my time, while trying to get all the little details about the event in place, but I’m glad for the positive avenues for my energy. I also worked a bit on the merch order and have that in a decent place. I need to make a drive over to Luka B to get it solidified but plan to do that later this week.
10/1/23: Practiced yesterday and jammed through the entire Heavy Mellow set, plus all the planned tunes for the 20th event. It was a lot but it felt good to get through it. I’m feeling strong on the HM stuff and some of the 20th stuff. I need to work on Shoot To Thrill and Whiskey In The Jar (mainly just writing out the arrangements to solidify in my mind). To my surprise, I have the Ace/Sweet/Spartacus section down pretty solidly. Jamming with those guys will push me I’m sure, but I know the parts. The one I need the most work on is Gasm, unsurprisingly. Funny, I know that song probably better than any on this list, but playing it is another ballgame. I’ve got shortcuts for most of the bits I can’t keep up with, but I need more repetition to nail the changes. I’m thankful for all this practice and I definitely feel like I’ve improved my chops a little, over these last several weeks.
Chuck Fitzgerald’s mom passed away yesterday. I had just been talking with him 2 days before and it was really nice. He’s always been such a good guy and we hadn’t really caught up in a while. I asked him about playing drums on the Thin Lizzy tune, since he played with those guys back in the day and is also Irish! He hasn’t played in a few years due to fatherhood, tinnitus and other health issues. I thought it would be a perfect re-entry for him back into the music scene and I’m doing my best to make as many people feel special as possible. He seemed pretty interested when we talked, then hearing the news of his mom yesterday really shook me. I hope Chuck will be ok and I know in time he will. He’s got a young family and I’m 100% certain he is an amazing dad/husband so that will push him to keep life going. I’m hopeful he’ll consider jamming with us, but it’s probably a longshot due to circumstances. I’m thankful I’ve been friends with Chuck all these years, he’s one of those quiet types which are less common in our circles and someone I always thought highly of.
9/30/23: On my Meals route yesterday, I connected with Brad. He’s the husband of a woman who is bedridden and I’ve never seen. He comes to the door and we chat for a few minutes usually. He’s 82 but looks great and healthy. He’s often outside working in the garden or similar. He’s friendly and I enjoy his company. We were shooting the shit yesterday and I asked him about his wife. I could tell the last few times I’ve visited he was kinda bummed and it’s taking a toll on him. He appreciated me asking and I think it was good for him to tell someone else. We started talking about books and he’s an avid reader and told me he was reading a Led Zeppelin book :). Of course that led to more conversation and I told him about Rawkstars for the first time. At the end of our chat he said “I always smile after you come here” and he was very genuine and shook my hand. It felt pretty great I must say and I also feel good after leaving his house as well. Thankful.
Met up with Chris Robinson yesterday afternoon down at Narrows Center. It’s always good re-acquainting myself with the space when the club is empty. I learned that they actually have a projector/screen that we can use, which is awesome. It will save us a bunch of work and cost. Afterward, me and Chris grabbed a few beers at the place next door and caught up. He told me about this nonprofit he’s involved with around supporting firefighters and first responders through art. Of course, the guy who runs it is also a musician. I can tell Chris wants to put more of his effort into an org like this and that Hasbro is weighing on him. He’s a super smart, talented, creative and easy going guy who anyone would be psyched to work with. He’s going to help crew our event and run videos, lights, etc. and will definitely make the event even more awesome. Grateful for such an amazing network of friends.
9/29/23: Filmed a segment for WBZ yesterday to represent Rawkstars as part of the Battlegreen Run in November. It was fun and I always enjoy getting to practice public speaking, particularly about Rawkstars. We shot it at MJs Music in Waltham. They are a super old partner and it was cool to reconnect with MJ after many years. She’s great and is now teaching at Boston Arts Academy, which sounds incredible. The PR woman who put it together also seems super nice and it makes me think I should learn more about that avenue. Grateful for being asked and to have the chance to discuss Rawkstars in this context with cool people!
9/27/23: Bought a hot tub yesterday! Probably sounds impetuous, but ours has been out of commission for about 5 years now. We used it constantly, but as it aged, the service guy told us it wasn’t worth fixing. At the time, we didn’t have much cash on hand, then covid hit and we were inclined to preserve our cash. Thankfully, that helped once I got laid off. We’re still in that boat a little bit, but we certainly have a decent slush fund sitting idle. I figured it was an investment in us and well worth a few grand. I sold my Geddy Lee bass last week so I had some extra cash, which I put towards the purchase. I know Lisa and I will get a ton of use from it, and I’m thinking it could be a nice boost for our intimacy, as it had been before. With fall/winter approaching, it’s the perfect time of year to get maximum use and I’m grateful to have had the funds and confidence to pull the trigger.
9/25/23: Another rainy day here and lazy Sunday. Lisa and I were home much of the day. We did a bit of shopping, cooking and cleaning. I watched some football and continued my practice regimen trying to learn these last few songs. Generally, I quite like these days at home and forgetting (mostly) about todo lists or going anyplace. Last couple of days have felt a bit lighter around the house, since Lisa and I cleared the air a bit. Aiming to keep things on a positive trajectory and be more mindful about the things we discussed. Thankful for harmony and the chance to get better.
Sadly learned that Mr. Rollo passed away over the weekend. When I was a teenager, I spent a ton of time at the Rollo house. Chris and I were best friends and lots of folks in our crew used to party there. Mr & Mrs Rollo were kind to me and even though they probably shouldn’t have been doing certain things with us, they were fun as hell to hang out with. They opened their home to us and I slept on their couch a ton of times. In the morning, Mr. Rollo would always make us pancakes, in a very fatherly way. He was a genuinely sweet man and served as a calm, positive, loving role model that I lacked at that time. Rest in peace!
9/24/23: Celebrated the Bento’s 60th wedding anniversary yesterday! Of course, it was low key, and we just joined them for Saturday lunch in Fall River. Q came with us as did Lolita. Logan and his gf Leah were there and that was it. We had a nice lunch, drank some wine and I picked up the check. 60 years is an amazing length of time and they are a really great role model couple for how it’s done. No fanfare, keep it simple and enjoy slow living without wanting more. Thankful to have them in our lives and that they are still going strong on the marriage and health front!
9/23/23: Planned an overnight stay down in PVD for me and Lisa. Things have been kinda rough with us in the last stretch of time, since things started going downhill with the job stuff, for both of us really. When Lisa got laid off during covid, I didn’t really appreciate the level of difficulty it caused, and it wasn’t until I lost mine that it really landed for me. I think the same thing has kinda happened with her band situation. I mean, I definitely knew it hurt her and that wasn’t unclear to me. But the depth of it is something I underestimated or wasn’t sensitive enough to, more likely. Anyhow, we had a good conversation this morning after driving home and I’m glad we talked. On a good note, we were intimate for the first time in quite a while and it felt really good! I’m definitely not 100% ‘functional’ in that area still, but managed to do ok. More importantly, it proved that we can get back to being closer and it’s possible to halt the growing gulf that’s been building. I know I get caught up in my own life, problems, goals and projects probably more than is healthy. I think we’ve been together and had a solid relationship for so long that it’s easy for me to take for granted and just assume it will work out. I’m hoping, as I’ve learned other things about myself in the last few years, this can be another area of growth. There’s nothing more important to me than Lisa and the kids. Together, everything is possible and I need to keep that top of mind, instead of spreading myself so thin with other ‘stuff’.
9/22/23: Met up with Bob Mayo last night to go through the Steel Assassin tune we are playing at the RS event. Always easy to talk to, our friendship goes back a long way. I think we always had mutual respect for one another in life and I feel that strongly. The song isn’t super complicated, but it’s fast. I tried to transcribe each section using my chicken scratch tab notes. He has great ears and that’s something I wish I could mimic. He effortlessly listens to a passage and can replicate it almost immediately. Anyways, I feel more confident about it now that I have some notes to work with. Thankful that I’ve been pushing myself to learn all these songs lately, and improving even slightly at playing. Also thankful that people like Bob are in my life and have enough confidence and trust in me to jam in front of others.
9/21/23: Quick bday reflection from yesterday. The FB thing is nice once per year, when a ton of folks reach out and say happy bday. Since it occurs on the same day every year, you also get these ‘memories’ and can troll back through the ones from prior years. I have a pattern of posting the following day, to thank everyone and tell people how I spent my day. It was kinda cool reading through some of these from years past and it made me remember / feel loved. Thankful.
9/20/23: B-day today 🙂 – last night I took Q to see Glenn Hughes and Yngwie. It was great and he closed his set with Highway Star and Burn, easily two of Quincy’s absolute favorite songs. Ran into some cool people including Kev/Dave/Cid but also Chris Robinson from Hasbro and Mike Abdow from Fates. I haven’t seen him in quite some time and it was awesome to catch up. Same with Chris, it’s coming up on a year and he was always one of the guys I loved working alongside. After the show on the way home, we stopped for a late night concert breakfast at this shitty little diner in Worcester. It was awesome and I’m super thankful to have such a great musical bond with my son!
9/18/23: Band practice yesterday which was solid. We’ve got all the songs in a good place, with a few kinks. The intro to Last In Line, and the end section of Melissa are still coming together, but overall pretty good. Thankful to be making progress on the music side, and I know I mentioned it yesterday, but the pressure of the RS thing is pushing me to get better and play more. Nichols dropped out of the Steel Assassin thing and I’ve been racking my brain to come up with a replacement. Mike Luc was an obvious choice, but he lives in Lowell. Jim Koury wasn’t too interested and also lives pretty far. Bob recommended a local friend of his named Rich, who sounds amazing, but I have no connection with him. I suppose that’s not absolutely critical but everyone else in the fold fits that bill and my preference is to find someone who ‘fits the suit’. I thought of Jon Grasso, who I think is the perfect one for that role. I haven’t seen/heard him play in quite some time but I have to believe he would put his heart and soul into getting himself ready for this. His dad wrote the freaking song and I have to imagine playing with Bob/Barry would also push him, as it is doing for me. I haven’t officially asked him but I think I’m going to. His family have been with Rawkstars since the beginning and I think it would mean a lot to them also. Grateful for so many cool people in my orbit.
After practice, we went to a cookout at Cam’s parents place in Holden. It’s a pretty far drive and we weren’t pumped about jetting up there mid-day on Sunday, but we made the effort and I’m glad we did. Cam is heading to California soon and his brother is also leaving on a work trip. His eldest brother is having a baby in a few weeks and they were all there, along with a couple other extended family. They really are a nice crew and the more we hang out the more I enjoy their company. I’m really glad Bella hooked up with them and has more positive role models in her life. She and Cam have a really cool apartment like setup in the basement and it’s an ideal place for them to live for a while, to save up for a house or whatever. This California thing is interesting and could change the course of life for them. I think Bella enjoys her job here and probably doesn’t want to leave it just yet. That said, she has always had a soft spot for the west coast and it’s not too much of a stretch to think that she could also take a chance or look for a new gig out there. I really am grateful that she is doing so well, has such a good family around her and has career and life options. I certainly don’t want to be selfish by holding her in the area, and will do my level best to support her choices no matter what.
9/17/23: Been playing a lot lately trying to get my chops up. I’m definitely improving but have a ways to go, with so many fast tunes in the mix. Just not my forte, but glad for the push this is giving me, as I certainly wouldn’t have been learning these or getting faster without the pressure. Tickets are still selling and we sold out all the tables already. So much going on between the gig, PeaceLove, M&YI and all in between. Keeping it all together and thinking back on where I was not too long ago. Finances are still in good shape and I’ve got our slush fund back up to $30k and also set aside money for my tax payments. Looking good through the end of the year and we’ll see what the future brings from there 🙂
9/14/23: Sharpening a bit further on the RS music schedule for the event. I confirmed a 3rd tune with Mike/Kev and we’re going for Whiskey In the Jar, for obvious reasons. Cannon is going to sing, giving us a powerful Irish contingent. We’ll play this just before closing with Revenge, giving us a chance to toast the room and generate a happiness vibe. I also scheduled time with Mayo for him to teach me Spartacus. He already told me its challenging, so I’m a bit nervous, considering how challenging Revenge is already proving for me. I’ve got time but really need to commit myself to practicing more, if I’m going to do justice to all these songs. I also spoke with Glen about singing the Gasm tune. He’s a great guy and although not the best vocalist, fits the personal vibe of the idea. Grateful for so many long-term friendships and being connected to such a great community.
Met with John down at RITS again and as usual, I left with a positive feeling about him and the facility. We went over specifics of what a music program could look like, including curriculum, schedule, staff, location and other details. I feel pretty good about what’s possible and also being able to fund it, at least for a while. Hoping to reconnect with Jon Hope and see about including him, which was my original plan. Thankful for the opportunities in front of me to help kids through music!
9/13/23: Met up with Kev and Mike last night for a walkthrough on the Gasm tune. I’ll stress the walk part since the song is going to be hard for me. It’s speed and length are a stretch for me, but I’m going to work hard to get there. I’m thankful those guys have enough faith in me to perform together and that they welcomed me into the realm of learning the song together.
Had a good session with Dr Brutus yesterday. She is going to increase the wellbutrin dosage and I’m willing to see how that goes. I’m doing pretty well emotionally, but suffering a lot of lethargy and the sexual desire continues to be low. She seems to think that this is worth trying and I have enough trust in her. So much change for me this year between work, medication, starting my company, gaining weight and the change in my sex drive. It’s a ton to process but I’m doing my best to take it slow and not pressure myself too much. I appreciate Lisa for staying with me and being supportive, even when I don’t make it easy.
9/12/23: Connected to officially kickoff with my Acadium ‘apprentice’. His name is Geon (Gun) and he’s a Korean dude living in Canada. He does’t have direct experience with Google Ads, but has learned a lot on his own and I felt good about him to give it a whirl. I’m excited about what this could bring in terms of Fan Club members but also simple awareness with a new audience. I also like the fact that he and I are learning this together. I’m hopeful this can be another tool in my belt to employ going forward and take advantage of the ad credits we have at Rawkstars which have been sitting idle for years.
9/11/23: Had much of the day alone yesterday. Lisa went to her parents to make pimenta with Tia Aura. We haven’t exactly been in alignment lately, so it was probably for the best to be separated for a bit. I used a bunch of the time to practice. I’m continuing to hone the Heavy Mellow set and getting a bit stronger. I also tackled Set Me Free, which is one of the songs I had to learn but haven’t. I got through almost all of it and feel like I made good progress. I know all the parts and the general arrangement. It’s not too difficult but also fun. I’ve got a few other outliers I need to get cracking on, namely the SA & Gasm tunes. I reached out to Mike and Bob respectively, to arrange time to connect so they can help me learn them. Thankful for focusing a bit on my playing.
I also invited Alex Fradkin to jam at the show. He’ll open and play some acoustic. I want to include the older, talented kids to showcase the next generation of musicians. Psyched to have Alex, Homer, Quincy, Bella, Anthony and Noah all participating in the event.
9/10/23: Went to a party at Pete Schiffer’s last night. It was supposed to be a pool type party with outdoor music but it rained pretty hard so we were mostly inside. It was a great group of folks and we saw some old, friendly faces which was really awesome. They had great BBQ and their house/yard is killer. Homer Stevens jammed as did Pete’s band, who were good too. Thankful for my connection to that group of people and being a part of their extended family.
9/9/23: Getting in a fair amount of practice time on my bass lately which feels good. I have a handful of brand new songs to learn and I’m getting the easiest ones out of the way first. Lisa got angry with me last night as I tried to ask about the songs that we would play with Wicked Blue. I know she has a lot of sensitivity around the band situation, and I really did try to consider that before asking about it. I tried to ask her about doing a Bonnie Raitt song that she loves, figuring it could be a tune that she could really shine on. Instead, she retorted angrily assuming Cid would be singing it instead of her, before I could really say anything. I snapped back with ‘take it easy’ in response to her aggression and that was it. The part that hurts is that I really did try to take her feelings into account, and somehow I fucked it up anyways :/. Afterward, she basically said we should without her, which I definitely don’t wanna do. Guessing I’ll take that off the table going forward and try to regroup on shaping the music for the night with other stuff. I’m not thankful for arguing with Lisa or for her feeling unsupported by me. It’s something I will need to consider even more strongly going forward and realize that any co-mingling of particular music peeps is fraught with pain.
9/8/23: Connected with G&J yesterday on our plan to move forward working together. I’m pleased to say that we extended together through December (and hopefully beyond). It felt good to feel a sense of security, as having them booked for the next 3 months, along with P/L and any other side gigs I pickup, will assure we don’t need to dip into our slush fund, and should even be able to bolster it. I tried to take time to think back on this past year and how much has changed. I’m still not 100% comfortable with everything on the work side of my life, but perhaps that’s the point? In any case, I’m quite grateful for their belief in me and willingness to spend this time together trying to make something special happen.
I got an ‘accidental’ text from Judy Moynihan! She got a new phone and was trying to connect with Lisa, but somehow got my # instead. It was really cool and we texted a few times. I haven’t seen Judy in years but she was a big part of our teens/20s/30s and I have a special fondness for all that. It was a happy accident, Bob Ross would have made the most of.
9/7/23: Another productive day yesterday, kicking off with two separate groups at Amazon for the Scribl pilot. I think both sessions went well and Matt and Eric are great to team up with. In the afternoon, I reconnected with Brittany and her son Quentin, who I met as a potential Rawkstars family a few months back. Q is a rapper and not really looking for music lessons, but I’d like to connect him with Malik and Rilla for a proper day in the studio. He’s been working solely with his phone to make music and I’d love to be able to get him going with a Macbook and software to step up his learning. Anyways, still some work to be done, scheduling is hard as he is still in High School. That aside, I’m grateful for having met them and for the potential to welcome another awesome family into ours.
Had a small panic with our A/C at the house. I was working downstairs and heard a bunch of water flowing in the utility room. Sure as shit, I opened the door and a big puddle was forming as well as more water flowing out. After a momentary shock of stress, I went upstairs and shut off the thermostat. After coming back downstairs, I thought about a similar incident a few years back. Dan, our awesome A/C guy, came by and showed me how to flush out this tubing on the side of the condensor. I hadn’t done it myself ever but kinda recalled what to do. I poked around and found the tube and brush then opened up the cap and started cleaning it out. After a minute or so, I saw the water recede and I started to feel much better. After returning upstairs, I noticed the thermostat screen was blank and I had another flush of stress. I figured it might just be a battery, even though that felt like a massive coincidence, considering the leak. Anyways, I pried off the cover, swapped the batteries and it fucking roared back to life. Sounds trivial but I’m not much of a handyman around the house. As such, I get stressed when something goes awry that I don’t have any comfort dealing with. I’m proud of myself for remaining calm and getting it resolved. Also thankful for Dan and his awesome service over the years. Guys like that are pure gold when you’re a homeowner and need help with urgent tasks!
9/6/23: Had what felt like a productive ‘work’ day yesterday. I haven’t been to my PVD office in a few, so I committed to heading out early for some focus time. I managed to get several things done including, crafting a custom SOW for Bijay’s project, reaching out to Q and Brittany to connect about the studio session, contacted Dianne, Tami & Beatrice about participating in the RS event with their families and even managed to cook dinner after getting home. I’ve definitely had more of the small moments of ‘nirvana’ that I mentioned earlier, meaning I’ve been able to slow down and pay attention multiple times per day and take solace in what’s happening NOW, instead of before/after or simple distraction method.
Also connected with Dr. Brutus yesterday for my semi-regular visit. She’s cool and I’m glad I found her. I told her about my experience with the new med cycle, and that overall I haven’t felt much different. I’m sleeping super well and though my weight is still an issue, I know it’s my lack of mindful eating and not any of the meds. We talked about the impending meeting with Gary & Joan and how I feel a bit like I’ve been preparing myself for how I’ll feel if things go south. I’m feeling more confident that I can handle it, which seems silly, considering that rejection is such a big part of life and I’ve survived plenty of it, before everything this past year. I had a productive email thread with Matt @ P/L and I think things are solidifying there for me to stick around a while longer at least and hopefully long-term. Lastly, I took time to reach out via text to a bunch of people I’ve thought of but not connected with in a while. That included Tracey Ferenscik, Paul Spence, Marc Lopes and Craig Charlwood. All people who have been part of my various phases of life. Thankful for taking the time, and all the work stuff, even the shit that scares me.
9/5/23: Lisa went to the beach yesterday with Lolita, so I had a mellow day at home, which was nice. I connected with Crissy & Christy, as they want to hire me for a video project to celebrate Christy’s dad, who is retiring this fall. I think it will be a fun project and anything is helpful at this point that brings in $. I’m already thinking Bob is an amazing guy, just hearing some of their stories yesterday. It will be an honor to make someone like him happy in this small way.
I’ve got a call scheduled with Gary & Joan for later this week. I’m not sure what to think and tbh, I’m feeling pretty anxious about it. I’m hopeful it will provide a bit of longer-term stability for us, by ensuring a modest but reliable income stream. I’m also worried that they might say ‘thanks but no thanks’ and move on from our work to pursue their own path. I guess I’ve got some PTSD like symptoms around being rejected and re-starting, after finally feeling like I have my sea legs kinda under me. I know it’s a very unmindful pattern, but it’s coming up. I’m trying my best to simply feel it and even connect more closely with it, by writing it here and sitting with it during practice. I’m thankful our slush fund is pretty healthy, I still have smaller revenue streams coming my way from PeaceLove and potentially from Rawkstars beginning in November sometime. I also have a few other projects like the video mentioned above plus the website for Bijay’s daughter, that should give me a couple months more worth of cushion in our slush. Thankful for that.
9/4/23: Band practice yesterday, probably the best one in nearly a year. We made actual progress on new songs instead of simply jamming on old ones. They all sound strong even after just a round or two and will only get better. We also booked 3 more rehearsals before the gig in October, which also feels good, knowing we have a plan for getting ourselves where we need to be. I’m appreciative of everyone in the band and for partnering together on this project. It’s a pleasure playing with them.
9/3/23: Spent most of the day with the kids together which was cool. During the day we went to the poolyard and hung out, listened to music and got Town Spa. Biggest thing was we went through what songs we want to try at the RS event and landed on 3. Hopeful I can carve out time now to start working on those as I have so much to learn I’m getting a touch nervous. At night we had a fire in the backyard and Brina and Rodrigo came by. It was fun and we had a few laughs before letting the kids hang by themselves. Felt pretty mindful in the morning and at a few point during the day. Overall I feel like my practice has gotten to a new level, as I’ve been able to really notice brief glimpses into present moment satisfaction and awareness.
9/2/23: Mowed the grass yesterday after a few weeks of postponing it. It’s not like the lawn is really growing much in August, so it wasn’t hard for me to convince myself to let it go. Still, it felt good to get out there and beautify the yard. I generally enjoy mowing so not sure why I’ve been lazy about it, perhaps just the heightened pace of life the last few weeks has me looking for places to cut corners. I think actually that’s pretty accurate and often describes why I’m eating poorly. It feels in some way like a loosening of the tethers of responsibility and one that’s easily within my control. Of course it has the opposite effect, since afterward it only serves to make you question your motives and lack of discipline. Thankful I was able to push through yesterday and take care of something that deserved my attention.
9/1/23: Brought my car to Aziz for a tire fix. He’s simply the best and I’m grateful to have crossed paths with him. While I was waiting, there was an older guy also having a tire mounted and we started chatting. Nothing heavy, just two guys waiting together and shooting the shit. It felt really nice, easy-going and natural. I tried to notice that feeling and realize that this is the kind of moment by moment ‘nirvana’ that’s available to us. It’s not some explosive level of bliss to be achieved but subtle feelings of calm, connection and satisfaction with the present moment.
Got the Zakim grant submitted yesterday after working on it over the last 2 weeks or so. I feel pretty decent about what I wrote up, though the process of writing these grants has exposed some holes in Rawkstars’ operation. Namely, our board situation and improving the makeup to include voices of those we serve to include a higher level of diversity. Bringing Josh into the folks is a good start, but I’m also hopeful I can attract Jon Hope and other folks of color to bring improved insight to the programming we’re trying to double down on. Thankful for the grant process for illuminating that for me and fingers crossed that we get funded by these folks.
8/31/23: Had a mindful day yesterday. Been listening to Dave Smith who I really enjoy. Seems like a kindred spirit and I like his takes generally speaking. Got through a full day without eating poorly / non-mindfully. Sounds silly typing it but it feels like a solid victory.
Kicked off the Corium pilot with P/L yesterday which felt good. Previous to that, Matt included me on a Board Meeting where he was updating everyone on our progress. Somehow I wound up taking point on a lot of the conversation, which was sorta unexpected. I didn’t mind and in hindsight, grateful. I felt comfortable, having been in that position a thousand times over. It was nice to connect with some of their leaders and feel like I connected well. I’ve also been keeping up with all the tasks on the Amazon side and some folks there should officially start using Scribl next week. Thankful to have this cool project to focus on and to continue meeting awesome people while doing things that are important to me while also getting paid.
8/30/23: Struggling mightily with overeating. I haven’t talked about it as much here, as I’ve been sweeping it under the rug. Trying hard not to beat myself up, but I feel pretty out of control, nearly every single day. Not sure what’s changed for me but something is keeping me from not acting out of habit and in search of pleasure/comfort/security. Maybe it’s the job stuff? It’s something that I’ve been trying to come to grips with and some days are better than others. Not sure why I can’t fully embrace it, but it has gotten better so I’ll be thankful for even slight improvement.
Met with Gary & Joan yesterday to propose our working agreement going forward. I made my case for consulting on a rolling basis, with 2 days of week reserved for M&YI work. I think it went pretty well, but I’m still not great at reading Gary, so I don’t think I’ll feel comfortable until I hear back from him with a yes/no/counter. All that aside, I’ve enjoyed the heck out of the last few months doing this work and feel I put my best foot forward to be able to continue on the path we’ve started.
Also had lunch with Josh B. He’s a good dude and I’m glad we’ve stayed friends since the GBB project at his prison. He’s always been a strong supporter of Rawkstars and I think me personally. We’ve got a lot of similar thoughts and I think are both looking to do our best to put those things into practice. He also offered his services and I think it will be the start of a more formal committee/advisory board or some such designation. As I’ve been applying for some of these grants, I feel exposed in that our leadership isn’t as comprehensive, diverse or impactful as it needs to be. It would be an honor to have Josh come on board and hopefully be a catalyst for me attracting others to make us better.
8/29/23: Approaching the P/L pilots this week (tomorrow!) and made more progress yesterday with Matt, Eric and Jeff. I’m enjoying the process as described below, and thankful that I can help them with this opportunity to change the trajectory of their business. They showed me such compassion when I got laid off, it genuinely feels like an honor to contribute in areas where I can provide value to them.
Had lunch with Jerry Jivoin, who I’ve remained friends with since my Hasbro departure. He’s a great guy and I enjoy our interactions very much. He asked about potentially jumping in the Rawk pool to help with ‘stuff’, now that he’s entering a new phase of career life as well. I’m hopeful to take him up on that and figure out ways to integrate more people into the mix, in hopes of expanding our fan base and impact.
Met with a potential ‘apprentice’ around the idea of Google ads development. The guy is young and doesn’t have direct experience, but seemed wise and humble. I’m probably going to go ahead with this experiment and see if we can finally make any kind of dent in this area. It’s kind of a failing on my part that it’s taken this long and also that I haven’t been able to attract someone with legit skills in this area, but I’m glad to at least be inching closer.
Met a new hospice volunteer family last night. Turns out the wife was Qunicy’s old bus driver and her son was on the cross country team. Such a small world. Anyways, the husband is. young, but suffering from advanced alzheimer’s, dimentia and other issues. He basically needs oversight 24/7 and his wife is feeling smothered, with no windows of time for herself. The idea would be to sit with him for an hour each week to give her a break. It feels like a better setup than the prior matches I’ve had so I’m glad to at least feel like this one might work out and prove beneficial to not only the patient but others around him.
8/28/23: Pretty lazy Sunday yesterday spent mostly at home. I did connect with Rilla and Malik to collect up the Rawkstars gear as well as debrief a bit about the Summer Session. There were definitely some hiccups, mainly around attendance, which was genuinely out of our control. That said, every one of these we undertake has value. It’s the only way to make progress and improve, and we need to run as many programs as we can if we expect to create something amazing. I’m thankful for the ones we’ve run to date, and for having Rilla & Malik on the team.
8/27/23: Met a new potential RS mom and daughter, Toni & Chelsea. Super nice and worthy candidates. Chelsea has been taking guitar lessons from Mark Carvalho for 13 years! She’s on the autism spectrum and really seems to love music and guitar. The mom is on her own and legitimately seems to be struggling. The folks at Rick’s brought them to my attention, so I’m inclined to sign them right up and WTF, we have the money to do so. That will be student #26, which is another all-time high for us, as is each new kid we add from here. Feels good to be able to provide some relief to others and I’m proud to be the Rawkstars person who gets to deliver such positive energy to these folks.
8/26/23: Took Q to see Ace Frehley last night in Plymouth. I watched a couple videos from the tour recently and Ace is in rough shape. That said, I really want to bring Quincy to see as many of the legends as possible, while they’re still going. We had a good time and I’m always thankful to bond with him through music. Continued working on the Zakim grant, and cleaned it up a lot. I still have pieces to finish and it’s due next week, so I need to get working. Doing my best to give some love to Rawkstars on the biz side while I’m also working on the 20th Anniversary event. These next few months are going to be filled with work on all fronts, and I’m grateful to have so much positive activity to manage. Need to remember to breathe and not get overwhelmed with business/busyness.
8/25/23: Tried to visit Mr. Freeman at the hospital in Plymouth where his neighbor told me he was sent, but when we got there he had been discharged. Not sure what that means, but he’s either back home or in some place else where he’s going to stay most likely. Bummed I didn’t get to see him, but hopefully I’ll see him today when I go on my route. Lisa and I grabbed lunch while we were in Plymouth, since we drove so far for no reason and it was nice to sit outside, although I predictably overate :/
Over the last week or so I’ve been getting caught up paying myself back for all the project work I’ve done through Greater Good over the last couple months. I’ve kept solid records and tried to keep all the books easy to understand. I also gave 2% on each project fee back to Rawkstars as I had planned. Our personal slush account is now close to back in good stead, and the Rawkstars account is also holding steady. I was hopeful to finish the year above the $100k mark and it feels doable, especially given some of the fundraisers happening in Q4. I’ve got one more settlement from RS -> GG and then all incoming fees will route through my LLC. It still feels kinda weird but something I need to get used to. There really isn’t anything sneaky about it, since I baked these fees into all the budgets and RS is coming out at least slightly ahead on each one. It’s just a new behavior for me taking payments for this work, and nothing nefarious about it with all transactions accounted for. I’m thankful that I’ve managed to create something for myself here, and that 9 months removed from being let go, I’ve kept our financial situation basically intact, and even managed to absorb some pretty large purchases, like a car/vacation/furniture/grill. I’m super thankful to be in this place going forward and to have some valid prospects for income going forward.
8/24/23: Had a productive meeting with P/L yesterday and we are on the verge of kicking off the Amazon pilot, as well as Corium, both next week! It’s an exciting time and kinda nice to feel a little work pressure, with an actual deadline looming and things to button up. I’ve been doing my best to give the project more attention than the few hours I’m billing them for, but it feels good and I want to be part of this.
In the afternoon, I had lunch with old friend Bijay Kumar from Hasbro. He reached out to me a few weeks ago about building a website and some brand materials for his daughter’s business. His kids are amazingly smart and ambitious and it was a pleasure to meet his wife and daughter. He also made a traditional Indian lunch for us, which I dug a lot. I’ve got to work on a proposal and get back to him, but it seems pretty likely this will become another client project for me, probably a decent paying one. I’m really thankful to continue attracting opportunities for creative, fun work that’s in my wheelhouse but also pushes me a bit.
8/23/23: Had a ‘light’ day on the work side yesterday. Walked with Lisa and Noahla, which was nice/needed. Main thing I spent time on was digging into the Zakim grant for Rawkstars. I got through a bunch of it, but need to sit with what I wrote and come back tomorrow to make changes. It’s a huge opportunity as they award $20k grants but they renew for multiple years. That kind of stability and additional revenue would be absolutely huge. They also offer lots of business consulting, which I could certainly benefit from also. It’s an odd feeling writing these grants as my tendency is to get caught up in the ‘winning’ part, when I really should focus on the fact that I’m framing up Rawkstars’ offering each time as well as identifying holes in our organization, which is a great exercise.
8/22/23: Biggest thing yesterday was I got out and walked first thing in the morning. I went by myself and was glad I did. I also got the insurance claim for Bella’s windshield cleared finally, so she can get it fixed on Thursday. It was a bit of a pain, but the rep from Progressive was actually quite helpful and proactive in communicating with me via text, which I appreciated. Made some progress on the PeaceLove work and inching closer to our pilot launches next week. It’s been sporadic but I feel things are on track. I’m doing my best to give them attention, even though I’m only collecting a partial fee. I feel there’s opportunity there long-term and I’m trying to invest in my future, as well as theirs. Finally got a few of the transfers from my biz account –> our slush fund. I’m trying to keep detailed books, so I’m sending them over one at a time, so the accounting matches line for line. I’m thankful our account is creeping back up, as the last few weeks without any paycheck have felt weird. Even though I knew the money was available and would eventually come across, I didn’t like seeing our balance drop. I guess that’s something I’m going to have to get accustomed to. Best case scenario is I’ll get paid once per month from each client, so that will be a change for me to adjust to. Feeling thankful overall for my position and even though I still have days when I’m uncomfortable with my loose schedule.
8/21/23: HM practice yesterday. Finally feels like a tiny bit of momentum and we scheduled another in 2 weeks. We tried out In The City, which sounded pretty good right away and went through some older songs we haven’t done in forever. Thankful to be playing together and making some music again.
8/20/23: Delivered an electronic drum kit to Joana Yeboah’s son as well as a keyboard stand for Anaya. She is a really nice lady and they seem like an awesome family. I’m blessed to be able to serve folks like them and use what resources I have to provide music for kids. Afterward, we went to Roger Williams Park to see Jon Hope perform. The park is always beautiful and never disappoints. Jon had a cool set outside. Not a ton of people but he really connected with the ones who were there. His songs are good and the message was cool, as expected. Thinking I’m gonna ask him to perform at the RS event to bring a new flavor. At the end, Lisa and I stopped at East Side Pockets for falafel. One of our favorite. Came home and had a mellow night while Bella and Quincy were both out on the town. Feeling lucky!
8/19/23: Volunteer day yesterday and it was absolutely pouring the whole time. Mr. Freeman isn’t doing well :/. When I got to his place, he didn’t answer which is unusual. His neighbor eventually opened the door and a horrific smell came wafting out. I stepped into the kitchen and the place was a disaster. His couch was destroyed and there were cushions covered in shit. She told me he had some kind of accident and she was there trying to clean up. It was so very sad. She also said they are trying to move him to a nursing home, as he’s been more prone to accidents lately having fallen and cracked his head just two weeks ago. I’m bummed that he’s in this state but I’ve seen him spiraling down slowly over the last couple months. I asked her to text me if he gets moved so I can maybe go and visit him at the home. I’m thankful to have crossed paths with him and it hits home how fortunate we are to simply be alive and in control of our bodies, at least as long as we’re able to be.
8/17/23: Had the roadshow down in Providence the last few days with Gary & Joan. I took them to The Met, RITS, NUA & B&GC x2. It was a whirlwind but I think it went really well. They seem most excited/inclined to work with NUA and B&GC. I’m kinda happy about that insofar as the RITS program is something super exciting to me personally, and I plan to pursue it on my own through Rawkstars. As much as they talked about wanting to try different things/paths, they seem pretty comfortable with what they know and understand already. No harm in that and I totally get it. Afterward, we had lunch at Plant City and talked about moving forward. Gary suggested I put together a proposal for how I want to work together with them going forward. I took that as a good sign and I think we have enough synergy that it could work out. I’m going to put my thoughts together, but am feeling like a part-time role with them is the way to go. It keeps the cost down on their side, while also giving them support. It also frees me up to pursue Rawkstars, PeaceLove or whatever else comes my way while giving me more stability in the near term. I think it would be a win-win and I’m grateful for the chance to pitch this to them and see how they react.
8/15/23: Good pre-game meeting with Gary & Joan last night. I walked them through the agenda for today/tomorrow and I’m sitting here at Wildflour getting myself ready for a great day. We’ll be meeting with Larome/RITS, Nancy/The Met, Daniel/NUA and Nicole/B&GC and perhaps swinging by AS220 or TIDES, time permitting. I’m hopeful we can progress one or more of these options from here and I’m interested to see what resonates with them. It’s part of the learning curve for me and I’m thankful to be crossing another bridge on this journey.
8/14/23: Picked up Bella and Cam from the airport yesterday. Cam has business a few times a year in Chicago, so Bella usually tags along. She loves traveling and visiting new places, which I’m thrilled about. They are in such a great place with their lives and I couldn’t be prouder for Bella or happier for her. I know she’s moving down the path she set out for herself and she’s making it happen on her own, with little help from us other than financial. Thankful to have her in our lives.
Q started a pizza delivery job a couple weeks back. He only works a couple shifts per week, which is perfect so he still has plenty of his own time. It gives him enough cash so he can stop asking us for money all the time. We’ve always been generous with the kids and given them just about whatever they need and been happy to do so. With things being a bit tighter nowadays, we still want to help but having him be more self sufficient helps us in return. He seems to be doing well and enjoying it. I haven’t heard him complain much and he’s getting paid under the table. Grateful for him and all he brings to our family and the world!
I officially started paying Greater Good on behalf of Rawkstars for some of the consulting projects I brought in. I buzzed Ed beforehand just to ensure I’m taking proper care of the tax side and doing things on the level. I’ll admit it felt weird ‘paying myself’ for work I would have done eagerly and depleting some of the Rawkstars resources. That said, I’m only paying myself (so far) based on income I brought into the program, and also donating 2% of what I earn back to the charity. That makes it a net positive for Rawkstars on the financial side, while also boosting its profile and opening new opportunities for programming. I suppose when I think of it in these terms, it’s a no brainer. Just hard changing behaviors after 20 years of coming at it another way. I think starting in November, after our 20th, I’m going to begin drawing a basic ‘salary’ of like $1k per month or something reasonable. Any new consulting gigs I get will funnel through GGP and I’ll see if I can make a go of this entrepreneurial life through the end of the year and see where things stand. Grateful to be in this position and for having opportunities to try new things, experience new people and learn different approaches to living.
8/13/23: Went to a grad party for Kathy’s son Jovani. Saw lots of family of course, so it was fun. Q came along with us and it was nice to spend the afternoon together amongst awesome people, swimming, eating, talking and having a few beers. Fortunate, we are.
I officially sent out a Fan Club email for the first time in over a year. I don’t know why I’ve been procrastinating on that work so badly, as it only took me about an hour of work. I sent an advance ticket link for the 20th anniversary gig in hopes to jumpstart ticket sales ahead of publicly announcing in the next week or so. Already seeing some downloads, which feels kinda nice. I have to get the musical portion settled as that’s the piece that’s worrying me most. That said, I got the posters designed and printed, ticket link site setup (and sent) and I’m building a list of the folks I want to give awards to, so I am making progress which does feel good.
I started on a new med cycle a few days ago. My doctor had me wean off the Mitrazapine, in favor of trying Wellbutrin. I did ok with the initial dose of 50% effectiveness and don’t seem to feel any ill-effects. My sleeping hasn’t been as good but that’s to be expected since the Mitrazapine essentially kept me in a deep slumber all night and even groggy the next morning. It was nice getting such huge amounts of sleep but I was always a solid sleeper before and think it’s smart to get back to that normalcy, and it’s been ok so far. Hoping the Wellbutrin might have an effect on my weight in a positive way, which is something she said is possible. In either case, I’m thankful to be here months later and doing well in most areas of my life. For that I am very thankful.
8/10/23: Did my morning walk but faltered later in the day by overeating. It’s more than that, because when it happens, I’m usually mindful of it and blow past anyways because the addiction is so fucking strong. I need to figure out a coping mechanism, most probably taking 3 minutes to simply breathe and feel what is happening before acting on the urges. Maybe I’ll try that starting today?
8/9/23: Visited AS220 finally and met a few cool people. I met the program director who oversees the RITS programming as well as the music director of the studio space. Such a great vibe and imo, would make an excellent partnership. They are a RI institution and have some great locations and offerings. Not sure how Gary & Joan will feel about partnering with someone like this, but I think it’s well worth exploring. I feel like we could bolster their music program a lot and take it to another level. They don’t really have a proper engineer/producer beyond Jay, the guy who is generally overseeing all of the song and beat making classes. They also don’t have enough coverage for the RITS stuff to be more than part time but together I think we could bridge those gaps and improve the outcomes and capacity. They’re also moving into a brand new studio space in the near future, so it would be a good opportunity to expand and improve what they are doing. So thankful to be meeting so many awesome, talented and caring people in and around the city.
8/8/23: Kinda felt like yesterday was my first ‘official’ day as captain of the GreaterGoodProject, as my other benefits formally expired. I hadn’t been taking money for my work due to the conflict, but now will need to begin that process in earnest. Feeling good about things and had a great whiteboard session with the PeaceLove crew at HQ. It felt like a great working session and was a productive use of time. They are very green when it comes to process of any kind and I think a tiny bit of corporate discipline will be good for them. It also energized me to be standing at a white board again and directing traffic during the discussion. I’m going to head back today to synthesize the notes and summarize the key takeaways so we can begin to knock those items off the todo list. We really need to button up over the next 3 weeks, as we prepare to kickoff (3) distinct pilots with key partners. Thankful to be part of the team and feeling the energy of being creative with a cool business opportunity.
8/7/23: Fam Jam yesterday for Randy and Bella’s bdays. We went out this time, to a new place in Foxboro that was actually decent. My mom was in a great mood. I’m not sure if this is true but I got the feeling a weight is off her shoulders now that GiGi has passed. Of course that was hard emotionally, but she was also spending a ton of mental and physical energy taking care of her all these years. In any case, whatever the source, I’m glad for her. She’s going on an Alaskan cruise in a few weeks which surprised me, as something outside the box for her. I’m thankful for my mom and even though our relationship has been imperfect, it’s gotten better with age.
Randy also seemed ok. He looked slightly better than the last time we saw him and was limping less. I’m glad he’s relatively healthy, given his past medical issues. Same old same old for him, nothing changes which is almost unnatural. He talked about getting a new car, which would be nice, since he does a lot of driving and I know he’s somewhat of a ‘car guy’. I hope he’s happy and content. He’s always been a great brother, despite our lack of connection and common interests. I love him.
8/6/23: Shot pics at the KoT metalfest last night. Saw some really old faces I haven’t seen in decades and of course others more recent. Nice to be among friends like that, even in the scary-ish confines of Randolph. A ton of people came over to say hi, which of course made me feel good. I’m happy for Mike, Kev, Dave, Stu and Mike and I know they really enjoyed the moment being on stage again doing what they do. Crowd definitely liked it and I got some decent pics, though not my best shoot. I still struggle with the technical aspects of my camera, especially capturing moving subjects in relatively poor light conditions. I’m going to solve for that at some point and my pics will get a lot better. Thankful for so many old friends in my orbit and for being creative in support of some of my besties.
8/5/23: Meals day yesterday. Russell wasn’t doing too well, and had been rushed to the hospital a few days earlier after a bad fall. He’s such a sweet guy and I’m really thankful we crossed paths. I made him some coffee since he wasn’t getting up/down too well and we talked as usual for about 20 minutes or so. Mike Banner was also complaining more than usual about his pain level. Also a great guy, he’s doing much better than Russell and is almost always outside working when I see him, despite his ailments. Both of them are inspirational to me and have made the whole Meals on Wheels experience a great one.
8/4/23: Visited Rhode Island Training School yesterday and met a great guy named John Scott. He works with Larome and runs operations and staff training there. He showed me around and I was totally inspired by the space and their approach. They’ve worked to integrate lots of things into the day to day, outside corrections. They have large green spaces where they are growing vegetables and taking care of chickens and goats. They have a full service culinary program that teaches kids to work in a kitchen. They have arts programming, led by AS220 and are open/interested in bringing music in. I’m really drawn to it, and hopeful we can put something together for the 50+ kids that reside there. I think it would be hugely impactful and beautiful.
I did another bike ride yesterday, after my morning walk. My eating hasn’t been quite as solid this week as last and as a result, the scale today didn’t change. It’s ok because I actually do feel better. I definitely want/need to drop some lbs. but I feel like the last few weeks have been better. Thankful for starting to remember what that feels like.
8/2/23: Feeling mindful and healthful. Thankful!
8/1/23: Continued the morning walk routine and feeling like I’m improving in the fat area. Feels good to remember what it’s like to feel good. I’m proud of myself and glad that I’m finding my way back. Enjoying some quality mindful time during my days too. I wrote a few days back about the ‘Nirvana is right under our nose’ concept and I feel like I’m connecting with it more. I’m not looking for huge breakthroughs, but rather small moments of what I’d characterize as ‘satisfaction’, feeling good about everything without trying or even thinking about it. Thankful.
Randy’s bday today, he’s 56. I know I don’t write about him much here, but I think often of him and fondly. We don’t overlap a lot in life these days but I know he loves me and I love him. It’s nice that we’ve come to a point where we can both say that to each other, even if communicating is still generally difficult. He’s a really sweet human and I’m glad he’s my brother. When I was young especially, he did a lot to try and look out for me and help me grow up. He was always generous and genuinely wanted to be a good ‘big brother’ to me. Our relationship didn’t really continue on that trajectory but I’m thankful he’s part of my life still and I hope he finds small moments of peace and happiness in his life.
7/31/23: Met Greg Alonge yesterday morning and dropped off a guitar setup for a teenager he’s working with. Good guy Greg is, and he does a lot with kids who really are in the shit. I enjoy being friends with him and a few times per year he reaches out about instruments for a kid he’s trying to help. I’m generally happy to help, and it gives us a chance to connect. I admire his purpose and the energy he puts forth for the kids in his care.
After I got home, I busted out my bike and rode a 10 miler. Not super taxing, but it was nice to keep the momentum of moving going and riding felt better than walking yesterday. Most thankful of all that I’m focusing on my body and doing things to care for and honor it. That’s really been missing from my life the last several months and it feels good knowing I can get back to it, if I just make the effort.
7/30/23: Did some food prep in the morning while Lisa was at the gym. I used some leftover fruit to make a smoothie. then I took some aging veggies and a few cans of beans and made a bean salad. I listened to music while I got everything ready and it felt good. Just simple, quiet, healthful, mindful activities. Didn’t walk in the morning so I decided to cut the lawn. It’s been overdue now for a while but it’s been so damn hot out. That said, I wanted to move and sweat a bit since I skipped walking and so I went for it. Always a good mindful task and I generally feel accomplished afterward. In the afternoon, I went to the music store and grabbed a cheap practice amp. I have a kid through Greg Alonge that I’m giving a setup to. Greg’s a nice dude I’ve known for years. He brings kids to me regularly and I generally say yes. It’s almost always some kid in therapy, as he is a social worker with lots of DYS kids, etc. It’s very hands off and doesn’t cost much, so I like to help out. In the evening, we went to PVD and ate dinner at Troop for the second time. Bella/Cam & Q/Erin came along so it was a big group. Everyone liked the food which is always a challenge and it was nice to spend time all together outside the house. I’m thankful I can still afford a nice family dinner at a quality restaurant. I’m thankful that the kids still enjoy spending time with us. And I’m thankful for a mellow, low key day at home.
7/29/23: Had a cool day yesterday making my deliveries. It was super hot so Mike Banner was inside and I saw him for the first time without a hat. He’s such a nice dude and I left his house smiling. I experienced a few times where I noticed Nirvana. I’ve been listening more to Dave Smith Dharma. He’s been talking about how Nirvana has been elevated to this state of unachievable enlightenment, which I agree with. It’s usually proffered as the ‘goal’ of Buddhism and why many people get interested. Inherently, I think most of us are looking for a ‘solution’ and we typically see that in the form of some magical end state where all our problems will be gone and we’ll experience nothing but joy, gratitude and happiness (Nirvana). Even the Buddha himself continued to experience suffering, after his ‘enlightenment’ and I think the Dharma is telling us that Nirvana is really a state where you can see and feel all the moments of pure awareness in your day, as opposed to some end state that few, if any, can actually achieve. This definition resonates with me and I think it’s accurate. I felt some of those moments yesterday and I think even considering this idea was one of them. Thankful.
I know I mentioned it yesterday, but it was awesome to submit that grant application for Lewis Prize. I felt good about what I wrote and submitted. I know Rawkstars is not the biggest or best funded or best staffed or best anything. But we have a long track record of slowly building something impactful and I hope the committee will see we are worth investing in. I also feel really good about our ‘Big Idea’ as they framed it. I want to do some follow up with John and see if we can really outline a program offering together that combines our skill sets, ideas and resources and deploy it someplace, possibly RITS. That would be a great accomplishment, imo.
7/28/23: Weighed in today for the first time post reset and dropped 6 lbs. I know that level is not sustainable, but beyond the scale I’m definitely feeling slightly better. I’m moving and getting up down easier and my face/neck looks better. I’ve continued with the morning walking/biking and went the last couple days with Lisa and Noahla, which has helped. I’m proud of myself even for just a small victory because it was hard to even get to that point these last few months. I’m very thankful to be considering my values and long term goals in making mindful choices throughout the day.
I finished the grant application for Lewis Prize this morning and just submitted it moments ago. I’m thankful for the process, even if Rawkstars isn’t chosen for additional rounds. The process itself was helpful in shaping the conversation around what we want to do and where the gaps are. For example, I know I need to get better representation in our board and with our families, both in terms of racial makeup, but also in background/experience in this arena. I’m going to ask John Hope to co-develop a curriculum with Rawkstars so we can present it together as a new program to cover both the musical aspects of GBB with the social/knowledge elements of his programming. I think that is a super powerful and compelling value proposition and something the world really needs. I feel like putting resources and time into that direction is worthwhile and something that is really resonating with me. I think we could potentially deploy such a program with Larome at RITS sometime down the road and it would be an amazing training ground to refine the process and make it scalable. Grateful for the opportunity to even present this to Lewis Prize and for the rigor they put in place to make me think more deeply.
7/27/23: Had a productive yet relaxing day yesterday. I got a bit of traction back with Larome and am hopeful to visit him again next week for a tour of RITS. I think my course of action is figuring out how to create a music program that specifically serves the school population exclusively. The challenge will be for a space inside that can be dedicated, or we take the mobile approach and simply design and purchase gear that can easily be transferred and setup. I think that’s what Gary is looking for. Something serving the incarcerated youth, regularly scheduled and repeatable elsewhere. Too many variables is a turn off I can tell. This would also give us a foothold in this space covering the state of RI and could lead to a similar program with CommCorp/DYS, that I’ve still got in my back pocket. Also had a good client call with Marty at Slalom about one final sprint to polish up Scribl in preparation for the pilot. He seems like a genuinely good dude and most certainly has been integral in getting the game this far. He’s also a bass player so I’m not surprised :). It’ good news for PeaceLove and by extension, for me. It’s going to give us a better chance at success with the pilot, which could most definitely trickle down to securing them as a semi-permanent client long term.
Most importantly, I’m continuing on a path to better health, eating improvement and daily exercise. Morning walks have been great and I do notice a difference in how my body feels and maybe even how it looks. I’ll be weighing myself officially on Fridays (tomorrow) so hopefully my input will be reflected on the scale. It’s nice to feel like I’m taking care of myself and being true to the person I want to be, instead of getting bogged down in physical malaise and the addiction of overeating.
7/25/23: Feeling my way through my new pattern of morning walking. Skipped Saturday but walked again Sunday and it feels good. My eating has been solid, but not perfect. I’m ok with that, and hopeful the walking and somewhat improved eating will result in a slow/steady weight loss. Ideally, I’d like to drop 1-2 lbs. per week. That feels like a good pace, but not too ambitious or extreme.
We had band practice on Sunday for the first time in forever. We sounded pretty terrible but I felt at least passable with the songs and I know the next one will be light years better. We also agreed on some new songs, which is really what I’m hoping for. I’m really sick of our existing material and wish we could get some momentum to be able to drop most of them. At this point, I’m glad we simply got together and made some noise, so I’m grateful for that.
7/23/23: Second successful day of eating well and walking. Did the 3 mile loop in the morning, after nearly talking myself out of it being Saturday. Met the Bento crew for lunch and hung out with Mikey. I did ok at lunch, had a few glasses of wine and ate too much bread, but overall decent. In the evening, Dave stopped over and Mikey later, so there was plenty of revelry. I abstained mostly from drinking and we got caught up in hanging out and lit a fire, so dinner was skipped. Typically, I would have gorged on some snacks or whatever late at night, but I managed to pull myself away from the kitchen and just go to bed. Felt like a victory. Thankful.
7/22/23: Officially told myself (and Lisa) that I’m trying to lose weight. I called it dieting, but I’m hopeful it’s more like a lifestyle change. Started the day with a 3 mile walk, which I want to try and do every day. I may substitute biking on some days. I also did a protein shake for breakfast. I’ve found success in the past with simple walking each day and taking the guesswork out of breakfast, by limiting my choice and drinking something that contains lots of goodness, fills me up, absorbs quickly and I can take anyplace. I also will remove after dinner snacking from my routine. I feel like those 3 simple changes can have a big effect. I also finally got up the nerve to weigh myself, for the first time in several months. I confirmed my fears and have ballooned up to 279, my highest weight in probably 10 years. That said I’m thankful I finally faced the scale and spent at least one day doing something to change it.
Officially wrapped up the build sprint with Slalom and P/L yesterday. The app came out nicely and we demo’ed for the partners. There was some feedback which we want to try and action against, but I’m feeling good about our progress, the engagement overall and everyone’s support. I spoke with Matt in the evening and we are going to meet on Tuesday to try and work out another agreement to keep me plugged in for another few months, through the AWS pilot. I’m going to make it as easy on them as possible and just ask for $300/week for 4 hours of my time. I feel like that’s enough to manage the plans for the pilot and helps me get closer to my weekly goal of $1k for earning money. Grateful for PeaceLove, the project, income and stability as I begin down this road of managing my own business.
7/21/23: Anniversary #26 yesterday! Thankful as always, for being married to an awesome woman and friend. We had a low key day, just getting back from vacation and all. We had a homemade dinner which was nice for a change. We drove to pickup my car from Joe, where I left it prior to vacation. Was kinda expensive, but I know Joe kept the price as fair as possible and most of it was parts. Grateful for having him available for our car needs. We stopped by the Bento’s while in 02072 and saw Mikey briefly. Was nice to connect although super short as he was headed out to the beach with Abi. We’ll see him tomorrow at lunch, but thankful also for having him as part of my life. He gave me the Brian Johnson bio, which I’ve been recommended by Bob Mayo, so I’m pumped to read that eventually. Overall, I’m thankful to be home, even though vaca was amazing. We got reset with Q, who we missed a ton and getting the car back was nice too. Kind of a reset day and still feeling a bit jet lagged, but dialed into some PeaceLove meetings. Thankful also for their friendship and professional relationship.
7/20/23: Been offline here for the last week as we visited Portugal! We had the most amazing time. We stayed with Brunilde, at her place in Ericeira, which is absolutely stunning. The apartment is on a hillside, a short walk down to several beaches and an bustling village of old world homes, nestled in between a ton of restaurants and other businesses. Her place has a rooftop deck which overloooks the expansive ocean and we witnessed several jaw dropping sunsets there. We ate terrific food, drank cold draft beer and Portuguese wine with dinner. The ocean was cold but we braved it one day and began to enjoy it after the first dip. We drove a lot, and of course trekked to Braga to see the Scorpions show. We actually got there early and waited in line, which resulted in us getting right up front on stage left. I took lots of solid pics throughout the trip and am digging my new camera phone. We wound up staying overnight in Braga and spending another, since we really liked the town, which was older and filled with literally dozens of super old churches. We did a ton of walking throughout the week, which was really good to counteract the food intake. We did day trips and made stops in Porto, Nazare, Sintra and Cascais, all of which were terrific and somewhat different from each other. The only spot I didn’t care much for was the touristy section of Cascais, which felt more American than anything else. We tried to visit a castle in Sintra, but got lost driving up the mountainside. Brunilde was a super gracious host and it was nice to bond with her a bit during our stay. She welcomed us with open arms and genuinely seemed to want us to come back with the kids again. Super grateful for the time together with Lisa and for being able to afford such an amazing experience.
7/12/23: Video edit in the morning yesterday with David. We worked on the piece I shot with Joana and the kids over at Zabinski Music. It came out pretty well, not amazing. I felt distracted while I was at the session and let David take charge of most of the production. He’s great and I totally trust him. Sometimes it’s good to let someone else’s input overtake your own and it felt like I needed the help. I was preoccupied with the vacation and also a situation with my car. The afternoon before, a bunch of lights came on the dash in succession. I googled it and think it’s an electrical/battery issue, but I never saw so many lights come on in unison, so I need to get it checked out. I took Q’s car because I had to travel from Pawtucket to Brockton and didn’t want to get stuck. I’m gonna drop the car off at Joe’s tonight before we hit the airport and then leave it while we’re away. Hopeful it’s something small.
In the afternoon, I met Rilla and Malik over at the Brockton space to kick off the first class of the summer music series. There were two young men there and they both seemed really cool. Very engaged and creative and even dare I say positive. I don’t think we’ll have any issues over there with lyrical content or any grief from the staff. They seem super chill and welcoming. While I was there I had a Teams call with Matt Cole over at DYS. He’s the CFO and I had it on my calendar to connect with him for a while. I started to outline this concept of offering music services to the entire residential and community locations, by way of a mobile studio setup. It’s something I outlined with Gary and Joan and something I want to pursue. He was very receptive but also tempered in his response. I’m definitely planning to pursue an official proposal and going to try and align with Katie, per his recommendation. Exciting to think about potentially pulling this together. It would be an amazing personal accomplishment and also give me another source of income for at least several months. It’s also a step towards offering programming in Rhode Island, at the RITS, which I’m also hopeful about. I’m very appreciative of these opportunities and that I’m spending so much time connecting with awesome people like Matt and Larome.
7/11/23: Met with Gary & Joan yesterday down at the cape. We had lunch and talked for about 2 hours. Nothing super new but I told them about RITS, TIDES and the other things I’ve had brewing lately. They seem pretty satisfied with my progress to date, though I’m still not totally sure what direction we are headed in. That said, we both agreed to keep the relationship going and give it more time to develop. I’m thankful because it gives me a regular project and source of income for at least a few more months, hopefully longer. It’s also been an immense honor to steer this ship towards a positive outcome, even if I’m not sure what that is at the moment. I feel thankful they are showing such faith in me, and giving me the time and room to run with this. It’s all I could have asked for.
7/10/23: Saw Alyssa, Wyatt and Abi yesterday over at the Bento’s pool yard. It was nice to see all of them and the kids really have grown up. Crazy when they are that age and a year or more goes by, the changes are incredible. Wyatt has really thinned out and is hitting the gym a lot. He also grew significantly taller. Abi is about the same size, but looks more mature and ‘womanly’ I guess you could say. They are both good kids and seem like they are happy and well adjusted. Caden and Logan were also there and it was kinda cool all being there for a couple hours. I’m proud of all the kids and seeing them mature and grow up is kinda cool. I’m thankful they are all smart, healthy and maturing people and seem destined for happy lives.
7/9/23: Lisa spent the day in Nantucket with Lolita, so I was home by myself most of the day. I spent it working in the yard, which has been overdue. I trimmed all the bushes back as they’ve really grown over the island this last year+. Then I went to Home Depot and bought a new trimmer, which I had been putting off since last year. I edged around most of the yard and even had enough energy to detail the front walkway. Of course I also mowed, which is hard in the summer, but I hadn’t cut since almost 2 weeks ago, so it was shaggy in areas. I sweated a ton and had trouble staying outside, as I had to keep coming in for water and to cool down. My fitness level has fallen pretty far this year, but I’m grateful I managed enough to get the yard looking better and for at least a few hours, felt capable.
I spent another hour or so working on round #2 of the Lewis Prize grant application. I felt pretty good about what I wrote, though I need to review it most certainly and I didn’t even start one of the long form questions. It’s exciting to think about, even if it’s a bit of a longshot for Rawkstars to win. Even getting to round #3 would have a big impact, since we would receive $15k just for being a semi-finalist. Grateful to be participating in the process and have a chance.
I also received an email from old SHS friend Nicole Smith. Apparently she had been connecting with Lisa quietly to submit a nomination for Rawkstars as a community arts partner, for a nonprofit she’s on the board of. I thought it was so sweet that she took the time to even think about that, let alone connect with Lisa and fill out the application, including a written summary of Rawkstars’ activities. I honestly don’t even know what the end goal of that is, if there is some kind of grant or other support, but regardless, it made me feel awesome that Rawkstars has impacted someone I knew 35 years ago and who I really don’t interact or see much at all. Honored.
7/7/23: Had a terrific meeting with Larome Myricks down at RITS yesterday. It’s a huge complex of corrections buildings and the school is also there, with admin offices, etc. He seems like a really great guy, very action oriented and personable. After a short time, he basically said he wants to do something together. He also talked about TIDES, which is a partner org they do lots of work with in Providence area, and he called their CEO while we were talking and put her on speaker phone. The 3 of us are going to meet on Monday to keep the conversation going and see if we can land on some ideas about how to start. I really left with a feeling of positivity about this direction. It’s really in line with what I’ve been trying to focus on with Rawkstars and I think Gary & Joan will also like the direction, potentially swinging in another direction beyond the B&GC approach, which is what they’ve been saying all along here. It could really be the start of a super impactful partnership. I reached out to John Hope as I think there is something here for him also. I want to formulate a more in depth curriculum, that goes beyond simply teaching beat making and rapping. I think his experience in this area could be hugely beneficial in creating such an approach. We could really formalize a proposal together, which could also be presented to the DYS folks, as I’m meeting with Matt Cole there next week. It could even be the basis for a growth path in laying out the program funding I applied for through Lewis Prize. Not sure how any of this will flow, but I had/have a strong sensation about its potential and will leave it at that. Thankful!
7/6/23: Yesterday I submitted an application for the job at Elastic, as Director of their global ‘cares’ program. I’m not positive why I continue to keep an eye on these things and throw my hat in the ring, other than it’s just conditioned behavior. It does sound like a great position on paper and certainly would put me back in the same saddle I was riding for a few decades. That said, I’m also enjoying the journey I’m on now and I have made great strides in the last few months towards making this a semi-permanent thing. The PeaaceLove project is cool and I think they definitely want to keep me around. Time will tell if they have enough success financially with this idea to bring me on in that capacity. I’m having a conversation with Gary & Joan next week that I think will put me on a similar path with M&YI, working more on other tasks beyond the flagship clubhouse, and give me a reliable client ongoing. Then there’s the Rawkstars thing. I can basically start paying myself anytime. That would give me more than enough work each week and 3 diverse set of tasks to keep myself busy, learning, engaged and viable. I won’t have the 401k, life insurance and other perks that come from corporate america, but I’ll also be working for myself mostly, doing things I choose and having the most direct impact possible on those things I choose. I guess we’re complicated beings and adjusting to new worldviews and perspectives is hard by design. Not sure what will come of the application, if anything, and I’ll cross that bridge if I even come to it.
In the afternoon, I got an email telling me that Rawkstars moved onto the second round for consideration of the Lewis Prize in Music! It’s a life-changing grant program I applied to about 6 weeks back, kind of on a whim. I know it’s a longshot, but getting past round 1 feels really good. In some ways it’s a validation of my decision to pursue funding and that others may see the same value in our program ideas that I do. Definitely don’t wanna get ahead of myself, but I felt a real sense of accomplishment, probably more accurately validation. Thankful for the positive feeling and for someone taking any notice in what Rawkstars has done.
7/5/23: Wicked rainy yesterday and spent most of the day at home, lounging and recovering from the weekend of excess. We watched a movie and I took a nap, both of which were awesome. I installed a light fixture in the studio, which looks so much better than the old one. The second one was broken in shipping so I couldn’t finish the other side, but felt a mild sense of accomplishment. I also ticked a few small errands off my todo list, in sharing the video, posting it online and some small returns to Amazon. Sometimes, these little things add up and leave me with a sense of having done something, which is useful. I came across a job post which really piqued my interest and I think I’m going to submit a resume / application today. It feels weird as I think I’m in a great place. I’m enjoying my role in leading this new venture and the projects I’m juggling are still cool. I guess it’s something I might never grow out of, and seeing the occasional job listing is healthy perhaps?! I’m glad to be submitting from a place of strength, as of course it’s a longshot to apply for something online in even the best of circumstances. Feeling grateful for how far I’ve come in the last 6 months, even if I’m still unsettled, which I of course am 🙂
7/4/23: Finished the Extreme video yesterday. Spent a couple hours in the studio editing with David, which is always a good day. I’m really happy with the piece and it makes the mix sound even better, consuming it visually. I decided to go with a B&W treatment, which is how the original was shot. Thankful for some creative output and finishing another project with friends.
7/1/23: We picked up Lisa’s car yesterday! It’s been a long road of a process but the results are on point. The car is beautiful and literally couldn’t be more new. It has 425 miles on it and looks great. I’m so thankful that we were able to get something really cool for Lisa, she deserves to have a great car that she loves. I’m thankful for the process, even when it was frustrating and proud that I stuck with it and came out with something we are proud of. I’m also thankful for having the money to afford such a luxurious item, when many others are hurting in the world. It’s not lost on me that even though I’ve technically been ‘unemployed’ for the better part of 7 months, we haven’t missed one bill payment, our savings account has grown and we bought the car, a sofa, a gazebo and new cell phone and several other luxury items along the way. It’s great to feel secure, even though I often struggle with the idea of not being ’employed’ in the classic sense of the word.
On Thursday evening, I shot an interview with Joana and Rebekah over at her music store. I hired Jon Cardoni again, who is easy to work with, has some decent gear and works really reasonably. He’s a good dude all around and I’m thankful to have reconnected with him all these years after we met at Good Vibes. I’m also thankful for Rebekah, as she has brought Rawkstars 5 students and a great relationship with a store in Rhode Island. Her store is awesome and really growing. She took over another floor in her building and I’m happy for her that business is going well. She seems like a really great person and I’m glad we connected all those months ago.
6/29/23: Q got not one, but TWO jobs yesterday! He spent his afternoon landscaping as mentioned below. He worked his ass off, but made $125 cash, plus lunch. Not too shabby and imo, the perfect summer job. Later in the day he went to Domino’s for a delivery gig and they hired him on the spot. He’s going to start on Saturday. While I’m less thrilled with that one, it should be a good moneymaker for him and most certainly way easier. I just hope the extra time in the car doesn’t result in him having an issue or really beating the shit out of the vehicle that we just now are giving him. I want it to last him through college, like Bella’s car did. In any case, I’m proud of him and thankful he was willing to stretch into these areas to land something. It’ll be good for him to make his own money and take a tiny bit of burden off Lisa and I to keep him supplied with ice cream, gas, and date night cash.
6/28/23: Shopped for a new phone yesterday. Sold my iPhone to Cam for $500, which was nearly enough to pay off the balance, minus about $130. I haven’t liked it since I started with it, and it’s just too darn big. I downsized to a Samsung 23, standard size. I think it will be a good move and I’m happy to get back on an Android. Funny how much the phones are part of our lives and even though I’m a moderate user, it’s been nagging at me for months and am thankful I moved on.
Q is out landscaping today with Ryan, which is awesome. I was hoping that would come together as he needs to make some money. Exercising and working outside is a bonus, that I think he will appreciate, even if it’s hella hard at first, which I think it will be. He’s also going later to interview at Domino’s as a driver. I’m glad that he’s trying harder to find something but kinda don’t like the idea of a driving job with his own car. It’s going to beat up the car as well as increase the odds that he has a fender bender. Just a personal thing and I don’t want to discourage him from looking. Thankful for his efforts.
Some good meetings with PeaceLove and I’m getting back into the weekly swing with them lately. We’re 1 sprint into the build and things seem to be going pretty well so far. Lots of little tasks and it’s actually pretty cool to see Slalom operate. They are much higher functioning than Hasbro ever was on the dev side and it’s kinda nice for me to be part of. If my role and teams had this much discipline, I might have continued down that path 🙂
6/26/23: Party weekend. We had Bella’s grad party on Saturday and it was hella fun. Perfect combo of family, old friends, newer friends and kids. We ordered from the Portuguese place in Fall River and the food was a big hit. We had a couple of Bella’s friends sleep over and we all slept really late! Yesterday, Lisa, me and the kids went by Mike’s place for a small follow up by the pool. Weather was perfect and it felt nice to swim. I’ve been loathe to take my shirt off, even more than usual, but I decided it wasn’t worth worrying over and enjoyed the sun and water. It was nice having Bella and Cam here for the weekend and I think everyone left the party having really enjoyed it. Thankful for our chosen family.
6/24/23: Met a great guy named Terrell Osborne yesterday at The Met HS. He’s the guy who runs the existing music program, and founded Music One. Older, black gentleman and seemed really cool. He has a long music pedigree and was born/bred in Providence and contributes to the community by helping kids for decades as a mentor, music teacher and seemingly good dude. I really enjoyed getting to know him a bit although it might preclude M&YI from doing something with The Met, since he seems pretty entrenched in their programming. Thankful to continue building my network of cool people through this process.
6/23/23: Visited the Newport B&GC yesterday and met a great guy named Marlin. Turns out he’s close with John Hope, so needless to say we hit it off. I don’t think their club is going to be a good spot for our project, but he seems like a great resource to lean on and I can see something positive coming from our connection. I’m really thankful to be spending time on this research and networking so much around this topic. It’s absolutely going to lead to great outcomes in some way.
Q’s guitar arrived yesterday and he was pretty floored. I did a good job of keeping it super quiet and even as he was opening it, he had no idea it was for him. It’s common for new guitars to come into the house for Rawkstars or personal or whatever, so it really caught him off-guard. He seemed to genuinely love it and I’m thrilled that we could buy something like that for him, without worrying too much about it. We are lucky!
6/22/23: Had a great conversation with Gary. We started talking about daily/clubhouse stuff, but migrated to the topic of long term approach to working together. He proposed basically what I think is how I want to continue. He begins to hand off other tasks to me that he is currently owning, and I can work on those in parallel with seeking a partner for the Flagship Clubhouse. I can choose to increase my work efforts in other areas also, such as fundraising, if my goal is to work full-time. Alternately, I can keep my flex schedule to a few days per week consulting on all that needs doing and continue to juggle other clients and personal stuff. Feels like exactly what I want from this. I like the idea of feeling more stable and with a wider range of tasks beyond simply looking for the next clubhouse location. That’s a bit limiting, though it has been a good experience too. I feel like I can contribute to more areas and assume a broader range of responsibilities, making myself more valuable and fill enough hours each month. I’m thankful it’s gone well so far and also excited about the potential for making M&YI a long-term client I can count on.
Also met with Chris Perry, the real estate guy I met at Purdy’s last week. We had a great conversation about investing and we generated lots of ideas. In a nutshell, I’m considering leveraging the investments we’ve already built by selling the Azalea house, or borrowing from it. The next step would be purchasing a multi-family home or perhaps more than one. It will put the $400k+ of equity we have to work and generate better cash flow, while also increasing the size of our portfolio. It’s not without risk of course and I’d be diving into the deep end of landlording, after mostly removing myself from that obligation. That said, with my new worldview and financial picture, post Hasbro, I’m cobbling together a living and aiming to thrive, not just get by. I think it’s a smart move in some scenario. The work will be figuring out the right mix of risk/reward to get us where we want to go and be secure financially for whatever time we have left. Thankful.
6/21/23: Bought a car yesterday! Got sick of chasing all the dealers and fake vehicles they advertise and decided to buy a used vehicle online at CarMax. The experience was actually pretty good. I filled out the credit app and was approved in a couple minutes. The car is practically new and is coming from Illinois. It’s a 2023 HRV ELX, which is the tricked out model with all the features. It has 225 miles on it. I wanted Lisa to have a nice car and figured it was a good call to spring for the extra few grand instead of getting a cheaper trim. I know she’ll enjoy the car and be happy driving it for many years. It felt good not just to get that far in the process, but also just to do something to make Lisa happy and relieved.
Coincidentally, I also bought Quincy a guitar in the afternoon. He doesn’t know about it yet, but I’m thinking he’s gonna be pumped. I know he wants to try a new axe but certainly is in no position to buy one, without having worked in months. He puts so much time and effort into guitar and music in general I want him to have the tools to make it happen. I used some of the money I had stashed away in the Greater Good bank account, so it won’t effect the household budget. Grateful that I can treat my family to things like this as a result of my years of hard work, planning, investing and good decisions.
6/20/23: Still trying to sort out all the car stuff. I got Lisa to drive an HRV yesterday, after much effort. I’ve also been surfing on some of the used/delivery sites now. At least those allow you to actually buy a fucking car and are clear on the pricing without having to deal with a sales guy. I think we are locked into the idea of the HRV and I want to spring for the extra $ to get the nicest trim version, an EXL. Finding one and sealing the deal is the last step. Thankful to be in a position to buy Lisa a nice car and feel ok about spending the cash. It’s a big step for me emotionally, but I’m feeling good about it.
Been a slow week on the M&YI side, as I’ve been having trouble getting follow up appointments with the folks I’m trying to visit. I’m worried Gary & Joan will see it as non-progress on my part. I need to get to a place of security with this engagement, if it’s going to work. I’m still excited about it all and we’ll see what the next few weeks bring. I suppose the only way I can get to that point is to keep going and try my best to make something happen.
Small victory but I got through yesterday without overeating and did 100 squats. I’m going to try and focus myself on that goal again today and see if I can start a pattern. Lisa has been in a rough place with her own fitness, and has gained some weight over the last few months. She seems to be trying hard still and controlling her intake, but her body is just in a state of change. I feel bad as I know how much it hurts her and how hard she works at it. I tried to be comforting and supportive about it when we talked, and I think I accomplished that.
6/19/23: Father’s Day was cool. Bella came down the night before to hang out with her friend and stayed over. The 4 of us went to breakfast at Sunshine, which was a nice change. Was planning to go back on the car path and visit some dealers but decided I didn’t want to spend time with that and stayed home. Instead we visited The Bento’s to wish Mr. B a HFD and we hung out in the pool yard a bit. Mrs. B is doing better with her knee and it was nice to see them as always. Q gave me a really nice card and also took me for ice cream at Kev’s. Totally not something I needed of course, but it was sweet and I was thankful to spend the time with him, since it was a really long line. His card was beautiful and really expressed his feelings. Bella put up a FB post about me, since she’s a bit less direct with her feelings. I’m super thankful for Lisa and the kids and really all the folks in my orbit. I had posted earlier in the day myself about my own dad experience and got a lot of sweet feedback from people. I really didn’t intend for it to be sympathetic, but more of a display of gratitude for my dad, even if he was far from the best guy. I’m glad I learned a lot of lessons about how not to treat my kids and in a weird way that was probably good for me.
6/17/23: Quincy’s band played a house party last night. They did great and it seemed like people really dug them! They had a whole show worked out and it was cool to see. We’re so proud of him and seeing him continue to thrive and grow through music is just awesome. Still no movement on the car thing, but I’m feeling more certain about buying vs. leasing. I figure we’re gonna spend the money either way so the idea of sucking it up now to get a nice car for Lisa and putting down a larger down payment is probably where I’m headed. Been a good first week on the PeaceLove / Slalom build project. Not a ton of activity but nice to get back in the saddle with Matt, Eric, Liam and the new folks on the team. I’m happy to be contributing to such a cool effort while also banking some money for later. I hope PeaceLove will become a long-term client for me as I feel strongly about what they’re doing and like them very much personally. A low-dough, part-time engagement over the long-term would be ideal. Thankful to have them in my life and in my work rotation. Mixed the Extreme song over at Joe’s yesterday and had fun. We didn’t spend a ton of time, as I wanted it to sound unpolished and imperfect. The vocals needed a good amount of tuning, but that was mostly the result of zero practice time and no chance to even work out the actual parts ahead of the session. I’m happy with how it came out and am pumped to put the video together. Thankful for all my talented friends and for hanging with Joe. He and I have a good bond personally and I feel like we also work well together in the studio. I can’t hang with him in many areas, but I can compliment his skills and we have a strong mutual respect.
6/15/23: Had coffee with Jack Van Leer early morning at a new spot in East PVD, which was really cool. He’s a good guy and I really enjoy talking with him. Not sure if that was the reason, but I kept a very good perspective on things throughout the day. I drove to the office afterward and covered a couple P/L calls, as that project is ramping up full speed now. I stopped on my way back to the car and meditated on a bench next to the water. The sun was shining and felt awesome. Q was rehearsing with his band when I got home and I smiled listening to them. Beyond jamming the songs, they were working on their stage banter in between and planning some little solo sections, which is so cool. Proud of that kid and happy he’s got a group of friends who are musical and that they are sounding really good together and having fun! Jack mentioned connecting me with a few different folks who might be good leads for the M&Y research stuff so I’m excited about those things. He also asked me about some potential consulting work for a Barrington based nonprofit he’s on the board of. Small gig but might prove to be another reliable client, with low effort. Whatever I can do to build this network and keep myself engaged with work is good. Thankful for feeling grounded and appreciative all day.
6/14/23: Visited with the folks who run The Met and really enjoyed the visit. They have an awesome mission, space and model for helping high school kids follow their own path. In the afternoon, I had my meeting with Gary & Joan and they also seemed really excited. I’m glad about that as I have had some doubts about how well they think I’m doing these first few weeks. Trying hard to continue staying present and being in the moment. It’s really hard for me to feel ‘settled’ even though I’m busy, making money and being productive in general. Something about the idea of my situation not being permanent is clearly causing it. Just writing it seems foolish, since I understand the concept of impermanence. I suppose it’s the difference between knowing it intellectually and feeling it in my body. It’s the same thing I’ve been dealing with since losing my Hasbro gig, just in a new form. In any case, I’m thankful to be recognizing it right this second and even writing it down!
Continuing on the path to car buying and drove a Kia yesterday that I thought was super nice. Trying to figure out if this lease approach is right for us. My gut is saying it’s ok to try it for 3 years and then reset, but my inclination towards practicality is drawing me towards buying something cheaper or used. These old ingrained ways of operating are really tough to shed, while also feeling ok about it 🙂
6/12/23: Weekend was fun and we had the live recording yesterday of the Extreme song. Joe came down early and I had the studio all wired. He brought in his mixer and we mic’ed a few additional things with some nice stereo condenser mics. I had the studio arranged into two sections for guitars/percussion and vocals. We wound up bringing everyone a bit closer together once we started making noise as the sound was good in the room and it felt more intimate to face each other. I’m thankful for all my friends who sacrificed a few hours of their Sunday to come down. And for Joe, Renan and Jonathan who helped pull together all the technical details. It will be fun to mix and edit the footage and share a cool little music project for a change. I’m also thankful to have used the studio space and a bunch of my gear for the project and need more of that to happen in the future.
Afterward, Lisa and I went over to the Purdy’s for Noahla’s 50th party. It was nice to meet some of their friends and participate. She’s a great person and they are an awesome family. Grateful for all the years we’ve spent as neighbors and friends and having them as part of our lives. I also met Dave’s new real estate friend and it really got me thinking about spinning off Azalea and starting fresh with a multi-family to increase our income potential from all that equity we have built up. I had thought of it a few times recently, but talking to someone else about it really made it feel like the smart move. I’m definitely going to follow up with him in a few weeks to talk more. Now that I’m doing my own work thing, figuring out revenue streams to supplement my income and diversify is a smart move. That way if my consulting slows down, which it invariably will at some point, we’ll have more meaningful income from our investment. It’s good business and something I need to strongly consider. Thankful I ran into him and for having friends like Dave that push me into new areas of thought.
6/10/23: Went to Joe Gallant’s wake yesterday. Felt terrible for Lisa, though she seemed like she was ok, at least at the time. She’s a nice person and I hope she’ll be ok. She plays with a few bands and hopefully that will keep her occupied without Joe around. I saw Sara and Kathy B., neither of whom I had seen in years. Super nice to run into them, despite the circumstance. Thankful for another day, despite the challenges I’ve had with my weight, work and other things that I feel are less than I wish they were.
6/8/23: Sent out two proposals yesterday. One went to Pancreas Foundation, centered around a campaign for user videos and a feature piece. The second was for the Brockton/New Bedford summer music program. I’m hopeful on both of course, as I need to continue to look ahead in addition to focusing on the clients at hand. It’s also looking like I’ll be rebooting with PeaceLove starting Monday on the build phase of Scribl. That’s slated for 6 weeks but I also think it will roll into the test pilot with Amazon, which is equally as important. Hoping P/L will be able to support having me on the project, even just one day per week, which is what I pitched. In addition to it being income, I want badly to help bring that app to life and see it begin to be used. Especially partnering with Amazon, it really presents a unique opportunity for all involved. Matt and Jeff have been so good to me, I really want things to go well for them. Landing NPF as a ‘new’ client would also be awesome and there could be more work ongoing with them. I also like their interim CEO very much and the limited interaction we’ve had tells me she is an awesome person to learn from. The music class goes without saying. It would give us another location and would be mostly hands-off for me, letting Rilla and Malik run with it mostly. Still, it would produce passive income and be another step across the bridge for me.
6/7/23: I visited the Brockton YMCA/DYS branch yesterday and it was beautiful. It supports DYS kids that are outside the system, so there are no security measures and the building itself is more of an office environment. Anyways, they are interested in a 12-week summer music program for that location, plus New Bedford. I put together the docs about it and reached out to Rilla and Malik, who both seem game to do this again. I’m going to send everything over today and cross my fingers that they approve the budget and we can get started. I won’t need to provide much oversight and may attend occasionally to observe, similar to what I did at Taunton. I mostly will leave the programming to them and figure my role is more on the admin side, as seems to be a working model. Would be amazing to add another one of these to my growing resume in this space and continue learning how to improve. Would also be cool to be in a less secure environment with hopes of attracting attention to the program from potential funders and Rawkstars champions.
I also spoke on the phone with the Director of The Met School, who I had been interested in talking with. She seemed cool and we are going to meet in person next week, which is great. Not 100% sure about the fit and it’s something that might come up for M&YI as we go down this path of looking for alternate partners outside the B&GC setting. It might need to be implemented differently, but we’ll keep going and learning what’s possible and hope the solution reveals itself. Thankful for more activity and leads to explore.
I also took a first test drive of some new cars, to try and jumpstart the process for Lisa. I drove a Kona and a Tuscon. Both were nice but the Tuscon was super nice, which I wasn’t surprised about. The process of walking into a dealer kinda sucks, and you have to go through the whole situation to provide your info answer a bunch of sales questions, but there’s no way around it if you want to drive the cars. I wouldn’t be comfortable buying something so expensive without trying it out, so for better or worse that’s the plan. I’m gonna try and stop at the Honda dealer today and try out another type. I’m grateful for starting the process in person and for the idea of getting Lisa a new car. I know she’ll be happy, especially with me taking point to deal with much of the BS and get things narrowed down. Glad to be able to help her.
6/6/23: Bella started her first official post-college lab job! I always knew she’d be successful but I’m still in awe of how quickly she was able to secure not one, but two job offers. It’s really awesome and I’m so proud of her. Not be outdone, Quincy asked me to order him a book on Amazon. It doesn’t sound like much but I’ve been waiting for him to catch the reading bug and was so pumped to get his text. He asked for a book by Neitzsche, which is also not too surprising. He’s diving into the deep end and if he can enjoy an old book about philosophy it will be cool. So damn proud of both the kids and the adults that they have become. I think that’s our real legacy and I’m so very thankful to have played a small part in what they’ve accomplished and what is surely to come for both of them!
6/5/23: Gloomy weather continues. Another low key day at home mostly. Lisa and I did some errands in the morning; shopping, water, etc. but nothing big. She did some cooking and cleaning, which I’m always thankful for, even if I don’t always say it out loud. We enjoyed a nice chicken dinner with Q and Erin, and it was nice to have homemade food that Lisa cooked. It’s always a bit better than mine 🙂
In the afternoon, I drove down to PVD and met Jon Hope at Seven Stars. It was really great and I’m super glad he and I became friends. I filled him in on my projects and he offered a potential connection with a developer who is opening a mixed use space in Olneyville, which looks beautiful. Not sure if it will be a fit for the Clubhouse thing, but I’m excited to be making more contacts and learning more about the areas of the city. I also left feeling like there are tons of things Jon and I could do together. I think he’s a smart, talented guy and we have a lot of overlapping interests. I could see us partnering on something that combines the musical programming with his curriculum of teaching kids through the history of rap. It feels like a powerhouse combination and I feel he and I would compliment each other well on the business side also. Time will tell, but I’m certainly grateful for our connection, regardless of whether any business stuff comes together. I’m lucky to continue to attract and connect with awesome people.
Treading water on the emotional stuff and not feeling bad, but not quite as good as I had either. I’m meeting with Dr. Brutus today and will tell her what’s going on. I didn’t feel any difference going off the meds for the first week or 10 days, but the last handful of days I do feel a little less solid. It could be coincidence, but I’m caught between not wanting to rely on medication to regulate my mind, but also wanting to be in a good place mentally. Things were dark a few months ago and I certainly don’t want to revisit any of that. I should probably err on the side of caution and return to taking the meds at least a bit longer, before trying to wean off. I know in the grand scheme I haven’t been taking them very long and perhaps I’m not as ready as I might have hoped to go off them? I’m grateful to be doing much better than earlier this year and also to have the self-awareness to recognize how I feel. I’m also thankful to be in the care of someone I think is a good candidate for helping me and that we have medical insurance to ensure I can get what I need to feel well.
6/4/23: Dreary/lazy day yesterday. Battling some emotions and physical symptoms a bit after weaning off one of my meds the last couple weeks. I’m doing ok, but definitely noticing some small patterns. I’ll be seeing my doc tomorrow and will describe to her where I’m at. Not wholly unexpected after stopping the second medication, but unsure about the best way to proceed. Sill, I’m very thankful for what the meds have helped me with over the last few months. I was in a bad place previously and even with some weird bodily sensations and emotions the last few days, it’s light years from where I was.
6/3/23: Did my meal deliveries yesterday and visited with Mr. Freeman for a while. He’s a good guy and I usually try and spend some time with him. I know he’s lonely and not in the best of health. I think he has bone cancer and has lost a ton of weight. He makes me coffee every week and we shoot the breeze. He tells me about his wife, and his former jobs and such. I’m thankful to have met him on my route and grateful that I can bring him a few minutes of company on Friday mornings.
I had a zoom call with the folks at the Pawtucket B&GC and got an appointment with the Director of The Met school down in Providence. Doing research has led me to learn about some super cool orgs in the area, including The Met and also Big Picture School, who originated that model and now serve hundreds of schools in the country. I’d love to work more closely with these orgs and be able to be part of the solutions they are offering the world, especially for kids. Theirs is a hands-on model of learning, with lots of subjects not typically covered in school and with real world experiences built in. Something that would have served me greatly as opposed to the rigid model of education most kids are offered. Grateful to be learning about these things and hopeful I can become a small part of what they are accomplishing.
6/2/23: Visited the Mattapan B&GC yesterday, after Gary connected me with the folks there. Had a great time and met two really cool people. Sean, the clubhouse director, seems like an amazing guy. Plays every instrument, patient and really developed a bond with the kids that I could see in just a short time being there. The club is led by Rick, who I connected with quickly as well. He’s doing really impactful work in the community and is also a drummer. We wound up talking music for quite some time as he went to Berklee and has a love for some old metal \m/. Thankful to have met them both and to be in the position where I’m spending more of my time with people like this and seeking to help impact even more communities and kids.
6/1/23: Met up with Kevin Colman for coffee yesterday. Enjoyed reconnecting with him and telling him about what I’m up to. He’s a great guy and I’m thankful for our friendship. It feels real and genuine, even though he was my manager for a few years. It was a good reminder of where I’m at and how far I’ve come, which I think I need to continue to reinforce.
I met a nice woman at the co-working space named Aiden. We were both grabbing breakfast in the kitchen and struck up a conversation. It’s always nice meeting new people and I’m glad the co-working space offers me that, in addition to the other benefits.
I’m feeling my hernia again the last few days :/ — I hadn’t thought about it in months and I’m not sure what’s causing the discomfort. It’s a huge bummer and not something I need to have obviously. I’m hopeful it’s nothing serious and that it will dissipate in the coming days, but admittedly, I’m worried. Health is such a fleeting thing and when it’s declining, it makes every other thing hard. I am thankful for the months when I didn’t have this feeling and will try to hold that thought close.
5/31/23: Spent a few hours yesterday writing and submitting a grant, for the Lewis Prize In Music. It’s potentially huge, with the top orgs receiving $500k in multi-year funding! I’ve never written one for such a large prize and it was a good learning experience. I don’t have high hopes to get it and not sure if we’re ready, but writing it was a good step to take. It’s a process like everything else so getting on the path is awesome. And who the fuck knows, maybe I’ll get lucky or they’ll see the value and time I’ve invested in this space for 20 years and take a chance on me? No matter the outcome, I’m thankful and proud of myself for taking the leap.
Continuing to take advantage of the co-working space and it helped me to be in that space while I was writing. I’m here again today and am glad I pushed myself in this area as well. It’s making all this feel more ‘real’ to me, which may sound strange but I believe it to be true. It’s an investment and I’m looking at it through that lens, as opposed to worrying about the added expense and whether I genuinely need it or not.
5/30/23: Memorial Day yesterday so everyone was off work. Lisa and I hiked Blue Hills for the first time in a bit so that felt good. Weather continues to be magnificent, so being outdoors in shorts and a t-shirt felt awesome, as did a bit of movement and sweat. Afterward, I spent the rest of the day at home, chilling after having plans the prior two days. Celtics blew game 7 in the conference finals, so both hometown teams are now officially off-season. Since getting my brakes fixed I’ve rekindled an appreciation for my car. I really like driving it and plan to keep it for several more years, which I’m grateful for especially since it’s now paid off! I’m also going to say thanks for this blog. Since the arduous migration to the new host, things have finally settled in. This, as well as the GBB site and new Rawkstars sites are all functioning well and feel speedier. I’m glad to be getting traction on writing again daily and am thankful this platform exists for me.
5/29/23: Quiet Saturday afternoon at the house. Another gorgeous weather day, which has been a pattern lately. Laid down outside and felt nature in the yard, which was awesome. Later in the afternoon we went by Mike’s place for a cookout. It wasn’t a huge crowd, which I was glad about. Small crew and we had fun. Quincy actually came with me for a bit, which was nice and then he took the car to workout with Owen. He came back for a bit afterward then met his friends while Lisa and I stayed a few hours longer. Drank a little too much but didn’t go crazy, same on the food side. I’m taking it as a victory to be able to indulge some while not losing complete control. Thankful for a simple, semi-lazy day and being with friends/family.
5/28/23: Bella and Cam hung out at the house yesterday. It’s nice having them around, even just for the day. Weather has been spectacular and we were outside a lot. I cut the grass in the morning and I’m thankful for that. I generally enjoy the process and results equally. It generally makes me feel productive and I usually have a lot of creative ideas while I’m pushing the mower and sweating a bit.
We had Chuck and Trish over in the evening and sat around the fire pit. Night was beautiful and we had pizza, listened to music and had a few drinks. They’re a cool couple and it was nice to spend time with another couple here at the house.
Got my brakes fixed on the car, which was awesome. It’s been hanging over me the last couple weeks. Joe did a great job and always is fair on the price, which is why I go all the way to Stoughton for work. It makes it inconvenient but worth it. I really love my car and am thankful for its service. We actually paid it off this week which is another great milestone. We’re most likely buying a new car for Lisa soon, so paying it off will keep us from going deeper into debt.
5/27/23: Sounds like I’m going to re-engage with PeaceLove. I met Matt yesterday for coffee and talked about it. They have a start date of next week with Slalom to kick off the 3 sprint build phase to spin up the MLP. After that we’ll go directly into the pilot phase with Amazon, which will run 90 days. The end of that will coincide with an internal event that Ellen is looking to champion the project and move PeaceLove to execute an agreement for an enterprise license of some sort. It would be a huge step if all that comes to fruition, but it’s seemingly lined up and there to be had, assuming we can build the tool and navigate a successful pilot phase. I’m writing up what my involvement would look like but I’m thinking it’s about 8 hours per week, which would enhance the 16 I’m doing with M&YI, but seemingly allow me to juggle it all. Super excited as seeing the project actually come to life would be amazing, after all this time and all the ups/downs along the way. It could be a huge boon for P/L if they officially have a product internally with Amazon, that instantly equates to a game changer for their org and gives them a runway to double down going forward and land new clients. Thankful for my relationship with Matt/Jeff. They were good to me from day 1 and I’m grateful to be a small part of what they are building. It’s also a great feather in my consulting practice to have another stint with them that could last at least 3-4 months, or more.
5/26/23: Met up with Jeff Miller yesterday for lunch. He’s an old friend I haven’t seen much, but have stayed in contact with sporadically. He’s a smart, talented, empathetic dude and I really like him, despite the fact we haven’t spent a ton of time together. It was a beautiful day so driving up to Waltham was actually nice. We caught up and listened to one another, as he is also going through a career change, having been let go from his gig a few months before I was. He successfully did what I’m trying to do for 6 years, so it was nice to hear his experience of consulting and how he pieced things together. I tried to be supportive of his situation also and encouraged him to worry less and lean into his friends, including me. I could tell he’s also struggled with mental health as a result of his situation, so we have a lot of overlap. Thankful for Jeff’s friendship and having him in my life.
Made an appointment to take my car to Joe to get the brakes done. Not sexy, but still a good feeling. I’ve been procrastinating for a while on this and I want to take care of my car. It’s been an awesome vehicle for me and as of today, is officially paid off! No reason I can’t drive her for several more years as she only has about 85k, in part thanks to covid. I’m excited to get something nicer for Lisa, she deserves to have an upgrade after driving a modest car and sharing with Quincy for so long. Hoping we can basically find something to keep our payment in the same ballpark as what we are used to, meaning we won’t really have any bump in our monthly budget.
Got an email back from The CEO of Pawtucket B&GC in regards to my note yesterday. Hoping for a meeting with him next week, and Gary seemed excited about the prospect. They met before a few years back but never pulled the trigger. Sounds like a good option and if I can land the meeting, that will be a great second step, after meeting with Nicole from PVD last week and still hopeful to follow up on-site with her soon too. Booked coffee with Harrison as well for next weekend. I think he could be a great resource for helping me find new leads and just being connected in general. I really had great vibes from him and want to deepen our connection and see where it leads. Thankful for cool people in my orbit.
5/25/23: Pretty epic day yesterday 🙂 started with a follow up phone call from Gary. He buzzed me after I responded to the thread we had begun with the CEO of the PVD B&GC. We had met the day before and I wanted to follow up, and I offered to nudge her gently towards next steps. Gary didn’t agree with that tactic and let me know why. He wants to see more initiative from her side, as I don’t think he was too impressed by her at the meeting. On the other hand, I’m interested in generating as much momentum as I can, to immerse myself in the process, meet people in these positions around the area and begin to gain some experience. Anyways, it was a good two way conversation, and we both spoke and listened. I’ve known it’s going to be an adjustment period for both of us to learn the ropes of this relationship. I know it’s Gary’s baby here and I want to also be respectful of his pov, as much as possible. In any case, after our conversation, Nicole responded to my email quite positively and that made me feel good. I’m hopeful we can arrange time with her to visit Fox Point and keep the conversation going.
Later in the morning I had a call with Ashley and her supervisor from the Brockton area that is looking for a summer music program there and in New Bedford. It felt like a good call and gave me some hope that we might put something together with them. I definitely want to keep the momentum going with these projects, in parallel with my work at M&YI. I really don’t know where all this will go and I need to balance my weekly tasks by also hunting for new partners/projects. Fingers crossed I can put together something with these folks and/or the previous team I met at the other Brockton facility a few weeks back. I need to follow up with them, but am grateful for at least some leads.
I also heard from Matt at PeaceLove and it sounds like they are ready to move forward with a build of the Scribl app! They reached an agreement with Slalom finally and it sounds like we may get together again starting next week. Not sure how much I’ll be needed, but I do want to continue the process, for lots of reasons. I definitely enjoyed the engagement and people and want to see it through to fruition. I believe in those guys personally as well and want to see them succeed. If I can be a small part of that, it would be amazing. They were so kind to me when I needed it most and I will never forget that. It’s also more potential work/income/projects for my portfolio and I definitely want that too. Thankful.
Last but not least, I pulled the trigger and bought flights to Portugal for me and Lisa to see the Scorpions in July! I had given Lisa the tickets for mom’s day, but we had been discussing the efficacy of spending money, taking the kids, buying a car, etc. After much deliberation, I realized it’s a once in a lifetime trip and there was no reason to hesitate. I’m trying to make myself think more about the now instead of always future planning. All the projects, etc. described above are great but I continue to be focused on the outcome instead of the journey. I feel like I’m still clinging to the idea of a permanent work-thing, and counting how much savings runway I have instead of simply basking in the day to day experience of living and letting that sort itself out. It’s a super hard habit for me to break but at least the last few days I’ve been doing better 🙂
The podcast I recorded with Karen Rowland also came out yesterday. I watched it and felt solid about my performance. I still need to work on my cadence and getting to the point with more focus, but I appeared comfortable and felt my responses were solid. I’m thankful for Karen’s friendship as she’s really supportive and a good role model for following your muse and being present. Grateful for the chance to get better at public speaking and learn more about how to approach these interviews.
5/24/23: Bella came home yesterday for a night, before she heads off for a concert/wedding weekend ahead of starting her new job. Always nice to have her home for a bit and reunite ‘the fam’ in its entirety. Went to Kev’s with her and Q after dinner and just hung out and had a few laughs. She told me she wants to sing on the AIC song we’re recording which was surprising and awesome.
Had a first call with Gary/Joan and the CEO of PVD B&GC yesterday. I thought it went pretty well, but Gary seemed less enthused. He didn’t like her lack of preparation for the call and background knowledge about M&YI overall. It illustrates for me the learning curve that will be involved in putting together a project as a team. I’m going to have to conform in some ways to learn his personality and potentially adapt to it. It’s his baby after all and I realize this is going to be a process. I’m thankful for his candor and I also want to go into the effort understanding I don’t know this business very well. I’m going to try and lean into his expertise and experience in hopes that we can develop a rapport that will work for both of us long-term. I learned something already!
I also heard back from my new contact at The Pancreas Foundation. I met her a few days ago through an introduction by my friend Dino. She’s a board member and was very cool to talk with. I followed up by sending her some of my video work and she responded, seemingly impressed and with some follow up questions. Seems like there may be some potential for working together on a storytelling initiative, which I would absolutely love. This is yet another part of my new life approach that’s going to take some adjusting to. I need to focus on ‘work’ while also nurturing new partnerships and looking for opportunities. It’s a lot but I’m thankful to be trying it out and seeing where it leads me.
5/23/23: Learned Hole Hearted over the weekend and love playing it. Super fun! Feeling good about my progress ahead of the session on 6/11. I have a ways to go still but made great strides and best of all, feeling confident. I need to find a drummer for the AIC tune, as Dave Perry didn’t want to commit. I’ll probably start by asking Lourenco, but have others in my back pocket if need be. I also invited Jerry down, who we saw at Chuck’s gig at Lafayette Sunday. I’m gonna have him play some percussion on Hole Hearted, which seems suited to some added beats. I want to have fun with everyone so trying to include as many folks as feels doable.
Lisa and I tried a great new place called Troop down in PVD last weekend. Awesome food and vibe and we’ll certainly return there. It was nice to get out together and have some laughs in a new spot. Felt fresh.
Had my first official day / meeting with Gary & Joan about our project yesterday! It was nice to kick things off and walk them through some of my thoughts as well as learn more about theirs. It’s definitely gonna be a learning curve to get to know one another and develop a working rapport, but I’m feeling ever so slightly better about it each time. I need to improve my own discipline as far as dedicating time and move methodically but smartly through the process. We’ve got a call already today with the CEO of the Providence B&GC, so that’s an amazing way to get started on this journey. We talked about lots of things and I’m planning to dedicate a few days per week to this effort for the next 6 weeks, as a starting point. My hope is we will work well together and continue well beyond that, ideally through the completion and public launch of a Flagship Music Clubhouse together! Feeling blessed to have the chance to make this happen and excited to develop new habits,
5/19/23: Worked out the Scorpions tune some more. Feeling good about it already and know I’ll be ready. Not worked on Extreme yet but also planning a 3rd song, The Rooster by AIC. Been talking with some of my ’90s’ Deringer’s music friends and that seems like a good direction for us to jam, considering that’s when we all met and their musical lineage. Bob Mercier, who has been a huge Rawkstars supporter was the first person I asked. He’s a cool guy and switched over from drums to guitar a long time back. I buzzed Jim Texiera, who played guitar in the same band with Bob, Contagious. They were great and I became friends with them through the club and mixing. He’s a great player with a unique style and I think well suited to the song. I’m trying to get Dave Perry, who played drums with Sick Phyllis, another of my bands from that time period. Hoping everyone can do it and I’ll get Jim/Lisa for the vox which seems like a great mix. Thankful to have some mojo around playing a bit, with the band sidelined for the better part of 6 months now.
5/18/23: Finally picked up my bass yesterday. I’ve got a recording project setup for June 11th and have several people coming to the house for a ‘live’ rehearsal/recording. We are gonna do two songs, Hole Hearted and Fly People Fly. I took some time and learned FPF pretty well. My hands are weak since I haven’t played in a while, but I got the parts mostly down and I know the arrangement. Felt good to play a bit and feel like I made some progress. Still need to get the Extreme song underway but I feel better today after having gotten one at least. Still struggling with motivation in general, especially on the fitness side. My change in meds dosage hasn’t really made any change in my intake, and I need to continue trying to arrest that situation as it gets more out of hand.
5/16/23: Biked down in PVD yesterday morning. It felt good and I rode all around the east side, just kind of exploring. It was cool to checkout the area by bike and have a pattern of heading down early, even for one day. I’ve been kinda slow this week, as I don’t officially start with Music & Youth until Monday, and I’m trying to get stuff with my website(s) done in the meantime. I migrated guitarsbehindbars finally and it’s working, but I’m stuck with iagainsti. I’m trying all sorts of approaches and awaiting help from the new host. I haven’t migrated Rawkstars yet as I want to ensure I have all the files for the other two sites before switching. It’s slow but I’m learning more about the process, so I’m trying to be patient.
5/15/23: Had my mom over yesterday for mothers day. We had been kinda dreading it, with just us, Randy, my mother and Dick serving as the crowd nowadays. It turned out fine and the day was picture perfect. We ordered Chinese to keep it easy and mostly sat outside. My mother brought over some pics she collected from GG’s apartment and we had a few laughs looking those over. The ‘family events’ are just getting harder with so few people. Randy was pretty engaged which helped. Quincy woke up with some allergies and wasn’t really himself, otherwise Lisa and I handled social duty. I gave Lisa the Scorpions tickets I had purchased for the show in Portugal. Dunno if we’ll actually wind up going, but I bought them spontaneously and I think she appreciates the gesture. We’re talking about a new car and also a hot tub replacement, so a concert vacation probably won’t make the cut for now. Grateful for my mom and Lisa and Mrs. Bento, they are all awesome and the most important mother figures in my life.
5/14/23: Had lunch with the Bento’s for Moms Day at the Portuguese restaurant. Always a good take. Erin and Q came with us and it was a beautiful day, just perfect weather. Rest of the day was pretty uneventful, but a great reminder of the simplicity of things. Lisa and I took a little walk for the first time in a while and we sat out back on the porch for a while too. I finished the Pete Way book, which was kinda crazy but an easy rock bio read. We watched some tv at night while Q had his friends over for a fire out back. Nothing fancy, but a great day.
5/13/23: Met up with Jesse Strawbridge yesterday for coffee. Such a cool guy and it was great to get to know him more, particularly his work background and professional trajectory. We’re on similar paths and have some crossover in our past. Hoping there is work we might do together and support one another’s consulting practices. It made me feel good to connect with someone smart who is trying to take a similar route as me and compare notes.
Did my Meals route afterward and ran into an interesting dude named Buddy. He was sitting in the sun outside the facility I start at and we started talking. Sounds like he’s some kind of gangster and he was telling me all kinds of crazy stories. Who knows if they are true but it sparked me back to the idea of a profile/website about interesting humans. We exchanged numbers and I might try and ring him up to see if there’s a project worth pursuing. I have a lot on my plate so I want to be conscious of time and committing to something else, atm. If the time is right, I’d like to follow up on that idea and see if it helps me improve my storytelling ability.
After that I went to meet Shannan and Troy, a new Rawkstars student. Troy started lessons on Sax last month, but has been waiting to get an alto sax, which was on order. They are hella expensive so I figured we could rent one for a while to see how it goes. He seems like a cool kid and his mom is also nice. I met her through Ed Keefe, as she was a visiting nurse taking care of him for a while. I know Ed is happy to get her hooked up and I’m glad to help a cool kid like Troy.
5/12/23: Visited a girls unit at the Brockton YMCA. I met the Director, Lorraine, through someone in DYS who attended our end of year celebration at the residency. She seems really interested in bringing Rawkstars in for a program, which would be amazing. The building is pretty rough but the idea of doing a program tailored to girls would be new and exciting. She is also trying to loop in the boys facility nearby to split the program cost and we’d ideally do one day per week at each building. I think it will turn out to be slightly different, in that the boys program probably would benefit from the Hip-Hop class whereas she is leaning towards instruments (guitar + keys) and potentially a drum circle / music therapy approach. I’d need to find another instructor for that portion but it makes it even more interesting, since it would expand our offering a bit and allow us to test and learn. Thankful for the next potential opportunity to continue momentum and add another client to my roster.
In the evening, I went to Town Spa in Stoughton to meet up with Bob Mayo, Barry and Mark Roper & his wife. Barry was a no-show, but the rest of us enjoyed a fun dinner and conversation. I haven’t seen Mark in a super long time but it was easy to pick right up and he seems to be the same guy I knew all those years ago. His wife was also really nice and mostly, they talked about the nomad lifestyle they adopted during covid. Mark always was connected to music so when that dried up, they bought an RV and have been on the road moving all around the country for the last couple years. Sounded really cool actually and I’d love to experience it, even if it were a temporary state for a few months or similar. Grateful for old friends and always doing my best to make time for people like that.
I also want to mention that I’ve had a few decent days of eating. Worth mentioning because it’s been a real struggle the last few months. Not perfect but at least I’m trying to improve and I feel the tiniest bit better. It’s a solid reminder that a little goes a long way.
5/11/23: Yesterday I interviewed with Karen Rowland for her newly launched podcast through HUSH Providence. She’s an old Hasbro friend who I’ve connected with in the last few years. She’s super nice, well connected and supportive. We’ve met for coffee at Plant City several times and I’ve grown to like her very much, even though we really didn’t know one another at Hasbro. She’s retired, but always involved with cool projects and is someone I enjoy connecting with. It felt good to do another and I’m hoping I can make this more of a regular thing. I think I need to get better at talking about Rawkstars and my work in an effort to grow my businesses and improve my prospects for impactful projects and relationships. I also just like doing it. As a big pod fan, being involved as a guest is kinda cool and flattering. Thankful for the opportunity to appear and for Karen’s friendship and belief in me.
In the afternoon, I coincidentally had a second call with a filmmaker on the west coast about his podcast. He actually referred me to another friend who has a pod that I’m probably better suited for, and I’m hopeful that will turn into another opportunity. Regardless, it was great to meet Michael and I’m thankful for the chance to live in a time when I can seek/find and connect with like-minded, talented people regardless of proximity.
In the evening, Bella came back home to drop off some stuff in the attic. Q and Erin were here and Lisa had band practice, so I took the kids out to dinner at 2 jerks. Nice to spend a little time with Bella, in spurts and having her home even just for one night was nice.
5/10/23: Arts Showcase was yesterday and it went really well. I attended at WGBH studios in Boston and got dressed up. I met a few new folks from DYS and saw some of the others I had met on the shoots. Everyone was super nice and thanked me for the video work. They all seemed really happy with how they were portrayed and the quality of the pieces. I also bought some art, which was made by the kids who also receive the money. The rally piece opened the session and got some nice applause. They then sprinkled several of The Shop clips throughout the hour long presentation and they looked really nice. Some minor audio fluctuations and cuts I’d clean up but those are only things I noticed. They also played the visualizers I made for the residency in Taunton. Overall, I was really happy with how everything looked and came across. I also got to see some pieces from other residencies and ours stacked up well. I’m really thankful for all the creativity, money and experience that came from my relationship with DYS over the last several months. They’ve been a terrific client for me in these early days of working for myself and I learned a lot, both about the projects I worked on and also the relationship side of being my own boss. I’m also hopeful this isn’t the end, but just a beginning for us working on more impactful things together.
5/9/23: Spent my first day working at the new office space yesterday. It was pretty cool and I enjoyed it. Such a beautiful area and the building is terrific. I met one woman, and stayed for about 2-3 hours. I took a call from my psychiatrist and we talked about weaning off the Mitrazapine. I told her I wanted to try a half dose and at first she said I should probably stay on it for a few more weeks, but then relented. So I’ll be doing a 50% dose for 2 weeks, then stopping altogether. I think the time is right and am hopeful I won’t suffer any adverse reactions. I’m thankful for the medication and how much it helped me recover, but I don’t want to take it forever or unnecessarily. Looking forward to spending more time in the office space and taking advantage of all the awesomeness of that location, including the northern end of the bike trail, which I haven’t really explored.
Came home and mowed the lawn, grabbed a few groceries and finished the last edits for the Arts Showcase pieces and even wrote a bit. I’m committing to getting a bit more active and watching what I’m eating. I want to stop eating after dinner, and cut out the sweets and chips in favor of healthier snacks like fruit. At least for one day, I did well. I haven’t talked about it here much but these last few months have been a real struggle with eating/moving. I’ve ballooned up and all my clothes are tight. I had to buy a few shirts since summer is coming and nothing fits. Hopeful between my own focused efforts plus weaning off the meds I can re-assert myself towards 240ish.
5/8/23: Bella graduated yesterday! OMG we are so damn proud of her. The day was perfect and they held the ceremony at DCU, the old Worcester Centrum. It was long-winded as expected but so nice to see Bella cross the stage, even from far away. Afterward, we went back to the LaMarche household as they offered to host a BBQ and are much closer than we are to the school. They are super nice people and they had tons of food and drinks and hosted very nicely. My mom, Randy and Dick came as did Erin. We hung out with Cam’s brother and wife and grandmother, all of whom we’ve met a few times. Weather was perfect and when Bella came back after taking pics at school, we spent a few hours out on their deck. It really is an amazing time, with so much change taking place, but so much positive energy also. Thankful.
5/6/23: Finished up the edits for The Shop. Sent them over to the client and waiting for any last feedback. It’s been a cool ride making all these project videos and I’m thankful for all the work that has come my way as well as the relationships that I’ve been able to make as a result. I’ve been consulting now just for a few months and having this work has been a blessing.
I delivered a keyboard to Lauren, the newest Rawkstars student today. She’s hard of hearing and wears aids in both ears, but loves music. Her mom is single and lives with her mom down in Fall River. I’m always grateful to meet new students and their parents. I’ve been incredibly lucky to connect with all these families over the last 20 years and being able to help them through music.
I picked up my old bass amp from Rick’s where I had been trying to sell it for the last several months. Caden has been playing the bass since I gave him one last year and asked me about an amp, so I picked it up and gave it to him. He’s a good kid and I feel great being able to encourage this behavior in him.
I got a consulting agreement doc from Gary & Joan as well. We are going to kick things off on 5/22 and the contract runs through June, which is our feasibility/search window. I think it’s good for us to have an agreement, and I’m hopeful I can meet their expectations as well as have mine met. Of course I’m thinking about a longer term project and not just finding a host location. I think Gary is a deliberate, serious kinda of guy and I expect he wants to take it slow and see how we work together. Makes a lot of sense and I want the same thing before committing further. I really am excited about this and intend to treat it as a fresh start. I’m going to make a new daily schedule for myself and try to adhere to it. I want to leverage my new workspace and get into a healthy pattern of moving more, exercising and working diligently to get where I want to go with this opportunity in my career as well as with my own body/mind.
5/5/23: Yesterday I attended a thank you lunch for OCES volunteers. It was a nice event and Cidalia was one of the hosts that put it together. I met a few other Meals on Wheels folks and enjoyed the celebration. Like a magnet, I was seated next to an older guy from Stoughton, who turned out to be Mike Viola’s uncle! Of course we found each other in a room of 300+ people🙂
In the afternoon, I met with Lorraine, who runs a girls detention unit at the Brockton YMCA. We talked about a potential music program and guitar class for some of the long-term girls in her care. She was super cool and I think we had a prosperous conversation. I’m going to visit in person next week and see the facility. The prospect of firing up another program is beautiful, especially one in Brockton and focused on girls. That would be another step forward in our learning, and bringing the program to a new city and population. Thankful!
5/4/23: Been working with David on editing heavily the last few days at the studio. We’re working on ‘The Shop’ and it’s a beast, simply with the volume of footage we shot, the amount of people and camera angles. We came up with a good system of syncing the cameras and doing semi-live switching. David is so great to work with and just a wizard with the tech aspects. I also enjoy his company. He’s smart, talented and has a positive vibe about him and his life. So grateful we became friends and are getting to work together more often.
Yesterday I also met with Rebekah, from Zabinski Music School. She has a family with 3 kids that Rawkstars is going to take on as students. That will give us 5 kids in Pawtucket and 25 overall, which is an amazing number. She’s also a really cool person and told me about her school expansion. Seems like she is doing well with her business and both she and David are giving me even more examples of people making their own way and doing well, which is inspiring. I’m psyched to meet this family, who are from Ghana. Rebekah says the mom is really cool and I want to try and combine my storytelling skills to make some kind of piece about our partnership. I plan to try and get Rawkstars to the $3k per month level by year’s end, so I’m going to need to recruit about 60 new Fan Club members during that time.
I had another call with Gary and Joan too, which went really well. We agreed on some official terms to begin working together, which is huge! The timing is perfect, as I am wrapping up my DYS video stuff next week and will begin the following week consulting for Music & Youth. I’m gonna start with 2 days per week @ $60/hr. That alone will give me more than enough money to keep things going at home and basically double my unemployment level of income. We’re going to jointly pursue building a Flagship Music Clubhouse in the Providence/Pawtucket area in the next year or so. Ideally, things will go well between us and I will eventually start working full time as the Associate Executive Director, alongside Gary & Joan running that space and taking Music & Youth to new places. It couldn’t be more perfect for me and I the idea is invigorating. I definitely want to focus my work efforts in PVD area and angle our life towards that as Quincy gets closer to graduation. That’s been our plan all along. I also can hardly believe that I could be doing something to develop a large scale, permanent music program in support of that community as my job. It’s super exciting and I’m really looking forward to learning a new way of working and making progress towards this kind of project goal. Thankful as hell for the opportunity and for what the future of my career may hold.
5/1/23: Bruins bowed out with a whimper in round 1, after setting the regular season wins record. Bummer. Season was fun as hell to watch and I was hoping for a deep run, like everyone else in Boston. I’m glad to have kickstarted my love for hockey and the team is filled with pretty cool guys. Feel for Bergeron especially, who may be calling it a career. He does so in the pantheon of all time greats like Esposito, Neely, Bourque and Orr.
Quincy played his first gig! He and his bandmates played a fundraiser at The District. They only had one song but killed it. They actually played Valerie, an old Wicked Blue number and it was perfect since they had two female singers. He looked comfortable on stage and they genuinely sounded good. The singers are both pretty strong and their drummer is also solid for his age. Quincy is a natural on stage and I’m so proud of him. I know it’s the first of more to come and I’m so thankful to be able to see his progress and growth as a musician and person.
4/30/23: Went to see Dave DiCenso do a drum clinic last night. Always an immense pleasure to see him play music! I brought my dslr and shot pics which was also fun. I managed to get about 5 quality shots after some editing. Lighting is so key to taking pics and I’ve got a lot to learn about shooting when the conditions aren’t terrific. I also would love to get a longer lens, so I can shoot from further back. I’ve gotten better at cropping far shots to look close and when the quality is decent that’s possible. I don’t wanna spend a ton obviously, but would like to upgrade in the lens department at some point. We met up with Greg, Dave, Kevin, Cid, Jerry and ran into several others including Chuck Fitzgerald, Dave Chronister and Craig Zito. Nice to be among familiar faces and we went back to Mooney’s place afterward for some drinks and pizza. I got pretty messed up but had a good time. Luckily, Lisa was able to drive home as I was in no shape. Glad to see my buds and have a few laughs together, as it’s felt overdue.
4/29/23: Finished putting together our yard gazebo finally. I had to remove some of the roof panels to straighten them out, and I’m thankful I took the time to patiently do the job properly instead of rushing through it, as I often do with these types of things. It came out nice and I’m also thankful that I’m able to do small projects like this and that my body is still strong enough for that kind of labor. Afterward we setup our couch, tables, etc. and it looks nice out there. Always great to beautify our space and have more places to hang with family and friends and have laughs. I’m certain Q will get lots of use from it too, as he’s been having his crew over more regularly lately again.
I completed two of the video projects for DYS including the visualizer music piece and the Arts Day Rally piece. David and John have been awesome to work with and I hope Katie and Magda are as happy with the work as I am. Next week is going to be a lot of work with The Shop piece being the last project and the biggest effort too. I’m happy to have gotten these and want them to lead to more work, new experiences, new people and creative joy. I need to continue working on my ability to be client focused instead of hung up on the project being ‘mine’. I’m noticing that’s hard for me and it’s not a new revelation, but one I hope to get better at. I also got an email from a potential new client, who I met at the end of year presentation in Taunton. A woman I met there named Ashley, reached out with her boss, who is a Director at the Brockton YMCA. I think she runs a DYS program focused on girls, but I’m not certain. In either case, they seem interested in working with Rawkstars on something involving music and we have a meeting next week. Pumped to continue the momentum and for a possible new avenue to pursue this important and awesome work.
4/28/23: Took Q to see RA The Rugged Man last night. It was a late night in the middle of the week, in between a few hectic days. I was kinda dreading it, just in terms of being tired and the long drive and not really knowing much about attending a club hip-hop show. All that aside it was of course great. It was at the Middle East, which of course I have lots of history with. Place is still a dive and hasn’t changed an iota. There were a bunch of openers, who I didn’t really care for but one local guy M-Dot was cool. Quincy also liked him and he’s the cousin of one of his teachers. Crowd was meh, but when RA came on it got much better. Dude is really cool and knew how to work the crowd. I was impressed by his ability to work the crowd and to stick with it even when they weren’t giving him the energy he was looking for. Sign of a real pro and he was clearly a seasoned, funny, talented guy. Of course it was nice hanging with Quincy and having the bonding of music between us. I’m thankful I mustered the energy and will to spend the night with him and it was a great reminder of how important that is and how it literally translates into my life.
Also spent a couple hours in the studio with David. We made the edits to the training video, and mashed up the visualizers into a usable piece. We also got started in terms of pre-production on ‘The Shop’ which consisted of simply dumping a metric ton of footage and syncing it, so we’ll be more ready for editing next week. I don’t have a lot of time left, but have 3 edit sessions booked for next week and I’ll need to finish the Arts Day piece, plus all of The Shop. It’s gonna be busy but should also be productive and a good reminder about what it’s like to work and have clients and deadlines. Grateful as compared with what I was dealing with just a few months back.
4/27/23: Last few days have been a whirlwind of project activity. I’ll try and recap. Yesterday I spent a long day shooting a piece called ‘The Shop’ which took place inside a DYS facility in Roslindale. It was supposed to mimic LeBron James’ barbershop HBO show. It was a cool enough space and the conversations were pretty great. It got a bit out of hand, imo, as too many staff members wanted to participate. I don’t begrudge them the participation and it was important for them to hear the message. It’s something that gets tough when you have a creative vision and are trying to execute while balancing the non-artistic needs of a client. I did my best to roll with the punches and will work hard to make something nice for them, of course. Overall, I was pumped to be part of the shoot and it gave me a chance to meet John Hope (Harrison) who is a hip-hop artist out of providence who moderated the conversation. I also got to connect again with some of the DYS brass, which may prove to deepen my relationship with them down the road. It’s also a profitable project for me, so I shouldn’t take objection to the artistic direction to heart. Learning.
I’ve also been having some great conversations with Gary and Joan, around this concept of working together on a ‘signature Clubhouse’. The idea came after I read their book and got inspired to refocus Rawkstars’ resources into something longer lasting and impactful, like a music space, instead of individualized lessons. I feel like the 20th anniversary is a good opportunity to pivot and I’m feeling the idea. As I told them, this other idea emerged. We also started talking about locations and I brought up Brockton, in part because it’s close to me and I have contacts in the area that I believe would help support it. Turns out Brockton is already home to one of the MAYI Clubhouses, so I asked about Providence/Pawtucket. Gary perked up and seemed really into it and said they had thought it was a good move since Boston is pretty saturated. That was literally music to my ears as the idea of bringing a fixture like that to my adopted area would be wonderful. Since we spoke, he actually passed on a timely email that he received from the CEO of the Providence area Boys & Girls Clubs, inquiring about a clubhouse! We talked today and are going to take the next step of meeting her via Zoom to simply talk and see what the level of interest is. So pumped for this and thankful I’ve stayed connected to the possibility of working together with Gary & Joan. If this were to pan out, I think it would be an immense opportunity for me personally and professionally. Thankful and hopeful.
4/27/23: Rained a ton yesterday so I only managed to complete part of the roof on the gazebo. Still, it felt productive and good to be actively working on something at the house. Between that and getting the new couch, it’s a little slice of improvement at the homesite, which is always a good thing. I watched the Bruins game in the afternoon, which they won, and are now up 3-1 in the first series. Loving the playoff hockey as always and hoping for a deep run, all the way! Bella’s last day of class is tomorrow and I can’t believe that she is literally done with college?!?! WTF?!?! So proud of that kid and I know it’s only the start of things to come for her. Both she and Quincy have already surpassed our wildest dreams of being great, talented, loving, generous, creative people and we are so damn blessed to be able to watch the rest of the ride.
4/23/23: Spent most of the day yesterday constructing the gazebo we bought last weekend. It’s a beast and luckily I had Quincy helping. It was cool doing it together as we haven’t really done many projects like that together, especially not something that large. He helped a lot and it was fun. We listened to music and spent the day in the yard, all good things. We didn’t quite finish as we got tired and left a few steps for today, but still it looks great and I’m thankful we hung out all day.
4/22/23: Met up with Jim and Kelly last night to hang out, eat and watch the Bruins game. It was fun to connect with another couple and I know Lisa has been bored hanging out at home so much. We had a few laughs, caught up about the kids and of course music. They’re a cool couple and we always have a good time together. Bs won and took a 2-1 series lead as the playoffs are just warming up. Looking forward to a long/deep run by them and hopefully even another cup.
Had a PeaceLove call yesterday for the first time in about 3 weeks. We connected with folks at Amazon about a pilot of the game and it went really well. I think we are going to reboot the project and start the build, although I haven’t officially spoken with Matt as of yet. We’re planning to connect Monday and hopefully that will be the news. I’d love to continue down the path we started and bring the game to life. Having Amazon pilot it would be HUGE to say the least. It would give us amazing learning from the cohort, but also bring massive weight for other companies to potentially sign on. If they ever brought it in house and became enterprise clients, that would of course be a huge domino to fall as well. I really want to see the project succeed, for Matt/Jeff and everyone at P/L. They are a great outfit and deserve to achieve their mission of bringing that to the masses.
4/21/23: Connected with Gary and Joan again yesterday and left feeling productive. We’ve been dancing around lots of things, conversations and ideas over the last few months. We kinda landed on something more specific, which was the concept of building a ‘flagship’ music clubhouse together. We even talked a bit about the location and Providence/Pawtucket seemed of interest to them! That excited me a ton of course, since that’s my adopted hood and would make an ideal location for me to spend my professional time. The thought of putting something like that together is super exciting and we are going to meet again on Monday, after they have a few days to put thoughts together. Not sure how we’d start working together, possibly using the consulting angle for a bit and see how things go. Regardless, taking a step in the direction of doing something that impactful felt great. I want to funnel the Rawkstars resources into something like that, now that we are approaching 20 years. I think a change is in order and it’s something that would excite our fan base, as well as energize me too. Grateful for opportunity in my life.
Had lunch with Greg, who came down and bought me lunch. We hung out and reconnected as we haven’t been rehearsing, so we really haven’t seen each other much. It was nice and he’s a really good friend. He tuned up the new drum kit a bit afterward and we just hung out. I gave him my last remaining cymbal that had been laying around since I traded in the others and gave one to Jerry. Glad they all found homes where they can be loved and smashed 🙂 Thankful for Greg’s friendship. And Jerry’s too!
4/20/23: Had Rilla over yesterday in support of a brief video interview. I’m planning to tag it onto the front end of the music visualizer piece I’m contracted to produce for the showcase. He’s a really great guy and I’m glad we crossed paths and got to know one another. I feel like we will do more together and remain friends long-term, even now that the program is over. I also connected with Katie and Magda to review stuff together, including the draft edit from the Arts Day Rally. I think they really liked it and I was relieved/pleased after showing them my work. I’m so lucky to have met them and beyond the money and opportunity I’m getting through our work together, it’s opening my mind to new ideas and people, both of which are awesome and appreciated. In the late afternoon I sat in on a webinar about the Lewis Prize for Music, which is a large grant offering I learned about through Gary and MAYI. Interesting and inspiring to see other programs similar to Rawkstars that have had such huge funding come their way and the opportunities that could open up. It’s an insane longshot for us to ever get such an award, but even thinking about being on the path feels right. I’m so much more open to thinking about new things without my day job. It’s not so much that it consumed me or was stressful, it just prevented me from having to consider these things and therefore I didn’t really think deeply about other options. Grateful.
4/19/23: Spent a long day editing at Massimoto with David. As always, I loved it and left with a sense of creative accomplishment. He and John are great guys and I just enjoy them personally. They’re both creatives and we get one another. It gives me hope that I can keep working in such a way that I’m expending energy with like-minded people, instead of trying to fit in and appease others with what I think they want, and not really being great at it.
4/18/23: Bought a couch and gazebo for the yard yesterday!? It’s been some time since I’ve been comfortable even considering spending extra money, let alone pulling the trigger. I was in Big Lots a few days ago looking for wiper blades and walked past a furniture section. It had a really cool looking sectional that was like $1200 and it sparked me. I had previously seen a really sweet gazebo there before but it was pricey ($1500) and I couldn’t entertain the idea of any spending that wasn’t absolutely necessary. Anyways, my POV has changed recently and I can see that I am doing ok financially and have resources for the near term (6-12 months) and probably even the mid-term (2-3 years), as-is. I’m thinking more about working for myself and trying to expand Rawkstars’ model, plus approaching new clients and filling in my portfolio. I applied for a freelance photo gig at GoDaddy, shooting local entrepreneurs on demand and I’ve been thinking about putting my hat in the ring to see if I can similarly get freelance writing gigs and talked with my friend Stephanie about that. I’ve also started investigating the idea of renting shared office space for myself, as I think I need to decouple from being home all the time in order to focus on some of the plans I want to realize. Dunno if any of these things will come to fruition, but I’m feeling more potential in it all and kicking the tires more, which feels good. The next month is going to continue to be busy as I work to complete all the video projects on my plate for the Showcase. I’ve gotten started on the first draft of the training video and have the footage from the Arts Day Rally in the can. Planning to start the visualizer this week and next week will be the shooting day for the Barbershop piece, which will be labor intensive on both ends. Got a call from PeaceLove Matt/Jeff this week and no new news, but I’m hopeful that opportunity might resurface.
4/16/23: Had a little Rawkstars raffle at Perry’s annual food drive gig last night. It was in Quincy and Lisa and I went with Lolita. We had fun and they had a really great disco band playing. Saw some friends and enjoyed the music. We raised $1250 for the cause which was awesome, and everyone left happy. So blessed to have friends that help support our efforts and bring new faces into the mix with Rawkstars. Felt great.
4/15/23: Yesterday we wrapped up the DYS artist residency with a celebration. Rilla, Malik and I presented some of the tunes the kids worked on and spoke about the experience to the group, as well as many of the staff on-site and others who came specifically to listen. It went pretty well, although I think we could have done a better job with the material. It was hard to get the kids to write about things besides guns and violence, but we diverted them about midway through the program, and they put together some tracks about girls. Of course, dealing with young men, that’s a huge topic for them and it was an improvement over the content they were focused on before. That said, there were still elements of the lyrics that were inappropriate and made a few wince. It was a good lesson for me, that we need to figure out ways to enforce standards without stifling the kids creativity. It was an awesome experience all around and I believe very impactful for the kids involved. They were engaged, creative, talented, had fun and expressed themselves as a group and as individuals. I’m proud to have been able to participate myself and to have been the catalyst for making it happen. I’m hopeful to continue on this journey and get more chances to do this type of work again.
Met with Catie and a new artist named ‘John Hope’ who is a rapper, producer, educator from PVD. We’re going to be working together on a video called ‘The Shop’ that he is going to host. I’m super excited about that project and I see it as a big chance to flex some creative muscle. There will be several DYS folks participating and it’s awesome getting the chance to meet and work with them. I felt right away that John was someone I connected with. Looking forward to forging a friendship with a like-minded person with similar goals and interests. Also thankful for Catie and all the trust she has shown in me/Rawkstars along the way.
4/14/23: Beautiful weather and I got my bike out. I drove down to the PVD/Bristol bike path and spent a couple hours outside. It was awesome and made me remember how exercise feels. It’s been awful lately gaining weight and feeling sluggish and bad about myself. At least for a few hours, I knew it was possible to turn things around.
4/13/23: Spent the day in the editing studio at Massimoto with Dave. We cut a first edit of the DYS training video and it felt good to start making some progress on that. I went in unsure about the approach, not having a great mental picture of what shape it might take, but felt better as we started going through teh footage. Dave is awesome and I love working with him. He’s a tech wiz at the interface and quickly makes difficult edits and offers good suggestions. We have a good synergy and I’m glad to be collaborating with him again. I also got thinking about investing some money in a shared office space to give myself a place to spend time and work part-time outside my rehearsal space / office setup at home. I think it would help my productivity to be up and out on some kind of regular cadence and to be away from the house and distractions I create for myself while there. Started kicking the tires online today and there are options that seem decent and relatively inexpensive. I also have the option to work at PeaceLove’s studio space as Matt has offered that to me a few times. Grateful to be feeling ambition of any sort and to have options.
4/11/23: Made more progress yesterday on my new website. It’s coming along nicely and I’m aiming to have it ready to launch by the end of the week. It feels good to be accomplishing something creative and productive, which will hopefully help me attract a new client or two. I like the writing and design parts best and it’s making me feel like I might try and see if I can secure some copywriting work, through an agency or similar.
I met with Magda and Katie and secured another video project that sounds awesome. It’s going to take place at a barber shop and mimic the open conversation of the Lebron James show called ‘The Shop’. It’s going to feature the commissioner of Commonwealth Corp, who I briefly met at the Arts Day event last week. Really hopeful this relationship continues and potentially expands. Doing music programming in DYS long-term is something I definitely want to do and fits in perfectly with Rawkstars and also Music & Youth’s future vision. Speaking of which, I finally started reading their book. It’s simplistic and not great literature, but the idea is for me to get to know them better and their approach. Glad I’m finally making time to bang that out and I plan to contact Gary in the coming days to setup our next touchpoint.
Finished my spreadsheet as well and figure I’ve booked about $20k of profits for GG/Rawkstars in the last few months. I’ve still got much of it outstanding in the form of invoices to be sent, but it’s money in the bank. Literally. Once I reach the end of unemployment, I’ll start paying myself using those funds first, before taking any next steps. Feels good to be attracting work, even if I don’t know where it’s all going. The projects are also impactful and enjoyable. I’m actively learning and making new relationships along the way.
Chatted with Joe Merrick yesterday about a music collaboration. I’m trying to put together a session for a ‘live’ recording at the home rehearsal space. I want to do a few songs with various people, featuring lots of vocals. I want to rehearse and record all in one day with a live mix and video. It’s ambitious but I think I can pull it off. Scheduling is going to be tough and figuring out the song list also, since I want to do so many. Nice to have something musical going on, since the band has been all but defunct these last few months.
4/10/23: Easter Sunday yesterday and of course we went to the Bento’s. It was a skeleton crew as Bella is still in PR, Kelly was also on a cruise and Logan went to his girlfriend’s house. My mom actually stopped by which was really nice. I’m glad she got to spend some time and left Dick at home! Erin came with Q, so that was also cool. Mellow day and of course the food was over the moon. Seafood feast that Mr. B prepared including grilled shrimp and garlic plus a rice dish filled with scallops and mussels. Yum!
Bruins won their 63rd game of the season last night, besting the all-time wins record in the NHL. It’s been a super fun season to watch and the team is very likable. Hoping they have a deep run and can win the cup again this year, which would be immense. Regardless, it’s been enjoyable to watch hockey and root for them again, after a bit of a down one last year in which it felt like they were bound for a rebuild.
Exciting week ahead as we plan for the end of the DYS music class and hopefully have a nice celebration. Also aiming to tie up one more video project as well as begin some editing on others. Weather is supposed to be spectacular. I believe I am going to see the finished Rawkstars website and begin the QA phase and perhaps aim to launch that next week. Grateful.
4/9/23: Nice weather is becoming more regular and yesterday we spent some time setting up our furniture in the yard for spring. Felt good to be outside and I filled the bird feeders for the first time in a while. The new beginning thing is real this time of year. Bella face timed us from a boat down in Puerto Rico. She appears to be having the best time, which is awesome. Quincy also had friends over for the first time in a while. He’s mostly been spending his time with Erin, so it was cool to see the boys come around again. He also bought his first amp over the weekend and it’s killer! He plays so much he deserves to have something like that and it’s going to improve his playing as well. It’s a Line6, and has a ton of features and most importantly sounds great!
I spent some time yesterday creating a spreadsheet to track all my project work and invoicing. It’s begun to get harder to manage so that was overdue. I’ve got a lot of upcoming work and outstanding bills to be sent out, but it’s also nice to see so much billable work in my near future. I feel like I’m banking all that money as it will sit in the Rawkstars account for a while, which is fine. We don’t need it at the moment and it will be safe and sound and come my way when the time is right. I’ve surprised myself a bit with the ability to generate positive cash flow without the benefit of a full time gig and am thankful for the experience.
4/8/23: Lots happening in our world these last few days. I heard back yesterday from BCBS that they cut me loose. I’ve been feeling a bit disappointed, after not having much success getting past hiring managers in corporate gigs. I was hopeful for a chance to land that job, but trying to take it in stride. I’m thankful for the opportunity and I feel like I learned something about interviewing and also philanthropy, during my research phase.
Visited the State House earlier this week as part of a DYS project to film Arts Day. It was really great and we spent the afternoon shooting video of kids connecting with politicians about arts funding. I met a ton of cool people including the artists, who have all come through DYS, as well as many staff members. We had a lunch afterwards and I really tried to connect with people and network. I’d love the opportunity to expand our music program reach into other facilities, perhaps even state wide. I feel like I took a tiny step forward in that direction and we’ll see what the weeks ahead bring. Regardless of any outcome, I felt fulfilled helping put together some of this story and continue to build a project portfolio on the video side of my business.
I’ve also officialized Greater Good Consulting! It’s a legal LLC and over the last few days I got an online bank account setup as well as started a website. I’m going to continue funneling the projects through Rawkstars at the moment, since I already have contracts in place with DYS and PeaceLove. I’ll track all the payments and eventually transfer them to the GG account, for tax purposes and of course to pay myself. It does feel good to be making slow, but steady progress with this kind of thing. I really didn’t see it in the cards for myself and perhaps it’s one reason why I continue to pursue the corporate thing, even though I’m experiencing a lot of setbacks there. I do feel a sense of pride seeing it come together and being profitable, even if it’s only for now.
Bella got a job! Actually two! She was offered one last week at UMass Medical and had been waiting for another place she interviewed at 3x to call back. She and Cam are on vacation in Puerto Rico visiting her old roommate Zoemi, which is super sweet. When she landed, she texted us and said she just got an offer from the second place. I’m so damn proud of her, though not surprised. She’s definitely an over-achiever and has good people skills clearly. I’m a bit sad thinking that she won’t be moving back home after college, but so proud of her for getting a gig she seems to really care about and making it happen so quickly. I know she will do great things and staying with Cam’s folks should give her a chance to pay off her debt in short order and get started on the rest of her life :
4/4/23: Did a bunch of productive items yesterday. I invoiced PeaceLove for my month long consulting gig. I invoiced DYS for month #2 of our music program. I filed for my EIN# to progress Greater Good Consulting to the next step and I picked up the car from the body shop and returned the rental. None of them were Earth shattering levels of effort but I felt accomplished by the simple act of doing what I intended for the day and even a little extra. I’m embracing the fact that each day mustn’t be a cavalcade of activities and just crossing a few things off the list while maintaining some enjoyment of the day itself is awesome.
I met up with Sue Taylor for lunch, which was really nice. It’s been a while since we connected and she is someone I spent time with every single day at the office for a few years. She’s a great friend and she told me she is retiring. I was so happy for her and her plan sounds amazing. She bought a house in Florida and is going to split time between there and her campsite up here. I could tell how relieved she felt and how much the idea agreed with her. Grateful to reconnect with her and hear a story of success from a friend.
4/3/23: Went to breakfast with Q. Always fun, and it was just the two of us while Lisa was at the gym. I’ve been on a super duper skid as far as that goes, haven’t been exercising and gained a significant amount of weight over the last few months, since my depression subsided and I started on the medication. It’s been the only real negative side effect, but it’s starting to really take a toll, in terms of how I feel/look physically. Today is a new day and I’m hopeful I can get a handle on my food intake and start moving more again. The weather has been improving and there’s no reason I cannot align my schedule around some personal time to improve my health by exercising. It’s got to become a priority for me again. Thankful for my improved mental state and for all the good things that have come my way since I turned that corner. Even thankful for the weight gain, because it’s indicative of me returning to a proper state of being, even if the ‘proper’ state needs more work.
4/2/23: Haven’t been writing as I’m having technical issues with the site. Weekend was great. Friday we saw Bella sing at Assumption with the a capella group. She’s the president and musical director and certainly one of its best musicians. It’s always a treat and I smiled through her whole performance.
Yesterday was pouring rain and I met Rilla and Malik for breakfast. We talked about the wrap up for the DYS classes which have been powerful and a great learning experience. We’re going to have an end of year mini-celebration, and my hope is the guys will speak on their behalf and let people know how much they enjoyed the classes. We’re also going to be putting together 2 pieces with video, for the statewide showcase. I’m getting more paying gigs from this work and now have 3 projects which are all opportunities for me to learn and continue building a portfolio, while also making some money.
I’m feeling blessed by what’s transpiring. I’m still on the lookout for a full time gig, but this window of time is priceless for me to survive and even thrive in a space of unknowing.
3/13/23: Nana finally passed today. She’s been unresponsive since last Tursday and spent a peaceful few days at the hospital with my mom, and me there for several hours each day. I know my mom is hurting but I think having it stretch over multiple days is probably good for her, in that it allowed some time to process before she actually left us. It’s sad but I’ve found myself thinking more about how amazing her story is. Not just the length of her life but the fact that she spent it in such good health and in such a simple fashion. I’m super grateful to have had her in my life this long and I’m also thankful to have been here for my mom as best as I could over this last week.
3/10/23: Been sitting the last few days as my Nana passes away. It started a few days ago with a text from my mom that she wasn’t doing well. She was at Nana’s apartment by herself for over 8 hours. Once I found out, I buzzed her and went over to sit with her. Nana was basically unresponsive. I helped get her to the bathroom, which was difficult. It was hard seeing her that way, and I especially felt bad for my mom. It’s her best friend by a mile and they have always been super close. Anyways, the only things I can offer are support and love, so I’ve been trying to do that in spades. We wound up going to the hospital the following day, which was more or less a marathon session of sitting bedside while Nana was unresponsive. I talked with her, held her hand, hugged my mother and told them both it was ok and that I loved them. I know my mother is holding out hope that she is gonna return to form, but it’s not likely. I just want Nana to go out on her own terms, without being hooked up to anything in the hospital. That was the one thing she hated her whole life and we need to let her be. Today is more of the same. I’m trying to help my mom let go. I wish she had more support around her and perhaps that would make it slightly easier. I know it’s going to be a struggle for her. They spent tons of time together and talked multiple times per day. My mom is a natural caretaker and I think part of her enjoyed the hard work, even though she occasionally complained about it. Nana said a million times how much she relied on and appreciated my mom and all she did. Ben had the heart but no abilities and Papa died so long ago, she has really been the only one who kept Nana in her own home all these years and chugging along. I’m sad, though glad to be here for my mom, even in this tiny way. I love my Nana tons. She (and Papa) were better to me than my parents were growing up. They never told me what to do, never made me feel bad and always helped me, no questions asked. They helped me pay for The Recording Workshop when I decided to take that route. They always gave me a few bucks and on more than one occasion, let me stay at their house on an old army cot. They never refused me and I always knew I could get fed and have a place to sleep, which I took advantage of several times when I didn’t have anything else. I love them both dearly and am thankful to have had them in my life for as long as I did. Especially Nana, who got to spend time with both Bella and Q and of course Lisa over the years, and see them all grow and understand the strength of our family.
